Anonymous wrote:Wow, you guys are crazy. So you really think that handing over a "reference letter" will somehow mitigate a former employer giving you a poor reference? It won't. The former employer just needs to say that "Yes, I wrote the letter because she had an odd requirement for getting a letter every 6 months. I went along with it but the following performance issues really were issues that we should have addressed. She's fine as an evening baby-sitter but not a stellar nanny. She decided to leave in the end and I was relieved. I would not recommend her. " Your potential offer is in the trash can.

The only way this works is if you make up a story that you don't have your former employer's contact information anymore. Only a fool would accept this at face value but I'm sure some nannies try it.

Everyone know about you temper tantrum control freaks.

Wow, you guys are crazy. So you really think that handing over a "reference letter" will somehow mitigate a former employer giving you a poor reference? It won't. The former employer just needs to say that "Yes, I wrote the letter because she had an odd requirement for getting a letter every 6 months. I went along with it but the following performance issues really were issues that we should have addressed. She's fine as an evening baby-sitter but not a stellar nanny. She decided to leave in the end and I was relieved. I would not recommend her. " Your potential offer is in the trash can.

The only way this works is if you make up a story that you don't have your former employer's contact information anymore. Only a fool would accept this at face value but I'm sure some nannies try it.

Anonymous wrote:This whole thing is just silly. As an employer, I would be happy to provide a written annual review but I'm not providing a reference letter every 6 months. I would assume that any candidate seeking this is either as crazy as the nanny sock puppet that keeps posting on this thread or gets fired often and wants to hide their true job history. I also would never just accept a written reference without verifying its authenticity with the prior employer.

No one told you not to verify a ref. letter.
How does any of this "hide" your job history?

This whole thing is just silly. As an employer, I would be happy to provide a written annual review but I'm not providing a reference letter every 6 months. I would assume that any candidate seeking this is either as crazy as the nanny sock puppet that keeps posting on this thread or gets fired often and wants to hide their true job history. I also would never just accept a written reference without verifying its authenticity with the prior employer.

Well said, 20:34.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:08, how would you respond to the nanny who needs to leave before her hoped for tenure is finished (standard 2 wks notice)?

Depends on the reason why, I suppose. I've never had it happen. If it were because of a medical emergency or something like that, which is outside the nanny's control, then I assume I would do the exact same things as long as I could do so truthfully. In other words, if she is leaving suddenly because of a reason outside of her control, but the only way she could get another job is if I lied about that, then I would not lie to the other family. Again, it has never happened so if you gave a concrete example that would be helpful.

What if she simply decides she would like a different type of job? For example I work in a share. If I gave notice because I was tired of the extra stresses that come with a share, is that an okay reason? What if she'd just like to make more money? Let me preface this by saying, as a nanny I would never ask for quarterly references, but I have lost a few references along the way because a family gets mad that I move on. I think your whole "depends on the reason" line very much illustrates why a nanny might fear being screwed over if she quits. Her reason for leaving shouldn't matter, and she shouldn't have to give you one at all. So long as she is professional and gives you proper notice, whether you like it or not, you *should* give her an honest reference if called upon. If she was always on time, went above and beyond, loved and cared for your children well, and never gave you reason to complain, that doesn't change simply because she doesn't think you're as wonderful. Nannying doesn't provide traditional opportunities for growth beyond adding more children, potentially. Often when I leave a position before the end, its because I'm bored and would like new challenges, to learn new skills, and to increase my salary/benefits beyond the oh so generous $1/hour raise. Not exactly what you tell your boss upon quitting....and you guys will have an attitude no matter what.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:13:08, how would you respond to the nanny who needs to leave before her hoped for tenure is finished (standard 2 wks notice)?

Depends on the reason why, I suppose. I've never had it happen. If it were because of a medical emergency or something like that, which is outside the nanny's control, then I assume I would do the exact same things as long as I could do so truthfully. In other words, if she is leaving suddenly because of a reason outside of her control, but the only way she could get another job is if I lied about that, then I would not lie to the other family. Again, it has never happened so if you gave a concrete example that would be helpful.

Can't follow your answer, so let's make it simple. She's leaving you because she wants to live in another state closer to her relatives. What sort of written reference letter are you giving her?

Anonymous wrote:13:08, how would you respond to the nanny who needs to leave before her hoped for tenure is finished (standard 2 wks notice)?

Depends on the reason why, I suppose. I've never had it happen. If it were because of a medical emergency or something like that, which is outside the nanny's control, then I assume I would do the exact same things as long as I could do so truthfully. In other words, if she is leaving suddenly because of a reason outside of her control, but the only way she could get another job is if I lied about that, then I would not lie to the other family. Again, it has never happened so if you gave a concrete example that would be helpful.

13:08, how would you respond to the nanny who needs to leave before her hoped for tenure is finished (standard 2 wks notice)?

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone refuse?

Because I will write one reference letter at the end of employment. I put a lot of thought into them. They sometimes take two to three hours to write. I am not going to do that every three or six months.

If a nanny is leaving us on good terms, I go to bat for that nanny. I post about her on our neighborhood listserv and on DC Urban Moms and talk to any interested new family who wants to talk to me about her. It's a lot of effort. I not only go to bat for the nanny, but also her compensation package. Once a new prospective family called and asked why we paid what they thought was market for Bethesda, and I said the nanny had the salary history to justify it and that they simply were not going to be able to hire her for what they were proposing, which was at least $6/hour less.

No nanny has ever quit our job. We have fired some. I am not going to prepare for a contingency that has never happened - that someone voluntarily leaves us wihout it being a mutual decision.

Anonymous wrote:I would refuse to give reference letters every six months. We do a performance review every year, and those can serve as a written record of recommendation if nanny wishes. When she moves on, I'll both write her a letter and speak to any future employers on her behalf.

Of course, I also can't imagine getting angry or refusing to provide a good reference just because nanny wants to move on. That's silly.

It is indeed silly. More than one nanny here has learned the hard way, that some employers are unfortunately not so honest.

I would refuse to give reference letters every six months. We do a performance review every year, and those can serve as a written record of recommendation if nanny wishes. When she moves on, I'll both write her a letter and speak to any future employers on her behalf.

Of course, I also can't imagine getting angry or refusing to provide a good reference just because nanny wants to move on. That's silly.

Why would anyone refuse?

Anonymous wrote:Nannies must insist on regular reference letters at least every six months, if not every three months. You never know how your trusted family will suddenly turn evil and vindictive when you give notice. If they seem hesitant, there's your red flag. RUN!

This is really the only way for nannies to protect themselves from disgruntled MBs.

Following essential proceedures can help mitigate the risk of an irresponsible ex-employer not wanting to give an accurate reference.