Anonymous
03/12/2018 08:56
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
I was thinking of suggesting she invite her parents and 2 siblings to the US for Christmas. I know her parents came about 5 years ago so getting a visa should not be an issue.
I looked at flights for that time of year and they run about $1100/pp. My husband travels a great deal. He has so many points its crazy. Now we are not going to pay the entire cost of her family coming to visit but helping out.
In lieu of a Christmas bonus I was thinking we could use some of DH's points to get 2 plane tickets. If we parted ways we could cancel the flights. That could be a built in protection. DH said as long as the flight was canceled more than 72 hours you could get your points back. DH also suggested we use his points to cover the hotel portion. It can be a win win for all of us. Crazy idea?
I wouldn't recommend this. We've done something similar a couple times, and it's worked out badly. Nanny doesn't appreciate it as much as she should. She thinks she then gets extra time off here. Her family stays longer than you think. It costs more points than you think. It's just not worth it.
I think your nanny needs to get used to the fact that she gets 3 weeks off per year. not 4, not 5, even unpaid. What full-time real job just allows you to take extra unpaid vacatio whenever you want? None.
This would be my concern, too. You'll be presenting this idea to her like a major gift and a huge concession, and even if she agrees, she's going to receive it like free tickets (since they didn't cost you any real money, and she figures if she can afford one ticket, you can probably afford three with no problem anyway), and still less than what she really wanted, which was to go see her family in her home country.
So you're going to think you're giving her a gift, and she's going to think she's made a major compromise, and both of you are going to expect gratitude when instead you're going to feel like you did something you didn't really need or want to do. She's still going to want to take time off to spend with them while they're here, too -- wouldn't you?
You are in the world of different expectations. The only real way forward is a blunt conversation about what the time off parameters are for you, and asking her point-blank if that's going to be enough for her. I would also be prepared to let her go when her one week at Christmas becomes three weeks anyway.
Anonymous
03/12/2018 06:44
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:She did quite a bit of traveling last year. She had her 3 weeks off but took them off 1 week at a time. We took a 2 week vacation last summer so she got that off as well. We have not made any vacation plans for this summer but I imagine it will be something similar.
We are still thinking about it. I decided not to make a final decisions until she returned from her trip in April. She could very well be homesick.
So you are saying she got three weeks of her choice last year? Plus two weeks of your choice? That seems rather generous. Unfortunately, it seems to have led to unrealistic expectations for this year.
Anonymous
03/12/2018 06:41
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you consider to be "well paid", 10:10, in today's numbers?
Enough to send money home and be unemployed for months on end while traveling internationally, so at least average for our region.
"Average" is nothing close to "well paid".
Have you seen how tight some of these people live...
to be able to send some money home?
Not trying to be insensitive but why is that my problem...if I’m paying market rate and they choose to send money home and live with 5 roommates that is totally their choice.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to think my employee was living like a middle class American adult, own room and bathroom for a single person. True that the woman's living conditions don't need to be your problem. Unless she "snaps" for some mysterious reason. Then you might start wondering what was going on in her life.
So I need to pay her enough to live like that and send an unspecified amount of money home? Does your employer base your salary on the number of children and disabled family members you're supporting?
Just a reminder that most young, college-educated adults today either live with their parents or with several roommates (often more roommates than bedrooms), so the expectation that nannies can live independently and have money to help support another household is probably not realistic. They probably have to choose between living well themselves and helping with family support.
So what about the young adults that are not college educated, where/ or whom do they live with?
Same! I guess the point is not everyone can afford to live well independently in expensive metropolitan areas, no matter their education or professions.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 22:24
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you consider to be "well paid", 10:10, in today's numbers?
Enough to send money home and be unemployed for months on end while traveling internationally, so at least average for our region.
"Average" is nothing close to "well paid".
Have you seen how tight some of these people live...
to be able to send some money home?
Not trying to be insensitive but why is that my problem...if I’m paying market rate and they choose to send money home and live with 5 roommates that is totally their choice.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to think my employee was living like a middle class American adult, own room and bathroom for a single person. True that the woman's living conditions don't need to be your problem. Unless she "snaps" for some mysterious reason. Then you might start wondering what was going on in her life.
So I need to pay her enough to live like that and send an unspecified amount of money home? Does your employer base your salary on the number of children and disabled family members you're supporting?
Just a reminder that most young, college-educated adults today either live with their parents or with several roommates (often more roommates than bedrooms), so the expectation that nannies can live independently and have money to help support another household is probably not realistic. They probably have to choose between living well themselves and helping with family support.
So what about the young adults that are not college educated, where/ or whom do they live with?
Anonymous
03/11/2018 21:40
Subject: extended vacations
She did quite a bit of traveling last year. She had her 3 weeks off but took them off 1 week at a time. We took a 2 week vacation last summer so she got that off as well. We have not made any vacation plans for this summer but I imagine it will be something similar.
We are still thinking about it. I decided not to make a final decisions until she returned from her trip in April. She could very well be homesick.
We are still thinking about it. I decided not to make a final decisions until she returned from her trip in April. She could very well be homesick.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 21:25
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:
I was thinking of suggesting she invite her parents and 2 siblings to the US for Christmas. I know her parents came about 5 years ago so getting a visa should not be an issue.
I looked at flights for that time of year and they run about $1100/pp. My husband travels a great deal. He has so many points its crazy. Now we are not going to pay the entire cost of her family coming to visit but helping out.
In lieu of a Christmas bonus I was thinking we could use some of DH's points to get 2 plane tickets. If we parted ways we could cancel the flights. That could be a built in protection. DH said as long as the flight was canceled more than 72 hours you could get your points back. DH also suggested we use his points to cover the hotel portion. It can be a win win for all of us. Crazy idea?
I wouldn't recommend this. We've done something similar a couple times, and it's worked out badly. Nanny doesn't appreciate it as much as she should. She thinks she then gets extra time off here. Her family stays longer than you think. It costs more points than you think. It's just not worth it.
I think your nanny needs to get used to the fact that she gets 3 weeks off per year. not 4, not 5, even unpaid. What full-time real job just allows you to take extra unpaid vacatio whenever you want? None.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 20:54
Subject: extended vacations
So she has already been with you for two years, and this is the first year she wants to do all of this travel?
How is it that she doesn't already understand that this isn't feasible for you?
Also, in the Trump era, do you really believe the visas won't be a problem?
I'm also guessing she wants to be there for a particular event, and won't want to make the deal, but go ahead and offer if you are as committed to her as you sound.
I think she's homesick.
How is it that she doesn't already understand that this isn't feasible for you?
Also, in the Trump era, do you really believe the visas won't be a problem?
I'm also guessing she wants to be there for a particular event, and won't want to make the deal, but go ahead and offer if you are as committed to her as you sound.
I think she's homesick.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 20:34
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:OP here,
My nanny does send money to her family back home. How much I don't know. Not my business. She lives in a 2 bedroom condo and has 1 roommate in a very nice area.
I was talking with DH about the vacation situation. We really do value her as an employee hope she is with us until the youngest starts school. That is 4 more years. The time frame she wants to go away will not work for us at all. We are going to have to dig our heels in on that one.
I was thinking of suggesting she invite her parents and 2 siblings to the US for Christmas. I know her parents came about 5 years ago so getting a visa should not be an issue.
I looked at flights for that time of year and they run about $1100/pp. My husband travels a great deal. He has so many points its crazy. Now we are not going to pay the entire cost of her family coming to visit but helping out.
In lieu of a Christmas bonus I was thinking we could use some of DH's points to get 2 plane tickets. If we parted ways we could cancel the flights. That could be a built in protection. DH said as long as the flight was canceled more than 72 hours you could get your points back. DH also suggested we use his points to cover the hotel portion. It can be a win win for all of us. Crazy idea?
I would not do this. It might mean a trip to Europe for your entire family someday. You don't owe the nanny's family a trip here; and how would she mind your kids during that time anyway?
Anonymous
03/11/2018 18:05
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:OP, that would be incredibly generous of you, but also far beyond what is necessary. You could certainly offer it as an end-of-year bonus but I'd try to frame it as something other than "since we can't give you the time off, how about..." since that may color expectations moving forward.
I may have missed it, but how long has your nanny been with your family? That might also affect how I'd handle this as an employer. If less than a year, realize you are still feeling out the dynamics of the relationship and your nanny's expectations, so tread somewhat carefully. If several years and this is the first time this has come up in an otherwise great relationship, I'd be much more willing to come up with solutions like the one you suggest.
She has been with us for 2 years. Her Christmas bonus is 1 week base pay for each year she is with us. So this Christmas she would get 2 weeks of pay. This is the first major disagreement we have had and its not like her to be all mopey. She is really upset over this. I was really annoyed at first but I am now looking for a solution. I try and treat my employees how I would like to be treated. If we can come to a compromise that works for both of us all the better.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 17:54
Subject: extended vacations
OP, that would be incredibly generous of you, but also far beyond what is necessary. You could certainly offer it as an end-of-year bonus but I'd try to frame it as something other than "since we can't give you the time off, how about..." since that may color expectations moving forward.
I may have missed it, but how long has your nanny been with your family? That might also affect how I'd handle this as an employer. If less than a year, realize you are still feeling out the dynamics of the relationship and your nanny's expectations, so tread somewhat carefully. If several years and this is the first time this has come up in an otherwise great relationship, I'd be much more willing to come up with solutions like the one you suggest.
I may have missed it, but how long has your nanny been with your family? That might also affect how I'd handle this as an employer. If less than a year, realize you are still feeling out the dynamics of the relationship and your nanny's expectations, so tread somewhat carefully. If several years and this is the first time this has come up in an otherwise great relationship, I'd be much more willing to come up with solutions like the one you suggest.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 17:32
Subject: extended vacations
OP here,
My nanny does send money to her family back home. How much I don't know. Not my business. She lives in a 2 bedroom condo and has 1 roommate in a very nice area.
I was talking with DH about the vacation situation. We really do value her as an employee hope she is with us until the youngest starts school. That is 4 more years. The time frame she wants to go away will not work for us at all. We are going to have to dig our heels in on that one.
I was thinking of suggesting she invite her parents and 2 siblings to the US for Christmas. I know her parents came about 5 years ago so getting a visa should not be an issue.
I looked at flights for that time of year and they run about $1100/pp. My husband travels a great deal. He has so many points its crazy. Now we are not going to pay the entire cost of her family coming to visit but helping out.
In lieu of a Christmas bonus I was thinking we could use some of DH's points to get 2 plane tickets. If we parted ways we could cancel the flights. That could be a built in protection. DH said as long as the flight was canceled more than 72 hours you could get your points back. DH also suggested we use his points to cover the hotel portion. It can be a win win for all of us. Crazy idea?
My nanny does send money to her family back home. How much I don't know. Not my business. She lives in a 2 bedroom condo and has 1 roommate in a very nice area.
I was talking with DH about the vacation situation. We really do value her as an employee hope she is with us until the youngest starts school. That is 4 more years. The time frame she wants to go away will not work for us at all. We are going to have to dig our heels in on that one.
I was thinking of suggesting she invite her parents and 2 siblings to the US for Christmas. I know her parents came about 5 years ago so getting a visa should not be an issue.
I looked at flights for that time of year and they run about $1100/pp. My husband travels a great deal. He has so many points its crazy. Now we are not going to pay the entire cost of her family coming to visit but helping out.
In lieu of a Christmas bonus I was thinking we could use some of DH's points to get 2 plane tickets. If we parted ways we could cancel the flights. That could be a built in protection. DH said as long as the flight was canceled more than 72 hours you could get your points back. DH also suggested we use his points to cover the hotel portion. It can be a win win for all of us. Crazy idea?
Anonymous
03/11/2018 16:02
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you consider to be "well paid", 10:10, in today's numbers?
Enough to send money home and be unemployed for months on end while traveling internationally, so at least average for our region.
"Average" is nothing close to "well paid".
Have you seen how tight some of these people live...
to be able to send some money home?
Not trying to be insensitive but why is that my problem...if I’m paying market rate and they choose to send money home and live with 5 roommates that is totally their choice.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to think my employee was living like a middle class American adult, own room and bathroom for a single person. True that the woman's living conditions don't need to be your problem. Unless she "snaps" for some mysterious reason. Then you might start wondering what was going on in her life.
So I need to pay her enough to live like that and send an unspecified amount of money home? Does your employer base your salary on the number of children and disabled family members you're supporting?
Just a reminder that most young, college-educated adults today either live with their parents or with several roommates (often more roommates than bedrooms), so the expectation that nannies can live independently and have money to help support another household is probably not realistic. They probably have to choose between living well themselves and helping with family support.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 15:46
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you consider to be "well paid", 10:10, in today's numbers?
Enough to send money home and be unemployed for months on end while traveling internationally, so at least average for our region.
"Average" is nothing close to "well paid".
Have you seen how tight some of these people live...
to be able to send some money home?
Not trying to be insensitive but why is that my problem...if I’m paying market rate and they choose to send money home and live with 5 roommates that is totally their choice.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to think my employee was living like a middle class American adult, own room and bathroom for a single person. True that the woman's living conditions don't need to be your problem. Unless she "snaps" for some mysterious reason. Then you might start wondering what was going on in her life.
So I need to pay her enough to live like that and send an unspecified amount of money home? Does your employer base your salary on the number of children and disabled family members you're supporting?
Anonymous
03/11/2018 15:14
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you consider to be "well paid", 10:10, in today's numbers?
Enough to send money home and be unemployed for months on end while traveling internationally, so at least average for our region.
"Average" is nothing close to "well paid".
Have you seen how tight some of these people live...
to be able to send some money home?
Not trying to be insensitive but why is that my problem...if I’m paying market rate and they choose to send money home and live with 5 roommates that is totally their choice.
Maybe it's just me, but I'd prefer to think my employee was living like a middle class American adult, own room and bathroom for a single person. True that the woman's living conditions don't need to be your problem. Unless she "snaps" for some mysterious reason. Then you might start wondering what was going on in her life.
Anonymous
03/11/2018 15:03
Subject: extended vacations
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:What do you consider to be "well paid", 10:10, in today's numbers?
Enough to send money home and be unemployed for months on end while traveling internationally, so at least average for our region.
"Average" is nothing close to "well paid".
Have you seen how tight some of these people live...
to be able to send some money home?
Not trying to be insensitive but why is that my problem...if I’m paying market rate and they choose to send money home and live with 5 roommates that is totally their choice.
+1.