Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 19:59     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.


OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.


Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!


It's OP's house and she pays the mortgage!


And the room promised to the AP is hers for the year.

These are the same posters who wonder why they can’t match.


Yeah, People like you also wonder how Au pairs become so entitled.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 19:32     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
New poster here- To you it’s s guest room or a basement room, but to the AP it’s her private space where she can escape and have down time. All her private belongings are in the room. It’s really not okay. You should move yourself to the guest room.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 17:32     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No.
Not ok.

If the bathroom situation is not acceptable for your visiting family, put them up in a hotel for the duration of their stay.


OP here. What is not ok about that? Please elaborate. Not every family can afford hotels!! Also it is not just about the bathroom. it doesn’t make sense to have 3 people cramped in a small bedroom while au pair is alone in a huge apartment. This will be for 1-2 weeks.


Then maybe you can't afford childcare!

Have you considered displacing YOURSELF instead of your AP? Of course not!

Damn, you are a self centered piece of work!


It's OP's house and she pays the mortgage!


And the room promised to the AP is hers for the year.

These are the same posters who wonder why they can’t match.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 15:51     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Everyone should take a deep breath! PPs are reacting as if OP asked AP to sleep in a room with no window or heating! This is totally normal in many cultures and if the AP is from South America for example, she will probably understand this better than a European AP.
Op, talk to your AP and go from there, your house your rules!



Exactly. I once had a (very mediocre) AP give us a hard time when our new AP was arriving. She had originally offered to sleep in the guest room, and let the new AP sleep in the AP room. THen when we brought it up, she said she no longer feels comfortable with that and she is worried about her privacy. We told the outgoing AP that she is not the only one giving up privacy--and that having 4 adults in the home impacts all of our privacy. We ultimately let things stay as they were because DH and I decided that we would much rather have the new AP in the guest room on our level with us for a few days than the outgoing AP.

what a brat! she offered it, no?




Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 15:09     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:Everyone should take a deep breath! PPs are reacting as if OP asked AP to sleep in a room with no window or heating! This is totally normal in many cultures and if the AP is from South America for example, she will probably understand this better than a European AP.
Op, talk to your AP and go from there, your house your rules!



Exactly. I once had a (very mediocre) AP give us a hard time when our new AP was arriving. She had originally offered to sleep in the guest room, and let the new AP sleep in the AP room. THen when we brought it up, she said she no longer feels comfortable with that and she is worried about her privacy. We told the outgoing AP that she is not the only one giving up privacy--and that having 4 adults in the home impacts all of our privacy. We ultimately let things stay as they were because DH and I decided that we would much rather have the new AP in the guest room on our level with us for a few days than the outgoing AP.




Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 14:32     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:I agree it’s a bad idea especially if for 1-2 weeks!

If you ask she will say yes because it is your house and does she actually genuinely have the freedom to say no? Of course not, so I wouldn’t ask.

She is used to having her private quarters, having to live in close proximity to the children at all times (meaning being woken up or kept up by them in the morning or at night) when she is used to having her personal space (and you yours) might seriously alter/sour your relationship. I wouldn’t risk it.

If you want her to feel like a part of your family, then treat her like she is. Your sister is the one visiting and if she doesn’t have the budget for an hotel then she should adapt to the space available (I wouldn’t expect someone to give up their room for me and my children if I was to visit somewhere, including family).

I would be uncomfortable with someone I don’t know having access to my space and my things (unless you expect your AP to move all of her things out of her space which would be extremely uncomfortable) and it would make me feel very out of place to have to ask permission to enter my room to retrieve items I have left there and would make me feel very much like a guest in my own house, which I think would be worse for an AP.

Don’t do it.

Either have your sister kids sleep in the guest room and your sister in the living room or help them budget for an Airbnb/hotel.



Yes she could say no and rematch if not happy. We have an au pair and we regularly do Home exchange. I.e. when we all go on vacation a family we never met come to stay in our house (including AP’s bedroom) and we all go and stay in another (usually different) family house. We usually take our private stuffs from the bedroom and put some else. We have never had any AP complain about this, APs actually love having their own room while on vacation. My only advice to OP: put it in your handbook for next time. We are clear in ours that we do HomeExchange and AP must cooperate!
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 13:44     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Everyone should take a deep breath! PPs are reacting as if OP asked AP to sleep in a room with no window or heating! This is totally normal in many cultures and if the AP is from South America for example, she will probably understand this better than a European AP.
Op, talk to your AP and go from there, your house your rules!
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 13:32     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand your dilemma, but don’t do it. Yes, AP will agree, but it might impact your relationship. It will underscore that it is your house, and AP is just a “guest” there. You say AP quarters are “apartment”. If there is a separate living/sitting/game room there that currently primarily used by AP (in addition to her private bedroom), putting a mattress on the floor there is a fair game. Depending on how the space is organized people on that mattress might get access to APs bathroom. Also putting a mattress in the family/living room of the house should be fine.

Many years ago, my husband and I visited my aunt with a baby. They invited us. To make room for us she made her adult son (my cousin) move into their home office (that had a sofa bed). I did not realize that arrangement until we arrived. I never was close to my cousin, but it was extremely uncomfortable for me, the entire stay, and talking to the cousin at breakfasts/meals. I felt like I was intruding on him, as he was not part of the decision to invite us. And that was only 2 days!

You can afford childcare. Your house might not be big enough to host 4 extra people comfortably for 2 weeks. “Comfortably” is a key word here. There is no shame in that. It is a lot of extra people to host for a long time. After that incident with my aunt I never stay at relatives home when I travel (there are 5 or 6 of us now depending if you count AP), and yes that scaled down amount of traveling we do.

In general: you reduce comfort for traveling people and people who made decision that the travel happens. You don’t reduce comfort of adults that are not part of the decision making.



It. is. not. AP's. house.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 12:34     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:Yet another item to put in the handbook and discuss clearly before bringing on the AP.

Luckily I have no extra room(s) and AP shares the same 1 bathroom in the house with me and my daughter and any visiting family hers or mine). Simple life is so much easier.


+1, thanks for the suggestion. I will add this to my handbook and discuss this during matching and safe myself any drama.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 11:47     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
OP here, thanks for all feedback! I like the idea of asking my LCC. She is actually pretty good and down to earth.

I usually plan my visitors (very rarely) when I am transitioning between au pair so we never had this issue and it is not going to happen often but I will make sure I write this in my handbook for the next au pair!

As for people doubting of the size of my basement: it is basic math. My basement has the same foot print as my 2nd floor, however my 2nd floor has 3 bedrooms and 2 bathroom while basement has one huge bedroom + decent living space + bathroom. It is that simple but choose to ignore that if you want!

Lastly I would be asking the same thing if it was my niece or my kid staying in the basement, so it is not about this being the au pair, it is about what makes sense for MY family in this circonstances.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 11:20     Subject: Re:Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:I think its funny how your basement sounds bigger than the rest of your house..............


I think OP is exaggerating and just wants her sister to have the basement at the expense of the AP. I find is very hard to believe that with a full basement apartment, OP only has 2 bedrooms upstairs and one bath.

OP also doesn't want to hear no. She just wants validation that its OK to treat the AP like an unwelcome guest in the home.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 11:16     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:Yet another item to put in the handbook and discuss clearly before bringing on the AP.

Luckily I have no extra room(s) and AP shares the same 1 bathroom in the house with me and my daughter and any visiting family hers or mine). Simple life is so much easier.


Yes, but do you kick the AP out of her room when your guest visits for 2 weeks?
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 10:39     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Yet another item to put in the handbook and discuss clearly before bringing on the AP.

Luckily I have no extra room(s) and AP shares the same 1 bathroom in the house with me and my daughter and any visiting family hers or mine). Simple life is so much easier.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 10:30     Subject: Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:Op, We have done something similar where family stayed in au pair room while she was on vacation. There was two days overlap when au pair stayed in the guest bedroom before family left. It wasn’t a big deal for her and I think this will depends on the type of au pair you have.
Also in my handbook I do mention that we might switch room if needed as I usually host lot of family for the holidays. I think as long as au pair has her own bed room you are not breaking any rule and you are ok (again it also depend from your au pair attitude). Good luck!


Two days is massively different than one to two WEEKS.

OP, if you can't afford a hotel, they should look into AirBnbs.
If you absolutely must do this to your au pair, I'd give her extra money. After all, you're saving on the cost of a hotel room.

I'm a very private person and wouldn't want to have strangers in my room for two weeks, especially not children who will naturally get into a lot of my things.
Anonymous
Post 01/05/2020 10:11     Subject: Re:Temporary changing au pair room?
Anonymous wrote:I think its funny how your basement sounds bigger than the rest of your house..............


Agreed. There’s two bedrooms and one bath in the main portion of the house, yet there’s a full apartment in the other? Only in a duplex could I see this being true.