Anonymous wrote:If your former childcare set-up worked so well, why change it? Why did you decide to go into the AP program? Five years into this program, I can attest that it requires you as a HM to make changes...changes to your expectations, how you run your home, etc.

It sounds like you want an English speaking babysitter who can drive and doesn’t stay home when she isn’t working. Not a great fit for the AP program.

To your points, it sounds like your AP arrived pretty helpless...no winter clothes, no money to buy winter clothes, no tablet/laptop, limited English, not the proper paperwork. I agree, this is all very frustrating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's also unhappy to work with the nanny.
I would have hated that situation.

You need to talk to her, ask her if she's happy.
Sometimes just asking that simple question can make people open up. Ask her what you can do to help her be happy.

From what I've seen for myself, families in Italy are very close knit, her mom has probably done everything for her since she was born and that's why she doesn't clean up after herself.
You need to ask her to do so.
Maybe make her a weekly schedule and remind the basic tasks on it like cleaning up after oneself.

She's also not used to the snow ...

Too bad. This is our arrangement and our nanny has been going out of her way to be accommodating.
She won’t be working at all if she doesn’t step it up.

"Too bad"? It looks like you're not taking any advice into consideration here. Why come and ask for it on this board then?
Put yourself in that young lady's shoes and maybe you will get that it's a pain in the neck to :
a) work for a work out of home mom
b) work with a nanny - the kids must love her and it's tougher for her to bond with your kids since she's not fully in charge.
I'm sure the nanny's nice but it's really not a good arrangement at all. Would YOU be happy to work with someone everyday??

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like a really weird situation. We did overlap between 2 APs for 2 weeks (at their request) and it was awful. The new AP could not wait for the old AP to leave so she could start her own "job". 2 months, no driving, lives in suburbs and a nanny? I am amazed AP has not rematched of her own volition.

Anonymous wrote:Look how rapidly OPs dialogue has changed. From “Au Pair won’t leave the house” — even though OP is supposedly locked in an office for ten hours a day — to all these other issues. Troll?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's also unhappy to work with the nanny.
I would have hated that situation.

You need to talk to her, ask her if she's happy.
Sometimes just asking that simple question can make people open up. Ask her what you can do to help her be happy.

From what I've seen for myself, families in Italy are very close knit, her mom has probably done everything for her since she was born and that's why she doesn't clean up after herself.
You need to ask her to do so.
Maybe make her a weekly schedule and remind the basic tasks on it like cleaning up after oneself.

She's also not used to the snow ...

Too bad. This is our arrangement and our nanny has been going out of her way to be accommodating.
She won’t be working at all if she doesn’t step it up.

"Too bad"? It looks like you're not taking any advice into consideration here. Why come and ask for it on this board then?
Put yourself in that young lady's shoes and maybe you will get that it's a pain in the neck to :
a) work for a work out of home mom
b) work with a nanny - the kids must love her and it's tougher for her to bond with your kids since she's not fully in charge.
I'm sure the nanny's nice but it's really not a good arrangement at all. Would YOU be happy to work with someone everyday??

Too bad. This is our arrangement and our nanny has been going out of her way to be accommodating.
She won’t be working at all if she doesn’t step it up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she's also unhappy to work with the nanny.
I would have hated that situation.

You need to talk to her, ask her if she's happy.
Sometimes just asking that simple question can make people open up. Ask her what you can do to help her be happy.

From what I've seen for myself, families in Italy are very close knit, her mom has probably done everything for her since she was born and that's why she doesn't clean up after herself.
You need to ask her to do so.
Maybe make her a weekly schedule and remind the basic tasks on it like cleaning up after oneself.

She's also not used to the snow ...

Too bad. This is our arrangement and our nanny has been going out of her way to be accommodating.
She won’t be working at all if she doesn’t step it up.

My nanny is a professional and has been a great asset for years, even for the last two months as she’s taken on a new charge

our nanny has been going out of her way to be accommodating.

Anonymous wrote:In the current arrangement, your AP has zero reason to pull it together. You work from home, your nanny is still working, it sounds like your 2 year old goes to daycare or nanny is in charge (you wrote AP is only working early morning and a few mornings, so where is 2 year old the rest of the day?). The nanny or you drive AP around when she needs/wants to leave the house. What a pain for your nanny who probably feels like she is now responsible for a 4th child.

Anyway, until you turn this over to your AP, I imagine she will remain stuck. Most of us wouldn’t be able to even be at this point 2 months into a 12 month program. Most of us need AP up and running full swing within a few days of her arrival.

In my opinion, until you insist that she drives and let go of your nanny and perhaps even “go to the office” (even if that means a coffee shop), your AP will confine in this 4th child role. Unfortunately it sounds like your current set up has enabled an already immature AP.