So your other kid is going to be gone for a full two weeks?

Anonymous wrote:Our au pair has been with us for 10 months and we’ve had a very good relationship. Our eldest dc is at sleepaway camp for a month this summer and one of dc’s cousins (who is the same age as our middle dc, 8) is coming to visit and stay with us for 2 weeks. AP knows the cousin pretty well and has spend time with him over the past 10 months. She said she has no problem watching cousin along with our other 2 kids, and it’s not any “more” work for her than usual
Because one of our kids is away.

Well, ap apparently talked to a friend who in her words “freaked out” about ap watching the cousin and now ap is saying she doesn’t think she should do it because it is against the rules. Never mind that the kids are going to camp until 4pm so “watching” the kids is hanging out with them in our pool, helping with dinner and bedtime, and possibly babysitting 1-2 nights while the cousin is here. Wwyd? AP is working significantly less than usual hours, basically 3-4 hours/day, and is taking several long weekends/vacations this month. I’ve definitely noticed shes gotten a little lazy recently and I know she’s looking forward to going home (though she does still seem happy here and loves our kids).

How do you all handle aps watching other kids, especially family members?

You need to run this through the agency. She might be freaked out because it's against the rules and she could get or run into trouble. Her hours might be less but there's double responsibility by watching the cousin.

APs need to stand their ground re: "job creep." This is discussed frequently on the nanny board.

No extra kids she did not sign up for!

Nope, wonderful, sensible, financial advice.

Anonymous wrote:Just put the AP on full evening duty -- 4 til 9 -- if you feel you are not getting your money's worth.

Really, you should have thought about this before spending $$$ on camp when you already have a full-time sitter.

Yeah, do not enrich your child’s life when you are already paying $200/week for a full time sitter! Oy, terrible advice, PP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can't have play dates at home with the AP?

OP talk to your coordinator and find out if this ok... for yourself.

Technically...no. See question 2 in this FAQ

https://help.culturalcare.com/family/knowledge-base/department-of-state-regulations/

For those who can't log on:

From the Cultural Care Website FAQ, Question 2:

Q. Can my au pair care for kids other than my own (i.e., children who are over for a play date)?
A. No, au pairs are only permitted to care for the children of their host family.

Thank you!! As a former au pair I had a disagreement with my host family who tried to force me to have play dates. Soon all the other parents just dropped kids at our house and expected me to watch them. Never offered to take my host kids for play date at their house while my hours would still be counting as working. I rematched over that and my second host family never made me host play dates without other au pair/nanny being there with other kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So kids can't have play dates at home with the AP?

OP talk to your coordinator and find out if this ok... for yourself.

Technically...no. See question 2 in this FAQ

https://help.culturalcare.com/family/knowledge-base/department-of-state-regulations/

For those who can't log on:

From the Cultural Care Website FAQ, Question 2:

Q. Can my au pair care for kids other than my own (i.e., children who are over for a play date)?
A. No, au pairs are only permitted to care for the children of their host family.

Anonymous wrote:So kids can't have play dates at home with the AP?

OP talk to your coordinator and find out if this ok... for yourself.

Technically...no. See question 2 in this FAQ

https://help.culturalcare.com/family/knowledge-base/department-of-state-regulations/

Your AP is right. This is against the rules and you cannot force her to do it. If you do not believe me, ask your LCC. It is true that many host families (and APs) break the rules, but that typically happens based on a mutual agreement.

Anonymous wrote:This is grey area. You can’t tell her she must watch the cousin because she is working for you and is there to watch your kids. Not your nephew’s. For those talking about playdates it works the same. You can’t make her to watch other kids if she doesn’t feel comfortable.

+1
Yes, it's done all the time. I don't think there is anything in the DOS program regulations that officially forbids it either (there might be something in the contract you signed with the agency though), however... the program does make it somewhat clear that you are hiring your AP to watch your children. You can't open a daycare in your home, dump half a dozen of your neighbor's children on your AP and tell her to watch them as part of the program. Which I think we can all agree about. And then there are the grey areas, starting with playdates, carpooling and ending with best friends spending the night or cousins spending a week(end).

Most APs will at some point watch children they were not hired to watch. The problem starts where they stop being comfortable with it. Either because of the number of children, the specific child or because of the duration. I doubt the AP in this case would mind if cousin came over to play every other Monday. Watching him for two weeks is different tough (synergies change with time).

Anonymous wrote:What is your safety concern? Ap knows this cousin. Cousin doesn’t have any medical issues and is the same age and ability as one of my kids. When cousin is in my home he follows my family rules. Period.

My safety concerns would be that sometimes two 8 year olds get into more trouble together than alone. Dynamics change.
What if cousin doesn't follow your family rules? Will she be allowed to discipline him as she does yours? What if he decides he doesn't have to listen to her because she is not his AP and she is not his mom/aunt/granny/...?
Cousin might not have any medical issues at the moment but what if something happens while AP is watching him? Say he doesn't listen, runs into the street and gets hit by a car? She loses track of him at the pool and he drowns? He has his first allergical reaction to a bee sting? He chokes on his hot dog? She picks them up from camp, they get hit by a car, cousin gets injured? Yes, none of this is likely to happen but what if? Especially insurance wise. There will not be a question on if she was supposed to watch your children because that's what she was hired to do... but what about him? What if something happens while she is in his care? Would it be her responsibility? Because she was supposed to watch him? Or yours? Because it was on you to take care of him, AP shouldn't have but you dumped him on her?

Thing is, he is not your child. Not by birth, not by adoption, he's not even officially a foster child. Legally that might make a difference. And you might want to find out in howfar it does before you agree to anything. Call your LCC. Call the main office. Heck, call DOS. But make sure you know you (and AP) are in the clear when you agree to this.

Would I have done it? Yes, I would have and I did (though the cousin that was added to the mix was a bit older, 13/14, and my main area of care was always the baby anyhow... the rest of the kids ((pre)teens) were supposed to be alive and accounted for but if they cut each others hair while I wasn't looking it was on them not me). Did I mind? No, I didn't. Did I (legally) have to? I doubt it. My LCC would most likely not have cared (she didn't care about us and our well-being much in general) but if something had happened on my duty I am sure somebody would have been in trouble and all I know is that it would not have been the cousin. I have no idea if it would have fallen back on my, my HF or the aunt though. And for two weeks? If that were my children? I'd make sure I knew what I might be getting into.

So kids can't have play dates at home with the AP?

OP talk to your coordinator and find out if this ok... for yourself.

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone pay for camp when you are already paying for an AP? Ridiculous!

AP *is* your camp! She takes them to the community pool, for goodness sake.

I have my kids in half day camp. (not the OP). 45 hours would not cut it for us with the kids being home all day, 5 days a week.

Just put the AP on full evening duty -- 4 til 9 -- if you feel you are not getting your money's worth.

Really, you should have thought about this before spending $$$ on camp when you already have a full-time sitter.

We are rule-followers, and I'm not sure this is really against the rules. APs can watch other kids for play dates. They cannot be paid by other parents to work beyond their normal 45 hours or to supervise additional children.
I would call your LCC. Larlo is at sleep away camp, so we have Larli staying with us for two weeks. They are at daycamp, so AP is on the schedule from 4-7 M-F right now. Is it against the program rules for her to watch Larli along with my children?"

I realize it's a protracted play-date scenario, but it doesn't add up to a lot of time, and it's not a permanent change for the family. It falls into the category of "give and take". If AP has ever had an extra day off or other perk, she has benefited from this agency philosophy.

Why would anyone pay for camp when you are already paying for an AP? Ridiculous!

AP *is* your camp! She takes them to the community pool, for goodness sake.