Anonymous wrote:Any time I think about getting an AP, i watch 90 day fiance. I imagine its just like with the fringe benefits.

"just like that withOUT the fringe benefits."

Any time I think about getting an AP, i watch 90 day fiance. I imagine its just like with the fringe benefits.

Anonymous wrote:The same here... I will have 20% less pay from May... I was wondering if it's ok to lower the AP pay ... she is definitely working less hours because we are all at home ... Anyone here has done that? I know it's not fair but everyone is feeling the pain of this situation and I can't afford to pay the full amount now especially when AP is working less...

If you are paying the minimum, no. But in your shoes, I would leave the program and ask for a credit or refund.

Anonymous wrote:The same here... I will have 20% less pay from May... I was wondering if it's ok to lower the AP pay ... she is definitely working less hours because we are all at home ... Anyone here has done that? I know it's not fair but everyone is feeling the pain of this situation and I can't afford to pay the full amount now especially when AP is working less...

If you normally pay above the stipend, then yes, you can lower her pay to the stipend. But otherwise, no. You can or pay below the stipend.

Our BP is working two hours a day now, but we have actually increased his pay by $50 because he is quarantining with our family, and I appreciate it enormously. I want him to have extra money to take home with him when he leaves. And I recognize that he is missing out on a lot of wonderful experiences, but he is doing it all with a smile and a great attitude, and that’s worth a lot. If my pay were being reduced, making this additional money hard, I would definitely be up front with him about this and explain that I could no longer afford this bonus. But if you’re already paying the stipend, it’s illegal and unfair for you to reduce your AP’s pay and you should simply go into rematch. There are tons of families looking right now and your AP can go to a family who needs her more.

Anonymous wrote:You think so? She is barely working now... only probably 2 hours a day max... The situation changed and the arrangements just don't work for us anymore... It's probably better to let her go...

Yes, if you cannot afford the program the best is to leave. Not only are you contractually obligated, you are morally obligated.

Amazing how broke the upper middle class truly is.

You think so? She is barely working now... only probably 2 hours a day max... The situation changed and the arrangements just don't work for us anymore... It's probably better to let her go...

Anonymous wrote:The same here... I will have 20% less pay from May... I was wondering if it's ok to lower the AP pay ... she is definitely working less hours because we are all at home ... Anyone here has done that? I know it's not fair but everyone is feeling the pain of this situation and I can't afford to pay the full amount now especially when AP is working less...

She barely make anything as it is. No you cannot lower it.

The same here... I will have 20% less pay from May... I was wondering if it's ok to lower the AP pay ... she is definitely working less hours because we are all at home ... Anyone here has done that? I know it's not fair but everyone is feeling the pain of this situation and I can't afford to pay the full amount now especially when AP is working less...

Our au pair left last week and it honestly is SUCH a relief. We’re a bit busier with child care but it’s been fine AND gives us a better chance of having fun moments with our kids during the day time. It’s really nice given current grocery situation to not have to think about how much she will eat (hearty appetite, which I totally respect) when we’re in conservation/resource allocation mode here. And just having another person in this space during quarantine was hard, and it’s much calmer now that it’s just our immediate family members.

Anonymous wrote:NP. I love how this "you are disgusting" poster thinks host parents have to put up with anything an AP dishes out, including flouting public health rules and bringing a deadly disease into a family. Host parents aren't the AP's hostages. The AP isn't entitled to take anything from the family or do anything she wants. That poster sounds almost psychopathic in her insistence that the AP should be able to exploit the family at will without resistance.

It is the same poster who is neither an AP or HM, she just has nothing better to do and has the same reply to every post "You are a terrible person" etc.

NP. I love how this "you are disgusting" poster thinks host parents have to put up with anything an AP dishes out, including flouting public health rules and bringing a deadly disease into a family. Host parents aren't the AP's hostages. The AP isn't entitled to take anything from the family or do anything she wants. That poster sounds almost psychopathic in her insistence that the AP should be able to exploit the family at will without resistance.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Her husband was probably going to bars and having an affair/doing opioids; her children are in public schools bringing home germs. You cannot control the actions of an adult on their off-time. Period.

That's not true with au pairs. They have to follow house rules because they live in their house. For example, you could tell them no smoking or drinking in the house, even on their off times. If you have an immuno-compromised person or people over 60 in the house, I think asking them to practice social distancing until the CDC says its safe for those groups specifically is reasonable. If she can't abide (understandably - it's a big ask) let her go.

The health of your friends and family comes first. Anyone who thinks differently needs to get their priorities straight.

It’s not something big to ask when your location is told to stay home for everything non-essential.

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Anonymous wrote:We had a similar situation and talked to our AP. With 4 months left she decided she’d rather just go home. She got her travel arranged but there was about a 10 day wait. We expressed that we wanted her to stay home and she promised she would. Then she borrowed the car to go to the Asian food market and the next day on Facebook I saw she was posing with 3 friends at some local landmarks. We were extremely pissed, she didn’t seem to get it at all. I’m so glad she’s gone so we don’t have to basically lock her at home to make her understand.

I would be SOOOOO pissed! How did that conversation go??

Us: you said you were going to buy a few things we didn’t have at home but looks like you went with your friends for some photo ops. Not ok.
Her: oh, well, they are staying home too! Except seeing their boyfriends
Us: not ok. Three friends? That’s a lot of exposure!
Her: why?

Yea, we did not even get into it. It was a text to her, a text to the LCC, and a we're done. In the 5 days she was waiting on rematch it was made clear to her by both us and the LCC that one more stunt like that would result in her needing to check into a hotel o her dime

Wow, you are disgusting.

why? she could have sent her to a hotel that day but she let her stay another 5 days!

She's pretending she's allowed to make the AP stay in a hotel on her own dime in a pandemic and apparently scrounge for food in a dumpster. She is not. These kind of horror stories and horrible people are why the AP program is being killed.

She’s protecting her family, as she should. She didn’t kick her to the curb, she warned her not to go out again for those last 5 days or she would have to get a hotel room. Totally fair.

So gross. You should be ashamed of yourself.

If you think that this parent should continue to put her family and children at risk because an ADULT (au pair) doesn't want to deal with the consequences of not following clear, simple rules, literally broke the law (stay at home orders), and lied about where she was going with the host family's car, than please, PLEASE do not have children. (I am assuming you are an au pair yourself because there is no way a sane parent would ever think the parent is the person in the wrong here)

Anonymous wrote: Her husband was probably going to bars and having an affair/doing opioids; her children are in public schools bringing home germs. You cannot control the actions of an adult on their off-time. Period.

That's not true with au pairs. They have to follow house rules because they live in their house. For example, you could tell them no smoking or drinking in the house, even on their off times. If you have an immuno-compromised person or people over 60 in the house, I think asking them to practice social distancing until the CDC says its safe for those groups specifically is reasonable. If she can't abide (understandably - it's a big ask) let her go.

The health of your friends and family comes first. Anyone who thinks differently needs to get their priorities straight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We decided to rematch and now our au pair is doing in-person interviews with local families while “maintaining social distance”.

She’s driving to their houses and meeting outdoors. Says she’s staying at a distance. I want her to match with a good family, but at this point I just want her to pick one and move on because I am NOT comfortable with the “social distance” interviews.

I would not be allowing her in public space in your house. If you have a separate entrance, she should be using it. She should be washing and stripping and washing her clothes immediately upon coming home. She Should be wearing mask and gloves when going out. If she isn’t doing all that then she wouldn’t be coming home to our house after these meetings.