Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

How to say you are an AP without saying your an AP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

My wife never grew up cooking and doesn’t have much time anymore due to work and kids. We usually just order DoorDash for dinner a couple times a week for dinner or bake frozen food from Trader Joe’s like lasagna or pizza.

This scenario is not uncommon in dual working households. It’s hard to believe that families who actually need an AP have the disposable time to plan, shop and prepare nightly meals for the AP!

+1000

AP coming from cultures where everyone gathers for dinner during the week tend to be judgemental over a family not having family dinners. It's not as common here and it's usually not the dual-working families who host aupairs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

My wife never grew up cooking and doesn’t have much time anymore due to work and kids. We usually just order DoorDash for dinner a couple times a week for dinner or bake frozen food from Trader Joe’s like lasagna or pizza.

This scenario is not uncommon in dual working households. It’s hard to believe that families who actually need an AP have the disposable time to plan, shop and prepare nightly meals for the AP!

We have 7, 5 & 3 year olds and full time jobs and only eat family dinners on the weekends. Our kids eat around 6 during the week, while we don't eat until after the kids are in bed around 9. The AP is welcome to join us for weekend family dinners and for our weekly adult takeout night, but otherwise we are clear in our handbook that she's on her own for dinner. (She can use any food in our house, can add items to our online shopping orders or can use our credit card to pick up whatever she wants from the grocery store, so I just mean "on her own" in the preparation sense, not financially.) It hasn't been a problem for us and we wouldn't match with someone who expected us to cook for her or to eat with her on a daily basis. It just doesn't work for our family routine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

American families often do not have family meals, especially during the week. It’s culturally not as important as in other countries.

Is for my family. Sorry you have such a sad family

No one asked about your sad family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

American families often do not have family meals, especially during the week. It’s culturally not as important as in other countries.

Is for my family. Sorry you have such a sad family

We are that “sad” American family lol! Young kids who eat earlier than mom and dad. And they eat Mac n cheese and chicken nuggets. After they go to bed, mom and dad eat a real meal. Often we invite the au pair to join (it’s her off time). It sometimes not, because we want our own time to reconnect and talk. Our au pair dominates the conversation and demands all attention at dinner. She’s a giant child.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

My wife never grew up cooking and doesn’t have much time anymore due to work and kids. We usually just order DoorDash for dinner a couple times a week for dinner or bake frozen food from Trader Joe’s like lasagna or pizza.

Anonymous wrote:What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

American families often do not have family meals, especially during the week. It’s culturally not as important as in other countries.

What kind of sad au pair host doesn’t have family meals. Maybe not every day but at least a few times a week

Right, with absolutely no other expenses, my au pairs have always been able to do plenty with the stipend money. They need to plan and save for the big trips but otherwise have always been able to go out, shop.

I have to agree with the previous poster that “poverty” is a little overblown. Our au pair spends her stipend on clothes, makeup, and Starbucks. She spends her downtime shopping with other au pairs or watching TikTok and Netflix. In the summer she spends her downtime at our country club pool. It’s not like she’s stressing about keeping a roof over her head lol.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok this a little ridiculous. I'll make a quick meal for my kids early and make myself something like a salad and tell the au pair to do the same. Au pairs should not expect every meal to be made for them. I think auboairs generally getvthe much better end of the stick

They are working for you for poverty wages, in return for the experience of being treated like family. How are they getting the better end of the stick when you don't hold up your end of the bargain?

poverty wages ? $250 a week and no rent, car payment, health insurance costs? Hardly living in poverty.

Anonymous wrote:Ok this a little ridiculous. I'll make a quick meal for my kids early and make myself something like a salad and tell the au pair to do the same. Au pairs should not expect every meal to be made for them. I think auboairs generally getvthe much better end of the stick

They are working for you for poverty wages, in return for the experience of being treated like family. How are they getting the better end of the stick when you don't hold up your end of the bargain?

If I cook for the family I make enough for AP to eat with us and if we go out or get take out we include her. On nights when DH and I aren’t around and she’s feeding the kids, she can eat with them or make something separate for herself. Sometimes based on schedule we’ll ask her to feed kids early and DH and I will eat together later. Usually by that time AP is off and would’ve eaten with the kids rather than us.