Anonymous wrote:Nanny it is not your job to tell parents how to be parents. If you were to hand me literature, I would show you the door. If you no longer feel you are a good fit with this family, then leave.

You're very right in the fact that you need to be on the same page. However, that doesn't mean the parents change their practices to fit your idea of what works.

In that case, do yourself (and your children) a favor. Settle for a sitter, rather than an experienced nanny; otherwise you will both be endlessly frustrated with each other.

Nanny it is not your job to tell parents how to be parents. If you were to hand me literature, I would show you the door. If you no longer feel you are a good fit with this family, then leave.

You're very right in the fact that you need to be on the same page. However, that doesn't mean the parents change their practices to fit your idea of what works.

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between corporal punishment and spanking. They agreed not to use corporal punishment. I know parents that spank and i do not and the children adjust to each caregivers discipline. I'm wondering if you just don't have enough experience with this age group and that is why you have issues disciplining him

How much experience do you think a first time parent has with any age group? If you have done even the most superficial research on the subject, you will find out that spanking is at best ineffective and at worst demeaning and detrimental to a small child. Unfortunately, some parents do no research other than how to outsource as much as possible when they have a child. Why? They had kids because that's what you're supposed to do. Just like getting married.

There is a difference between corporal punishment and spanking. They agreed not to use corporal punishment. I know parents that spank and i do not and the children adjust to each caregivers discipline. I'm wondering if you just don't have enough experience with this age group and that is why you have issues disciplining him

PP, you're not going to get a reasonable answer as to the "logic" of spanking. There is no logic to spanking. It is a method that comes from frustration and an inability to think outside of the box, excercise some patience and try a type of positive discipline. Because nannies cannot spank (and professional ones would never advocate it), we have learned other more effective means of discipline. Unfortunately, since parents only have the experience of raising their own children, some of them resort to physical discipline. I also think there is more than one troll on this thread (wooden spoon lady, hello?)

PP here. Also wanted to add that no one has answered my questions. I don't want to get into the definition of spanking, but I would like to hear how the logic works. If you spank, do you believe its the only effective method? If yes, how do you expect your nanny or anyone else to effectively discipline in your stead? If not, why do you choose that method over one that doesn't required hitting your child and losing their trust? I know being hit and spanked as a child created a distance in my relationship with my parents that still exists today. I do not trust them to care about my feelings/issues, nor do I trust them to advise me if I make a mistake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for the parents that spank but have a problem with the nanny doing so: why did you decide to spank? Do you believe there are other equally effective methods? If yes, why hit your kid? If no, how do you expect the nanny to do so without also spanking? Genuine questions. The logic truly baffles me and I'd like to hear good reasoning for it. Btw I am a nanny that would never lay hands on a child, and was raised by parents that "spanked" in the sense that if we pissed them off we were beaten black and blue.

Me too, and that is why I will never spank.

If you hit your spouse you'd go to jail, yet hitting your child is encouraged? Children need rights to protect themselves from physical punishment.

Most of us that see some positives from parents deciding to spank are not advocating the parents beating their children black and blue though! We are talking about slapping them on the butt a few times, for things that deserve a more extreme punishment than a timeout gives (especially if the timeout is ineffective and keeps needing to be done over and over again).

It can be such a fine line though. There are tons of other methods out there that work not just timeouts. What teaches a child about consequences is CONSISTENCY not force. Spankings teach them to fear that specific consequence, which is not a natural consequence. As they get older, no one is going to spank them if they talk back, if mommy is tired/in a good mood/not around I might not get spanked. I am the PP that said my parents often took it too far. All that spankings taught me was to behave around my parents, be a better liar, and hide things well. Imagine what a joy I was as a teen, my parents all the while convinced I was an angel!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for the parents that spank but have a problem with the nanny doing so: why did you decide to spank? Do you believe there are other equally effective methods? If yes, why hit your kid? If no, how do you expect the nanny to do so without also spanking? Genuine questions. The logic truly baffles me and I'd like to hear good reasoning for it. Btw I am a nanny that would never lay hands on a child, and was raised by parents that "spanked" in the sense that if we pissed them off we were beaten black and blue.

Me too, and that is why I will never spank.

If you hit your spouse you'd go to jail, yet hitting your child is encouraged? Children need rights to protect themselves from physical punishment.

Most of us that see some positives from parents deciding to spank are not advocating the parents beating their children black and blue though! We are talking about slapping them on the butt a few times, for things that deserve a more extreme punishment than a timeout gives (especially if the timeout is ineffective and keeps needing to be done over and over again).

We all understand what a spanking is.

We believe that hitting a child is hitting a child, regardless of the degree of severity, and it is wrong. That it is violating a human right that children have for physical safety, which should be something that is legally protected on their behalf.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question for the parents that spank but have a problem with the nanny doing so: why did you decide to spank? Do you believe there are other equally effective methods? If yes, why hit your kid? If no, how do you expect the nanny to do so without also spanking? Genuine questions. The logic truly baffles me and I'd like to hear good reasoning for it. Btw I am a nanny that would never lay hands on a child, and was raised by parents that "spanked" in the sense that if we pissed them off we were beaten black and blue.

Me too, and that is why I will never spank.

If you hit your spouse you'd go to jail, yet hitting your child is encouraged? Children need rights to protect themselves from physical punishment.

Most of us that see some positives from parents deciding to spank are not advocating the parents beating their children black and blue though! We are talking about slapping them on the butt a few times, for things that deserve a more extreme punishment than a timeout gives (especially if the timeout is ineffective and keeps needing to be done over and over again).

Anonymous wrote:I honestly can't believe that there are three pages of people mainly defending a parents right to spank. Your children are still human beings with rights of their own, perhaps not legally, but certainly on a basic level. Spanking is hitting, it is not less abusive because it is on the butt rather than a slap in the face or a twist of the arm. If you can not get your own anger in check, you have no business being around children. Hitting is not discipline, it is lazy, mean, and detrimental to children in so many ways.

Spanking with a hand can be the same act as burping your infant, with just slightly more force. Is it bad to burp your baby too? That is also hitting, technically speaking.

Anonymous wrote:There is a fine line between spanking and abuse.
Spanking reinforces to a child that if they continue to do as they please and not follow authority, they will feel it where it hurts. Abuse is when someone is physically assaulting a child for no logical reason....when the anger is unwarranted or out of control.

If spanking is ever outlawed, you bet this world will be full of a bunch of self-entitled brats. Wait and see. I promise.

Anyway, it is NONE of your business how anyone else raises their kids OP.
I am against certain issues myself, but I am hired to do as the parents wish and what they do when I am not there is truly none of my business.

Get over it.

I kind of agree with this. I don't necessarily like spanking over all (and would never ever consider it for a charge), but I was spanked when a child and was never really hurt. I was hurt much more by falling down or what ever else I happened to do to myself. It taught me that once my parents told me to stop, or go and do something, that if I didn't listen there would be a real consequences for not obeying. I learned that once my parents said "do you need to be spanked?" I could then say no and act like I should be.

I see way too many kids that talk back to their parents repeatedly, have to be put into timeout after timeout (if the parents are even bothering with that anymore), and quite often, eventually the parents give in to their children to just try to get them to stop doing something bad, or to do what they want them to do. I don't look back at being spanked, or having my mouth washed out with soap, as being traumatized and beaten.

I am sure there are many other things that can be done INSTEAD of spanking, and for most kids those alternatives work, but I also think that for some, spanking might be the one thing that would get them to straighten out their bad attitudes and keep them in check. After a short while, it is not the actual act of spanking, but just knowing it might happen, that will do all the work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the parents want you to stay and are open to discussion you can suggest alternate approaches you'd like to try and see if they are willing/interested.

But giving them literature to educate them? No. Not your place, not the right attitude with which to approach it, and overstepping your role.

You're perfectly within your rights, and have been utterly upfront about your position, to leave if this isn't the right fit for you. Then the parents will have to deal with that in addition to figuring out discipline for the child.

+1

I could never stand there and say nothing. Wow.

Anonymous wrote:If the parents want you to stay and are open to discussion you can suggest alternate approaches you'd like to try and see if they are willing/interested.

But giving them literature to educate them? No. Not your place, not the right attitude with which to approach it, and overstepping your role.

You're perfectly within your rights, and have been utterly upfront about your position, to leave if this isn't the right fit for you. Then the parents will have to deal with that in addition to figuring out discipline for the child.

+1

Beating your own kids is horrible.

Anonymous wrote:Question for the parents that spank but have a problem with the nanny doing so: why did you decide to spank? Do you believe there are other equally effective methods? If yes, why hit your kid? If no, how do you expect the nanny to do so without also spanking? Genuine questions. The logic truly baffles me and I'd like to hear good reasoning for it. Btw I am a nanny that would never lay hands on a child, and was raised by parents that "spanked" in the sense that if we pissed them off we were beaten black and blue.

Me too, and that is why I will never spank.

If you hit your spouse you'd go to jail, yet hitting your child is encouraged? Children need rights to protect themselves from physical punishment.