Anonymous wrote:The entire time, DD has been a PITA baby, and DS has been a mostly sweet, mostly easy baby.
Of course she has been a pain and he is sweet.
Sleeping and eating patterns seem to have been build around his (and mom's) needs. His needs are met, hers are not. You say she is not a picky eater but on the other hand you say she won't eat. She IS picky. You are just not listening to her. You are listening to him (by feeding him things he likes and will eat quickly and in great quantities) and forcing his likes on her by not also offering her food that she likes to eat. You say she doesn't nap well or not enough - he naps 2 1/2 hours at noon, she wants two 1-hour naps, she will nap just as much as him if you let her. On her schedule.
Of course she is a pain. She is tired and hungry and it seems that if she gets cranky and wants to be comforted (by being held) she doesn't even get that because cleaning is more important. Try meeting some of needs (sleeping pattern, food choices, comfort) and I am sure she will be a much sweeter baby. If I was hungry, tired and alone I'd act out as well (heck, I DO act out when I am tired and hungry just that I am 35 and can actually control where I act out and who gets to see it, I also don't throw food).
Remember that negative attention is also attention and if you will only attend to her if she misbehaves she will misbehave. Stop focusing on DS. Start focusing on that these are two seperate individuals who both need to have their individual needs met. And especially start meeting her needs.
You are with them 9.5 hrs/day.
She wants a nap at 10 am? Have her nap, then take them to the park. Either be back at 1 for his nap or have him sleep in the stroller. Or take them to the park at 9 am and have her sleep on the way home.
He sits at the table and eats fruit/vegetables? Great!
She wants to play? Let her play by your side. She doesn't need to eat just because he is eating.
She also doesn't need to like the same foods just because they are the same age. If she prefers starches to veggies, boil a small amount of pasta or make some oat meal.
You (and/or her parents) are trying to do what caretakers often do when caring for multiples - you are trying to treat them both the same because they are the same age. They still have different needs.
If he was 3 and she was 1 you would a) not try to force her onto his schedule with regards to napping and you would b) not force her to eat the same food at the same time. You would arange for both kids' needs to be met because you would accept that one is older and one is younger and thus their needs were different. It doesn't matter that they are both 13 months old. They still - very obviously! - have different needs and you need to arrange to meet both their needs.
As a side note I am also fairly certain that MB is not telling the complete truth if she says DD behaves completely differently when she is with her. She might want you to believe that so that you will feel as if you are doing something wrong (MB can meet DD's needs so it HAS to be you who is doing it wrong) or to make her feel better but they obviously don't do as you are told to do. They feed her different foods then they tell you to feed her - if she eats while with them, she does not go hungry on those days (no hunger = better temper). She will also likely sleep in the car or the stroller if they run errands or go to the park.