The one child is a baby, practically at most 4 months. That is very different from a 1 year old

Anonymous wrote: Our au pair arrives next week and will be taking care of our 4 month old, 3 year old, and 7 year old. During the summer she will have all 3 at home (during the school year the oldest will be in school full-time and the middle part-time). Any tips for helping her with all 3 kids during the summer? I won't expect her to do any kids laundry or cleaning of the kids area (other than helping the kids straighten up after playing). I know taking care of 3 kids is tough and we do need her for the full 45 hours during the work week so I'm trying to make sure she feels supported and that we have reasonable expectations for her.

If you matched well, she will be alright.
I arrived in July to care for four children (1, 8, 10 and 12) and while I had grandpa (who was a blessing!) and grandma (who was disabled after a number of strokes) around, I mostly had all four all day. Grandpa helped with lots of things but mostly not childcare related (he cooked dinner, taught me how to drive an automatic, showed me around and was just there for peace of mind really... he did do a couple of loads of laundry, which was helpful or drove the oldest somewhere when the baby was sleeping and I couldn't). And I really don't think I was a "rockstar AP", I think I was decent and a good match with my family but I don't think I was 'stellar'. However, I was 19 and had much more energy than I have today. Today there is no chance I'd keep up with the workload. Thankfully, I don't have to.

Make sure that expectations you are setting - especially with an infant in the mix - are realistic. And yes, maybe on some days "everybody alive, fed, dry and not bleeding" is realistic, depending on the kids.
I like 05/20/2016 18:48's suggestion of making a routine. But also provide her with ideas of what to do with all three - for mixed ages things like going to the zoo (do you have a double stroller for the baby and the 3 year old?) where the baby can just be pushed around and the older two can look at the animals can be an idea. Do not expect her to do things like taking all three to the pool alone - if you want her to take the oldest or older two swimming, arrange back-up care for the baby.

Also: playdates!
See if you can arrange for your 7 year old to spend an afternoon or two a week with a friend from school. Does he have friends that live close by? Where your AP could walk him?
My 8 year old loved to spend afternoons with the neighbour girls (8 and 6), swim in their pool and have tea parties, which her brothers weren't into.
My 12 and 10 year olds loved to spend time with their best friends from school (brothers) and I could just drop them off with them every once in a while, they'd go right after breakfast (so around 10... right before baby's first nap) and then would be dropped off at home in the afternoon.

Story time at the library? Where the older two can be entertained and AP can just sit at the sideline, taking care of the baby?

Think about what you consider your AP's main responsibility - sticking to the baby's schedule or entertaining the older two. It's quite possible that she will not be fully meeting every child's needs every day.
If you want the baby on a schedule (remember that especially sleeping schedules can change!) arrange all activities around that. Make sure that your oldest understands that AP's main responsibility is to make baby happy if that's what you want.
If your baby is easy (oh my, my best friends has a 3 months old that is amazing... a dream child... happy and content 24/7, can be taken anywhere, doesn't mind sleeping anywhere, barely cries, just watches the world go by, he is amazing) and you want your oldest entertained then arrange fun things for him and make sure she knows it's not a problem if the baby is just 'there' in the stroller. Think about getting a baby carrier if that's something your baby wouldn't mind... hands free with a three year old might be a good idea.

Will you be okay with her not doing anything "fancy" with the kids for a day? Do you mind if the just build a blanket fort in the middle of the living room? Or make up camp in the backyard? Or play board games the whole afternoon? Maybe because the baby is fussy or because after four days of powering through AP needs a more quiet Friday?

Do not expect more or higher quality care from her than you would be able to offer in this situation. If something would not be easy for you to do with all three in tow, do not expect it to be easy for her because she is younger or because she matched with a family with three young children and 'knew' what she was getting into. Reasonable expectations should really do the trick. Do not let her slack it off but be reasonable with what you expect (99.9% she is not Mary Poppins).

(she will have most nights and weekends off)

See if you can make that all nights and weekends off. She will need time to wind down after 9 hours with three children.
Get a babysitter if you need evenings during summer break.

The oldest will be allowed to play on his iPad or Wii for a half hour and then have some quiet reading time

Allow her to have him watch a movie (get a few new dvds) if necessary. We watched a lot of "A bug's life", "Antz" and "Six Days, Seven Nights" when the baby was asleep (gosh... those were NEW back then). If you are stuck inside with three pre-teens and need the house to be quiet-ish, a movie and a bowl of ice cream can go a long way. It's summer vacation. Allow treats (okay, bribes... ice cream and a movie really are bribing your 7 year old to please be quiet and let baby sleep) you wouldn't usually allow during the year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the LCC: I totally get that you have experienced something and you want to share it. What I am asking you is whether it's possible that your view on who is an appropriate family for the AP program is shaping that experience. Let's think of two scenarios:

In the first, an AP of a family with two school aged children comes to you and tells you she feels overwhelmed and unhappy. You tell her that it's hard to be an AP, that everyone takes time to adjust, but that she has a good job with a great family and you know she can do it. So she gives it a few more weeks, and lo and behold, she is successful and the family goes the year without her rematching.

Down the road, though, this AP's friend with the three children, including an infant, is also feeling overwhelmed and having a hard time. You believe in your heart that her job is overwhelming and too hard, so when she comes to you, you say that it's clear it's too much for her for her AP year, so you help her transition. Her host family is now one of those dreaded "hard to match with" families in rematch, so they are desperate to match with anyone and they take the only IQ AP available in rematch. Second week in, she too is having a hard time adjusting, and since you already have said that you will "bet money" that this family can't keep an AP for the summer, when that AP tells you her job is hard too, rather than encouraging and supporting her to stick it out as you did with the first AP, you agree that she should rematch and find an easier (in your mind more reasonable for the AP program) job. Now your assumptions are backed up with the "fact" that this family with multiple rematches is too much for the AP program, but really, it was just as much your presupposition aboit who was an appropriate family and who wasn't that led you to support one family's APs to rematch and the other's to take additional time to adjust.

Actually it's usually the HF coming to me first. The APS are often afraid to speak up OR thr AP has been on a Facebook group and has already basically rematched to an extent behind the scenes. I've seen scenarios where I suspect the AP has matched with a family that is less desirable for just to get their foot in the door here and then initiate a rematch. That really burns me.

Also alot of what drives this is AP'S get here, see better situations and resentment and dissatisfaction build.

This rematch rate is certainly not unique to my cluster. This is a known occurrence through ALL the clusters. It is my goal to keep all AP'S with their original families, but sometimes the AP is too immature for the situation and then I also have had HFs regulate stuff like orange juice consumption and no matter the profile, it turns out badly.

Where I DO see it work with large families and infants/toddlers are families who go above and beyond...bonuses, extra time off, gift cards (I have a family who pays for a mani/pedi every 2 weeks), gym membership, a HF who might pick up a flight or something when the AP takes vacation. That sort of thing goes a LONG way with the girls who have tough jobs. Whrn they feel they have kind and generous HFS it goes a long way. However it is often HFs coming to me saying the AP is overwhelmed, can't keep organized, isn't following instructions consistently, is on phone too much (concerns their young children are not getting warm interaction), safety concerns, bonding problems, and short tempers.

I think families with older children don't come to me much because they can overlook a few more things than if their children are little and need very hands on care. Therefore they are more unlikely to even reach out to me. Most of what I see with older kids is AP'S with driving problems, and blatant irresponsibility and let's not forget the absolutely crazy HFS that are no suited to manage anyone in any capacity.

These are very salient points and one of the first realistic and honest accounts of how the program works in practice versus in theory.

Yes! This is gold.

Anonymous wrote:I'm just glad the LCC here isn't my lcc. She seems so jaded and cynical. To me there a lid for every pot and I do think it varies by cluster/location. I asked my lcc this yesterday. My LCC has 30 families in her cluster and she said that abou 50-70% of her families at any given time have at least one child that is under 3 years old so she wouldn't have a job if the program wasn't suited to families when thing children. She's had just 1-2 rematches a year for the past few years but she's an extraordinary lcc. She also said that she has not found HFs when younger kids having more rematches. Limited ap driving skills and personality mismatches had been the cause of the last few rematches she had. So seems to vary a lot by cluster

NP, you all seem so butt hurt. It's odd. Facts are facts. I for one appreciate the candor. Just because the information does not fit your narrative doesn't make it so. Plus a sub 10% rematch rate is laughable. From hosting many years I see with my own eyes how many of the APS from each "class" end in rematch and the number is shocking.

Anonymous wrote:You know it's funny -- perhaps it's regional or cluster-specific or something else. But I am a HM with a pre-teen -- about to start our 4th year in the program (and friends of mine have been using APs for around 9 years). I know a lot of other APs and HFs with kids in our age group (it's a popular choice in our area for elementary school aged kids).

I see (in person and on CCAP rematch docs) LOTS of rematch cases b/c the AP doesn't like being an AP to older kids. I can think offhand of at least 3 of my AP's friends who either wanted to rematch or did rematch for this reason this year alone. One of my AP's best friends in Boston was pretty unhappy all year b/c she wanted younger kids who would play with her and preteens just don't really do that (with APs or their parents). She did not ultimately rematch but she did look on the fly for other families for a bit, and ultimately grew resolved to make her situation work, and did not rematch.

This year, I looked at possibly matching with a specific extension candidate for when my AP's year ends -- I clicked on her profile specifically b/c she had experience APing preteens. Guess what - she wanted younger kids. She wanted the giggles and snuggling and pretend play that preschoolers enjoy. I've interviewed LOTS of AP candidates who are turned OFF by the fact that I have an older kid -- one specifically told me that she has heard stories of friends who were unhappy APs bc their HKs were older and they pretty much just drove them to practices and the APs were BORED b/c they didn't work much and wanted younger kids to snuggle with. We are a cushy gig -- one 10 year old, right outside a major US city that is usually in the top 2 places APs want to be . But some APs want the younger ages... the baby smells and learning to count and falling asleep watching Elmo. And I LOVE it when APs are honest with me about the fact that they don't want older kids. I am super upfront about it, look for girls with experience in camps, preteen younger siblings, and other older kid babyitting situations. But this is a lesson I've learned as I have refined my skills as a HM, cumulatively from year to year.

The take away for me from reading this, and comparing it to what I see from my vantage point (HM with one older kid) is that no matter what age range, or number of kids, the key is to find an AP who is well suited (in skill level and interest level) to the hosting job you offer. Interview specifically, and intensely, to find that person. Then appreciate the AP when they are doing the job, and the harder it is, the more appreciation perhaps is needed. If you do that, there are no guarantees, but odds are better that both sides will be happy or at least content enough not to ask for rematch.

I don't personally think the issue is whether the program itself is suited (or not suited) to HFs with younger kids, or lots of kids or both -- I think HFs (especially new ones to the program) may not realize how to interview for what they need... may not realize how their hosting situation compares to others, and how an AP might come here and compare her gig to those of her AP friends. I don't think that's any person's (or company's) fault.. it's just like anything- sometimes you don't know enough to know that you don't know. And then you do. But it sucks to learn through trial and error.

OP seems like she's wise to the nuances of her difficult gig and just by coming her to ask (and taking advice), she's ahead of the game and I'm willing to bet she and her family and AP will have a successful year.

Excellent points.

I'm just glad the LCC here isn't my lcc. She seems so jaded and cynical. To me there a lid for every pot and I do think it varies by cluster/location. I asked my lcc this yesterday. My LCC has 30 families in her cluster and she said that abou 50-70% of her families at any given time have at least one child that is under 3 years old so she wouldn't have a job if the program wasn't suited to families when thing children. She's had just 1-2 rematches a year for the past few years but she's an extraordinary lcc. She also said that she has not found HFs when younger kids having more rematches. Limited ap driving skills and personality mismatches had been the cause of the last few rematches she had. So seems to vary a lot by cluster

Anonymous wrote:
Where I DO see it work with large families and infants/toddlers are families who go above and beyond...bonuses, extra time off, gift cards (I have a family who pays for a mani/pedi every 2 weeks), gym membership, a HF who might pick up a flight or something when the AP takes vacation. That sort of thing goes a LONG way with the girls who have tough jobs. Whrn they feel they have kind and generous HFS it goes a long way. .

This is very true. Our first AP, at the end of her year told us that she was going to initiate a rematch within the first 2 months b/c she saw how much easier other APs had it with older children than our 2 & 4 year old - they were in pre-k but only for 3 & 4 days a week for 3.5 hours; but when she evaluated her workload and factored in her perks (gym membership, own car, good location in Clarendon, and bonuses) she decided to stay. The year went fine and she was a great AP, and we never would have seen it coming if she asked for a rematch. She only told us this after she was done, and after a few drinks.

You know it's funny -- perhaps it's regional or cluster-specific or something else. But I am a HM with a pre-teen -- about to start our 4th year in the program (and friends of mine have been using APs for around 9 years). I know a lot of other APs and HFs with kids in our age group (it's a popular choice in our area for elementary school aged kids).

I see (in person and on CCAP rematch docs) LOTS of rematch cases b/c the AP doesn't like being an AP to older kids. I can think offhand of at least 3 of my AP's friends who either wanted to rematch or did rematch for this reason this year alone. One of my AP's best friends in Boston was pretty unhappy all year b/c she wanted younger kids who would play with her and preteens just don't really do that (with APs or their parents). She did not ultimately rematch but she did look on the fly for other families for a bit, and ultimately grew resolved to make her situation work, and did not rematch.

This year, I looked at possibly matching with a specific extension candidate for when my AP's year ends -- I clicked on her profile specifically b/c she had experience APing preteens. Guess what - she wanted younger kids. She wanted the giggles and snuggling and pretend play that preschoolers enjoy. I've interviewed LOTS of AP candidates who are turned OFF by the fact that I have an older kid -- one specifically told me that she has heard stories of friends who were unhappy APs bc their HKs were older and they pretty much just drove them to practices and the APs were BORED b/c they didn't work much and wanted younger kids to snuggle with. We are a cushy gig -- one 10 year old, right outside a major US city that is usually in the top 2 places APs want to be . But some APs want the younger ages... the baby smells and learning to count and falling asleep watching Elmo. And I LOVE it when APs are honest with me about the fact that they don't want older kids. I am super upfront about it, look for girls with experience in camps, preteen younger siblings, and other older kid babyitting situations. But this is a lesson I've learned as I have refined my skills as a HM, cumulatively from year to year.

The take away for me from reading this, and comparing it to what I see from my vantage point (HM with one older kid) is that no matter what age range, or number of kids, the key is to find an AP who is well suited (in skill level and interest level) to the hosting job you offer. Interview specifically, and intensely, to find that person. Then appreciate the AP when they are doing the job, and the harder it is, the more appreciation perhaps is needed. If you do that, there are no guarantees, but odds are better that both sides will be happy or at least content enough not to ask for rematch.

I don't personally think the issue is whether the program itself is suited (or not suited) to HFs with younger kids, or lots of kids or both -- I think HFs (especially new ones to the program) may not realize how to interview for what they need... may not realize how their hosting situation compares to others, and how an AP might come here and compare her gig to those of her AP friends. I don't think that's any person's (or company's) fault.. it's just like anything- sometimes you don't know enough to know that you don't know. And then you do. But it sucks to learn through trial and error.

OP seems like she's wise to the nuances of her difficult gig and just by coming her to ask (and taking advice), she's ahead of the game and I'm willing to bet she and her family and AP will have a successful year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the LCC: I totally get that you have experienced something and you want to share it. What I am asking you is whether it's possible that your view on who is an appropriate family for the AP program is shaping that experience. Let's think of two scenarios:

In the first, an AP of a family with two school aged children comes to you and tells you she feels overwhelmed and unhappy. You tell her that it's hard to be an AP, that everyone takes time to adjust, but that she has a good job with a great family and you know she can do it. So she gives it a few more weeks, and lo and behold, she is successful and the family goes the year without her rematching.

Down the road, though, this AP's friend with the three children, including an infant, is also feeling overwhelmed and having a hard time. You believe in your heart that her job is overwhelming and too hard, so when she comes to you, you say that it's clear it's too much for her for her AP year, so you help her transition. Her host family is now one of those dreaded "hard to match with" families in rematch, so they are desperate to match with anyone and they take the only IQ AP available in rematch. Second week in, she too is having a hard time adjusting, and since you already have said that you will "bet money" that this family can't keep an AP for the summer, when that AP tells you her job is hard too, rather than encouraging and supporting her to stick it out as you did with the first AP, you agree that she should rematch and find an easier (in your mind more reasonable for the AP program) job. Now your assumptions are backed up with the "fact" that this family with multiple rematches is too much for the AP program, but really, it was just as much your presupposition aboit who was an appropriate family and who wasn't that led you to support one family's APs to rematch and the other's to take additional time to adjust.

Actually it's usually the HF coming to me first. The APS are often afraid to speak up OR thr AP has been on a Facebook group and has already basically rematched to an extent behind the scenes. I've seen scenarios where I suspect the AP has matched with a family that is less desirable for just to get their foot in the door here and then initiate a rematch. That really burns me.

Also alot of what drives this is AP'S get here, see better situations and resentment and dissatisfaction build.

This rematch rate is certainly not unique to my cluster. This is a known occurrence through ALL the clusters. It is my goal to keep all AP'S with their original families, but sometimes the AP is too immature for the situation and then I also have had HFs regulate stuff like orange juice consumption and no matter the profile, it turns out badly.

Where I DO see it work with large families and infants/toddlers are families who go above and beyond...bonuses, extra time off, gift cards (I have a family who pays for a mani/pedi every 2 weeks), gym membership, a HF who might pick up a flight or something when the AP takes vacation. That sort of thing goes a LONG way with the girls who have tough jobs. Whrn they feel they have kind and generous HFS it goes a long way. However it is often HFs coming to me saying the AP is overwhelmed, can't keep organized, isn't following instructions consistently, is on phone too much (concerns their young children are not getting warm interaction), safety concerns, bonding problems, and short tempers.

I think families with older children don't come to me much because they can overlook a few more things than if their children are little and need very hands on care. Therefore they are more unlikely to even reach out to me. Most of what I see with older kids is AP'S with driving problems, and blatant irresponsibility and let's not forget the absolutely crazy HFS that are no suited to manage anyone in any capacity.

These are very salient points and one of the first realistic and honest accounts of how the program works in practice versus in theory.

Anonymous wrote:To the LCC: I totally get that you have experienced something and you want to share it. What I am asking you is whether it's possible that your view on who is an appropriate family for the AP program is shaping that experience. Let's think of two scenarios:

In the first, an AP of a family with two school aged children comes to you and tells you she feels overwhelmed and unhappy. You tell her that it's hard to be an AP, that everyone takes time to adjust, but that she has a good job with a great family and you know she can do it. So she gives it a few more weeks, and lo and behold, she is successful and the family goes the year without her rematching.

Down the road, though, this AP's friend with the three children, including an infant, is also feeling overwhelmed and having a hard time. You believe in your heart that her job is overwhelming and too hard, so when she comes to you, you say that it's clear it's too much for her for her AP year, so you help her transition. Her host family is now one of those dreaded "hard to match with" families in rematch, so they are desperate to match with anyone and they take the only IQ AP available in rematch. Second week in, she too is having a hard time adjusting, and since you already have said that you will "bet money" that this family can't keep an AP for the summer, when that AP tells you her job is hard too, rather than encouraging and supporting her to stick it out as you did with the first AP, you agree that she should rematch and find an easier (in your mind more reasonable for the AP program) job. Now your assumptions are backed up with the "fact" that this family with multiple rematches is too much for the AP program, but really, it was just as much your presupposition aboit who was an appropriate family and who wasn't that led you to support one family's APs to rematch and the other's to take additional time to adjust.

Actually it's usually the HF coming to me first. The APS are often afraid to speak up OR thr AP has been on a Facebook group and has already basically rematched to an extent behind the scenes. I've seen scenarios where I suspect the AP has matched with a family that is less desirable for just to get their foot in the door here and then initiate a rematch. That really burns me.

Also alot of what drives this is AP'S get here, see better situations and resentment and dissatisfaction build.

This rematch rate is certainly not unique to my cluster. This is a known occurrence through ALL the clusters. It is my goal to keep all AP'S with their original families, but sometimes the AP is too immature for the situation and then I also have had HFs regulate stuff like orange juice consumption and no matter the profile, it turns out badly.

Where I DO see it work with large families and infants/toddlers are families who go above and beyond...bonuses, extra time off, gift cards (I have a family who pays for a mani/pedi every 2 weeks), gym membership, a HF who might pick up a flight or something when the AP takes vacation. That sort of thing goes a LONG way with the girls who have tough jobs. Whrn they feel they have kind and generous HFS it goes a long way. However it is often HFs coming to me saying the AP is overwhelmed, can't keep organized, isn't following instructions consistently, is on phone too much (concerns their young children are not getting warm interaction), safety concerns, bonding problems, and short tempers.

I think families with older children don't come to me much because they can overlook a few more things than if their children are little and need very hands on care. Therefore they are more unlikely to even reach out to me. Most of what I see with older kids is AP'S with driving problems, and blatant irresponsibility and let's not forget the absolutely crazy HFS that are no suited to manage anyone in any capacity.

To the LCC: I totally get that you have experienced something and you want to share it. What I am asking you is whether it's possible that your view on who is an appropriate family for the AP program is shaping that experience. Let's think of two scenarios:

In the first, an AP of a family with two school aged children comes to you and tells you she feels overwhelmed and unhappy. You tell her that it's hard to be an AP, that everyone takes time to adjust, but that she has a good job with a great family and you know she can do it. So she gives it a few more weeks, and lo and behold, she is successful and the family goes the year without her rematching.

Down the road, though, this AP's friend with the three children, including an infant, is also feeling overwhelmed and having a hard time. You believe in your heart that her job is overwhelming and too hard, so when she comes to you, you say that it's clear it's too much for her for her AP year, so you help her transition. Her host family is now one of those dreaded "hard to match with" families in rematch, so they are desperate to match with anyone and they take the only IQ AP available in rematch. Second week in, she too is having a hard time adjusting, and since you already have said that you will "bet money" that this family can't keep an AP for the summer, when that AP tells you her job is hard too, rather than encouraging and supporting her to stick it out as you did with the first AP, you agree that she should rematch and find an easier (in your mind more reasonable for the AP program) job. Now your assumptions are backed up with the "fact" that this family with multiple rematches is too much for the AP program, but really, it was just as much your presupposition aboit who was an appropriate family and who wasn't that led you to support one family's APs to rematch and the other's to take additional time to adjust.

Anonymous wrote:I've been with both APC and CCAP and for each of them, once I made the initial call, I couldn't even complete my application and start looking at APs without the HQ sending my details to my assigned LCC and they arranging a home visit and then I started viewing APs and then they came again within the first 2 weeks of APs arrival

I'm with CCAP and started the match process before thr home visit. I was already interviewing before the LCC even contacted me.

I've been with both APC and CCAP and for each of them, once I made the initial call, I couldn't even complete my application and start looking at APs without the HQ sending my details to my assigned LCC and they arranging a home visit and then I started viewing APs and then they came again within the first 2 weeks of APs arrival

Anonymous wrote:

I am shocked to hear that your agency would let a family match before having done a home visit.

Me too. I'm with CCAP and our LCC absolutely had to come visit us and our house before we could be approved as a HF. She met us before matching coordinator (or "sales").

I would also think, like any business, that if there is any interest in return customers/growing the business to new customers (and isn't every for profit company interested in this), the concept of "once they have your matching fee, mission accomplished" is a pretty short term, narrow-minded business plan.

I can assure you my agency is doing just fine. They are a gigantic. I'm sure you can figure it out.

Of course a home visit is required before you are fully approved as a HF, but absolutely you can start the match process with an AP contingent on a satisfactory home visit.

Anonymous wrote:

I am shocked to hear that your agency would let a family match before having done a home visit.

Me too. I'm with CCAP and our LCC absolutely had to come visit us and our house before we could be approved as a HF. She met us before matching coordinator (or "sales").

I would also think, like any business, that if there is any interest in return customers/growing the business to new customers (and isn't every for profit company interested in this), the concept of "once they have your matching fee, mission accomplished" is a pretty short term, narrow-minded business plan.

We have bounced between CCAP and APiA; they really do not care. We have referral credits at both agencies (we normally get 2 referrals a year) and that is what they really care about. The fact we take a year off from them b/c their candidates are not what we are looking for during match time is irrelevant.

Back to OP, it is a long shot it will work out but good luck to them - keep AP happy is the best you can do and you got good advice in this thread.
The LCC who posted should work for the State Department and monitor/advise on the program to make it better - great information.