Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

sharing the room with us (me, DH and our preteen DD)

You can’t be serious

+1 This is such a disaster. Rather than you and your family be comfortable on a vacation, the four of you are willingly cramming in ONE room for the sake of bringing AP?? How crazy is this. My husband would NEVER stand for that mess. I totally understand you can't afford to bring her, but don't agree to such an arrangement for the sake of including your AP on a vacation.

I'm the poster to whom you are replying. As noted above, we are all very comfortable with each other, as this AP spends a ton of time with us when we are at home. DH was fully on board as we both know how much AP wants to go to this particular location and honestly would have felt awful had we not made this offer. As also noted, AP 100 percent had a choice (this is not required in the least) and she is also totally comfortable (or else she would have declined). There is a spare pull out bed for AP in the room, and we are all certainly going to respect one another's space and will all probably rarely be in the room. I'm a 6x HM so I know what I"m doing (this isn't something I would do with any AP, but this one is like a daughter to DH and I, and a big sister to my DD and has been with us 8 months). We have done this one time before with a prior AP (also with one room and a pull out couch) who was similarly fully integrated as a family member (and whom I still text with weekly and has been back to visit once already since she left 2 years ago) and it was totally, 100 percent fine.

My point being = everyone's circumstance is different and if everyone is on the same page, there is no reason why a HF can't take an AP on vacation without it being an alarming end of the world situation. As long as you know your family and your AP and everyone is agreeable to whatever the situation is, there is no reason why the AP should miss out on a travel opportunity if a solution can be found that is to everyone's liking. Is this set up for every situation? No of course not. But it is for us, with this AP.

Op - I obviously wouldn’t be taking ap on this trip if I didn’t think she would be happy about it and not “burn” me. Both of us are more mature than that and have had a number of conversations about open communication and being up-front.

Thanks to those who had constructive advice about taking vacations (especially cruises) with au pairs.

And, for all of you still wringing your hands - I said SEVERAL TIMES - she will have her own separate sleeping space.

People wouldn’t be cautioning against this if they hadn’t gotten burned with similar situations. It’s your money, but some of us have spent several thousands of dollars to be nice and treat our AP well, only for it to turn into a problem later. It’s a sad commentary on the program, really.

Not sure I would classify resorts and cruises in MC vacation options but whatever...

The bigger concern is HM and HD sleeping in same room as AP. Gross. And I am sure any agency would say “No, no, and no!”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

sharing the room with us (me, DH and our preteen DD)

You can’t be serious

+1 This is such a disaster. Rather than you and your family be comfortable on a vacation, the four of you are willingly cramming in ONE room for the sake of bringing AP?? How crazy is this. My husband would NEVER stand for that mess. I totally understand you can't afford to bring her, but don't agree to such an arrangement for the sake of including your AP on a vacation.

DCUM in a nutshell: MC people taking MC vacations??!!!! The horror!

Anonymous wrote:

sharing the room with us (me, DH and our preteen DD)

You can’t be serious

+1 This is such a disaster. Rather than you and your family be comfortable on a vacation, the four of you are willingly cramming in ONE room for the sake of bringing AP?? How crazy is this. My husband would NEVER stand for that mess. I totally understand you can't afford to bring her, but don't agree to such an arrangement for the sake of including your AP on a vacation.

sharing the room with us (me, DH and our preteen DD)

You can’t be serious

My current AP (a total rockstar) would have been SO BUMMED if we didn't give her the opportunity to come on vacation with us. We are going to a Caribbean island which we knew was on her "bucket" list but we could not, in any way shape or form, afford her own room (another 2+ thousand dollars). We gave her the option of coming (flight, hotel and meals/drinks paid by us) but sharing the room with us (me, DH and our preteen DD) and she very happily accepted... we told her we'd ask her to watch our daughter one night for a few hours while we go grab drinks. She said OF COURSE!!! It helps that she hangs with us a lot already and we all get along amazingly. She has friends and a social life too and is not a recluse but when she's home, she is hanging out with us and we like that just fine b.c she's a lovely, interesting, funny young woman who takes great care of our child).

Is this technically compliant? apparently not and I know that. Is it a small risk that I take, only after balancing the pros and cons in context with knowing my family and my AP? Yes.

Sometimes, mature APs can see the forest through the trees and recognize a nice generous act for what it is.

APs don’t get a private room at orientation

How is making AP shack up with the grandma or kids and provide on call babysitting the “kind” thing to do? How about offering her the money and let her do her own thing with friends her age?!

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely! Too much at risk. And why take that chance with a seemingly good relationship.

Because it's the kind thing to do?

Absolutely! Too much at risk. And why take that chance with a seemingly good relationship.

-There is way more downside than upside when bringing AP on vacation, unless she is there to work and it is spelled out clearly ahead of time.

- the 2 good APs we brought on vacation seemed to revert to teenagers on vacations and it kinda felt like having an extra child. Never again. No thanks to spending an extra $2000 to have another child to take care of.

Anonymous wrote:

Can you imagine telling your au pair, gee we'd really like to take you on an all-expense paid Disney cruise, but sorry, we can't, because we'd have to purchase an extra room for you and that makes it prohibitively expensive, so you're staying home. RIDICULOUS!

This isn’t advice that people are making up on a whim. Have you read the APIA handbook? It says word for word that AP must have a private room. I can’t speak for other agencies.

I don't think anyone doubts that this is "in the handbook." But in the case of a good HF/AP relationship, they both lose by following that particular rule. Yes, the AP could "turn" on the HF, but hopefully she'd find a better reason than "they took me on a Disney cruise and I didn't get a private room" If APIA wants to be draconian about every possible situation, no HF is going to want to pay them all that $$$ for what little they do.

Can you imagine telling your au pair, gee we'd really like to take you on an all-expense paid Disney cruise, but sorry, we can't, because we'd have to purchase an extra room for you and that makes it prohibitively expensive, so you're staying home. RIDICULOUS!

This isn’t advice that people are making up on a whim. Have you read the APIA handbook? It says word for word that AP must have a private room. I can’t speak for other agencies.