Anonymous wrote:This post is really old. 8 years ago!

Yes but someone now may be dealing w/the same type of situation & could use the advice/guidance mentioned.

Hopefully the OP found herself a great new Nanny & had much better luck.

I agree that twenty is very young + that anything could have happened to her.

At that age we do things more out of impulse anyway.

GAH! I was hoping this was resurrected because the OP learned what happened

This post is really old. 8 years ago!

Another MB here. I was ghosted a few times by a part-time nanny we had (our daughter was in full-time daycare anyways but we were working really long days) who was 22 and she always came back, and it always was something in her personal life. Sometimes more or an emergency than not.

I just knew it was part of being 21. So, we made sure we always had a backup, and she always eventually got back in touch and let me know what happened. It was always good to hear that she was OK, so I definitely get why you're worried.

I had to quit via text when I was out of town and a family emergency came up. Otherwise I would have called or met them in person. Life and death happens, and family comes first.

Another MB who agrees that it is likely to be something in her personal life. She is 20. Things can be a big deal, either for real (pregnancy) or more so because she is 20.

It really sucks to be looking for a new nanny, but I hope it goes well. I'd probably give some consideration to what I want in a nanny, not just a clone a what I had, which is easy to think while you are missing someone.

If you want, you could send one more email to your old nanny asking if she'd be willing to speak with new nanny candidates on your behalf (without speaking to you) but I'd probably try to avoid this -- if there is a slight she didn't tell you about it could backfire and you honestly sound well intentioned here. She is also very likely not to respond.

Hopefully you will hear from her eventually, maybe a few months from now, but if not, I am sorry this happens. I hope your next relationship will be a little more even. I also concur with other posters that an older career nanny is much less likely to do this, so you might consider someone from that age group if it fits your needs and budget.

MB here. Sounds like the nanny had something significant happen in her personal life that had nothing to do with you. She didn't handle it well, for sure, but I really don't think it's anything you or your family did.

Sorry you got left in the lurch but don't keep looking for reasons to assume it's about you - just focus on the replacement.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:The only one to blame in this situation is the nanny. She acted incredibly unprofessionally and the best thing OP can do is forget all about her and refuse to give a reference of any kind.

She can give a reference just not a recommendation

Good luck with the interviews OP

OP here, thanks for all the responses . To the PP who is suspicious of my husband, trust me that I made him tell me every detail of the less than 10 minutes he saw her. If I could have rigged up a police interrogation light , I would have

I appreciate everyone's input. Nothing in the 5 days since getting the text and I have 2 interviews next week.

The only one to blame in this situation is the nanny. She acted incredibly unprofessionally and the best thing OP can do is forget all about her and refuse to give a reference of any kind.

Anonymous wrote:You did something, OP. Maybe you don't know what you did, but you did.

My money is on the husband acting like a dolt and saying something like "We're looked at X preschool last week" or "DW hates it when..." (insert something nanny did wrong or didn't do) or "I think chubby women are nasty" (and nanny considers herself chubby) "I may get laid off..." "Our savings account is depleted" or something along those lines.

You did something, OP. Maybe you don't know what you did, but you did.

Honestly my first thought was that she may be pregnant... And maybe thinking of not keeping the pregnancy/putting the baby up for adoption and working with kids is too much...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your husband inadvertently said something that upset her. She's young and may not understand nuance as well or may not take criticism well or who knows. IME you get a lot more information out of the husband's than the wives and sometimes the husbands are dolts with the things they say.

Maybe there was a death in the family. Maybe she's pregnant. Maybe her boyfriend broke up with her. Maybe she googled your name and found something disturbing about someone who shares your name.

The possibilities are endless and you'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure it out. You may hear from her down the road, or like DB Cooper, or may remain a mystery.

This. Husband ?

Maybe she is bipolar? No joke. This is how I behaved sudden emotional decisions before I was diagnosed and received treatment.