Serious question: why are host families still tolerating this BS? Are you all working night shift at the hospital or something where you need childcare at weird hours, so it's hard to find a nanny and daycare isn't an option? Do you absolutely need someone fluent in Swedish or Chinese? I tried CCAP and APIA once each (rematched through CCAP, so 3 au pairs total. Didn't rematch with APIA because the pandemic was starting and I didn't want an au pair in lockdown). That was enough to know that it isn't the agency, it's the inherent flaws of the program.

I live in a second tier city in the Midwest, and no au pair has ever dreamed of living here. The only one who didn't start trying to rematch instantly to the big coastal dream cities was the one who had a boyfriend in this city and was desperate to get married for citizenship. This program is never going to work for families considered undesirable by au pairs in some way, whether it's geography or having 7 kids or a small house or whatever. As long as they are allowed to make up any reason or no reason that they're "unhappy" and rematch pretty much as soon as they get here, this is not going to be a reliable form of childcare.

After losing my job in the pandemic, I'm literally rearranging my career to avoid evening and weekend work so I can just use daycare, aftercare, and the occasional local babysitter. I need care I can rely on, and a dingbat au pair trying to secretly drive for Doordash using my car is not going to meet that need.

So the agencies tell AP’s they are going to experience a cultural exchange by living in America as a member of their host family. Yes, they have to help out with the children, but they will get to see the US!

Then the agencies tell parents they are getting up to 45 hours of childcare from the AP for the average cost of less than $400 per week, and that an AP is experienced and knows how to care for and engage children.

How shocking that people on both sides of this equation are unhappy. I think the agencies need to be far more honest with everyone. Tell the AP’s that childcare can be difficult and isolating, and that the families may not actually see them as new family members. Tell parents that they are practically adopting a grown child who may not fully enjoy working for a low amount of money once they figure out how hard the work can be.

The agencies are blowing smoke up everyone’s butts and happily collecting $10,000+ from each and every family. Seems to me that the agencies are the true issue here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of what PP said. Not to mention, APs need a ton of training. Most HFs aren't going to fiippantly rematch beause of the time sink in onboarding a new AP and looking for a new one. For APs, it's not so much of a time sink to rematch (especially when they family perk shopped while agreeing and playing nice with a current HF).

Exactly and this was hugely exacerbated during the pandemic. We waited for our new arrival for 4 months. We wrote a special 2 page letter to the consulate explaining our child's special needs and why we need an au pair. We did multiple interviews. We read psychological reports. I picked our au pair from the airport waiting 4 hours until she cleared immigration. I gave her driving lessons and made sure her international drivers license was acceptable because dmv lines were insane. I spent hours getting to know this person ND explaining what to do with our kids. In return my au pair worked a second online job, woke up exhausted, asked to work 30 instead of 45 hours, asked for all federal holidays, asked for a raise. Damaged my car and pretended like it was our responsibility to fix it ( au pairs are responsible up to $500). She also barely spoke to our child and did the absolute bare minimum. Yet we were so exhausted from the first part and lack of au pairs that we just put up with it. In hindsight it was a mistake but she pulled the trigger first when a wealthy family with older children had a vacancy. Now we are happy that we're out of this mess but I can see why families are more reluctant to rematch while for ap's it's like any other job.

PP here---I am so sorry this happened to your family.

Anonymous wrote:All of what PP said. Not to mention, APs need a ton of training. Most HFs aren't going to fiippantly rematch beause of the time sink in onboarding a new AP and looking for a new one. For APs, it's not so much of a time sink to rematch (especially when they family perk shopped while agreeing and playing nice with a current HF).

Exactly and this was hugely exacerbated during the pandemic. We waited for our new arrival for 4 months. We wrote a special 2 page letter to the consulate explaining our child's special needs and why we need an au pair. We did multiple interviews. We read psychological reports. I picked our au pair from the airport waiting 4 hours until she cleared immigration. I gave her driving lessons and made sure her international drivers license was acceptable because dmv lines were insane. I spent hours getting to know this person ND explaining what to do with our kids. In return my au pair worked a second online job, woke up exhausted, asked to work 30 instead of 45 hours, asked for all federal holidays, asked for a raise. Damaged my car and pretended like it was our responsibility to fix it ( au pairs are responsible up to $500). She also barely spoke to our child and did the absolute bare minimum. Yet we were so exhausted from the first part and lack of au pairs that we just put up with it. In hindsight it was a mistake but she pulled the trigger first when a wealthy family with older children had a vacancy. Now we are happy that we're out of this mess but I can see why families are more reluctant to rematch while for ap's it's like any other job.

Lots of resentment on both sides. Expectations need to be rematched.

HF and APs need to get realistic and try to value each other. HFs, you're not indenturing a servant and APs you did come here to perform some work. If you see the other side as an opportunity to get over and profit, you're not going to have a successful match.

If either side is doing this for the wrong reasons, it's destined to fail. Both sides can resent the agency fees though if they want.

All of what PP said. Not to mention, APs need a ton of training. Most HFs aren't going to fiippantly rematch beause of the time sink in onboarding a new AP and looking for a new one. For APs, it's not so much of a time sink to rematch (especially when they family perk shopped while agreeing and playing nice with a current HF).

To be clear, I mention the out the door cost of having an AP to address those in the thread that state HFs only pay $4 per hour. This board is a source of information for HF and AP alike, so one voice in a sea of posts could be helpful - or it could be balderdash, I just saw the $4/hour comment and wanted to share my 2c.

I agree, this is what HF sign up for...but AP also sign up for this knowing what their cash compensation is, number of kids (generally... obviously HF have/adopt more kids, and that number changes). So, if HF can't kvetch about paying for things for the program, APs can't kvetch about the cash compensation or paying the $2k in fees. If this doesn't work for a HF, stop hiring APs. If this doesn't work for APs, then they need to stop signing up. It cuts both ways, knowwhatimean?

I think of the non-cash compensation similar to a total rewards statement you may get from your employer - not only do I get paid semi-monthly, but I also get health insurance (and dental, life, etc.), 401(k) match, PTO days, my company caters breakfast/lunch/dinner, free parking... etc. I am grateful for the non-cash perks and made my employment decision based not only on the role, the team, the org, but also what non-cash comp perks were brought to the table. Our org's total comp statement provides an additional $15k in non-cash "perks".

An AP arrangement is an unusual one because room/board is provided. I would be more than happy to pay an AP a competitive/fair nanny rate and letting them get everything that we provide on their own - housing, car, insurance, phone, etc. I think if that arrangement was made, APs would go back to the way things are today, but that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong and the system should be overhauled.

Of course, these are young people, so no one should be surprised when they look at the immediate cash impact and say, "that's it?" but having real dollars is also something that I think is important to help address some of the hurt feelings on both sides.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think APs realize (or don’t GAF since it doesn’t fit the narrative) of all that goes into the HF’s financials.

HF pay (and these are LOW amounts for a HCOL area, but trying to apply for an average cost of these..)
$9,500 annual fees
$195 x 51 weeks of stipend = $9,945
$800 x 12 months of rent for one bedroom in a shared home w all paid utilities = $9600
$50 x 49 weeks of additional food costs = $2450

If you had the AP work 45 hours per week for her allowable 49 weeks per year, that’s 2,205 hours. The total above / total hours = $14.28 per hour. That’s not even adding in additional pieces like a cell phone, car, insurance, gas, more than minimum stipend, travel stipend charged by the agency, $500 educational stipend...

I don’t think it’s that APs are unaware of the costs as much as it is irrelevant to them and potentially rightly so.

Any company has costs related to their employees that probably amount to the salary they perceive or near on, I have no idea what your job is but most companies provide an array of benefits to their employees + have to pay employee related taxes, rent on the office space/industrial space their employees are working in, company cars, gas for those cars etc...

Ultimately your boss’s outgoings are irrelevant to you as an employee because those are costs related to him/her owning a business and so I am sure you don’t go enquire about the company’s outgoing nor feel grateful you are being paid what you are knowing how much your boss pays in company’s rent/outgoing because your salary has nothing to do with the company’s outgoing and therefore you have no reason to feel bad for earning a certain amount when your boss pays so much already in other things.

With APs it’s the same, yes there are many perks to being an AP that the family pays for BUT those are costs a family agrees to when entering the program, therefore they cannot then expect APs to be grateful for something that is non-related to her.

As a family you know that if you want an AP you need to pay 10k in agency fees and another 10k in stipends, you also know that if you want someone to live in you will have to provide a private room and food. You also know that if you want your caregiver to drive your kids places you will need to provide a car and gas. Those are the requirements for YOU to have an AP. APs therefore don’t have to be grateful for you to comply with the rules of the program you chose for yourself in full knowledge of the cost and how they feel about their wage shouldn’t be based over what the program costs you but the work they provide, the same way how you feel about your wage is about the work requested for you and what you provide the company and not how much the company costs to your boss.


If you find the AP program too expensive it’s on you to chose a différence choice of childcare for your family, but don’t make a childcare choice and then expect the people who partake in this program to be grateful you pay « so much » for that program. It doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be aware that it has cost and grateful for the opportunity. But the weird « APs are not aware of how much the program  costs me and if they knew they wouldn’t feel so bad about their stipend » is quite strange. If someone makes minimum wage at a grocery store or restaurant,, I am sure running a store or restaurant is not cheap but I don’t think it changes anything for the staff who ultimately get paid the bare minimum.

So anyway two stories can be right. The program isn’t cheap for families (though it is much cheaper than a live-in nanny) but it doesn’t mean it is well paid for Au pairs.

The problem here is the agency and their fees that amount to the Au pair stipend as well as the stipend not being based on number of kids, state cost of life, hours worked etc...

I don’t think APs realize (or don’t GAF since it doesn’t fit the narrative) of all that goes into the HF’s financials.

HF pay (and these are LOW amounts for a HCOL area, but trying to apply for an average cost of these..)
$9,500 annual fees
$195 x 51 weeks of stipend = $9,945
$800 x 12 months of rent for one bedroom in a shared home w all paid utilities = $9600
$50 x 49 weeks of additional food costs = $2450

If you had the AP work 45 hours per week for her allowable 49 weeks per year, that’s 2,205 hours. The total above / total hours = $14.28 per hour. That’s not even adding in additional pieces like a cell phone, car, insurance, gas, more than minimum stipend, travel stipend charged by the agency, $500 educational stipend...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that these type of conversations and attitudes are the reason why we are leaving the program. The constant misuse of the word cultural exchange.
After 2 years in this program this nonsense is what creates problems. What do you expect host parents to do? Are we supposed to provide grand tours? Do we need to entertain our au pairs? The main reason families find au pairs is for childcare. I cannot take an au pair on a tour because who will watch the kids? I am a special needs parent than I cannot take my kids anywhere but a playground etc. So the only time I myself can go anywhere is if au pair is babysitting. And this nonsense about go hire a professional nanny, it's ridiculous. Au pairs work is childcare and it is work and they should be professional and they should be experienced in this, and that's what their profiles and references say. My 2 au pairs rarely spoke with us they rarely left their room. The last one would take our toddler to the kids bedroom so they don't have to chase them then sit for an hour on the phone ignoring the kid. I would come in and politely explain that she can glance at her phone and take breaks but she is not a security guard. Sorry stop the bs about cultural exchange au pairs are welcome to interact with the family many choose not too. But they are nannys their wages are not just the stipend its the agency fees which cover plane tickets events and visas, and cost parents just as much. All of these details are disclosed and no one forces them to enter the program or to stay in it. But as the previous poster said the quality and motivation is quite poor. Rant over.

Au Pairs pay in their countries for their own visa, agency fees, insurance and plane tickets. If the agency says that you do, it's a lie and that's on them. They pay over 2000US dollars to come to the US, I think it's only fair if they get a good experience. Even tho a lot of au pairs go there seeking for a better life, a lot of them are in good conditions in their country and go there to travel and enjoy (THIS IS HOW THE AGENCIES SELL IT).

Then they should understand that their money is not going towards 100% fun. It's also going towards helping a family with childcare. That's the arrangement. If they dono't like it, just same your $2K and travel in the US. Good luck finding nice accomondations and meals handed to you.

I understand that Au pairs pay something to enter the program, that eliminates a lot of the bad apples. Families pay agency fees almost equivalent to the stipend so its inaccurate to say cost is $4 per hour when its $8. The meals situation is ridiculous. Au pairs think that they are in a buffet. My wife is supposed to cook for them but they will not cook in return. If they do that would only be on childcare time which defeats the purpose. At some point we decided that its not our job to cook for our guests who do not in return. We would buy any ingredients or cooked food from the supermarket that au pair would request and the au pair can cook or eat whatever she wants on her own. We typically shop twice a week and fridge is loaded. But the point is that I hate that they treat this like they are on a cruise with 3 meals provided and we are their servants. That was our experience the first 14 months. However the issue is as the title states that the program right now is broken. A rich family that always order delivery can just add an extra dish and again that's the kind of rematches that au pairs are looking for. Why not have housekeeper, a huge house, a not have to cook? Why take care of infants and toddlers when someone needs their 9 old driven to dance class while you can relax on you phone? Why not simply rematch and live in a different part of the country. In the end us parent who are clients of the program loose.

All this can be solved TALKING, people is missing the point of this exchange. You need to communicate, just imagine you marry a person you can't talk to and has so many different believes than you.
When you parents are looking for an au pair not only look for their experience but about them, look for someone with similar thoughts, that looks at the program in the same way as you, in this way you are going to be happy but also the au pair. A HAPPY WORKER DOES A BETTER JOB. It's super simple.

Agree 100%. The thing is, many of us HF *do* spend loads of time talking, interviewing, going over the house handbook, etc. However, (and I am assuming you are an LCC or agency rep), you should realize that many of these girls say the right things to get the match---and once they get here it all goes downhill.

If you were working abroad and you had an opportunity to get bigger house, your own bathroom, easier job, more pay, paid restaurant meals, better car etc. would you say well I will not leave because my employer spent hours interviewing me, going over handbooks, getting to know me, etc etc. No most of the au pairs coming over will take the better position. How motivated will you feel if your all of friends left for better jobs and you stayed. We can talk all we want, but until the agencies step up and put some rules in place it will be a mess. For example you can say if an au pair came to work with 0-2 year olds they will be reassigned to that group. Also investigate parents that game the system to steal away au pairs.

What if we found another young woman on facebook who was funner to be around? Who was more excited about learning about our family? Who was more playful with kids and had more driving experience? Who was actually interested in learning? Maybe I should just make up a reason and rematch and give the au pair (who is absolutely fine) only 2 weeks to find a family or be sent home? See how that works?

Some of the parents are doing just that. Especially people with more money who actually don't need the help as much.

this kind of doesn't make a lot of sense. the families with lots of money who don't need as much help would presumably have less hours and more perks. if they have less need, then they wouldn't really be looking for someone who was more playful with kids, learning about the family, and interested in learning?

They’re more likely to rematch for driving.

If driving is an essential part of the job and an ap is not a string driver I’d rematch too. Why put kids at risk. That’s very different from an AP rewatching to get a bigger room or materialistic things. One is due to safety. The latter is greed. Don’t both sides this

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that these type of conversations and attitudes are the reason why we are leaving the program. The constant misuse of the word cultural exchange.
After 2 years in this program this nonsense is what creates problems. What do you expect host parents to do? Are we supposed to provide grand tours? Do we need to entertain our au pairs? The main reason families find au pairs is for childcare. I cannot take an au pair on a tour because who will watch the kids? I am a special needs parent than I cannot take my kids anywhere but a playground etc. So the only time I myself can go anywhere is if au pair is babysitting. And this nonsense about go hire a professional nanny, it's ridiculous. Au pairs work is childcare and it is work and they should be professional and they should be experienced in this, and that's what their profiles and references say. My 2 au pairs rarely spoke with us they rarely left their room. The last one would take our toddler to the kids bedroom so they don't have to chase them then sit for an hour on the phone ignoring the kid. I would come in and politely explain that she can glance at her phone and take breaks but she is not a security guard. Sorry stop the bs about cultural exchange au pairs are welcome to interact with the family many choose not too. But they are nannys their wages are not just the stipend its the agency fees which cover plane tickets events and visas, and cost parents just as much. All of these details are disclosed and no one forces them to enter the program or to stay in it. But as the previous poster said the quality and motivation is quite poor. Rant over.

Au Pairs pay in their countries for their own visa, agency fees, insurance and plane tickets. If the agency says that you do, it's a lie and that's on them. They pay over 2000US dollars to come to the US, I think it's only fair if they get a good experience. Even tho a lot of au pairs go there seeking for a better life, a lot of them are in good conditions in their country and go there to travel and enjoy (THIS IS HOW THE AGENCIES SELL IT).

Then they should understand that their money is not going towards 100% fun. It's also going towards helping a family with childcare. That's the arrangement. If they dono't like it, just same your $2K and travel in the US. Good luck finding nice accomondations and meals handed to you.

I understand that Au pairs pay something to enter the program, that eliminates a lot of the bad apples. Families pay agency fees almost equivalent to the stipend so its inaccurate to say cost is $4 per hour when its $8. The meals situation is ridiculous. Au pairs think that they are in a buffet. My wife is supposed to cook for them but they will not cook in return. If they do that would only be on childcare time which defeats the purpose. At some point we decided that its not our job to cook for our guests who do not in return. We would buy any ingredients or cooked food from the supermarket that au pair would request and the au pair can cook or eat whatever she wants on her own. We typically shop twice a week and fridge is loaded. But the point is that I hate that they treat this like they are on a cruise with 3 meals provided and we are their servants. That was our experience the first 14 months. However the issue is as the title states that the program right now is broken. A rich family that always order delivery can just add an extra dish and again that's the kind of rematches that au pairs are looking for. Why not have housekeeper, a huge house, a not have to cook? Why take care of infants and toddlers when someone needs their 9 old driven to dance class while you can relax on you phone? Why not simply rematch and live in a different part of the country. In the end us parent who are clients of the program loose.

All this can be solved TALKING, people is missing the point of this exchange. You need to communicate, just imagine you marry a person you can't talk to and has so many different believes than you.
When you parents are looking for an au pair not only look for their experience but about them, look for someone with similar thoughts, that looks at the program in the same way as you, in this way you are going to be happy but also the au pair. A HAPPY WORKER DOES A BETTER JOB. It's super simple.

Agree 100%. The thing is, many of us HF *do* spend loads of time talking, interviewing, going over the house handbook, etc. However, (and I am assuming you are an LCC or agency rep), you should realize that many of these girls say the right things to get the match---and once they get here it all goes downhill.

If you were working abroad and you had an opportunity to get bigger house, your own bathroom, easier job, more pay, paid restaurant meals, better car etc. would you say well I will not leave because my employer spent hours interviewing me, going over handbooks, getting to know me, etc etc. No most of the au pairs coming over will take the better position. How motivated will you feel if your all of friends left for better jobs and you stayed. We can talk all we want, but until the agencies step up and put some rules in place it will be a mess. For example you can say if an au pair came to work with 0-2 year olds they will be reassigned to that group. Also investigate parents that game the system to steal away au pairs.

What if we found another young woman on facebook who was funner to be around? Who was more excited about learning about our family? Who was more playful with kids and had more driving experience? Who was actually interested in learning? Maybe I should just make up a reason and rematch and give the au pair (who is absolutely fine) only 2 weeks to find a family or be sent home? See how that works?

Some of the parents are doing just that. Especially people with more money who actually don't need the help as much.

this kind of doesn't make a lot of sense. the families with lots of money who don't need as much help would presumably have less hours and more perks. if they have less need, then they wouldn't really be looking for someone who was more playful with kids, learning about the family, and interested in learning?

They’re more likely to rematch for driving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that these type of conversations and attitudes are the reason why we are leaving the program. The constant misuse of the word cultural exchange.
After 2 years in this program this nonsense is what creates problems. What do you expect host parents to do? Are we supposed to provide grand tours? Do we need to entertain our au pairs? The main reason families find au pairs is for childcare. I cannot take an au pair on a tour because who will watch the kids? I am a special needs parent than I cannot take my kids anywhere but a playground etc. So the only time I myself can go anywhere is if au pair is babysitting. And this nonsense about go hire a professional nanny, it's ridiculous. Au pairs work is childcare and it is work and they should be professional and they should be experienced in this, and that's what their profiles and references say. My 2 au pairs rarely spoke with us they rarely left their room. The last one would take our toddler to the kids bedroom so they don't have to chase them then sit for an hour on the phone ignoring the kid. I would come in and politely explain that she can glance at her phone and take breaks but she is not a security guard. Sorry stop the bs about cultural exchange au pairs are welcome to interact with the family many choose not too. But they are nannys their wages are not just the stipend its the agency fees which cover plane tickets events and visas, and cost parents just as much. All of these details are disclosed and no one forces them to enter the program or to stay in it. But as the previous poster said the quality and motivation is quite poor. Rant over.

Au Pairs pay in their countries for their own visa, agency fees, insurance and plane tickets. If the agency says that you do, it's a lie and that's on them. They pay over 2000US dollars to come to the US, I think it's only fair if they get a good experience. Even tho a lot of au pairs go there seeking for a better life, a lot of them are in good conditions in their country and go there to travel and enjoy (THIS IS HOW THE AGENCIES SELL IT).

Then they should understand that their money is not going towards 100% fun. It's also going towards helping a family with childcare. That's the arrangement. If they dono't like it, just same your $2K and travel in the US. Good luck finding nice accomondations and meals handed to you.

I understand that Au pairs pay something to enter the program, that eliminates a lot of the bad apples. Families pay agency fees almost equivalent to the stipend so its inaccurate to say cost is $4 per hour when its $8. The meals situation is ridiculous. Au pairs think that they are in a buffet. My wife is supposed to cook for them but they will not cook in return. If they do that would only be on childcare time which defeats the purpose. At some point we decided that its not our job to cook for our guests who do not in return. We would buy any ingredients or cooked food from the supermarket that au pair would request and the au pair can cook or eat whatever she wants on her own. We typically shop twice a week and fridge is loaded. But the point is that I hate that they treat this like they are on a cruise with 3 meals provided and we are their servants. That was our experience the first 14 months. However the issue is as the title states that the program right now is broken. A rich family that always order delivery can just add an extra dish and again that's the kind of rematches that au pairs are looking for. Why not have housekeeper, a huge house, a not have to cook? Why take care of infants and toddlers when someone needs their 9 old driven to dance class while you can relax on you phone? Why not simply rematch and live in a different part of the country. In the end us parent who are clients of the program loose.

All this can be solved TALKING, people is missing the point of this exchange. You need to communicate, just imagine you marry a person you can't talk to and has so many different believes than you.
When you parents are looking for an au pair not only look for their experience but about them, look for someone with similar thoughts, that looks at the program in the same way as you, in this way you are going to be happy but also the au pair. A HAPPY WORKER DOES A BETTER JOB. It's super simple.

Agree 100%. The thing is, many of us HF *do* spend loads of time talking, interviewing, going over the house handbook, etc. However, (and I am assuming you are an LCC or agency rep), you should realize that many of these girls say the right things to get the match---and once they get here it all goes downhill.

If you were working abroad and you had an opportunity to get bigger house, your own bathroom, easier job, more pay, paid restaurant meals, better car etc. would you say well I will not leave because my employer spent hours interviewing me, going over handbooks, getting to know me, etc etc. No most of the au pairs coming over will take the better position. How motivated will you feel if your all of friends left for better jobs and you stayed. We can talk all we want, but until the agencies step up and put some rules in place it will be a mess. For example you can say if an au pair came to work with 0-2 year olds they will be reassigned to that group. Also investigate parents that game the system to steal away au pairs.

What if we found another young woman on facebook who was funner to be around? Who was more excited about learning about our family? Who was more playful with kids and had more driving experience? Who was actually interested in learning? Maybe I should just make up a reason and rematch and give the au pair (who is absolutely fine) only 2 weeks to find a family or be sent home? See how that works?

Some of the parents are doing just that. Especially people with more money who actually don't need the help as much.

this kind of doesn't make a lot of sense. the families with lots of money who don't need as much help would presumably have less hours and more perks. if they have less need, then they wouldn't really be looking for someone who was more playful with kids, learning about the family, and interested in learning?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think that these type of conversations and attitudes are the reason why we are leaving the program. The constant misuse of the word cultural exchange.
After 2 years in this program this nonsense is what creates problems. What do you expect host parents to do? Are we supposed to provide grand tours? Do we need to entertain our au pairs? The main reason families find au pairs is for childcare. I cannot take an au pair on a tour because who will watch the kids? I am a special needs parent than I cannot take my kids anywhere but a playground etc. So the only time I myself can go anywhere is if au pair is babysitting. And this nonsense about go hire a professional nanny, it's ridiculous. Au pairs work is childcare and it is work and they should be professional and they should be experienced in this, and that's what their profiles and references say. My 2 au pairs rarely spoke with us they rarely left their room. The last one would take our toddler to the kids bedroom so they don't have to chase them then sit for an hour on the phone ignoring the kid. I would come in and politely explain that she can glance at her phone and take breaks but she is not a security guard. Sorry stop the bs about cultural exchange au pairs are welcome to interact with the family many choose not too. But they are nannys their wages are not just the stipend its the agency fees which cover plane tickets events and visas, and cost parents just as much. All of these details are disclosed and no one forces them to enter the program or to stay in it. But as the previous poster said the quality and motivation is quite poor. Rant over.

Au Pairs pay in their countries for their own visa, agency fees, insurance and plane tickets. If the agency says that you do, it's a lie and that's on them. They pay over 2000US dollars to come to the US, I think it's only fair if they get a good experience. Even tho a lot of au pairs go there seeking for a better life, a lot of them are in good conditions in their country and go there to travel and enjoy (THIS IS HOW THE AGENCIES SELL IT).

Then they should understand that their money is not going towards 100% fun. It's also going towards helping a family with childcare. That's the arrangement. If they dono't like it, just same your $2K and travel in the US. Good luck finding nice accomondations and meals handed to you.

I understand that Au pairs pay something to enter the program, that eliminates a lot of the bad apples. Families pay agency fees almost equivalent to the stipend so its inaccurate to say cost is $4 per hour when its $8. The meals situation is ridiculous. Au pairs think that they are in a buffet. My wife is supposed to cook for them but they will not cook in return. If they do that would only be on childcare time which defeats the purpose. At some point we decided that its not our job to cook for our guests who do not in return. We would buy any ingredients or cooked food from the supermarket that au pair would request and the au pair can cook or eat whatever she wants on her own. We typically shop twice a week and fridge is loaded. But the point is that I hate that they treat this like they are on a cruise with 3 meals provided and we are their servants. That was our experience the first 14 months. However the issue is as the title states that the program right now is broken. A rich family that always order delivery can just add an extra dish and again that's the kind of rematches that au pairs are looking for. Why not have housekeeper, a huge house, a not have to cook? Why take care of infants and toddlers when someone needs their 9 old driven to dance class while you can relax on you phone? Why not simply rematch and live in a different part of the country. In the end us parent who are clients of the program loose.

All this can be solved TALKING, people is missing the point of this exchange. You need to communicate, just imagine you marry a person you can't talk to and has so many different believes than you.
When you parents are looking for an au pair not only look for their experience but about them, look for someone with similar thoughts, that looks at the program in the same way as you, in this way you are going to be happy but also the au pair. A HAPPY WORKER DOES A BETTER JOB. It's super simple.

Agree 100%. The thing is, many of us HF *do* spend loads of time talking, interviewing, going over the house handbook, etc. However, (and I am assuming you are an LCC or agency rep), you should realize that many of these girls say the right things to get the match---and once they get here it all goes downhill.

If you were working abroad and you had an opportunity to get bigger house, your own bathroom, easier job, more pay, paid restaurant meals, better car etc. would you say well I will not leave because my employer spent hours interviewing me, going over handbooks, getting to know me, etc etc. No most of the au pairs coming over will take the better position. How motivated will you feel if your all of friends left for better jobs and you stayed. We can talk all we want, but until the agencies step up and put some rules in place it will be a mess. For example you can say if an au pair came to work with 0-2 year olds they will be reassigned to that group. Also investigate parents that game the system to steal away au pairs.

What if we found another young woman on facebook who was funner to be around? Who was more excited about learning about our family? Who was more playful with kids and had more driving experience? Who was actually interested in learning? Maybe I should just make up a reason and rematch and give the au pair (who is absolutely fine) only 2 weeks to find a family or be sent home? See how that works?

Some of the parents are doing just that. Especially people with more money who actually don't need the help as much.

The worst is when the au pairs were brought over by an NIE family, and then the au pair already has a rematch family lined up. What a waste and so much disrespect to families who really need childcare during the pandemic.