OP, I think it's rather immature to make such an important decision based on comments from a public forum. Also, most of the intelligent sounding feedback was summarized as: be clear on expectations beforehand and keep it professional. You even had a potential nanny state that she was interested and wanted the opportunity to speak with you. But you have chosen to focus on the less than positive feedback.

Whether it's Live-In or Live-out, you still have to weed out what is relevant to you and what makes sense and who sounds like they have actual first hand experience in the given situation. Based on your comments, the live-in situation could have worked well for you with the right nanny but you were so easily side-tracked.

OP - I think you have gotten some crazy advice here and you took some of it the wrong way. I'm a MB - I have a live in nanny.

It is fabulous and also very annoying sometimes.

I certainly agree with all the advice on this board suggesting you carefully lay out your expectations for the nanny - we were very specific with ours. Also I think you are mixing up a few things that are not the same. My nanny feels, I think, "part of our family". We give her big hugs when we go on vacation and when we return, she celebrates birthdays with us, is happy when my kids reach milestones.

However, she is not part of our family in the sense of sitting on the couch with me while I goof around on the internet on DCUM. She is indeed in her room (or she may have left the house but I think she is here) since I got home early today and I'm hanging out with the kids. Neither she nor I want to hang out together right now.

I don't know how much cheaper she is than a live out but I certainly have no commute issues, she doesn't call in sick almost ever (unless she really can't get out of bed and then she is at least home), she comes when it snows and if I'm running late its no big deal. In the many years she has lived here, I have thankfully only had one true emergency, which she handled by working late unexpectedly. We are very specific about hours and expectations and in truth, she works less than anticipated many weeks, but more some other weeks. That is the flexibility that I wanted with a live in and I have it. If you are interested, you should do more research than DCUM.

The nannies on this fourm represent not even 1 % of nannies. Don't get upset about what anonomous strangers say. They could be joe blow . A live in option is perfect for your situation.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. The live-in nanny option is dead in the water. We're looking for live-out now.

p.s. I have to say I'm very disappointed with some of the view points here. We're offering a live-in option in one of the most premium neighborhoods in the country, with no additional expectations (I know...I'm bad at wording my initial thoughts) compared to a live-out. We were willing to pay the same rate.

To our current nanny (who's a live-out) we offered the same thing, and even offered to help her rent her place (she's an immigrant, not very up to date with these things) so that she could earn extra income from that. She would have jumped at our offer except that she's getting up there in terms of age (64ish) and has admitted that she won't be able to handle two kids.

She even offered to work at a lower rate because of the live in, and the fact that she wouldn't need to commute. Sadly, it didn't work out with her, but for reasons mentioned above.

I guess maybe I'm not current on nanny expectations, because reading this forum, they are certainly higher than I'd have thought.

Don't give up - I think you can find someone who would want this arrangement..

OP here. The live-in nanny option is dead in the water. We're looking for live-out now.

p.s. I have to say I'm very disappointed with some of the view points here. We're offering a live-in option in one of the most premium neighborhoods in the country, with no additional expectations (I know...I'm bad at wording my initial thoughts) compared to a live-out. We were willing to pay the same rate.

To our current nanny (who's a live-out) we offered the same thing, and even offered to help her rent her place (she's an immigrant, not very up to date with these things) so that she could earn extra income from that. She would have jumped at our offer except that she's getting up there in terms of age (64ish) and has admitted that she won't be able to handle two kids.

She even offered to work at a lower rate because of the live in, and the fact that she wouldn't need to commute. Sadly, it didn't work out with her, but for reasons mentioned above.

I guess maybe I'm not current on nanny expectations, because reading this forum, they are certainly higher than I'd have thought.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
The last time I accepted a live-in position, I earned $25/hr + generous benefits package. Living-in is a huge loss of privacy, unless you have a totally separate dwelling on the estate.

OP here. We certainly don't have an "estate" We have a nice sized 5BR/5BA house. There's only us four, which means MBR for us, one or two BRs for the kids, which still leaves 2 extra BRs. There's even a huge "play area" (if you wanna think of it that way) on the second floor that can be used as a BR if need be.

And I have to be honest, $25/hr + generous benefits is not something we can afford. Ballpark would in the $15 range. If that means, a live-in nanny is not an option, so be it. We'll look at live out nannies.

OP - I haven't read any farther, so if someone down post suggested this, then ignore me!

But.... while you and your live in nanny might integrate together quite well, you will also want separate time - she will want to "get away from it all" and you will want to just be husband and wife hanging out, watching tv together. Sometimes

So I'd have that "play area" on the 2nd floor converted into her bedroom and living room. That is, if it's bigger than a regualr bedroom, she could have a couch and tv there, separate from the bed, so she doesn't feel like she's "hiding in her bedroom" just to get some privacy. Because, no matter how wonderful you and your husband and your twins are, if she's on the main floor the kids will sometimes want her, and she won't be able to (nicely) say no. Trust me. Because if she does, she'll cause a tantrum, which you'll have to deal with and that will get old. So make that area into her private space, and then she'll have a space to retreat to but can also be on the main floor with you guys as she wishes.

OP, another MB here. You really sound like you need the help of an agency. Yes, it costs a little money upfront, but not much in the scheme of a nanny's costs. The agency will help set your expectations for rates in a much more balanced way than this board, and give you prescreened candidates (not all will be good or matches, but they will take care of asking and will be knowledgeable at handling sensitive issues like ability to handle toddler twins that might be difficult to legally assess).

Get off this board and please find a reputable agency to help you navigate this.

For the right nanny, this arrangement sounds sweet. Most people would love this combination of privacy and no commute, not to mention the ability to house the child and have her attend a great school district. But the nanny quarters should be handled with a apartment lease with a security deposit, etc. Think about what happens when you or she is ready to move on. Consider the advance notice you require if she wants to leave and vice versa. And do respect her free time (I think you indicated you would not be calling on her in the evenings except in case of emergency (not just your hubby being out of town).

Good luck!