Anonymous
08/01/2020 22:38
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Agree no big deal.
Anonymous
08/01/2020 22:34
Subject: Re:Husband in his boxers
They are adults. All of us. Our last AP was less than 10 years younger than him/me. You’re all so tightly wound.
Anonymous
08/01/2020 18:51
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:Sorry not sorry. It’s our house and we are not being inappropriate. These things happen. And as a person who has had many roommates in my 20s I can confidently say I saw 90% naked or partially clothed at some point. Au pairs are grown women and can deal with a glimpse of schlong or boob. Our second one (who got married and lives 20 minutes away) jokes about it. It’s not creepy because it’s not deliberate!!!
He’s deliberately walking around naked when he knows there’s another adult woman in the house who doesn’t want to see his teeny todger. Your DH is not her roommate, he’s her employer. If my boss “inadvertently” exposed himself to me I’d be horrified and embarrassed to be around him. If it happened multiple times, I’d be going to HR.
Anonymous
08/01/2020 16:48
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Sorry not sorry. It’s our house and we are not being inappropriate. These things happen. And as a person who has had many roommates in my 20s I can confidently say I saw 90% naked or partially clothed at some point. Au pairs are grown women and can deal with a glimpse of schlong or boob. Our second one (who got married and lives 20 minutes away) jokes about it. It’s not creepy because it’s not deliberate!!!
I think what people are pouting out is that your husband is consciously or unconsciously getting off on indecent exposure to a young girl, and you are enabling him. It’s not normal, it creates a hostile working environment, and is potentially a red flag in your marriage.
Enabling here is the operative word. What else does your husband do that you choose to ignore or laugh off?
Anonymous
08/01/2020 14:29
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:Sorry not sorry. It’s our house and we are not being inappropriate. These things happen. And as a person who has had many roommates in my 20s I can confidently say I saw 90% naked or partially clothed at some point. Au pairs are grown women and can deal with a glimpse of schlong or boob. Our second one (who got married and lives 20 minutes away) jokes about it. It’s not creepy because it’s not deliberate!!!
I think what people are pouting out is that your husband is consciously or unconsciously getting off on indecent exposure to a young girl, and you are enabling him. It’s not normal, it creates a hostile working environment, and is potentially a red flag in your marriage.
Anonymous
07/31/2020 19:49
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:Sorry not sorry. It’s our house and we are not being inappropriate. These things happen. And as a person who has had many roommates in my 20s I can confidently say I saw 90% naked or partially clothed at some point. Au pairs are grown women and can deal with a glimpse of schlong or boob. Our second one (who got married and lives 20 minutes away) jokes about it. It’s not creepy because it’s not deliberate!!!
Live-in nanny here.
Yeah no. It’s disturbing how cavalier you are. Your attitudes is one of the (many) reasons I require a 14-28 trial period, and I wish APs had the same.
Anonymous
07/31/2020 19:05
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Sorry not sorry. It’s our house and we are not being inappropriate. These things happen. And as a person who has had many roommates in my 20s I can confidently say I saw 90% naked or partially clothed at some point. Au pairs are grown women and can deal with a glimpse of schlong or boob. Our second one (who got married and lives 20 minutes away) jokes about it. It’s not creepy because it’s not deliberate!!!
Anonymous
07/31/2020 13:35
Subject: Re:Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:We actually have a family joke about similar...that all of the Au Pairs will eventually see my husband's junk.
First AP: Walked into the bathroom as my husband was getting out of the shower (it's a "jack and jill" set up and he had forgotten to lock the public side)
Second AP: Middle of the night, she is walking to the upstairs bathroom as husband is walking out, he is unclothed
Third AP: Camping trip and husband is peeing behind a tree and she comes around the side of it
We are on the 4th now and so far she's been spared. I mean, you are living like family 24/7. You're bound to see each other in awkward positions which includes nudity. I walk around without my pants on in the mornings before work sometimes (well, I used to...when I went into the office)....
Your and your H's attitude is too cavalier. He can do better. He's definitely getting something out of it.
Anonymous
07/31/2020 13:25
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm a host dad of 7 APs and I've never been caught in my underwear in the house, ever.
My most embarrassing moment probably was falling asleep on the couch in the family room and our AP came in with a friend after a night of partying. I was out cold with TV on.
I was mortified and it never happened again.
+1. My husband also take this very seriously. PP should be respectful of their APs.
Exactly. DH is secretly enjoying this
Anonymous
07/31/2020 12:13
Subject: Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:I'm a host dad of 7 APs and I've never been caught in my underwear in the house, ever.
My most embarrassing moment probably was falling asleep on the couch in the family room and our AP came in with a friend after a night of partying. I was out cold with TV on.
I was mortified and it never happened again.
+1. My husband also take this very seriously. PP should be respectful of their APs.
Anonymous
07/31/2020 11:44
Subject: Re:Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:We actually have a family joke about similar...that all of the Au Pairs will eventually see my husband's junk.
First AP: Walked into the bathroom as my husband was getting out of the shower (it's a "jack and jill" set up and he had forgotten to lock the public side)
Second AP: Middle of the night, she is walking to the upstairs bathroom as husband is walking out, he is unclothed
Third AP: Camping trip and husband is peeing behind a tree and she comes around the side of it
We are on the 4th now and so far she's been spared. I mean, you are living like family 24/7. You're bound to see each other in awkward positions which includes nudity. I walk around without my pants on in the mornings before work sometimes (well, I used to...when I went into the office)....
That's disgusting, and you should be embarrassed.
I lived with my previous roommate for four years. Do you know how many times we saw each other naked? ZERO. I shared an apartment with four women in college (4 women, 2 bathrooms) - we also saw each other naked zero times. I lived in a house with 4 women - shared a bathroom hallway with 2 of them. How many times did we see each other naked? ZERO.
Anonymous
07/31/2020 11:03
Subject: Husband in his boxers
I'm a host dad of 7 APs and I've never been caught in my underwear in the house, ever.
My most embarrassing moment probably was falling asleep on the couch in the family room and our AP came in with a friend after a night of partying. I was out cold with TV on.
I was mortified and it never happened again.
My most embarrassing moment probably was falling asleep on the couch in the family room and our AP came in with a friend after a night of partying. I was out cold with TV on.
I was mortified and it never happened again.
Anonymous
07/31/2020 03:37
Subject: Re:Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:We actually have a family joke about similar...that all of the Au Pairs will eventually see my husband's junk.
First AP: Walked into the bathroom as my husband was getting out of the shower (it's a "jack and jill" set up and he had forgotten to lock the public side)
Second AP: Middle of the night, she is walking to the upstairs bathroom as husband is walking out, he is unclothed
Third AP: Camping trip and husband is peeing behind a tree and she comes around the side of it
We are on the 4th now and so far she's been spared. I mean, you are living like family 24/7. You're bound to see each other in awkward positions which includes nudity. I walk around without my pants on in the mornings before work sometimes (well, I used to...when I went into the office)....
The fact that you joke about your APs being exposed to your husband Genitalia is grim!
Living together doesn’t mean being automatically subjected to nudity. You made a choice to open your house to someone, the least you can do is make sure you don’t expose your genitalia to them by being dressed appropriately at all times.
I hope your husband will be as keen on your daughter(s)/kid(s) being casually exposed to random men‘s genitalia, if she ever end up sharing any kind of space with them, because that’s both hilarious and appropriate.
Please don’t brush off men, being too lazy to throw on a pair of joggers or closing the door as casual and acceptable behavior.
Anonymous
07/30/2020 15:00
Subject: Re:Husband in his boxers
We actually have a family joke about similar...that all of the Au Pairs will eventually see my husband's junk.
First AP: Walked into the bathroom as my husband was getting out of the shower (it's a "jack and jill" set up and he had forgotten to lock the public side)
Second AP: Middle of the night, she is walking to the upstairs bathroom as husband is walking out, he is unclothed
Third AP: Camping trip and husband is peeing behind a tree and she comes around the side of it
We are on the 4th now and so far she's been spared. I mean, you are living like family 24/7. You're bound to see each other in awkward positions which includes nudity. I walk around without my pants on in the mornings before work sometimes (well, I used to...when I went into the office)....
First AP: Walked into the bathroom as my husband was getting out of the shower (it's a "jack and jill" set up and he had forgotten to lock the public side)
Second AP: Middle of the night, she is walking to the upstairs bathroom as husband is walking out, he is unclothed
Third AP: Camping trip and husband is peeing behind a tree and she comes around the side of it
We are on the 4th now and so far she's been spared. I mean, you are living like family 24/7. You're bound to see each other in awkward positions which includes nudity. I walk around without my pants on in the mornings before work sometimes (well, I used to...when I went into the office)....
Anonymous
07/20/2020 12:29
Subject: Re:Husband in his boxers
Anonymous wrote:To be clear - the AP has never expressed she is uncomfortable. She has a good relationship with him. I can only assume it is embarrassing for her as well. I don't mean to defend his actions but it is not predatory behavior- just not realizing that a man in his boxers is not something a young girl wants or needs to see.
I appreciate all of the responses - I completely agree it as to stop and will explain to him why it is a bigger deal then he understands.
We've hosted for a long time and have really great relationships with all of our previous au pairs so I promise we aren't monsters. Thanks to everyone for weighting in.
Think of the power dynamics at play. Your ap is not going to come forward about this. be the responsible person and shwo your husband this thread.