Anonymous
Post 02/18/2015 16:56     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:If you need coverage only 40 hours a week, that doesn't seem to demanding to me. I've worked nanny jobs 60 hours a week. Now, that's demanding.


40 hours a week is much different than 60 or more hours a week. You may not want to hear it, but some parents view their kids as accessories, parenting is an action it involves time spent not just a cool title you have to be part of the club. In the end it will be the kids that determine if they had enough time with their parents during their childhood.


In my opinion, parents viewing their kids as accessories is not directly correlated with parents who work. A child's view of his/her childhood will likely take into account more than the absolute number of hours spent with each parent (though this is one important part of parenting).
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2015 16:52     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.


Forget the nanny, what about the kids?

I'm sorry, but why in the HELL do people have children who clearly see no value in spending time with them. I say this as a working parent. My spouse and I both stagger our days. No way are my kids going to be in the care of someone else for more than 40hrs a week, PLUS we actually want to be with our children. Not just for their development, but I want to experience them growing up.

Damn, I respect my sister and her DH so much. They both have busy jobs that are their life. The chose not to have children because they don't have time for them.


Responses like this are judgmental in the worst way. My husband and I went through years of infertility and treatment before having our daughter. We value her more than anything in our lives.

We are also both physicians. We worked hard for years to have the privilege of taking care of our patients and making a difference in their lives. Due to our demanding schedules, our daughter is in the care of my mother and a nanny for the 40 hours a week PP references. Although these wonderful people are helping to raise our daughter, only WE are her parents. We love her and want to be with her just as much as any other parent. We are the ones who get up with her at night, devote every minute not at work to her care, celebrate the smallest of milestones, and, despite having time consuming and stressful jobs, value our time with her very much.

To imply that parents with demanding jobs don't want to be with their children or don't have the appropriate time for them is presumptuous, unkind, and simply untrue. We're making the best choices for our family, and we hope our daughter will be proud of her two physician parents whose love for her, like all parents' love for their children, goes so far beyond 40 hours a week.

If you need coverage only 40 hours a week, that doesn't seem to demanding to me. I've worked nanny jobs 60 hours a week. Now, that's demanding.


True. 40 hours is not particularly demanding - we are different types of physicians and one of us often works more than 40 hours a week, plus we take home call and sometimes work weekends. For simplicity I was responding to the PP's "40 hours" quote.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2015 16:50     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.


Forget the nanny, what about the kids?

I'm sorry, but why in the HELL do people have children who clearly see no value in spending time with them. I say this as a working parent. My spouse and I both stagger our days. No way are my kids going to be in the care of someone else for more than 40hrs a week, PLUS we actually want to be with our children. Not just for their development, but I want to experience them growing up.

Damn, I respect my sister and her DH so much. They both have busy jobs that are their life. The chose not to have children because they don't have time for them.


Responses like this are judgmental in the worst way. My husband and I went through years of infertility and treatment before having our daughter. We value her more than anything in our lives.

We are also both physicians. We worked hard for years to have the privilege of taking care of our patients and making a difference in their lives. Due to our demanding schedules, our daughter is in the care of my mother and a nanny for the 40 hours a week PP references. Although these wonderful people are helping to raise our daughter, only WE are her parents. We love her and want to be with her just as much as any other parent. We are the ones who get up with her at night, devote every minute not at work to her care, celebrate the smallest of milestones, and, despite having time consuming and stressful jobs, value our time with her very much.

To imply that parents with demanding jobs don't want to be with their children or don't have the appropriate time for them is presumptuous, unkind, and simply untrue. We're making the best choices for our family, and we hope our daughter will be proud of her two physician parents whose love for her, like all parents' love for their children, goes so far beyond 40 hours a week.

If you need coverage only 40 hours a week, that doesn't seem to demanding to me. I've worked nanny jobs 60 hours a week. Now, that's demanding.


40 hours a week is much different than 60 or more hours a week. You may not want to hear it, but some parents view their kids as accessories, parenting is an action it involves time spent not just a cool title you have to be part of the club. In the end it will be the kids that determine if they had enough time with their parents during their childhood.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2015 16:41     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.


Forget the nanny, what about the kids?

I'm sorry, but why in the HELL do people have children who clearly see no value in spending time with them. I say this as a working parent. My spouse and I both stagger our days. No way are my kids going to be in the care of someone else for more than 40hrs a week, PLUS we actually want to be with our children. Not just for their development, but I want to experience them growing up.

Damn, I respect my sister and her DH so much. They both have busy jobs that are their life. The chose not to have children because they don't have time for them.


Responses like this are judgmental in the worst way. My husband and I went through years of infertility and treatment before having our daughter. We value her more than anything in our lives.

We are also both physicians. We worked hard for years to have the privilege of taking care of our patients and making a difference in their lives. Due to our demanding schedules, our daughter is in the care of my mother and a nanny for the 40 hours a week PP references. Although these wonderful people are helping to raise our daughter, only WE are her parents. We love her and want to be with her just as much as any other parent. We are the ones who get up with her at night, devote every minute not at work to her care, celebrate the smallest of milestones, and, despite having time consuming and stressful jobs, value our time with her very much.

To imply that parents with demanding jobs don't want to be with their children or don't have the appropriate time for them is presumptuous, unkind, and simply untrue. We're making the best choices for our family, and we hope our daughter will be proud of her two physician parents whose love for her, like all parents' love for their children, goes so far beyond 40 hours a week.

If you need coverage only 40 hours a week, that doesn't seem to demanding to me. I've worked nanny jobs 60 hours a week. Now, that's demanding.
Anonymous
Post 02/18/2015 16:37     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.


Forget the nanny, what about the kids?

I'm sorry, but why in the HELL do people have children who clearly see no value in spending time with them. I say this as a working parent. My spouse and I both stagger our days. No way are my kids going to be in the care of someone else for more than 40hrs a week, PLUS we actually want to be with our children. Not just for their development, but I want to experience them growing up.

Damn, I respect my sister and her DH so much. They both have busy jobs that are their life. The chose not to have children because they don't have time for them.


Responses like this are judgmental in the worst way. My husband and I went through years of infertility and treatment before having our daughter. We value her more than anything in our lives.

We are also both physicians. We worked hard for years to have the privilege of taking care of our patients and making a difference in their lives. Due to our demanding schedules, our daughter is in the care of my mother and a nanny for the 40 hours a week PP references. Although these wonderful people are helping to raise our daughter, only WE are her parents. We love her and want to be with her just as much as any other parent. We are the ones who get up with her at night, devote every minute not at work to her care, celebrate the smallest of milestones, and, despite having time consuming and stressful jobs, value our time with her very much.

To imply that parents with demanding jobs don't want to be with their children or don't have the appropriate time for them is presumptuous, unkind, and simply untrue. We're making the best choices for our family, and we hope our daughter will be proud of her two physician parents whose love for her, like all parents' love for their children, goes so far beyond 40 hours a week.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2015 19:51     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
When both parents work long hours, they lose the luxury of nights out with friends, etc. once they have children. You remind me of the wine couple-older parents who want the status of a child with none of the time and attention.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 13:37     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:High Profile employers with unpredictable schedules hire 24 hour nannies. One during the week and another for the weekend. Maybe that is what you need OP.


Yup, my boss has a day nanny, night nanny and weekend nanny.

It is completely absurd, but that's what these people do.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 13:29     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:OP, you are selfish, self-absorbed, and self-consumed. Try to remember that your nanny is a human being not an automaton. Your needs do not trump her needs. Find a night nanny and make an appointment to see your children a couple of hours every week because, thus far, you and your husband are crap for parents.


Forget the nanny, what about the kids?

I'm sorry, but why in the HELL do people have children who clearly see no value in spending time with them. I say this as a working parent. My spouse and I both stagger our days. No way are my kids going to be in the care of someone else for more than 40hrs a week, PLUS we actually want to be with our children. Not just for their development, but I want to experience them growing up.

Damn, I respect my sister and her DH so much. They both have busy jobs that are their life. The chose not to have children because they don't have time for them.
Anonymous
Post 02/11/2015 12:52     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
your nanny won't resent you if you find someone else to help 10+ hours a week, she will be greatful!
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2015 14:52     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
High Profile employers with unpredictable schedules hire 24 hour nannies. One during the week and another for the weekend. Maybe that is what you need OP.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2015 11:31     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
OP is definitely a troll.

If she and her DH really were Biglaw partners, they would have more control over their schedules.

- Biglaw partner's wife, whose DH is home every evening for dinner and playtime
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2015 17:08     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
OP is a troll. Stop feeding her.
nannydebsays
Post 02/09/2015 15:43     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
OP, your nanny is letting you know that she does not want to work the extra hours you ask her to work. I think you should pay attention and be proactive, because the reason many nannies leave jobs is due to burnout from excessive OT.

Find 2 or 3 back-ups you can trust. Ask Nanny if she has any friends who SHE trusts that might be looking for evening work. Interview, train the back-up(s) and have your nanny train them too.

It sounds as if you truly appreciate your nanny and the hard work she does for you. Being willing to help her resolve this issue will show Nanny that you listen and care about her well-being.
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2015 15:37     Subject: Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone I know with two working parents with demanding jobs has back up/evening care. It is way too much to work the long regular hours and then add in the extra nights as well. I would be worried about how she is interacting with the kids in the morning after numerous late nights.


I'm OP. We have an infant and why should I be worried? Our nanny is amazing, morning, noon, and night. Never have I seen someone do job so gracefully and lovingly. Her level of care has never decreased or changed. True professionals get the job done well no matter the reason.


Then I would think you value her enough to listen to what she is telling you. Otherwise such a fantastic nanny will move on...
Anonymous
Post 02/09/2015 15:27     Subject: Re:Our nanny told us she she is feeling taken advanatge of
Anonymous wrote:I'm a nanny and I'm currently going through the same thing. I cried on my way to work today because I'm just tired of it. My schedule used to be 9-5 but I can't tell you the last time that happened. Now that they are busier it's always 8-6. But of course they are constantly asking for nights and weekends or running late. They have me working 8am-11pm sometimes and then back to work the next day at 8am. I can't tell you how it makes me feel to see them sitting around in their pjs and enjoying coffee while I've had no sleep. I'm so burnt out. With traffic most days I'm not home until 7pm. I've got a fiancé and two dogs. I feel like I meet get stuff at home done and I'm running around all weekend catching up. That's if they haven't asked me to work over the weekend. Sometimes it's hard saying no. Be thankful that she was open and honest with you. If I could go back I would have never agreed to be so flexible. Please get a back up sitter.

You need to grow a spine, for everyone's sake. Are they paying you something amazing? Probably not. Just say no.