Anonymous
09/11/2015 21:38
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Child is 18 months. How long is reasonable for a nanny to leave a child alone? I am the parent and thought it was a safety hazard to leave the child alone at all, though I realize the nanny has to use the bathroom and needs privacy for that. We have a nanny cam (which the nanny is aware of) so I can see the nanny leaves the child for 10-15 minutes at a time. It seems to be a regular occurrence most mornings. If it was rare, I would assume perhaps the nanny had an upset stomach, but it is becoming more regular. I'm also unsure how to bring this up with the nanny other than "I see you're leaving my child alone for 10-15 minutes" and having it come across as accusatory.
10 mins seems long to me. At least be in the same room watching the child. 18 mos can be adventurous and quite mobile!
Anonymous
09/11/2015 21:06
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't leave a 5 yr old unattended for 10 minutes
My 5 yr old plays outside with the neighborhood kids for as long as 30min unattended. I have very confident and aware kids.
I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's amazing how much responsibility a child can take on when given the chance to gain confidence and pride in themselves. I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
"I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's heartbreaking to see what children from desperately poor families in third world countries have to endure even at such an early age to survive. I realized how blessed my kids are for not having to work in fields alone as toddlers to support their family. On the other hand, I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
I fixed it for you. you are welcome.
You need to get out more.
I'm from Germany and think American children are infantized way too long.
Anonymous
09/11/2015 17:46
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
I just wonder what she's doing / if she can see the child during those 15 minutes.
Now, for a 5 year old, that's different. I'm reading "Ramona the Pest" by Beverly Cleary to my 5-year-old, and there is a part where Ramona and Howie's mothers decide it is time for these two five-year-olds to walk to Kindergarten by themselves. The book seems to be set in Portland, OR - and was published in 1968. How things have changed! It was normal back then.
My son asked why he can't walk to kindergarten by himself. I said his school was farther away that Ramona's and he would have to cross a busier street. This might be true or might not be true. I have no intention of letting him walk to kindergarten by himself, but it made me sad that I do not. I would like to give him that responsibility and have him be proud of it the way that Ramona and Howie were in the book. Maybe when he is in middle school...
Now, for a 5 year old, that's different. I'm reading "Ramona the Pest" by Beverly Cleary to my 5-year-old, and there is a part where Ramona and Howie's mothers decide it is time for these two five-year-olds to walk to Kindergarten by themselves. The book seems to be set in Portland, OR - and was published in 1968. How things have changed! It was normal back then.
My son asked why he can't walk to kindergarten by himself. I said his school was farther away that Ramona's and he would have to cross a busier street. This might be true or might not be true. I have no intention of letting him walk to kindergarten by himself, but it made me sad that I do not. I would like to give him that responsibility and have him be proud of it the way that Ramona and Howie were in the book. Maybe when he is in middle school...
Anonymous
09/11/2015 09:33
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Another perspective here: As someone who suffers with IBS, I often spend about 15 minutes in the bathroom. And it's usually at the same time every day. If you're uncomfortable you should definitely talk to her, but since you mentioned that it happens at the same time each day it could be some kind of bathroom problem. If there are other problems and you suspect that she is neglecting your child frequently, it may be something different, but if you like everything else about her and are just worried about a period of 15 minutes each day (around the same time) then I suspect it's possible for it to be something personal with her body. So while I am not saying to NOT talk to her, just keep in mind that it could potentially be an embarrassing thing for her to talk about. I leave my charges alone for about 15 minutes while I'm in the bathroom. They are always in their play area, which is fully child proofed. I won't leave the bathroom door opened even a little bit due to cameras in the house. My employers have never said anything to me, but honestly? I would be embarrassed if I had to explain my bathroom problems to them. At the same time though, I'd also understand why they were asking me. Just my 2 cents.
I fully support the IBS issue and would not care if you were on the toilet for 15 minutes, but as a parent I would be concerned my kids were unsupervised for that long. We all have those issues at times. I would put a small PNP/bouncy seat/activity center by the door so I could see and hear my child at all times.
That could work if there weren't a dozen cameras in the house. When my charge was young (heck, even now) he haaaaated to be left alone and insisted on accompanying me. Sometimes I'd encourage him to play in his room where I could see him with the door cracked, and sometimes he would insist on playing on the bathroom floor. It was exhausting trying to use the toilet while supervising a toddler, so I think your suggestion of a playpen or bouncy seat would be perfect - but OP has to make sure there are no cameras even remotely pointed that direction.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 20:45
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't leave a 5 yr old unattended for 10 minutes
My 5 yr old plays outside with the neighborhood kids for as long as 30min unattended. I have very confident and aware kids.
I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's amazing how much responsibility a child can take on when given the chance to gain confidence and pride in themselves. I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
There is not a chance I'd allow a 5 year old to be unattended for 30 minutes alone. That is neglect.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 20:44
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Another perspective here: As someone who suffers with IBS, I often spend about 15 minutes in the bathroom. And it's usually at the same time every day. If you're uncomfortable you should definitely talk to her, but since you mentioned that it happens at the same time each day it could be some kind of bathroom problem. If there are other problems and you suspect that she is neglecting your child frequently, it may be something different, but if you like everything else about her and are just worried about a period of 15 minutes each day (around the same time) then I suspect it's possible for it to be something personal with her body. So while I am not saying to NOT talk to her, just keep in mind that it could potentially be an embarrassing thing for her to talk about. I leave my charges alone for about 15 minutes while I'm in the bathroom. They are always in their play area, which is fully child proofed. I won't leave the bathroom door opened even a little bit due to cameras in the house. My employers have never said anything to me, but honestly? I would be embarrassed if I had to explain my bathroom problems to them. At the same time though, I'd also understand why they were asking me. Just my 2 cents.
I fully support the IBS issue and would not care if you were on the toilet for 15 minutes, but as a parent I would be concerned my kids were unsupervised for that long. We all have those issues at times. I would put a small PNP/bouncy seat/activity center by the door so I could see and hear my child at all times.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 20:25
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Thanks PP. I have a family member with IBS. I will try to be sensitive to whether this is an issue.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 17:32
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Another perspective here: As someone who suffers with IBS, I often spend about 15 minutes in the bathroom. And it's usually at the same time every day. If you're uncomfortable you should definitely talk to her, but since you mentioned that it happens at the same time each day it could be some kind of bathroom problem. If there are other problems and you suspect that she is neglecting your child frequently, it may be something different, but if you like everything else about her and are just worried about a period of 15 minutes each day (around the same time) then I suspect it's possible for it to be something personal with her body. So while I am not saying to NOT talk to her, just keep in mind that it could potentially be an embarrassing thing for her to talk about. I leave my charges alone for about 15 minutes while I'm in the bathroom. They are always in their play area, which is fully child proofed. I won't leave the bathroom door opened even a little bit due to cameras in the house. My employers have never said anything to me, but honestly? I would be embarrassed if I had to explain my bathroom problems to them. At the same time though, I'd also understand why they were asking me. Just my 2 cents.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 12:37
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
+1,000
Anonymous
09/10/2015 12:12
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't leave a 5 yr old unattended for 10 minutes
My 5 yr old plays outside with the neighborhood kids for as long as 30min unattended. I have very confident and aware kids.
I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's amazing how much responsibility a child can take on when given the chance to gain confidence and pride in themselves. I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
"I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's heartbreaking to see what children from desperately poor families in third world countries have to endure even at such an early age to survive. I realized how blessed my kids are for not having to work in fields alone as toddlers to support their family. On the other hand, I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
I fixed it for you. you are welcome.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 09:18
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't leave a 5 yr old unattended for 10 minutes
My 5 yr old plays outside with the neighborhood kids for as long as 30min unattended. I have very confident and aware kids.
I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's amazing how much responsibility a child can take on when given the chance to gain confidence and pride in themselves. I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
a 5 year old is very different than an 18 month old (but for whats its worth, I would leave a 5 year old alone for ten minutes)
I just thought the statement was preposterous.
My 9yr old is really itching for more independence. I'm starting to let him ride his bike up to a mile away. I know I'm doing the right thing when I see the absolute pride that shows on his face those first few times he returned home.giving them more rope really gives them a huge confidence boost and with my kids I can tell they want to "prove" themselves. It is sad and beautiful to watch their independence unfold.
again, totally irrelevant. we're talking about an 18 month old alone for 10-15 minutes while the caregiver does who knows what. we're not talking about a 5 or a 10 year old
Anonymous
09/10/2015 08:13
Subject: Re:Nanny Leaving Child Alone
I would certainly ask her about it, OP. I was the PP who has a nanny who does look in on my toddler every few minutes but is not seen on the bedroom camera (I can see her walking thru the playroom to know that she is checking on him but not disturbing his independent play). I also believe that a toddler needs to be checked on visually every few minutes although not disturbed or engaged.
Anonymous
09/10/2015 02:02
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
It seems she is doing something out of your vantage point that she doesn't want you to see.
I am thinking something along the lines of texting a friend, calling someone and/or going online to check her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.
Do you get the impression that she is leaving your child completely unattended in a separate room while she is occupied?? If that is the case, then talk to her NOW. Your child is too young to be left alone and unsupervised for that amount of time.
However if you have reason to believe she is still in the room, then perhaps she is encouraging some independent play for your child.
Playing with a child for the duration of her shift is a lot to ask, nanny may need a little respite and it is good for your child as well.
I am thinking something along the lines of texting a friend, calling someone and/or going online to check her Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc.
Do you get the impression that she is leaving your child completely unattended in a separate room while she is occupied?? If that is the case, then talk to her NOW. Your child is too young to be left alone and unsupervised for that amount of time.
However if you have reason to believe she is still in the room, then perhaps she is encouraging some independent play for your child.
Playing with a child for the duration of her shift is a lot to ask, nanny may need a little respite and it is good for your child as well.
Anonymous
09/09/2015 21:47
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Key is to know the child. That requires a huge investment of time, and I'm not referring to the fleeting moments of so-called quality time.
Anonymous
09/09/2015 21:39
Subject: Nanny Leaving Child Alone
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't leave a 5 yr old unattended for 10 minutes
My 5 yr old plays outside with the neighborhood kids for as long as 30min unattended. I have very confident and aware kids.
I used to live in Nairobi and when you'd get out into the countryside you'd see kids that appeared as young as 4 attending to animals in the field. It's amazing how much responsibility a child can take on when given the chance to gain confidence and pride in themselves. I don't think it is healthy to hover over our children as much as we do in this day and age. I see so many American kids (and parents) utterly terrified of the world around them.
a 5 year old is very different than an 18 month old (but for whats its worth, I would leave a 5 year old alone for ten minutes)
I just thought the statement was preposterous.
My 9yr old is really itching for more independence. I'm starting to let him ride his bike up to a mile away. I know I'm doing the right thing when I see the absolute pride that shows on his face those first few times he returned home.giving them more rope really gives them a huge confidence boost and with my kids I can tell they want to "prove" themselves. It is sad and beautiful to watch their independence unfold.