New poster. You would not be firing the nanny; she abandoned her job. Even if you could be deemed to have fired her, you did so because she went absent without notice or permission, not because of the so-called domestic disturbance. At minimum, a responsible nanny would have found some way to reach you to say that she couldn't come in due a personal crisis--even if she was not in a position to elaborate over the phone.

At any rate, the fact that she has had you advance money multiple times suggests that her life is not stable. She is in over her head in some way that is either caused by or could lead to bad decision making. My guess is that someone (maybe the ex?) was shaking her down for money and got in trouble for being unable to pay when her paycheck was late. So she lied to you, possibly under pressure from the ex or someone else. This is a desperate person, and you don't want desperate in your home or with your kids.

Look I'm not some defender of this nanny, who I also suspect is playing fast and loose with the facts, and not saying it's a great law, I was just trying to warn OP that her obligation might be bigger than she thinks.

In NYC at least nannies also get some protections, and you definitely can't fire your nanny because she has a crazy ex boyfriend out there somewhere. Mind you I would want to fire that nanny too. I was just flagging this as something OP needs to educate herself on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP, I got a call from a detective this afternoon notifying me that the nanny went to the station "to report domestic disturbance" and based on what the nanny reported it's not enough to charge the EX with anything. The detective also told me I can't fire an employee for not coming to work due to domestic issues.

First of all, I have never heard of a cop call an employer to try to save someone's job. Second of all, a cop can't tell anyone who or who not to fire.

Last but not least! I think at this point I don't need to fire the nanny. I feel she abandoned her job! She should have had a way to contact me.

You are SO WRONG. There are employment protections for domestic abuse victims.

An employer who fires or penalizes an employee because she is a victim of domestic violence or because she takes steps to address domestic violence may be violating the law under several theo- ries of liability: (1) discrimination based on domestic violence in violation of new laws protecting domestic violence vic- tims; (2) discrimination based on sex in violation of traditional sex discrimina- tion laws; or (3) wrongful discharge in violation of public policy.

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/crjpp_employmentprotectionfordomesticviolencevictims_may-june2004.pdf

So if my boyfriend and I have domestic issues can I just not show up to work for 1, 2, 3 4, weeks but still have my job and still be paid? If so I'm in !!

Look up the law in your state. Some places they have to pay you while you're on leave, some places they don't.

Who is on leave ? She hasn't asked for leave . Also she is a domestic employee who knows of these laws even apply. Op contact a employment lawyer

That assumes you have to ask for leave in advance to qualify under these laws.

But does op have to provide paid leave ? If so for how long. These laws sound crazy who would hire a nanny if they potentially had to pay one that doesn't show up for 6 months because her boyfriend stole her car and phone. If that was the case wackos all over would become nannies just to screw over hard working people looking for childcare. Op doesn't have a company with thousands of people and an HR person to deal with this.

I agree it's extremely fishy OP. No detective will contact an employer when a case hasn't even been opened. Detectives don't do social work on behalf of victims. You are being had (or there is an attempt being made at least.)

Clearly you will not be having this nanny back in your house.

There is no criminal documentation. There was no notice given to you by your employee. There has been no contact from her since her plea for you to send cash.

Trust your instincts.

If you want to take an unassailable high road you can give severance. I don't think it's necessary, but it would certainly extremely limit any suggestion that you could be in any way in the wrong. (WHich of course you aren't.)

I would get as far as possible from any further interaction with this individual. And i would have as little as possible discussion with her.

"Dear Anne, As you failed to report for work this week, or to notify us of your absence, we take this as abandonment of your job. We appreciate the care you provided in your employment with us, and in consideration of that we are enclosing a check for the equivalent of one week's pay. If you need a reference for future employment we will be glad to verify the length of your tenure, hours, and level of compensation. We will mail your possessions to you. We wish you the best."

What a crazy, and alarming scenario OP!! Thank goodness you can keep her away from your kids. I think you should even consider the possibility that you may need to contact the authorities yourself if she attempts to maintain contact with you. I would be worried about putting up a major firewall between her and my family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP, I got a call from a detective this afternoon notifying me that the nanny went to the station "to report domestic disturbance" and based on what the nanny reported it's not enough to charge the EX with anything. The detective also told me I can't fire an employee for not coming to work due to domestic issues.

First of all, I have never heard of a cop call an employer to try to save someone's job. Second of all, a cop can't tell anyone who or who not to fire.

Last but not least! I think at this point I don't need to fire the nanny. I feel she abandoned her job! She should have had a way to contact me.

You are SO WRONG. There are employment protections for domestic abuse victims.

An employer who fires or penalizes an employee because she is a victim of domestic violence or because she takes steps to address domestic violence may be violating the law under several theo- ries of liability: (1) discrimination based on domestic violence in violation of new laws protecting domestic violence vic- tims; (2) discrimination based on sex in violation of traditional sex discrimina- tion laws; or (3) wrongful discharge in violation of public policy.

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/crjpp_employmentprotectionfordomesticviolencevictims_may-june2004.pdf

So if my boyfriend and I have domestic issues can I just not show up to work for 1, 2, 3 4, weeks but still have my job and still be paid? If so I'm in !!

Look up the law in your state. Some places they have to pay you while you're on leave, some places they don't.

Who is on leave ? She hasn't asked for leave . Also she is a domestic employee who knows of these laws even apply. Op contact a employment lawyer

That assumes you have to ask for leave in advance to qualify under these laws.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP, I got a call from a detective this afternoon notifying me that the nanny went to the station "to report domestic disturbance" and based on what the nanny reported it's not enough to charge the EX with anything. The detective also told me I can't fire an employee for not coming to work due to domestic issues.

First of all, I have never heard of a cop call an employer to try to save someone's job. Second of all, a cop can't tell anyone who or who not to fire.

Last but not least! I think at this point I don't need to fire the nanny. I feel she abandoned her job! She should have had a way to contact me.

You are SO WRONG. There are employment protections for domestic abuse victims.

An employer who fires or penalizes an employee because she is a victim of domestic violence or because she takes steps to address domestic violence may be violating the law under several theo- ries of liability: (1) discrimination based on domestic violence in violation of new laws protecting domestic violence vic- tims; (2) discrimination based on sex in violation of traditional sex discrimina- tion laws; or (3) wrongful discharge in violation of public policy.

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/crjpp_employmentprotectionfordomesticviolencevictims_may-june2004.pdf

So if my boyfriend and I have domestic issues can I just not show up to work for 1, 2, 3 4, weeks but still have my job and still be paid? If so I'm in !!

Look up the law in your state. Some places they have to pay you while you're on leave, some places they don't.

Who is on leave ? She hasn't asked for leave . Also she is a domestic employee who knows of these laws even apply. Op contact a employment lawyer

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP, I got a call from a detective this afternoon notifying me that the nanny went to the station "to report domestic disturbance" and based on what the nanny reported it's not enough to charge the EX with anything. The detective also told me I can't fire an employee for not coming to work due to domestic issues.

First of all, I have never heard of a cop call an employer to try to save someone's job. Second of all, a cop can't tell anyone who or who not to fire.

Last but not least! I think at this point I don't need to fire the nanny. I feel she abandoned her job! She should have had a way to contact me.

You are SO WRONG. There are employment protections for domestic abuse victims.

An employer who fires or penalizes an employee because she is a victim of domestic violence or because she takes steps to address domestic violence may be violating the law under several theo- ries of liability: (1) discrimination based on domestic violence in violation of new laws protecting domestic violence vic- tims; (2) discrimination based on sex in violation of traditional sex discrimina- tion laws; or (3) wrongful discharge in violation of public policy.

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/crjpp_employmentprotectionfordomesticviolencevictims_may-june2004.pdf

So if my boyfriend and I have domestic issues can I just not show up to work for 1, 2, 3 4, weeks but still have my job and still be paid? If so I'm in !!

Look up the law in your state. Some places they have to pay you while you're on leave, some places they don't.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, does domestic abuse = domestic disturbance? It seems like the nanny told the cops a different story from what she told me. Stolen car, propery damage and break in are all felonies.

She must have told the cops a different story. The nanny does not even have a police report. All I got was " X was here to report domestic disturbances but it was not enough to charge the ex-boyfriend. She was afraid you would fire her but I told her you can't fire her due to a domestic disturbance issue." I told the cop from what I gather there is more than just domestic disturbance. The cop told me that if X or a friend provided more information he could charge.

This whole scenario is just too fishy. I don't know if this is a cop friend or something.

I get that the cop isn't a lawyer, but I would guess based on what he does know about the law, he thinks it falls into whatever DV victim protection your jurisdiction has. If he's a friend all the more likely there's a police report substantiating a claim consistent with the cop's understanding of the protection law in your jurisdiction, right?

Anonymous wrote:OP here, does domestic abuse = domestic disturbance? It seems like the nanny told the cops a different story from what she told me. Stolen car, propery damage and break in are all felonies.

She must have told the cops a different story. The nanny does not even have a police report. All I got was " X was here to report domestic disturbances but it was not enough to charge the ex-boyfriend. She was afraid you would fire her but I told her you can't fire her due to a domestic disturbance issue." I told the cop from what I gather there is more than just domestic disturbance. The cop told me that if X or a friend provided more information he could charge.

This whole scenario is just too fishy. I don't know if this is a cop friend or something.

Do you have someone who can give you legal advice ? Find out if you have to keep her and for how long. Are you paying her for these 4 days ? You shouldn't if you don't legally have to. I would want her out of my life. But I would be scared to fire for fear of a lawsuit. My advice document everything.

OP here, does domestic abuse = domestic disturbance? It seems like the nanny told the cops a different story from what she told me. Stolen car, propery damage and break in are all felonies.

She must have told the cops a different story. The nanny does not even have a police report. All I got was " X was here to report domestic disturbances but it was not enough to charge the ex-boyfriend. She was afraid you would fire her but I told her you can't fire her due to a domestic disturbance issue." I told the cop from what I gather there is more than just domestic disturbance. The cop told me that if X or a friend provided more information he could charge.

This whole scenario is just too fishy. I don't know if this is a cop friend or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP, I got a call from a detective this afternoon notifying me that the nanny went to the station "to report domestic disturbance" and based on what the nanny reported it's not enough to charge the EX with anything. The detective also told me I can't fire an employee for not coming to work due to domestic issues.

First of all, I have never heard of a cop call an employer to try to save someone's job. Second of all, a cop can't tell anyone who or who not to fire.

Last but not least! I think at this point I don't need to fire the nanny. I feel she abandoned her job! She should have had a way to contact me.

You are SO WRONG. There are employment protections for domestic abuse victims.

An employer who fires or penalizes an employee because she is a victim of domestic violence or because she takes steps to address domestic violence may be violating the law under several theo- ries of liability: (1) discrimination based on domestic violence in violation of new laws protecting domestic violence vic- tims; (2) discrimination based on sex in violation of traditional sex discrimina- tion laws; or (3) wrongful discharge in violation of public policy.

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/crjpp_employmentprotectionfordomesticviolencevictims_may-june2004.pdf

So if my boyfriend and I have domestic issues can I just not show up to work for 1, 2, 3 4, weeks but still have my job and still be paid? If so I'm in !!

IDK what "gray area" you're thinking of but I know of two feminist nonprofits that absolutely love to bring these cases any chance they get.

Better resource on employer obligations

http://www.jacksonlewis.com/resources-publication/employer-obligations-employees-who-are-victims-domestic-violence

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the OP, I got a call from a detective this afternoon notifying me that the nanny went to the station "to report domestic disturbance" and based on what the nanny reported it's not enough to charge the EX with anything. The detective also told me I can't fire an employee for not coming to work due to domestic issues.

First of all, I have never heard of a cop call an employer to try to save someone's job. Second of all, a cop can't tell anyone who or who not to fire.

Last but not least! I think at this point I don't need to fire the nanny. I feel she abandoned her job! She should have had a way to contact me.

You are SO WRONG. There are employment protections for domestic abuse victims.

An employer who fires or penalizes an employee because she is a victim of domestic violence or because she takes steps to address domestic violence may be violating the law under several theo- ries of liability: (1) discrimination based on domestic violence in violation of new laws protecting domestic violence vic- tims; (2) discrimination based on sex in violation of traditional sex discrimina- tion laws; or (3) wrongful discharge in violation of public policy.

http://www.ncdsv.org/images/crjpp_employmentprotectionfordomesticviolencevictims_may-june2004.pdf

She would be firing her for failure to report to work perform her duties as a nanny.

Also there's a huge gry area when it comes to nannies you can't force someone to let a certain person care for their kids.

I'm starting to doubt this story a little anyway. I doubt a cop would have any kind of conversation with the OP about the situation.

I don't know what the right answer is.

I feel for the nanny, but at the same time OP has to think about the safety of her own kids and family.

What if the ex shows up to OP's house?

I would give nanny some severance and notice and move on.