Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:51
Subject: Re:"It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
[b]Anonymous wrote:As a nanny, I have learned NEVER TO OFFER to do anything extra for MB or it will become a routine part of my job. I actually had to write NEVER OFFER on my daily personal calendar to remind myself.
I am sorry it has to be this way.
This is so true. Now I do all the family laundry, dishes, dishwasher and groceries... For the same pay, because in the beginning I liked being "helpful".
Yeah I don't offer anything anymore, but do exactly as I'm asked and MB asks for a lot of job creep items so no need to add more to my daily tasks.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:46
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I wrote into our contract that our nanny would do up to six errands for the household each week. This way we CAN ask for dry-cleaning to be picked up and nobody is allowed to get bent out of shape.
Oy... A NP here who just read every post on this thread.
How can I make you two posters understand that if it is part of your job or written into the employment contract IT IS NOT A FAVOR.
Are you people truly THAT dense?!!!
Apparently.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:44
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:I wrote into our contract that our nanny would do up to six errands for the household each week. This way we CAN ask for dry-cleaning to be picked up and nobody is allowed to get bent out of shape.
Oy... A NP here who just read every post on this thread.
How can I make you two posters understand that if it is part of your job or written into the employment contract IT IS NOT A FAVOR.
Are you people truly THAT dense?!!!
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:44
Subject: Re:"It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same is true of a nanny constantly asking for favors from her MB.
I dont think anyone likes to say no so you are correct, OP, it does hurt to ask.
+ 1. I HATE how many favors our nanny asks for, too.
+2 Yes, OP, it does hurt to have to continually say no and it does color my opinion of our nanny who asks frequently for favors. I am sure it is the same for nannies being asked too many favors by their MB/DB.
And it is simply rude.
What favors are your nanny's asking for? I can only think of one thing I've asked my employers for in the past 3 years of working for them, and that was to switch my hours one day so that I could attend an important school event. What are you considering a favor? And do you ask things of her? I doubt my employers are truly aware of how often they ask me to do this or that little thing that aren't really my job. It's all supposed to be a give and take right?
Our nanny asks favors that are no problem - like doing her laundry at our place or borrowing a baking dish or something. But then she needs/wants help with huge financial things - tons of extra time off, cash to pay for car repairs, helping her find a new apartment and then helping her move, helping her find and apply for health insurance and local doctors, etc... She's deeply in need of family level support and thinks her employers should provide that. It's a problem.
I am the "+1 poster". Our nanny asks to change her schedule pretty much every week, and asks if she can come in late at least once a week as well. She asks if she can take the kids on her personal errands (which I generally don't mind but I have to say "no" when she asks to have them sit while she gets her hair cut or teeth cleaned). She has asked for advances on her salary and to borrow our second car on the weekends. She has asked if she could bake something for her boyfriend in our kitchen while the kids are awake and has switched her vacation weeks three times already since December...
How many more examples do you want? She is constantly asking for something!!!
Our nanny asks favors that are no problem - like doing her laundry at our place or borrowing a baking dish or something. But then she needs/wants help with huge financial things - tons of extra time off, cash to pay for car repairs, helping her find a new apartment and then helping her move, helping her find and apply for health insurance and local doctors, etc... She's deeply in need of family level support and thinks her employers should provide that. It's a problem.
Thank you for the explanations. I truly didn't understand what favors an employee could really be asking for, and I would be so embarrassed to even consider asking for these things from my bosses. I can certainly see how that could strain the relationship!
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:42
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
I wrote into our contract that our nanny would do up to six errands for the household each week. This way we CAN ask for dry-cleaning to be picked up and nobody is allowed to get bent out of shape.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:30
Subject: Re:"It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same is true of a nanny constantly asking for favors from her MB.
I dont think anyone likes to say no so you are correct, OP, it does hurt to ask.
+ 1. I HATE how many favors our nanny asks for, too.
+2 Yes, OP, it does hurt to have to continually say no and it does color my opinion of our nanny who asks frequently for favors. I am sure it is the same for nannies being asked too many favors by their MB/DB.
And it is simply rude.
What favors are your nanny's asking for? I can only think of one thing I've asked my employers for in the past 3 years of working for them, and that was to switch my hours one day so that I could attend an important school event. What are you considering a favor? And do you ask things of her? I doubt my employers are truly aware of how often they ask me to do this or that little thing that aren't really my job. It's all supposed to be a give and take right?
Our nanny asks favors that are no problem - like doing her laundry at our place or borrowing a baking dish or something. But then she needs/wants help with huge financial things - tons of extra time off, cash to pay for car repairs, helping her find a new apartment and then helping her move, helping her find and apply for health insurance and local doctors, etc... She's deeply in need of family level support and thinks her employers should provide that. It's a problem.
I am the "+1 poster". Our nanny asks to change her schedule pretty much every week, and asks if she can come in late at least once a week as well. She asks if she can take the kids on her personal errands (which I generally don't mind but I have to say "no" when she asks to have them sit while she gets her hair cut or teeth cleaned). She has asked for advances on her salary and to borrow our second car on the weekends. She has asked if she could bake something for her boyfriend in our kitchen while the kids are awake and has switched her vacation weeks three times already since December...
How many more examples do you want? She is constantly asking for something!!!
Our nanny asks favors that are no problem - like doing her laundry at our place or borrowing a baking dish or something. But then she needs/wants help with huge financial things - tons of extra time off, cash to pay for car repairs, helping her find a new apartment and then helping her move, helping her find and apply for health insurance and local doctors, etc... She's deeply in need of family level support and thinks her employers should provide that. It's a problem.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:25
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine ever telling a boss no. In all my 15 years I'm pretty sure I've never said no to a favor.
How often does she ask? That is the issue here.
I think for me I don't see them as favors more like my job. I get texts a few times a week to pick up dry cleaning, go to target to get xy and z. Or mail something at the post office. Pick up a starbucks gift card for someone. I don get asked to switch days but I get my start and stop time switched randomly and it just doesn't bother me that much. Like I said for me it's just my job.
OP here and none of that stuff is a part of my job (otherwise I wouldn't call the requests "favors"). I do everything directly related to my charges and anything for them. The "favors" are added on, usually at the last minute.
Again, my point is not that I cannot say "no" or that my employers don't accept "no" -- my point is that I HATE to have to say "no", I hate seeing MB so concerned when I say "no" and I have started resenting even being asked.
I guess I just think of going to the post office, hardware store, picking up dry cleaning as every nannies job unless your nf doesn't allow you to drive with their children. I view myself as a nanny who tries everyday to make my nf's life easier. If I go to the post office and pick up the dry cleaning on the way home from the park i have helped out mb and that makes me feel good and I know they appreciate me.
Again, that is part of your job - not part of mine. Again, that is why my employers and I think of those things as "favors".
I don't understand why you are being so obtuse, PP.
If you and your employers think you should do those things - great! Mine don't and I don't. Think of something that you would consider a favor and think about being asked to do that thing at least once a week. Then post back.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:16
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine ever telling a boss no. In all my 15 years I'm pretty sure I've never said no to a favor.
How often does she ask? That is the issue here.
I think for me I don't see them as favors more like my job. I get texts a few times a week to pick up dry cleaning, go to target to get xy and z. Or mail something at the post office. Pick up a starbucks gift card for someone. I don get asked to switch days but I get my start and stop time switched randomly and it just doesn't bother me that much. Like I said for me it's just my job.
OP here and none of that stuff is a part of my job (otherwise I wouldn't call the requests "favors"). I do everything directly related to my charges and anything for them. The "favors" are added on, usually at the last minute.
Again, my point is not that I cannot say "no" or that my employers don't accept "no" -- my point is that I HATE to have to say "no", I hate seeing MB so concerned when I say "no" and I have started resenting even being asked.
I guess I just think of going to the post office, hardware store, picking up dry cleaning as every nannies job unless your nf doesn't allow you to drive with their children. I view myself as a nanny who tries everyday to make my nf's life easier. If I go to the post office and pick up the dry cleaning on the way home from the park i have helped out mb and that makes me feel good and I know they appreciate me.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 12:12
Subject: Re:"It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same is true of a nanny constantly asking for favors from her MB.
I dont think anyone likes to say no so you are correct, OP, it does hurt to ask.
+ 1. I HATE how many favors our nanny asks for, too.
+2 Yes, OP, it does hurt to have to continually say no and it does color my opinion of our nanny who asks frequently for favors. I am sure it is the same for nannies being asked too many favors by their MB/DB.
And it is simply rude.
What favors are your nanny's asking for? I can only think of one thing I've asked my employers for in the past 3 years of working for them, and that was to switch my hours one day so that I could attend an important school event. What are you considering a favor? And do you ask things of her? I doubt my employers are truly aware of how often they ask me to do this or that little thing that aren't really my job. It's all supposed to be a give and take right?
I am the "+1 poster". Our nanny asks to change her schedule pretty much every week, and asks if she can come in late at least once a week as well. She asks if she can take the kids on her personal errands (which I generally don't mind but I have to say "no" when she asks to have them sit while she gets her hair cut or teeth cleaned). She has asked for advances on her salary and to borrow our second car on the weekends. She has asked if she could bake something for her boyfriend in our kitchen while the kids are awake and has switched her vacation weeks three times already since December...
How many more examples do you want? She is constantly asking for something!!!
Anonymous
03/06/2015 11:59
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine ever telling a boss no. In all my 15 years I'm pretty sure I've never said no to a favor.
How often does she ask? That is the issue here.
I think for me I don't see them as favors more like my job. I get texts a few times a week to pick up dry cleaning, go to target to get xy and z. Or mail something at the post office. Pick up a starbucks gift card for someone. I don get asked to switch days but I get my start and stop time switched randomly and it just doesn't bother me that much. Like I said for me it's just my job.
OP here and none of that stuff is a part of my job (otherwise I wouldn't call the requests "favors"). I do everything directly related to my charges and anything for them. The "favors" are added on, usually at the last minute.
Again, my point is not that I cannot say "no" or that my employers don't accept "no" -- my point is that I HATE to have to say "no", I hate seeing MB so concerned when I say "no" and I have started resenting even being asked.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 11:29
Subject: Re:"It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
lol
I have to admit that I have never liked the expression "It doesn't hurt to ask" because it does hurt me to ask for a favor and it does hurt me to have to say no to a friend or employee when they do ask.
Is this something you could mention to your employers, OP? As in "You always ask me to switch days -- is there an inherent problem with my normal schedule?" Get it out there that you know and don't like even being asked.
I have to admit that I have never liked the expression "It doesn't hurt to ask" because it does hurt me to ask for a favor and it does hurt me to have to say no to a friend or employee when they do ask.
Is this something you could mention to your employers, OP? As in "You always ask me to switch days -- is there an inherent problem with my normal schedule?" Get it out there that you know and don't like even being asked.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 11:27
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine ever telling a boss no. In all my 15 years I'm pretty sure I've never said no to a favor.
How often does she ask? That is the issue here.
I think for me I don't see them as favors more like my job. I get texts a few times a week to pick up dry cleaning, go to target to get xy and z. Or mail something at the post office. Pick up a starbucks gift card for someone. I don get asked to switch days but I get my start and stop time switched randomly and it just doesn't bother me that much. Like I said for me it's just my job.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 11:19
Subject: Re:"It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Same is true of a nanny constantly asking for favors from her MB.
I dont think anyone likes to say no so you are correct, OP, it does hurt to ask.
+ 1. I HATE how many favors our nanny asks for, too.
+2 Yes, OP, it does hurt to have to continually say no and it does color my opinion of our nanny who asks frequently for favors. I am sure it is the same for nannies being asked too many favors by their MB/DB.
And it is simply rude.
What favors are your nanny's asking for? I can only think of one thing I've asked my employers for in the past 3 years of working for them, and that was to switch my hours one day so that I could attend an important school event. What are you considering a favor? And do you ask things of her? I doubt my employers are truly aware of how often they ask me to do this or that little thing that aren't really my job. It's all supposed to be a give and take right?
Anonymous
03/06/2015 11:06
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Your boss is way out of line OP. That's just obnoxious - especially the attitude when you say no.
I'm an MB w/ the flip problem (the nanny who is always needing special attention and support) and it's equally problematic that way.
It's poor behavior period, but especially ill-advised in a work situation.
Hope you can find some resolution, or a better job.
I'm an MB w/ the flip problem (the nanny who is always needing special attention and support) and it's equally problematic that way.
It's poor behavior period, but especially ill-advised in a work situation.
Hope you can find some resolution, or a better job.
Anonymous
03/06/2015 10:33
Subject: "It doesn't hurt to ask"... or does it?
Anonymous wrote:I can't imagine ever telling a boss no. In all my 15 years I'm pretty sure I've never said no to a favor.
How often does she ask? That is the issue here.