I’ve learned that, no matter how your family system is set up, clear communication is key. The specifics—whether it’s $75 or $200 a week, or unlimited berries—don’t matter. What’s important is clearly explaining how things work in your home. You need to manage your au pair and set expectations because being clear is being kind.

Take time to think about what you want and communicate it directly. It’s your home, and you’re in charge—take ownership of that. For example, if she eats the vegetables from dinner without asking, let her know that those were intended for the meal and that you need to discuss how to avoid this in the future. The first time it happens, it’s understandable—she may not have known. But if it continues after you've clearly explained the situation, then it's a different issue.

So, take time to think about what works best for you—and remember, you can always change your mind. As you learn and adapt, feel free to adjust your approach. After all, when we know better, we do better.

Dear dcurbanmom.com administrator, Keep the good content coming!

Our favorite au pair was addicted to Hebrew National hotdogs (she called them sausages). It was clearly the cheapest food expenditure out of our 6. We would just buy a big package at Costco and she would go through them, eating 4 or more a week. She otherwise ate what was in our fridge. She wasn't the greatest cook but she was so sweet and mastered the grilled cheese sandwich and pasta with butter and parm that my daughter craved at the time, quite quickly. Fond memories!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP eats what we eat. We provide 3 meals a day and give a small supplementary stipend. If you don't like our food, that's on you. When I did study abroad, that's the way it worked for me with my host family in Madrid.

if you don't like it, you shouldn't have said yes to everything when I went through a detailed discussion on diet and food with you during interviews.

I too did a year-long study abroad in college in Salamanca. My (2)host families never once asked me what I ate. They served the family 3 meals a day. They only asked is that I give them notice if I planned to eat out.

When I was in high school my family hosted 2 exchange students, one from Brazil and one from Belgium. Same rules.

And that makes sense. Yet there are too many on this forum who are willing to flame any HF who aren't willing to roll the charmin for their au pairs. My suspicion is that these HFs have never lived with a host family abroad

What 50 years ago you are spam? Roll into the 21st.

Anyway you’re too poor or too stingy to provide an AP cultural and family experience. Hire a babysitter

There is plenty of food available in our home and we cook. WE do not run an eatery. Nor will we fund one. That's just it. Have fun being a line order cook

I know this is an old thread but the issue seems current. We are an experienced HF and never had any food issues. We ask our au pair what we should get when we go shopping and we frequently get requests for things that we typically do not buy, like flavored yogurt or salami. We do not provide 3 “meals” a day. We provide groceries: eggs, milk, bread, fruit, vegetables, meat, some prepared meals (like tortellini, or stuffed peppers from Costco). We occasionally cook, but DH and I work full time and frequently just snack in the evenings. We are always upfront about this arrangement. And never had issues. We have never given a food stipend. That being said, we spend ~$600/week on food for a family of 5.

Anonymous wrote:This is so pathetic.imagine these young women all like hurray going to America and end up with you povvos counting blueberries. You’re too stingy or poor for an au pair!

I think the inspection of living premises and your incomes should be mandatory to host

You think this is income based? It's not. It's cultural. When we are told we need to make sure the au pair has room and board, an American family does not equate this to "buy them whatever food they want to eat and provide them a room with an en suite bathroom". If this is now the case, this needs to be more clear in the host family agreement because it's not the typical understanding.

When you go to college and you pay for "Room and Board", you are getting a cellblock like room with one other person and dining hall food. It's not anywhere near the living conditions of a home with an unchecked grocery list.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP eats what we eat. We provide 3 meals a day and give a small supplementary stipend. If you don't like our food, that's on you. When I did study abroad, that's the way it worked for me with my host family in Madrid.

if you don't like it, you shouldn't have said yes to everything when I went through a detailed discussion on diet and food with you during interviews.

I too did a year-long study abroad in college in Salamanca. My (2)host families never once asked me what I ate. They served the family 3 meals a day. They only asked is that I give them notice if I planned to eat out.

When I was in high school my family hosted 2 exchange students, one from Brazil and one from Belgium. Same rules.

And that makes sense. Yet there are too many on this forum who are willing to flame any HF who aren't willing to roll the charmin for their au pairs. My suspicion is that these HFs have never lived with a host family abroad

What 50 years ago you are spam? Roll into the 21st.

Anyway you’re too poor or too stingy to provide an AP cultural and family experience. Hire a babysitter

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP eats what we eat. We provide 3 meals a day and give a small supplementary stipend. If you don't like our food, that's on you. When I did study abroad, that's the way it worked for me with my host family in Madrid.

if you don't like it, you shouldn't have said yes to everything when I went through a detailed discussion on diet and food with you during interviews.

I too did a year-long study abroad in college in Salamanca. My (2)host families never once asked me what I ate. They served the family 3 meals a day. They only asked is that I give them notice if I planned to eat out.

When I was in high school my family hosted 2 exchange students, one from Brazil and one from Belgium. Same rules.

And that makes sense. Yet there are too many on this forum who are willing to flame any HF who aren't willing to roll the charmin for their au pairs. My suspicion is that these HFs have never lived with a host family abroad

Do you think it's cultural? I mean it's only in the US where people make "kid food" and "kids menus" so they apply the same concept to au pairs?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AP eats what we eat. We provide 3 meals a day and give a small supplementary stipend. If you don't like our food, that's on you. When I did study abroad, that's the way it worked for me with my host family in Madrid.

if you don't like it, you shouldn't have said yes to everything when I went through a detailed discussion on diet and food with you during interviews.

I too did a year-long study abroad in college in Salamanca. My (2)host families never once asked me what I ate. They served the family 3 meals a day. They only asked is that I give them notice if I planned to eat out.

When I was in high school my family hosted 2 exchange students, one from Brazil and one from Belgium. Same rules.

And that makes sense. Yet there are too many on this forum who are willing to flame any HF who aren't willing to roll the charmin for their au pairs. My suspicion is that these HFs have never lived with a host family abroad

Anonymous wrote:AP eats what we eat. We provide 3 meals a day and give a small supplementary stipend. If you don't like our food, that's on you. When I did study abroad, that's the way it worked for me with my host family in Madrid.

if you don't like it, you shouldn't have said yes to everything when I went through a detailed discussion on diet and food with you during interviews.

I too did a year-long study abroad in college in Salamanca. My (2)host families never once asked me what I ate. They served the family 3 meals a day. They only asked is that I give them notice if I planned to eat out.

When I was in high school my family hosted 2 exchange students, one from Brazil and one from Belgium. Same rules.

This is so pathetic.imagine these young women all like hurray going to America and end up with you povvos counting blueberries. You’re too stingy or poor for an au pair!

I think the inspection of living premises and your incomes should be mandatory to host

Can you clear out one of the bins in the refrigerator and designate it for her food? Just be up front and say you need to do that for planning purposes. And if that bin is getting low, send her to the grocery with some money to refill her bin. (You want some parameters around this-- like you give her a shopping list and only when you ask--otherwise, who knows what expensive items she'll add on these runs!)

I miss our first AP. She was truly adventurous and was willing to try and embrace whatever we cooked. We chatted in great length about us being an Indian family so our food would be spicy, but we could lessen it for her. She was all in and thought she was lucky to be able to experience Indian cuisine as a bonus. It was false advertising because after her, it was APs who would only eat frozen chicken nuggets

We are a family of 5 and have an AP so we have 6 people in our household. We spend about $300 on groceries each week. We buy plenty of fruits, chicken, fish, meat, snacks, dairy, etc. This makes breakfast, lunch and dinners for the week. We go out to a restaurant on Friday nights.

On top of the groceries available in our fridge, we let our AP spend $50/week on what she wants that were not included in our weekly grocery shopping.

Anonymous wrote:AP eats what we eat. We provide 3 meals a day and give a small supplementary stipend. If you don't like our food, that's on you. When I did study abroad, that's the way it worked for me with my host family in Madrid.

if you don't like it, you shouldn't have said yes to everything when I went through a detailed discussion on diet and food with you during interviews.

Oh my goodness. So much of this. I am livid at "yes I eat anything" to "I only eat x y and z and you must buy me x"