Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 23:49     Subject: Nanny's vacation
I was by myself with my 2-y-o and newborn, after a C-section, in less than 1 week. I don't get what the big deal is. DH made an attempt to get home a little earlier than usual. I think I might have had a cleaning lady come.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 20:54     Subject: Nanny's vacation
It really, really, might be ok OP.

I had a C section, dh went back to work 2 weeks after dd was born. I managed to care for myself, 2 year old and infant just fine. No family help, no nanny, just me. And guess what? It was totally doable. Did my 2 year old watch lots of TV? Yes, but it's a short season I her life.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 19:40     Subject: Nanny's vacation
Anonymous wrote:I can see why this is frustrating for you. However, you've been given a solid 3-4 months of notice. I know for a fact that most major airlines will allow you to change flights for free up until 60 days before the date of travel (if there is a difference in the cost of flights you aphave to pay but there is no change fee). Therefore, you should be able to change the grandparents flight without much problem.

Could your husband possibly adjust his paternity leave with his employer? I've heard of many moms adjusting their maternity leave (I.e. They have 12 weeks of leave so they take 6 when the baby is first born, go back to work for a few months, and then take 6 more weeks later when the baby is more fun/active); could your husband possibly choose not to start his until later so it overlaps with your nannies trip?

I do see both sides of this, but ultimately you've been given ample time to figure it out. If you really want to hold it over your nanny you could say something like "We agreed you could take your paid vacation on these dates. Since you are changing the dates now, we will be forced to hire another caregiver (instead of being able to use grandparents or paternity leave), so now we won't be able to pay you for the week of your vacation, unless you take it on the dates previously arranged."

Ultimately though you'll just end up with a pissed off nanny and it might not be worth it. I'd suck it up and figure it out, especially if you're otherwise happy with her job performance.


I know for a fact that you are wrong. Every airline I fly charges around $150 to make any changes to a flight. Some have a 24 grace period after booking but otherwise you are fined and have to pay the difference of the new flight. Can't stand how people make so many false comments on here
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 16:32     Subject: Nanny's vacation
OP here. We've worked it out with our nanny just fine and she is flexible within a 6 week period of the summer when her adult daughter is visiting her again (and often comes to our house to hang out 8am-5pm).
She is also excited about the new baby coming.

Yes, our job demands/travel and our vacation travel to visit family abroad require our vacations to be planned months in advance.
Yes, the nanny agreed in writing to the weeks around the birth. We put most things in writing and now will start requiring signatures and double copies.
Yes, we have backup options, both formal and informal and several nanny families in the neighborhood that we can pay to have our kid at 1-2 days if something pops up. I don't know how or when my labor, delivery or recovery will go so I prefer not to have a logistical nightmare with my full-time childcare at the same time. I likely will not be allowed to drive due to a C-section.
Last year we simply took turns off of work during her vacation and stayed home, this year we do not have that flexibility.

Thanks to those who gave actual advice, esp Nanny Deb, not just sat at one or the other end of the spectrum.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2015 05:49     Subject: Re:Nanny's vacation
OP's comments imply that she and the nanny had an initial discussion where they proposed travel dates but did not make definite plans. If OP had said the nanny gave her specific dates and then changed her plans, OP would be justified in asking the nanny to concede. Under the circumstances, OP needs to take this as a lesson learned and hire a temp nanny.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2015 21:47     Subject: Nanny's vacation
Anonymous wrote:I think it really depends on if she actually told you the prior week was what she was taking or if it was maybe /probably. If the latter, you can turn down the week she wants (if your contract allows) but you can't turn down all 51 other weeks and make her take the one you booked the grandparents for.


Yeah. Helping a temp nanny or college kid get up to speed in your house and with your toddler sounds like a lot of fun two weeks after giving birth and at home all alone.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2015 21:44     Subject: Nanny's vacation
Anonymous wrote:Just get another nanny that knows the significance of giving birth, weaving a newborn into a working family's routine, and not having family help in-state.

A nanny that prioritizes her 5th, 6th or 7th vacation week of the year over her boss family's time of turmoil and change is not a caring nor understanding nanny.

Last year's change may have been accommodated, but this summer sounds quite different.


This. You don't crap out when your employer most needs you.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2015 19:52     Subject: Nanny's vacation
I think it really depends on if she actually told you the prior week was what she was taking or if it was maybe /probably. If the latter, you can turn down the week she wants (if your contract allows) but you can't turn down all 51 other weeks and make her take the one you booked the grandparents for.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2015 15:47     Subject: Nanny's vacation
Is your only back-up care plan the grandparents? What about when your nanny is sick? I'm not trying to be snarky, but 3+ months is plenty of time to hire a temp nanny to cover a week of supervising a preschooler. Presumably some college kids will still be on summer break and happy to earn some money in the final week.

I get that it's frustrating, but I don't think your back-up care plan is very reasonable. I'm sure you do though, so you could go with telling the nanny that this happened last year and you're not happy about it happening again. For next year, her vacation dates need to be finalized & in writing 60+ days in advance and that any changes after 60 days won't be accommodated.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2015 15:36     Subject: Nanny's vacation
Most employers must approve when an employer takes time off. Op is not unreasonable in saying late August does not work. She can't force nanny to take it during a certain time although I agree it is bad faith for manny to now move the week. The week is nanny's choice but the op gets to approve the REQUEST.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2015 14:53     Subject: Re:Nanny's vacation
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP, I think your rage is preventing you from seeing this from a level perspective. She proposed dates and gave you a ballpark. She could not have known that the airlines would jack prices up that week. Her friend could only ask for your preferred dates off and see whether her employer approved it. You can not know there was any bad intention on your nannys part, in fact it sounds like she started planning far in advance to minimize the inconvenience to you. Imagine if she travelled before or after you materity leave?? If your nanny gave you a ballpark and and the time she eventually chose is within it, then you have been treated fairly. I understand that you did tell her what dates work best for you. If she can not afford to fly on your preferred dates or her travel companion can not fly during those dates, is she to not have her vacation at all? That seems incredibly harsh.


so one employer approves vacations but another doesn't? interesting different levels of professionalism here.


No, different contexts. One employee will wash your dirty underwear and the other will not. Different levels of compromise here.


Dirty underwear?! I thought all DCUM nannies make $25/hour and never do anything but childcare and rest during naptime.