Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
This is the only way to avoid that "missing reference," no matter how well deserved.


A written reference letter that cannot be verified is no more useful than a missing reference.

I completely disagree, especially when you acknowledge how angry certain people get when you cause them discomfort. Are you one of those people?


What do you disagree with? I'm speaking from the perspective of someone hiring. You hand me a glowing, written reference. My next step, and that of any reasonable person, is then to contact the writer to verify the information and ask more questions. At which point, the applicant is back to square one as far as explaining why this isn't possible. (Actually, they are in a slightly worse position, as they now appear dishonest, by handing over a good reference from a source that is no longer willing to stand behind it)

Now, whether I'm willing to overlook the missing reference, due to many other good ones, or other circumstances, is an entirely different question. But this "essential procedure" has gained you zero at best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can this thread die already?!?!

Everyone, in every industry, approaches references differently and there are MANY acceptable ways.

Honestly, aside from an school/grant/high powered positions WHO even accepts written references anymore?

You are SO wrong, wrong and WRONG. And you know it.
Afraid of getting sued for slander? Hmmm. Damn.

Nope, I'm a nanny who thinks this discussion is absurd.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can this thread die already?!?!

Everyone, in every industry, approaches references differently and there are MANY acceptable ways.

Honestly, aside from an school/grant/high powered positions WHO even accepts written references anymore?

You are SO wrong, wrong and WRONG. And you know it.
Afraid of getting sued for slander? Hmmm. Damn.

Anonymous wrote:Can this thread die already?!?!

Everyone, in every industry, approaches references differently and there are MANY acceptable ways.

Honestly, aside from an school/grant/high powered positions WHO even accepts written references anymore?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the only way to avoid that "missing reference," no matter how well deserved.

A written reference letter that cannot be verified is no more useful than a missing reference.

I completely disagree, especially when you acknowledge how angry certain people get when you cause them discomfort. Are you one of those people?

What do you disagree with? I'm speaking from the perspective of someone hiring. You hand me a glowing, written reference. My next step, and that of any reasonable person, is then to contact the writer to verify the information and ask more questions. At which point, the applicant is back to square one as far as explaining why this isn't possible. (Actually, they are in a slightly worse position, as they now appear dishonest, by handing over a good reference from a source that is no longer willing to stand behind it)

Now, whether I'm willing to overlook the missing reference, due to many other good ones, or other circumstances, is an entirely different question. But this "essential procedure" has gained you zero at best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the only way to avoid that "missing reference," no matter how well deserved.

A written reference letter that cannot be verified is no more useful than a missing reference.

I completely disagree, especially when you acknowledge how angry certain people get when you cause them discomfort. Are you one of those people?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is the only way to avoid that "missing reference," no matter how well deserved.

A written reference letter that cannot be verified is no more useful than a missing reference.

Anonymous wrote:This is the only way to avoid that "missing reference," no matter how well deserved.

Anonymous wrote:Nannies must insist on regular reference letters at least every six months, if not every three months. You never know how your trusted family will suddenly turn evil and vindictive when you give notice. If they seem hesitant, there's your red flag. RUN!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:08, how would you respond to the nanny who needs to leave before her hoped for tenure is finished (standard 2 wks notice)?

Depends on the reason why, I suppose. I've never had it happen. If it were because of a medical emergency or something like that, which is outside the nanny's control, then I assume I would do the exact same things as long as I could do so truthfully. In other words, if she is leaving suddenly because of a reason outside of her control, but the only way she could get another job is if I lied about that, then I would not lie to the other family. Again, it has never happened so if you gave a concrete example that would be helpful.

Can't follow your answer, so let's make it simple. She's leaving you because she wants to live in another state closer to her relatives. What sort of written reference letter are you giving her?

I am the poster you are responding to. Of course in that situation I would write her a good reference. The other poster's share example isn't relevant for my purposes because I have never been in a share, so I don't even understand what she is talking about.

One example I can think of where I wouldn't is let's say the nanny lost her drivers license for DUI or something. If I wrote a recommendation letter, it would have to mention that she can't drive. I couldn't write a glowing reference about everything she did for us (including driving) if I thought she would then try to get a job that included driving with someone else who did not know she lost her license. I would at least have to mention she can't drive. So the nanny may not want that letter.

But none of these things have ever happened to me. I have never had a nanny quit.

So you can't answer the other PP because you've never been in a share? I would venture to guess that you cant answer because she made you look silly. Her point was that if a nanny voluntarily quits, not fired as the nanny in your second post would be, her reason for leaving shouldn't affect the reference you give her. You said your ability to give a reference "depends on the reason" she's leaving. It shouldn't. She can decide whenever she wants that she would like a new job, and you should honestly assess her is she chooses to use you as a reference. The skittishness nannies have, and why some would go so far as indicated by this thread, is because lots of MBs do not react professionally or maturely if a nanny quits on them. They cry, they guilt, they tantrum, they scheme, they may serve as a reference and lie, or they may refuse to serve as a reference just out of spite. I'm not saying that its reasonable to demand quarterly references, but lets not pretend MBs are above human nature, and that this IS an issue. Nannies are incredibly reliant upon references for success in our field, and its all too easy for a shellfish MB to screw us because she doesn't approve of our reason for leaving.

Is it a job requirement that you have to confess why you're leaving? Sorry, but most nannies just would rather not hurt your feelings, so her reason will have nothing to do with you. Smart cookie, huh?

You can't ever say you're burnt out with the spoiled kids. No, no, no. You make up something more pleasant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:08, how would you respond to the nanny who needs to leave before her hoped for tenure is finished (standard 2 wks notice)?

Depends on the reason why, I suppose. I've never had it happen. If it were because of a medical emergency or something like that, which is outside the nanny's control, then I assume I would do the exact same things as long as I could do so truthfully. In other words, if she is leaving suddenly because of a reason outside of her control, but the only way she could get another job is if I lied about that, then I would not lie to the other family. Again, it has never happened so if you gave a concrete example that would be helpful.

Can't follow your answer, so let's make it simple. She's leaving you because she wants to live in another state closer to her relatives. What sort of written reference letter are you giving her?

I am the poster you are responding to. Of course in that situation I would write her a good reference. The other poster's share example isn't relevant for my purposes because I have never been in a share, so I don't even understand what she is talking about.

One example I can think of where I wouldn't is let's say the nanny lost her drivers license for DUI or something. If I wrote a recommendation letter, it would have to mention that she can't drive. I couldn't write a glowing reference about everything she did for us (including driving) if I thought she would then try to get a job that included driving with someone else who did not know she lost her license. I would at least have to mention she can't drive. So the nanny may not want that letter.

But none of these things have ever happened to me. I have never had a nanny quit.

So you can't answer the other PP because you've never been in a share? I would venture to guess that you cant answer because she made you look silly. Her point was that if a nanny voluntarily quits, not fired as the nanny in your second post would be, her reason for leaving shouldn't affect the reference you give her. You said your ability to give a reference "depends on the reason" she's leaving. It shouldn't. She can decide whenever she wants that she would like a new job, and you should honestly assess her is she chooses to use you as a reference. The skittishness nannies have, and why some would go so far as indicated by this thread, is because lots of MBs do not react professionally or maturely if a nanny quits on them. They cry, they guilt, they tantrum, they scheme, they may serve as a reference and lie, or they may refuse to serve as a reference just out of spite. I'm not saying that its reasonable to demand quarterly references, but lets not pretend MBs are above human nature, and that this IS an issue. Nannies are incredibly reliant upon references for success in our field, and its all too easy for a shellfish MB to screw us because she doesn't approve of our reason for leaving.

Is it a job requirement that you have to confess why you're leaving? Sorry, but most nannies just would rather not hurt your feelings, so her reason will have nothing to do with you. Smart cookie, huh?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:bump

Why would you bump this and add absolutely nothing to the conversation?

Anonymous wrote:bump