Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 09:56     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:

Stop taking the word "primary" so personally. It doesn't mean most important or permanent. It simply means the person providing the majority of care for the child. Some babies go to bed at 7 and wake at 7 the next morning. If nanny works from 6-6 or 7-6, she is the one who spends the most waking hours with the child, and provides most of the care. It is not a comment on how important the parent is, so chill out.

You don't get to decide what "primary" means in a way that precludes all others. According to your definition, the identity of primary care providers depends on the number of waking hours, which change monthly if not weekly for kids. What do you propose to do with full-time preschoolers? Do they have a primary care provider? Who? How many? Should a preschool teacher be considered a primary care provider for all preschoolers under her charge or what? What about napping children? Do you want to run a daily total of their waking and sleeping times? You'd run yourself into a ridiculous rut.

The primary care provider, to me, means the person with primary responsibility for the child who makes important decisions shaping this child's life. And that is the parent. My child, regardless of who changes his diaper and takes care of him when I'm not there, will have one primary care provider until the day he turns of age. I am grateful for everyone's help along the way, but the primary care provider is me.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 09:45     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Update

Thanks for your suggestions. Some of you did help with our decision. The other family did not want to pay more than $4 additional. I am not going to argue over .50 /hr. And, I do want to keep our nanny at least at 21.50. So we are paying 8.50 and they are paying 13.

Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 09:42     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents."

I'm an MB but...
1. no, parents are not always the primary caregivers. Primary caregiver is the one(s) w/ the child for most of their waking hours over a week/month/whatever. In some cases that might be mom, in many it's nanny. Nanny WAS my dd's primary caretaker my first year back at work. I hated that so i cut back hours some so that i was seeing DD at least as much as her, if not more.
2. even if nanny is the primary caretaker, of course that's not a replacement of the parents. They always have a unique and long term role. But parent does not always and necessarily equal primary caregiver.

If you're an MB, you are a primary caregiver. You know why? A nanny, even the best nanny, can get another job, move countries, get married, and leave you with nothing but a sweet card and a three week notice. You, the mommy, are stuck with this. You'll be there. That's why.

You need a dose of reality. As sad as it is, even some mommies leave their children. No one here is wearing a chain around her neck.

Mommies leave children only very occasionally. Nannies leave children, eventually, pretty much in 100% of cases. A mother is a lot more permanent presence in her child's life vs. a nanny.


Stop taking the word "primary" so personally. It doesn't mean most important or permanent. It simply means the person providing the majority of care for the child. Some babies go to bed at 7 and wake at 7 the next morning. If nanny works from 6-6 or 7-6, she is the one who spends the most waking hours with the child, and provides most of the care. It is not a comment on how important the parent is, so chill out.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 07:52     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents."

I'm an MB but...
1. no, parents are not always the primary caregivers. Primary caregiver is the one(s) w/ the child for most of their waking hours over a week/month/whatever. In some cases that might be mom, in many it's nanny. Nanny WAS my dd's primary caretaker my first year back at work. I hated that so i cut back hours some so that i was seeing DD at least as much as her, if not more.
2. even if nanny is the primary caretaker, of course that's not a replacement of the parents. They always have a unique and long term role. But parent does not always and necessarily equal primary caregiver.

If you're an MB, you are a primary caregiver. You know why? A nanny, even the best nanny, can get another job, move countries, get married, and leave you with nothing but a sweet card and a three week notice. You, the mommy, are stuck with this. You'll be there. That's why.

You need a dose of reality. As sad as it is, even some mommies leave their children. No one here is wearing a chain around her neck.

Mommies leave children only very occasionally. Nannies leave children, eventually, pretty much in 100% of cases. A mother is a lot more permanent presence in her child's life vs. a nanny.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 06:32     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:"The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents."

I'm an MB but...
1. no, parents are not always the primary caregivers. Primary caregiver is the one(s) w/ the child for most of their waking hours over a week/month/whatever. In some cases that might be mom, in many it's nanny. Nanny WAS my dd's primary caretaker my first year back at work. I hated that so i cut back hours some so that i was seeing DD at least as much as her, if not more.
2. even if nanny is the primary caretaker, of course that's not a replacement of the parents. They always have a unique and long term role. But parent does not always and necessarily equal primary caregiver.

If you're an MB, you are a primary caregiver. You know why? A nanny, even the best nanny, can get another job, move countries, get married, and leave you with nothing but a sweet card and a three week notice. You, the mommy, are stuck with this. You'll be there. That's why.

You need a dose of reality. As sad as it is, even some mommies leave their children. No one here is wearing a chain around her neck.
Anonymous
Post 06/28/2013 03:22     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Geez I did not expect this post to turn out with these kinds of responses. We have made the decision to maintain the nanny as a 3 child share. My child will be in preschool in the mornings and I would still like to maintain the nanny for stability reasons. I also still plan on paying her while my child is in preschool. It does benefit the other family because they are also getting a wonderful nanny and not paying the full rate of a nanny on their own. The ages of the children are 2.5, 2, and soon to be newborn. The nanny can take on the responsibility mainly due to the fact that one child will be in preschool half a day. I know that people do 3 child shares, so this isn't crazy! And I am not interested in home daycare.

Can you share what financial arrangements did you put in place? Who's paying how much?

We haven't made the decision yet on how much to pay, ect. I personally don't feel comfortable with only paying 1/3 because it feels like we would be paying too little. We have agreed on paying the nanny $21.5 for all three. This way we have room for performance raises ect.


I would suggest $13.50 and $8 per hour, especially since you plan to pay while your child is in preschool. The other family might be able to find a nanny to care for two children for $13.50 per hour, but it would be tough to find a high caliber person at that rate. And you would have trouble finding someone for $8 per hour. So, at those rates, continuing the share is rational for both families. Since the shared nanny is currently earning $17.50 and will get a bump up to $21.50, it would also be rational for her to stay on. She might be able to find another two child share or a job sitting for three kids in one family at $20 per hour, but not many positions in DC exceed that.

Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:31     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:"The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents."

I'm an MB but...
1. no, parents are not always the primary caregivers. Primary caregiver is the one(s) w/ the child for most of their waking hours over a week/month/whatever. In some cases that might be mom, in many it's nanny. Nanny WAS my dd's primary caretaker my first year back at work. I hated that so i cut back hours some so that i was seeing DD at least as much as her, if not more.
2. even if nanny is the primary caretaker, of course that's not a replacement of the parents. They always have a unique and long term role. But parent does not always and necessarily equal primary caregiver.

If you're an MB, you are a primary caregiver. You know why? A nanny, even the best nanny, can get another job, move countries, get married, and leave you with nothing but a sweet card and a three week notice. You, the mommy, are stuck with this. You'll be there. That's why.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:31     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:"The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents."

I'm an MB but...
1. no, parents are not always the primary caregivers. Primary caregiver is the one(s) w/ the child for most of their waking hours over a week/month/whatever. In some cases that might be mom, in many it's nanny. Nanny WAS my dd's primary caretaker my first year back at work. I hated that so i cut back hours some so that i was seeing DD at least as much as her, if not more.
2. even if nanny is the primary caretaker, of course that's not a replacement of the parents. They always have a unique and long term role. But parent does not always and necessarily equal primary caregiver.

Thank you. I am happy for you and your child that you are now the primary caregiver. It's truly the very best investment a parent can make.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:25     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
"The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents."

I'm an MB but...
1. no, parents are not always the primary caregivers. Primary caregiver is the one(s) w/ the child for most of their waking hours over a week/month/whatever. In some cases that might be mom, in many it's nanny. Nanny WAS my dd's primary caretaker my first year back at work. I hated that so i cut back hours some so that i was seeing DD at least as much as her, if not more.
2. even if nanny is the primary caretaker, of course that's not a replacement of the parents. They always have a unique and long term role. But parent does not always and necessarily equal primary caregiver.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 22:09     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I have worked for free, thank you.

You make yourself sound like the ultimate materialist. Maybe you take pride in that label?

By no means do I expect you to know this, but stability IS actually a critical ingredient when raising young children. That's why many parents (and nannies!), will bend over backwards to work towards a longterm relationship.

Children pay a price for every major upheaval in their lives. Smart parents do their best to minimize unnecessary changeovers of primary caregivers.


A primary caregiver is a parent, and that ain't changing until the parent dies. Everyone else comes and goes.

Few children live a life free of changes.

The "primary caregiver" is the person who cares for the child for most of his or her waking hours, hence the word "primary". Lots of parents hardly see their children. The may pay the bills, but they certainly aren't doing the caring all day from their offices.

Seriously? "Most of his/her waking hours?"

So you'd consider yourself a primary caregiver for a toddler until the day he starts preschool, and then, the day he starts coming home at noon, you are no longer that? What about an infant who has trouble sleeping at night, would you consider his mom a primary caregiver since he's awake a lot at night, but the second he starts sleeping through the night, you get the honors since now you have more of his awake time and she has more sleep? You'd go crazy doing this math.

Don't be ridiculous. The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents. And kids know that, too. It in no way diminishes the work of good nannies. It simply sets the record straight.

I wish nannies weren't raising so many children. It's a sad thing, but I guess better than 10 or 12 hrs of daycare everyday.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 21:50     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I have worked for free, thank you.

You make yourself sound like the ultimate materialist. Maybe you take pride in that label?

By no means do I expect you to know this, but stability IS actually a critical ingredient when raising young children. That's why many parents (and nannies!), will bend over backwards to work towards a longterm relationship.

Children pay a price for every major upheaval in their lives. Smart parents do their best to minimize unnecessary changeovers of primary caregivers.


A primary caregiver is a parent, and that ain't changing until the parent dies. Everyone else comes and goes.

Few children live a life free of changes.

The "primary caregiver" is the person who cares for the child for most of his or her waking hours, hence the word "primary". Lots of parents hardly see their children. The may pay the bills, but they certainly aren't doing the caring all day from their offices.

Seriously? "Most of his/her waking hours?"

So you'd consider yourself a primary caregiver for a toddler until the day he starts preschool, and then, the day he starts coming home at noon, you are no longer that? What about an infant who has trouble sleeping at night, would you consider his mom a primary caregiver since he's awake a lot at night, but the second he starts sleeping through the night, you get the honors since now you have more of his awake time and she has more sleep? You'd go crazy doing this math.

Don't be ridiculous. The primary caregiver is always the parent. The responsibility, funding, decisions, stability rests with the parent. Good daytime caregivers - nannies, friends, teachers - add to the mom/dad, but they don't replace parents. And kids know that, too. It in no way diminishes the work of good nannies. It simply sets the record straight.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 18:34     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
I have worked for free, thank you.

You make yourself sound like the ultimate materialist. Maybe you take pride in that label?

By no means do I expect you to know this, but stability IS actually a critical ingredient when raising young children. That's why many parents (and nannies!), will bend over backwards to work towards a longterm relationship.

Children pay a price for every major upheaval in their lives. Smart parents do their best to minimize unnecessary changeovers of primary caregivers.


A primary caregiver is a parent, and that ain't changing until the parent dies. Everyone else comes and goes.

Few children live a life free of changes.

The "primary caregiver" is the person who cares for the child for most of his or her waking hours, hence the word "primary". Lots of parents hardly see their children. The may pay the bills, but they certainly aren't doing the caring all day from their offices.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 18:27     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Geez I did not expect this post to turn out with these kinds of responses. We have made the decision to maintain the nanny as a 3 child share. My child will be in preschool in the mornings and I would still like to maintain the nanny for stability reasons. I also still plan on paying her while my child is in preschool. It does benefit the other family because they are also getting a wonderful nanny and not paying the full rate of a nanny on their own. The ages of the children are 2.5, 2, and soon to be newborn. The nanny can take on the responsibility mainly due to the fact that one child will be in preschool half a day. I know that people do 3 child shares, so this isn't crazy! And I am not interested in home daycare.

Can you share what financial arrangements did you put in place? Who's paying how much?

We haven't made the decision yet on how much to pay, ect. I personally don't feel comfortable with only paying 1/3 because it feels like we would be paying too little. We have agreed on paying the nanny $21.5 for all three. This way we have room for performance raises ect.

The primary beneficiary of this arrangement will actually be a newborn. Older kids will be gone part of the day, presumably, so there's that, and they'll be getting less nanny after they come home. If you're happy, that's the only thing that matters.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 18:25     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
I have worked for free, thank you.

You make yourself sound like the ultimate materialist. Maybe you take pride in that label?

By no means do I expect you to know this, but stability IS actually a critical ingredient when raising young children. That's why many parents (and nannies!), will bend over backwards to work towards a longterm relationship.

Children pay a price for every major upheaval in their lives. Smart parents do their best to minimize unnecessary changeovers of primary caregivers.


A primary caregiver is a parent, and that ain't changing until the parent dies. Everyone else comes and goes.

Few children live a life free of changes.
Anonymous
Post 06/27/2013 17:35     Subject: Nannyshare 3 kids how to split the pay?
Anonymous wrote:
Geez I did not expect this post to turn out with these kinds of responses. We have made the decision to maintain the nanny as a 3 child share. My child will be in preschool in the mornings and I would still like to maintain the nanny for stability reasons. I also still plan on paying her while my child is in preschool. It does benefit the other family because they are also getting a wonderful nanny and not paying the full rate of a nanny on their own. The ages of the children are 2.5, 2, and soon to be newborn. The nanny can take on the responsibility mainly due to the fact that one child will be in preschool half a day. I know that people do 3 child shares, so this isn't crazy! And I am not interested in home daycare.

Can you share what financial arrangements did you put in place? Who's paying how much?

We haven't made the decision yet on how much to pay, ect. I personally don't feel comfortable with only paying 1/3 because it feels like we would be paying too little. We have agreed on paying the nanny $21.5 for all three. This way we have room for performance raises ect.