Anonymous
03/31/2013 17:48
Subject: Re:Junk Food Nanny
Some of the responders logic on this thread is seriously flawed. Some of you are only thinking of your own healthy eating agendas and not understanding what the real issue here is. It is not a food issue. It is a control issue.
Not really. Only for you, a poor oppressed nanny.
It is a food issue, and a compatibility issue and if you can't manage to control your junk food addiction, then find another job where no one cares if you want to model unhealthy behavior. Simple.
I like wine. I have wine with dinner. However, I don't feel oppressed because my MB expects me to refrain from drinking on the job because she doesn't think that models healthy behavior to her kids. Doesn't matter if I disagree because I'm European and have had wine with every meal since I was 12. I understand that I work for MB and her rules and expectations trump my personal wishes.
Simple.
Anonymous
03/30/2013 22:15
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Anonymous wrote:I am amazed at how many of these responders are saying it is perfectly acceptable for an adult employee to be dictated to regarding her diet choices.
Since she was never asked prior to hire nor did she ever agree to eat only healthy foods, it is 100% WRONG of her employer to push her agenda on the nanny! Sure, eating healthy + organic is a great choice for everyone. Esp. young children who are just starting to explore different foods. But it is a PERSONAL CHOICE and as long as it does not negatively impact another person {such as second - hand smoking does}, this lady should butt out. Sure, it is her home..but it is also a place of employment as well. OP, if you contact the labor board in your area, you can even file a claim against her if she fires you for eating Oreos.
Even though it is HER home, by hiring you to provide a service for her and by agreeing to pay you for that service, she is accountable for the same labor laws as everyone else. She cannot fire you at will for your diet.
Many stay at home parents love to micromanage and if you give in and bring carrot juice w/your lunch instead of a Capri Sun, I can guarantee you she will take it that you are one submissive employee and try to get you to change other stuff too. Eventually you will get so fed up with giving in to her requests and demands that you will want to quit.
I have two ideas for a compromise here.
A.) Since she is home while you eat lunch, perhaps she can stay with the kiddos and let you leave the house for lunch. You can walk to a park or drive to Wendy's. YOUR choice. Since you would be doing it based on her behavior, she should still pay you for that time however.
OR
B.) She can provide all of your lunch, snacks and drinks. Since she wants you to eat only healthy in front of the kids, then let her make the lunches from now on.
She sounds like she is on a power trip.
Take this as a red flag.
I totally disagree with this poster. I am not 100% on either side, but think they need to find a compromise or nanny needs a new job.
I am a teacher. I instruct and model effective strategies. If I did not clearly show what was being expected, I would not be a strong leader or role model- which a nanny is intended to be as well. Even though the eating habits are not necessarily hers, it is part of her job. I don't think this is even particular to this specific MB. I think a lot of parents would expect some level of decent eating, if not all of the time, then some of it. Nannies set examples in how they speak, act, dress, interact with others- so while a parent cannot and should not dictate all of a nanny a nanny's mannerisms, s/he may generally be expected to be kind, polite, etc
Anonymous
03/30/2013 19:06
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
So many points to bring up...
*The nanny is not being asked to change her entire diet. It's ONE meal out of the day.
*You don't even have to swap out the sandwich and drink, necessarily! Swap out the snacks for fruit and veggies. Or pita chips and hummus.
*Kids being exposed to junk at a party is much different than seeing a "responsible" adult eat junk food for a major meal every.single.day.
Honestly, this seems like a fake post. I can't imagine a 37 year old eating such crap every day and have such a piss poor attitude about it.
*The nanny is not being asked to change her entire diet. It's ONE meal out of the day.
*You don't even have to swap out the sandwich and drink, necessarily! Swap out the snacks for fruit and veggies. Or pita chips and hummus.
*Kids being exposed to junk at a party is much different than seeing a "responsible" adult eat junk food for a major meal every.single.day.
Honestly, this seems like a fake post. I can't imagine a 37 year old eating such crap every day and have such a piss poor attitude about it.
Anonymous
03/30/2013 17:23
Subject: Re:Junk Food Nanny
To the OP: you clearly had received a lot of advice to your question so you probably don't need one more but let me say this, whether you agree with what the MB requested or not, a lot of the responses your question received have been based on a sense of righteousness and not on reality. If you otherwise like your job and want to keep it you have to comply with her request. If you don't like it then quit or wait for her to fire you (and that WILL happen) and take your chances on finding another job.
If this is a big enough issue for you to quit over then perhaps you should find a job working for younger children who still nap because then you can eat what you want when they are sleeping.
I will say, if you do quit or are fired your next employer will likely want to speak to your previous employer and she will probably tell them what happened. A new family may not care but they might. I realize this puts you between a rock and a hard place and the only one who knows what's best in this situation is you.
It really doesn't matter whether you or the MB are right in this situation. Unfortunately the people who are telling you it's discrimination and she can't fire you over your food choices are wrong. She can fire you for whatever reason she wants, including that she just doesn't like you anymore. She might have to pay unemployment for you while you look for another job but I can tell you as someone who has had to receive unemployment before, you only get a VERY small percentage of your current salary for unemployment. It's much better to be employed.
Good luck with whatever your decision is.
If this is a big enough issue for you to quit over then perhaps you should find a job working for younger children who still nap because then you can eat what you want when they are sleeping.
I will say, if you do quit or are fired your next employer will likely want to speak to your previous employer and she will probably tell them what happened. A new family may not care but they might. I realize this puts you between a rock and a hard place and the only one who knows what's best in this situation is you.
It really doesn't matter whether you or the MB are right in this situation. Unfortunately the people who are telling you it's discrimination and she can't fire you over your food choices are wrong. She can fire you for whatever reason she wants, including that she just doesn't like you anymore. She might have to pay unemployment for you while you look for another job but I can tell you as someone who has had to receive unemployment before, you only get a VERY small percentage of your current salary for unemployment. It's much better to be employed.
Good luck with whatever your decision is.
Anonymous
03/30/2013 15:17
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
*i meant I save my junk food for after work, not free. That's a weird auto correct!
Anonymous
03/30/2013 15:16
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
I'm a nanny who has been employed by the same family for 7 years. Nannies like OP are the type who job hop and can't keep a position, gee I wonder why! I'm not the healthiest eater, so I save my junk food for free work. At work I eat healthy. This isnt rocket science, the nanny is supposed to model good behavior.
Find a new profession, OP. if you're not smart enough to understand that part of your role is modelling good behavior, then you're too dumb to be working with kids.
Find a new profession, OP. if you're not smart enough to understand that part of your role is modelling good behavior, then you're too dumb to be working with kids.
Anonymous
03/30/2013 15:01
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Just because someone is your boss doesn't mean they get to enforce certain rules on their employees that reflect their personal beliefs and such.
To dictate another person's diet is simply advancing your own agenda (unless you are a Dr.). Seriously. This lady is a huge advocate for healthy eating and believes that Mickey D's is not a place where her children should eat at. More power to her.
What she needs to realize is that not ALL parents believe as she does. I allow my children to eat at Mickey D's on an occasional basis. In moderation. That is my choice but I would NEVER force this "agenda" on anyone else.
OP, your boss is trying to get you to eat what she eats. She wants to convert you to eating the way she and her kids eat and that is just WRONG on so many levels. Since you were asked to bring your own food, you have a right to bring whatever you want to bring.
She is not in her right to tell you to bring edamame or tofu or God knows what.
I agree this is not about food at all.
It is all about power.
She wants to control you.
Do not give in.
If you start bringing carrots to snack on, she will ask you not to bring ranch dip to dip them into.
If you start to bring peanut butter sandwiches to work, she will ask you to only bring them 1x wk because they are fattening.
If you give in now, you will create a monster that will just make this job a lot harder in the future.
Stick to your guns.
To dictate another person's diet is simply advancing your own agenda (unless you are a Dr.). Seriously. This lady is a huge advocate for healthy eating and believes that Mickey D's is not a place where her children should eat at. More power to her.
What she needs to realize is that not ALL parents believe as she does. I allow my children to eat at Mickey D's on an occasional basis. In moderation. That is my choice but I would NEVER force this "agenda" on anyone else.
OP, your boss is trying to get you to eat what she eats. She wants to convert you to eating the way she and her kids eat and that is just WRONG on so many levels. Since you were asked to bring your own food, you have a right to bring whatever you want to bring.
She is not in her right to tell you to bring edamame or tofu or God knows what.
I agree this is not about food at all.
It is all about power.
She wants to control you.
Do not give in.
If you start bringing carrots to snack on, she will ask you not to bring ranch dip to dip them into.
If you start to bring peanut butter sandwiches to work, she will ask you to only bring them 1x wk because they are fattening.
If you give in now, you will create a monster that will just make this job a lot harder in the future.
Stick to your guns.
Anonymous
03/29/2013 09:10
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Anonymous wrote:Some of the responders logic on this thread is seriously flawed. Some of you are only thinking of your own healthy eating agendas and not understanding what the real issue here is. It is not a food issue. It is a control issue.
Let's say OP does what this woman says and decides to change her lunch choices and bring foods she normally doesn't eat for lunch. Well her boss will think she has won this battle and will be on a major power trip. Later on, she will ask her nanny to change something else she is not in agreement with later on. The nanny has already set a precedent with the lunch issue. She has showed her boss that she will comply with whatever her boss requests of her even though these things were not discussed prior to hire. The more the nanny complies, the more of a power trip the MB will be on.
OP, you need to nip this in the bud.
Since she didn't mention this during hire, then you are by no means obligated to follow a certain diet just to satisfy HER. You know, you could eat healthy food all the time just to satisfy her, then on your way to your car, you could get hit by a Little Debbie's snack truck. What you choose to eat is none of her business. Sooner or later, her kids will be exposed to junk food when they get older (school lunch times, birthday parties, etc.) She cannot shield her children from that nor should she. It is her job as a parent to parent HER children. Not you. As an adult, you have free will to manage your own diet. So what if she disagrees with what you put in your mouth? As long as it doesn't affect her or the kids, it shouldn't matter. If she really was concerned it would affect the kids, she would have brought it up during the interview or orientation, etc.
I think she is just trying to show you "who is boss here." She is testing you. If you comply now, she will think she has you wrapped around her finger.
I say bring on the Salt + Vinegar chips and the Cheez-its.
Seriously, she's trying to show you "who is boss?!" Guess what? She is the boss! When you work for someone else, they get to make the rules, that's life. If you don't like the rules, you are free to leave and find another job, that's your choice but it's the MBs choice to make the rules in her house. In my work place we aren't allowed to use our cell phones during working hours unless it's an emergency and Facebook has been blocked on all the computers. Would I like to use Facebook during my lunch break? Sure, but those are the rules and if I want to keep my job I follow the rules. Otherwise I could find another job but then there will just be different rules there. Some of you really need to get over yourselves, grow up, and realize you can't always get EVERYTHING you want.
Anonymous
03/29/2013 09:06
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny, and I agree with everything that's been said about setting a good example and so on, but I do still feel that if this wasn't specified before hiring (because it isn't reasonable to assume anyone's dietary preferences will mesh with yours, and LOADS of kids eat things like chips and cookies) then the MB should be providing food for the nanny's lunch.
She is asking her nanny to make a major dietary change, not to eat out of a separate packaging (kosher) or to leave out one ingredient (peanuts for an allergic child), and that's too much to spring on her without taking her share of the responsibility in the situation. MB wasn't clear upon hiring what her requirements were - that's okay, lots of things come up that you don't think of ahead of time - but now, because she failed to clarify this early on, she should be footing the bill for these healthy lunches.
I don't see the MB asking the nanny to make a dramatic change in her diet. I think most families would be fine with their nanny bringing a sandwich to eat. Having a capri sun isn't that evil either, as long as the kids see nanny drinking lots of water as well and not several capri suns throughout the day. No one is saying she needs to go organic at all. The main thing I see is that she needs to change the types of snacks she is bringing, and we have offered many types of substitutes for her cheetos and oreos, some of which can be very similar to that (like with different puffed snacks). She can still eat those at home, so she is not cutting it out of her diet even, just switching up what she snacks on at work. That is not a major dietary change at all. It WOULD be a major dietary change if she was asked to not eat meat in the house (and she suddenly couldn't) or liked peanut butter sandwiches for lunch daily and was told she could no longer have that for her lunch due to allergies. So if someone COULD make those types of changes easily enough, then she should be able to change the types of snacks she brings. I don't see a need for asking/demanding the MB to pay for her food for something like this. Just because it wasn't discussed before, no, it doesn't mean the family should foot the cost of her lunches. A nanny should be able to adapt to change (she is working with children that are CONSTANTLY changing and evolving!) and if she can't do this after the MB has asked her to stop eating this type of food around her kids, then it doesn't sound like the is the right person for that position any longer. If she doesn't like it, then she can find another position.
You think asking a nanny not to bring peanut butter to work is MORE of a dietary change than asking her to switch up her entire lunchtime meal?
Ohhhhhkay.
Anonymous
03/29/2013 00:33
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny, and I agree with everything that's been said about setting a good example and so on, but I do still feel that if this wasn't specified before hiring (because it isn't reasonable to assume anyone's dietary preferences will mesh with yours, and LOADS of kids eat things like chips and cookies) then the MB should be providing food for the nanny's lunch.
She is asking her nanny to make a major dietary change, not to eat out of a separate packaging (kosher) or to leave out one ingredient (peanuts for an allergic child), and that's too much to spring on her without taking her share of the responsibility in the situation. MB wasn't clear upon hiring what her requirements were - that's okay, lots of things come up that you don't think of ahead of time - but now, because she failed to clarify this early on, she should be footing the bill for these healthy lunches.
I don't see the MB asking the nanny to make a dramatic change in her diet. I think most families would be fine with their nanny bringing a sandwich to eat. Having a capri sun isn't that evil either, as long as the kids see nanny drinking lots of water as well and not several capri suns throughout the day. No one is saying she needs to go organic at all. The main thing I see is that she needs to change the types of snacks she is bringing, and we have offered many types of substitutes for her cheetos and oreos, some of which can be very similar to that (like with different puffed snacks). She can still eat those at home, so she is not cutting it out of her diet even, just switching up what she snacks on at work. That is not a major dietary change at all. It WOULD be a major dietary change if she was asked to not eat meat in the house (and she suddenly couldn't) or liked peanut butter sandwiches for lunch daily and was told she could no longer have that for her lunch due to allergies. So if someone COULD make those types of changes easily enough, then she should be able to change the types of snacks she brings. I don't see a need for asking/demanding the MB to pay for her food for something like this. Just because it wasn't discussed before, no, it doesn't mean the family should foot the cost of her lunches. A nanny should be able to adapt to change (she is working with children that are CONSTANTLY changing and evolving!) and if she can't do this after the MB has asked her to stop eating this type of food around her kids, then it doesn't sound like the is the right person for that position any longer. If she doesn't like it, then she can find another position.
Anonymous
03/29/2013 00:28
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Oh please, PP. she doesn't have to show the nanny who is boss, she IS the boss. And this doesn't sound like a power struggle, you just think it is. OP didn't say MB was otherwise controlling or micromanaging, so there is no reason to think this is anything other than what it seems to be, all about setting a good example for the children. And for you to think that it is more important for OP to exert her will than to care about the impression she makes on her charges just in the name of making sure MB knows she can't tell OP what to do is the same ridiculous and immature logic my toddler uses when he won't put on his coat to go out just because I said so.
Anonymous
03/29/2013 00:11
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Some of the responders logic on this thread is seriously flawed. Some of you are only thinking of your own healthy eating agendas and not understanding what the real issue here is. It is not a food issue. It is a control issue.
Let's say OP does what this woman says and decides to change her lunch choices and bring foods she normally doesn't eat for lunch. Well her boss will think she has won this battle and will be on a major power trip. Later on, she will ask her nanny to change something else she is not in agreement with later on. The nanny has already set a precedent with the lunch issue. She has showed her boss that she will comply with whatever her boss requests of her even though these things were not discussed prior to hire. The more the nanny complies, the more of a power trip the MB will be on.
OP, you need to nip this in the bud.
Since she didn't mention this during hire, then you are by no means obligated to follow a certain diet just to satisfy HER. You know, you could eat healthy food all the time just to satisfy her, then on your way to your car, you could get hit by a Little Debbie's snack truck. What you choose to eat is none of her business. Sooner or later, her kids will be exposed to junk food when they get older (school lunch times, birthday parties, etc.) She cannot shield her children from that nor should she. It is her job as a parent to parent HER children. Not you. As an adult, you have free will to manage your own diet. So what if she disagrees with what you put in your mouth? As long as it doesn't affect her or the kids, it shouldn't matter. If she really was concerned it would affect the kids, she would have brought it up during the interview or orientation, etc.
I think she is just trying to show you "who is boss here." She is testing you. If you comply now, she will think she has you wrapped around her finger.
I say bring on the Salt + Vinegar chips and the Cheez-its.
Let's say OP does what this woman says and decides to change her lunch choices and bring foods she normally doesn't eat for lunch. Well her boss will think she has won this battle and will be on a major power trip. Later on, she will ask her nanny to change something else she is not in agreement with later on. The nanny has already set a precedent with the lunch issue. She has showed her boss that she will comply with whatever her boss requests of her even though these things were not discussed prior to hire. The more the nanny complies, the more of a power trip the MB will be on.
OP, you need to nip this in the bud.
Since she didn't mention this during hire, then you are by no means obligated to follow a certain diet just to satisfy HER. You know, you could eat healthy food all the time just to satisfy her, then on your way to your car, you could get hit by a Little Debbie's snack truck. What you choose to eat is none of her business. Sooner or later, her kids will be exposed to junk food when they get older (school lunch times, birthday parties, etc.) She cannot shield her children from that nor should she. It is her job as a parent to parent HER children. Not you. As an adult, you have free will to manage your own diet. So what if she disagrees with what you put in your mouth? As long as it doesn't affect her or the kids, it shouldn't matter. If she really was concerned it would affect the kids, she would have brought it up during the interview or orientation, etc.
I think she is just trying to show you "who is boss here." She is testing you. If you comply now, she will think she has you wrapped around her finger.
I say bring on the Salt + Vinegar chips and the Cheez-its.
Anonymous
03/28/2013 20:50
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
Hell is it really so bad that MB doesn't agree with you shoving crap in your mouth in front of her children? Nannies are examples for their charges, and whether good or bad is up to you. And yes, parents should have a say what goes into their house, and what their children are subjected to in their home on a daily basis.
My god, we live in a nation where over 70% of our nation is overweight/obese, and 1-2 our of 10 children are obese. Eating crap subjects them to severe health problems, and these eating habits are modeled at home.
My god, we live in a nation where over 70% of our nation is overweight/obese, and 1-2 our of 10 children are obese. Eating crap subjects them to severe health problems, and these eating habits are modeled at home.
Anonymous
03/28/2013 14:20
Subject: Re:Junk Food Nanny
The problem is that this is something that probably should have been discussed prior to your employment. If setting a good example with food is so important to the MB she should have said it to start with and certainly not by making nasty comments now. With that said though she is still the parent and your boss and if you want to make this work I think you need to offer at least some sort of compromise such as "I'd be open to eating more healthful foods while at your house if you are open to providing them." I will say though, I'm an MB and setting up healthy eating habits in my kids is really important to me but I'm not sure I would think to ask my nanny about her eating habits ahead of time. We've had several nannies over the years and I've always told them they are welcome to help themselves to any of our food but most of they do bring their own. They all have been healthy eaters too so it's never been an issue but as I said it's not something I'd have thought to bring up ahead of time. If they were in fact eating junk food in front of my kids I definitely wouldn't handle it the way this MB has but I do think I'd talk to the nanny about what we could do to make both of us comfortable. If my nanny refused to alter her habits in front of the kids I would let her go. For those of you who disagree with me that this is an issue, you can be indignant all you want and say it the parents job to teach the children eating habits not the nannies but it's the parents choice who they want around their children and if you want this job you are going to have to make a change. If you care more about your free will to eat what you want then, by all means, quit and let them find a nanny who is a better fit for them.
Anonymous
03/28/2013 13:47
Subject: Junk Food Nanny
OP, I am a nanny and I agree that you shouldn't be eating this level of junk food in front of your charges. You are setting a horrible example and you know it.
Whether your MB approached the situation in the right way is debatable.
If I were an MB, I would not want a nanny eating that kind of crap in front of my children on a daily basis. I might not ask you to change your eating habits, but depending on the situation as a whole, I very well might start looking for a replacement.
A side note: produce and lean proteins for one person are not more expensive than single-serving bags of Cheetos, Oreos, etc. I spent $20 on produce and protein for my lunches this week and it will be more than enough -- I will have leftovers.
Whether your MB approached the situation in the right way is debatable.
If I were an MB, I would not want a nanny eating that kind of crap in front of my children on a daily basis. I might not ask you to change your eating habits, but depending on the situation as a whole, I very well might start looking for a replacement.
A side note: produce and lean proteins for one person are not more expensive than single-serving bags of Cheetos, Oreos, etc. I spent $20 on produce and protein for my lunches this week and it will be more than enough -- I will have leftovers.