Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 16:12     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Holy drama, nannies! You all are FAR more bent out of shape about it than the actual real live nanny impacted by the change. It must be tough being you!


Just because she's chosen to be tactful and gracious towards OP does not mean she isn't upset! Of course she's trying to be nice; she's probably still hoping to get a decent reference, and trying to preserve her dignity. What possible good could come of her expressing her true feelings to the person who is willfully and without regret stabbing her in the back?

Any job can end at any time. There is no backstabbing involved since there was no commitment of lifetime employment.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 15:51     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:Holy drama, nannies! You all are FAR more bent out of shape about it than the actual real live nanny impacted by the change. It must be tough being you!


Just because she's chosen to be tactful and gracious towards OP does not mean she isn't upset! Of course she's trying to be nice; she's probably still hoping to get a decent reference, and trying to preserve her dignity. What possible good could come of her expressing her true feelings to the person who is willfully and without regret stabbing her in the back?
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 15:25     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Holy drama, nannies! You all are FAR more bent out of shape about it than the actual real live nanny impacted by the change. It must be tough being you!
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 14:48     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
You're a real piece of work OP. as others have said, what goes around comes around, and you will surely gets yours.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 14:46     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:A little dramatic, PPs. "Stab in the back"? Really? This is an epic betrayal, because her job is not going to last for however long she decides she wants it?

I'll be fine, thanks. My kids will be fine. Old nanny doesn't want to come back for a goodbye to kids because she doesn't want to say goodbye at all but instead wants to continue as weekend sitter or fill-in when we need it. That's as of an hour ago. She's had some time to cool down and is just spending the day getting resume updated and stuff. If she feels like she's been stabbed in the back she is hiding it well now.


She needed time to process, which you denied her when you failed to tell her on a Friday. Yes it is a stab in the back. You've given her 2 weeks of notice that her job is ending through no fault of her own, due fully to your own selfishness. Yes you can do what's best for your family but don't act like you didn't completely shaft her.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 13:31     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
I'm on a conf call. Plenty of time to type while listening.

We're all set. Former nanny seems fine now, on board with ongoing arrangement at her request, life goes on.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 13:29     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:A little dramatic, PPs. "Stab in the back"? Really? This is an epic betrayal, because her job is not going to last for however long she decides she wants it?

I'll be fine, thanks. My kids will be fine. Old nanny doesn't want to come back for a goodbye to kids because she doesn't want to say goodbye at all but instead wants to continue as weekend sitter or fill-in when we need it. That's as of an hour ago. She's had some time to cool down and is just spending the day getting resume updated and stuff. If she feels like she's been stabbed in the back she is hiding it well now.


For someone with a "major work project" today you sure have a lot of free time to check in here, OP.

Justify it to yourself however you want, YOU were the one who handled this poorly and expected too much. Your nanny still deserves at the very least this week paid, but judging by your lousy attitude towards the person who cared for your children this past 11.5 months, she won't be getting what she deserves.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 13:27     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm thinking best approach may just be to write her a check for the rest of this week and be done. It doesn't work for me to be left in limbo not knowing if she will show up to work the remaining days this week. New nanny can take over immediately (and is here today, saving my bacon as I have a major work project to do today).


You need to pay her for next week as well.


No, I don't "need" to pay her for next week if she's chosen not to come this week. I could decide to do so but it is by no means required.


No you don't "need" to, but you should. If you had done this properly, she would have had the weekend to process this stab to the back. You didn't give her that time, and you are dealing with the consequences. She is trying to process while you still expect her at work with a smile. Sorry, you can't have everything you want exactly how you want it. It sounds like you've been really fortunate in this situation by finding exactly the care and language opportunity you wanted for your son. acknowledge that and try to be worthy of it and not be a shitty person toward someone who doesn't deserve what you've done to her. This is a learning opportunity for you as an employer in how to treat your employees well. This new nanny is likely very aware of the fact that she has rare qualities that you really really want. She has you by the balls, and what goes around tends to come around. Treat your old nanny with some dignity and compassion, and pray that all of this was worth it.


+1000


Exactly!

And European languages aren't hard to find. If you want immersion, you get a native speaker, not someone with a degree in a second or third language, because they can't teach the nuances nearly as well as a native speaker.


Well super. You find me a native speaker, legal to work in the US, interested in our specific nanny job, but isn't an au pair, and I'll consider you a miracle worker. Until then, I'll content myself with a non-native speaker who has been speaking the language since 11, has lived in the country, has a degree in teaching the language, and has reference letters complimenting her unaccented speech.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 13:23     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
A little dramatic, PPs. "Stab in the back"? Really? This is an epic betrayal, because her job is not going to last for however long she decides she wants it?

I'll be fine, thanks. My kids will be fine. Old nanny doesn't want to come back for a goodbye to kids because she doesn't want to say goodbye at all but instead wants to continue as weekend sitter or fill-in when we need it. That's as of an hour ago. She's had some time to cool down and is just spending the day getting resume updated and stuff. If she feels like she's been stabbed in the back she is hiding it well now.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 13:21     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm thinking best approach may just be to write her a check for the rest of this week and be done. It doesn't work for me to be left in limbo not knowing if she will show up to work the remaining days this week. New nanny can take over immediately (and is here today, saving my bacon as I have a major work project to do today).


You need to pay her for next week as well.


No, I don't "need" to pay her for next week if she's chosen not to come this week. I could decide to do so but it is by no means required.


No you don't "need" to, but you should. If you had done this properly, she would have had the weekend to process this stab to the back. You didn't give her that time, and you are dealing with the consequences. She is trying to process while you still expect her at work with a smile. Sorry, you can't have everything you want exactly how you want it. It sounds like you've been really fortunate in this situation by finding exactly the care and language opportunity you wanted for your son. acknowledge that and try to be worthy of it and not be a shitty person toward someone who doesn't deserve what you've done to her. This is a learning opportunity for you as an employer in how to treat your employees well. This new nanny is likely very aware of the fact that she has rare qualities that you really really want. She has you by the balls, and what goes around tends to come around. Treat your old nanny with some dignity and compassion, and pray that all of this was worth it.


+1000


Exactly!

And European languages aren't hard to find. If you want immersion, you get a native speaker, not someone with a degree in a second or third language, because they can't teach the nuances nearly as well as a native speaker.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 13:17     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm thinking best approach may just be to write her a check for the rest of this week and be done. It doesn't work for me to be left in limbo not knowing if she will show up to work the remaining days this week. New nanny can take over immediately (and is here today, saving my bacon as I have a major work project to do today).


You need to pay her for next week as well.


No, I don't "need" to pay her for next week if she's chosen not to come this week. I could decide to do so but it is by no means required.


No you don't "need" to, but you should. If you had done this properly, she would have had the weekend to process this stab to the back. You didn't give her that time, and you are dealing with the consequences. She is trying to process while you still expect her at work with a smile. Sorry, you can't have everything you want exactly how you want it. It sounds like you've been really fortunate in this situation by finding exactly the care and language opportunity you wanted for your son. acknowledge that and try to be worthy of it and not be a shitty person toward someone who doesn't deserve what you've done to her. This is a learning opportunity for you as an employer in how to treat your employees well. This new nanny is likely very aware of the fact that she has rare qualities that you really really want. She has you by the balls, and what goes around tends to come around. Treat your old nanny with some dignity and compassion, and pray that all of this was worth it.


+1000
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 12:14     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm thinking best approach may just be to write her a check for the rest of this week and be done. It doesn't work for me to be left in limbo not knowing if she will show up to work the remaining days this week. New nanny can take over immediately (and is here today, saving my bacon as I have a major work project to do today).


You need to pay her for next week as well.


No, I don't "need" to pay her for next week if she's chosen not to come this week. I could decide to do so but it is by no means required.


No you don't "need" to, but you should. If you had done this properly, she would have had the weekend to process this stab to the back. You didn't give her that time, and you are dealing with the consequences. She is trying to process while you still expect her at work with a smile. Sorry, you can't have everything you want exactly how you want it. It sounds like you've been really fortunate in this situation by finding exactly the care and language opportunity you wanted for your son. acknowledge that and try to be worthy of it and not be a shitty person toward someone who doesn't deserve what you've done to her. This is a learning opportunity for you as an employer in how to treat your employees well. This new nanny is likely very aware of the fact that she has rare qualities that you really really want. She has you by the balls, and what goes around tends to come around. Treat your old nanny with some dignity and compassion, and pray that all of this was worth it.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 11:18     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm thinking best approach may just be to write her a check for the rest of this week and be done. It doesn't work for me to be left in limbo not knowing if she will show up to work the remaining days this week. New nanny can take over immediately (and is here today, saving my bacon as I have a major work project to do today).


You need to pay her for next week as well.


No, I don't "need" to pay her for next week if she's chosen not to come this week. I could decide to do so but it is by no means required.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 11:09     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. The intent was 2 week notice; one to do a wind-down here, one week paid but not reporting for work. I don't have the extra cash laying around to pay two weeks of full salary to two different people, so this was my best effort.

She has chosen not to come in tomorrow and "let me know" whether she'll be here Wed-Fri. I am somewhat surprised by this as she's always seemed to have a decent moral compass. If my boss told me I was laid off effective end of week, I wouldn't just not show up the next day. I'd tie up lose ends (maybe not with a smile, but I'd try) and leave gracefully.

I'm now trying to evaluate what the plan should be for compensation at separation. She is CHOOSING not to work when we asked her to finish this time.


Lying around not laying around. Aside from that, the manner in which you chose to tell her was wrong. What do you expect her to do? As stated earlier, you should have told her on Friday so she had time to process. Also, I do not believe the "obscure" language excuse. Sounds like you found a cheaper, illegal for a nanny. You get what you pay for.


Admittedly I've never been able to keep "lying around, lie down" etc. straight. It's my deep grammar character flaw, and I try to cope as best I can.

The "obscure language" is a European language. New nanny is a Wisconsin born US citizen and holds a teaching degree in the language. If I get what I pay for, apparently I'll get a wonderful nanny!



Anonymous
Post 06/16/2015 10:45     Subject: I gently informed nanny we're letting her go, and now I don't know if she'll show up tomorrow.
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm thinking best approach may just be to write her a check for the rest of this week and be done. It doesn't work for me to be left in limbo not knowing if she will show up to work the remaining days this week. New nanny can take over immediately (and is here today, saving my bacon as I have a major work project to do today).


You need to pay her for next week as well.