I hope your “on call” aupair has a wonderful “vacation”

Anonymous wrote:OK, we've brought au pairs to Disney World and to California under identical circumstances (to be nice, they wanted to come, we only had them work something like 7 hours over a week, etc), and not only did they have to share a room, all five of us crammed in the same room together.

And guess what? It was great. It 100% depends on the au pairs, but with these two, they were thrilled to have the opportunity to travel. It was very sweet - the one au pair sent us a post card from California to our trip thanking us for inviting us along.

We always make it clear that it is completely up to the au pair whether they join us or not, and if they do want to come, they are going to have to share a room. And it's been totally fine.

+1

Take the pearl clutchers with a grain of salt.

I have hosted 9 au pairs and taken all but three on a trip with us. When possible, I will get a separate room for them (airbnb, beach house). Most of them have shared accommodations with us, (pull out couch bed, sleep in same room). I am a single host mom, so it's just me and my two kids. No one has cared or complained...they were ecstatic to come along at all (Aruba, FL, CA, Arizona, Cruise)

For the OP, we took our AP on a Royal Caribbean cruise.
One kid liked the kids club, one did not. Would not stay in it. Be prepared to have this situation. The pools require potty trained kids, no swim diapers.
She joined us happily on port days to the beach and to dinner. We did one night without kids and she took them to the buffet dinner while I went to the fancy place.

Set expectations upfront.
Go over the schedule of the ship, which you should have in advance. Specify days and times you need her and go over EVERYTHING in advance.
If she is happy to share with MIL, then that's perfect.
I got a separate cabin for mine and she spent a lot of time in ours anyway. You don't spend much time in the cabins on the cruise anyway. Mostly to change and sleep.

OK, we've brought au pairs to Disney World and to California under identical circumstances (to be nice, they wanted to come, we only had them work something like 7 hours over a week, etc), and not only did they have to share a room, all five of us crammed in the same room together.

And guess what? It was great. It 100% depends on the au pairs, but with these two, they were thrilled to have the opportunity to travel. It was very sweet - the one au pair sent us a post card from California to our trip thanking us for inviting us along.

We always make it clear that it is completely up to the au pair whether they join us or not, and if they do want to come, they are going to have to share a room. And it's been totally fine.

We are really only bringing ap along because she seemed interested and it’s a nice thing to do.

Except for those *few* times we need her for potty training gone bad, kids club not so fun, spa trip, naps...

My kids are 3, 5 and 8 and I have no doubt will love the kids club. My only hesitation is my 3yo is still working on potty training (he is but he needs reminding) and their club is struck about them not needing any help with the toilet. I know my older two will watch out for him but it’s hard to know. The only time I can see needing her beyond dinners (again, if we are at the fancy restaurant and the kids aren’t in the club) is if dh and I want to go to the spa or something and the kids aren’t in the club. I will “schedule” her to work certain times but most likely we won’t need her to, unless a kid is really tired and needs to sleep and we have plans to be out. Dh and I have no problem spending time with our kids and intend to do as much of that as we can on the cruise. We are really only bringing ap along because she seemed interested and it’s a nice thing to do.

Kudos to OP for wanting to do something nice for her AP. I think some of us on this board have been burned by doing something nice for an AP and it blows up and turns into a situation where we will think twice before doing it again. The person who looses out is the next AP who will not get the same generous offer because of a previous AP.

OP, we don't know your situation, your family dynamics, your AP temperament and maturity level etc. I think some of us here just want to give you a heads up to possible mine fields that we've unfortunately have experienced. If you're lucky, you will not have any of it.

+1 from someone who has been burned.

Anonymous wrote:We are really only bringing ap along because she seemed interested and it’s a nice thing to do.

Kudos to OP for wanting to do something nice for her AP. I think some of us on this board have been burned by doing something nice for an AP and it blows up and turns into a situation where we will think twice before doing it again. The person who looses out is the next AP who will not get the same generous offer because of a previous AP.

OP, we don't know your situation, your family dynamics, your AP temperament and maturity level etc. I think some of us here just want to give you a heads up to possible mine fields that we've unfortunately have experienced. If you're lucky, you will not have any of it.

My kids are 3, 5 and 8 and I have no doubt will love the kids club. My only hesitation is my 3yo is still working on potty training (he is but he needs reminding) and their club is struck about them not needing any help with the toilet. I know my older two will watch out for him but it’s hard to know. The only time I can see needing her beyond dinners (again, if we are at the fancy restaurant and the kids aren’t in the club) is if dh and I want to go to the spa or something and the kids aren’t in the club. I will “schedule” her to work certain times but most likely we won’t need her to, unless a kid is really tired and needs to sleep and we have plans to be out. Dh and I have no problem spending time with our kids and intend to do as much of that as we can on the cruise. We are really only bringing ap along because she seemed interested and it’s a nice thing to do.

OP, I think it is really nice that you are bringing your AP on a cruise! She sounds like a mature AP with whom you have a nice relationship. I do have to say that reading the above description, you do have a lot of "ifs" which is perfectly normal given having three kids your kids' ages. It doesn't sound like you are going to be able to give your AP a clear schedule before you get on the cruise, find out about the camps, the potty training, the spa schedule, the dinner schedule, etc. I think you should have a talk with AP and describe the above to her. Basically, she may only "work" 10 hours the entire week, but you aren't positive, you aren't entirely sure when those 10 hours will fall, so that you really need her to be flexible and "on call" for the times you need her to be with one or more kids.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the Disney cruise advice and idea of setting a curfew. I will tell her that she and mil need to set one and I don’t see any issue with her abiding by it, as I said she’s not a partier.

My kids are 3, 5 and 8 and I have no doubt will love the kids club. My only hesitation is my 3yo is still working on potty training (he is but he needs reminding) and their club is struck about them not needing any help with the toilet. I know my older two will watch out for him but it’s hard to know. The only time I can see needing her beyond dinners (again, if we are at the fancy restaurant and the kids aren’t in the club) is if dh and I want to go to the spa or something and the kids aren’t in the club. I will “schedule” her to work certain times but most likely we won’t need her to, unless a kid is really tired and needs to sleep and we have plans to be out. Dh and I have no problem spending time with our kids and intend to do as much of that as we can on the cruise. We are really only bringing ap along because she seemed interested and it’s a nice thing to do.

It sounds like you're trying to do a nice thing, which is great. Can you put the 3-year-old in a pull-up in the club, just to be safe? Also-- did you say you're staying in the 2-bedroom suite? If so, you're concierge and can have fancy dinners delivered to your room. Could you do that and have grandma, au pair and kids eat in the dining room? They try to make it fun for kids in there. Or, have grandma eat dinner with the kids on deck, where there's always a movie playing. Truthfully there's really not much else for the au pair to do at that time: no casino, no real clubs (the club scene is non-existent on Disney) so if she's not with your family she's likely hanging out by herself.

Thanks for the Disney cruise advice and idea of setting a curfew. I will tell her that she and mil need to set one and I don’t see any issue with her abiding by it, as I said she’s not a partier.

My kids are 3, 5 and 8 and I have no doubt will love the kids club. My only hesitation is my 3yo is still working on potty training (he is but he needs reminding) and their club is struck about them not needing any help with the toilet. I know my older two will watch out for him but it’s hard to know. The only time I can see needing her beyond dinners (again, if we are at the fancy restaurant and the kids aren’t in the club) is if dh and I want to go to the spa or something and the kids aren’t in the club. I will “schedule” her to work certain times but most likely we won’t need her to, unless a kid is really tired and needs to sleep and we have plans to be out. Dh and I have no problem spending time with our kids and intend to do as much of that as we can on the cruise. We are really only bringing ap along because she seemed interested and it’s a nice thing to do.

There likely won't be many people her age on board, so I wouldn't sell her on the idea that she'll make a lot of friends.

I know it's off topic, but why would a 20 year old voluntarily go on a Disney Cruise when she could have a week off to do what she wants with her friends? SMH

Just a few things. I've not taken an AP on a cruise but I've been on several Disney cruises. There likely won't be many people her age on board, so I wouldn't sell her on the idea that she'll make a lot of friends. Disney has some kind of meet up for young people but on at least one of our cruises it was cancelled because no one showed.
As for excursions, you book them in advance. So if you're not booking anything, she won't know what she's missing.
I don't know how old your kids are but they'll likely have a blast in the club. And unless you're doing the upscale dining every night (Palo/Remy), you'll all be dining together , at one table, at your assigned dining time (unless you're planning to skip those and just do quick service, but this is part of what you're paying the Disney prices for).

Also, it's sad that doing something really nice (& expensive) for the AP is a cause for such concern.

Yes, since it is already expensive, why not just get AP her own room and avoid any potential fall out?

The only suggestion I have is that she and your MIL agree in advanced on any "curfew" so neither is too inconvenienced.

+1 Among other roommate types of issues that can quickly turn a vacation sideways. My MIL complaining about my AP is definitely not my idea of a vacation.

Everyone please untwist your panties.

Interesting. You are the one posting in all caps and a bunch of exclamation points and question marks, but we should untwist our panties? You are the one who sounds dramatic about this. OP asked for advice. As with many of these posts, there are the people who fall on the "follow the rules and avoid trouble later" fence and those who don't and everything in between. Does OP wants advice? Maybe she actually has it all figured out and wants everyone to sing her praises for bringing her AP on a cruise. I don't know. But if you don't want to read a variety of responses/advice/opinions to a question, then perhaps posting your question on an open forum isn't the best place.