Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it sounds dangerous to leave your children with her in the morning, that is enough for a rematch. But you need to be clear in matching that you need AP to on from 6:39a-6:30p. That is a long day, and I understand that she gets a break while the kids are in school, but it is barely a break as she can’t go enjoy herself at a museum or do something fun, she basically has to go wait to pick up the kids.

Anonymous wrote:We have early mornings in our house for both parents, then both kids are in school, one finishes at 1:00 and the other at 3:00. School is about a 10 minute walk. One parent gets home about 5:00, the other about 6:30.

We had wanted an au pair to help with mornings as they are chaotic and the kids don't need to be up and out the door as early as we are. The plan was OP would help with mornings, take them to school, pick them up at 1:00 and 3:00 and help with the kids while parent gets dinner ready and then be off duty.

Turns out OP is not a morning person at all. She is like a moody teen in the morning, half awake and just in a fog. She is a night owl and swears she goes to bed earlier but can't sleep. Her help in the mornings actually became more of a burden then a help and we ended up doing everything anyways as she is just too sleepy to move the kids along. She started staying in bed longer and longer. Eventually I just left her there as she really wasn't helping anyways and it was just more stressful. NO amount of meetings or conversations seemed to help as she feels she is just biologically programmed this way. It has now gotten to the point that I just drop the kids off at school on my way out the door as she is usually still schlepping around in her pajamas with her eyes half shut buttering the same English muffin for 5 minutes and it annoys me so much I just take the kids and get out of the house. By afternoon, she is awake and fine - not fantastic but fine. No issues with the rest of the day.

The other day, she didn't even get up and we just went through our routine just like we did before the AP. In some ways it was almost easier and less stressful as i wasn't irritated that she was doing so little and since I was doing everything anyways, it wasn't anymore work.

Yet at the same time, the person I am paying to help is sleeping at a time when her help (if it was actual help) would be part of the reason why we got an AP. Should I just leave it or is it worth the battle?

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Thanks all.

We do not wake the kids up! The younger one is up at 6:30 and the older one by 7:00 at the latest. They wake up on their own.

I like to leave 6:45 and my spouse leaves anywhere between 6:30 and 7:00. The kids can rattle around on their own for a bit so we have kind of agreed she will start at 7:00. That seems to feel more doable to her than 6:30. It means I wait until she is up to leave as I want to be sure she is on her feet and with the kids so I leave a little later.

The last few days she has been up by 7:00. Groggy, and mostly non verbal... but I have just been leaving as soon as I see she is up and the kids have been at school on time and with clothes on as far as I know!