Children are not "fine" with revolving door nannies, if it happens to often. Know your own child.

Anonymous wrote:Op,

You are taking this way too personally. The reality is that there is always one family that a nanny prefers in a share. Also 3 kids with the older one going to preschool means more money for the nanny. Just let it go and move on. It's funny because this is generally the kind of thing that upsets mom's more than dads. I have seen lots if families find good nannies when the previous nanny moves, etc. You will get through this and your son will be fine.

There are multiple disturbing assumptions in this post.

Op,

You are taking this way too personally. The reality is that there is always one family that a nanny prefers in a share. Also 3 kids with the older one going to preschool means more money for the nanny. Just let it go and move on. It's funny because this is generally the kind of thing that upsets mom's more than dads. I have seen lots if families find good nannies when the previous nanny moves, etc. You will get through this and your son will be fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given the weather I called the nanny the other day. I just told her how I felt really disappointed that she and the other family would not be transparent about starting a new share that we would not be a part of, but I understand that for her it would be more money with four kids (2 infants, 2 preschoolers) and stability for her employment. I truly don't know if she is selling me a bill of goods, but I believe her that she felt out on the spot and wanted another job. I asked why she would work for a stranger she had never met rather than my wife and me. She said she would try to help us find another nanny. We have always been transparent about LO being on our work child care wait list but the chances of LO getting in are extremely low. I have to say I feel like there must have been something we done to be treated this way and wonder how long they have been deciding this move. If they had just been honest with us, it wouldn't be so hard, but these are three adults I trusted with my LO. Maybe we will luck out and find a spot in a preschool with extended after care, maybe we will do an au pair. Right now I just really feel lousy. My wife said to think of it as a positive, move on and be the bigger person. I really want to tell the other family how I feel but I know I won't as I don't want any conflict for my wife or son.

Wait, I'm confused. You said that the current share is your child and another toddler. New share will be the other toddler, same family's infant and a neighbor with an infant. Where is the other toddler coming from?

OP is a troll. The story has been inconsistent and patchy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Given the weather I called the nanny the other day. I just told her how I felt really disappointed that she and the other family would not be transparent about starting a new share that we would not be a part of, but I understand that for her it would be more money with four kids (2 infants, 2 preschoolers) and stability for her employment. I truly don't know if she is selling me a bill of goods, but I believe her that she felt out on the spot and wanted another job. I asked why she would work for a stranger she had never met rather than my wife and me. She said she would try to help us find another nanny. We have always been transparent about LO being on our work child care wait list but the chances of LO getting in are extremely low. I have to say I feel like there must have been something we done to be treated this way and wonder how long they have been deciding this move. If they had just been honest with us, it wouldn't be so hard, but these are three adults I trusted with my LO. Maybe we will luck out and find a spot in a preschool with extended after care, maybe we will do an au pair. Right now I just really feel lousy. My wife said to think of it as a positive, move on and be the bigger person. I really want to tell the other family how I feel but I know I won't as I don't want any conflict for my wife or son.

Wait, I'm confused. You said that the current share is your child and another toddler. New share will be the other toddler, same family's infant and a neighbor with an infant. Where is the other toddler coming from?

Anonymous wrote:OP, I just have to say she isn't that smart to take on two babies AND two preschoolers, and those parents are even more stupid. The children will not all be well cared for, and she'll be going nuts. The older ones will be watching the idiot box much of the time. Two babies are hard enough for one person. Give it two months and she'll be begging to come back to you. I guarantee you.

I'm sorry she agreed to let this happen to you. It's really shitty of her. She must be really hard up for the extra money, is all I can imagine. Hugs and good luck to your family.

Not only could I handle that job, I would LOVE that dynamic.

OP, I just have to say she isn't that smart to take on two babies AND two preschoolers, and those parents are even more stupid. The children will not all be well cared for, and she'll be going nuts. The older ones will be watching the idiot box much of the time. Two babies are hard enough for one person. Give it two months and she'll be begging to come back to you. I guarantee you.

I'm sorry she agreed to let this happen to you. It's really shitty of her. She must be really hard up for the extra money, is all I can imagine. Hugs and good luck to your family.

MB here - I totally get your feelings OP and I don't agree with other posters who are advocating a "so what" kind of attitude. You seem reasonable and of course you're not going to go stirring up trouble but I just wanted to validate that many people would feel betrayed or blindsided as you do. This is one of the issues with a share (and I say this as someone with multiple kids who has done both individual nannies and shares). We had a similar share partner for awhile and although they weren't bad people per se they were clearly very selfish and several times they put us and/or our nanny in an awkward situation. We were always very transparent with them about our plans and any upcoming possible changes but one day they rather abruptly ended the share because their daughter had gotten into daycare. Totally understandable on one hand to pursue a different option, but we and our nanny wondered why they hadn't at least told us it might be a possibility since clearly they had been on the waiting list for some time. It left us in a bad spot scrambling to cover our nanny's wages and left her feeling really insecure that her income might suddenly drop. Anyway, I'm saying all of this to say that just like in life some people are more comfortable being open and taking the risk while others want to act more secretive and try to line everything up in their interest. Sounds like your partners were the latter and sometimes there's no way to know until it's too late. Sorry this happened to you and hopefully the next time around you'll have better luck!

OP here, we can't match the pay for four kids so we can't counter offer the nanny. How this was handled really lacked integrity and basic decency. Moving on. Thanks for letting me vent.

OP here. Given the weather I called the nanny the other day. I just told her how I felt really disappointed that she and the other family would not be transparent about starting a new share that we would not be a part of, but I understand that for her it would be more money with four kids (2 infants, 2 preschoolers) and stability for her employment. I truly don't know if she is selling me a bill of goods, but I believe her that she felt out on the spot and wanted another job. I asked why she would work for a stranger she had never met rather than my wife and me. She said she would try to help us find another nanny. We have always been transparent about LO being on our work child care wait list but the chances of LO getting in are extremely low. I have to say I feel like there must have been something we done to be treated this way and wonder how long they have been deciding this move. If they had just been honest with us, it wouldn't be so hard, but these are three adults I trusted with my LO. Maybe we will luck out and find a spot in a preschool with extended after care, maybe we will do an au pair. Right now I just really feel lousy. My wife said to think of it as a positive, move on and be the bigger person. I really want to tell the other family how I feel but I know I won't as I don't want any conflict for my wife or son.

I agree it is really crappy to join a share and then kick the original family out. Bad karma for your mean share family.
I do not think the nanny has done wrong though in accepting what is likely to be a longer term gig unless you are somehow willing to match it.

Anonymous wrote:OP, did you already talk with the nanny about your feelings? Ask her to meet you at a coffee shop.

OP?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you have every right to be upset at the situation. Your only option is to offer the nanny a job and find a new share with her and pay her the full salary till you can find a share. She was probably told take it or leave it and was concerned how you would react and just agreed. It sounds like a crappy job if she's going to have to shag two newborns to drop off/pick up the older child. Talk to her and see if there is any way to keep her. The family should have found a new nanny... they are really crappy.

Why wouldn't they use they nanny they know and love? OP can make an offer to the nanny and she can choose. There is no ownership here.