Anonymous
Post 07/31/2014 10:52     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?


Are you also the poster from 17:44? It really seems like you are missing the point here. The issue is disclosure not permission for every tiny little thing. And FWIW, my nanny does tell me about the other nannies and other kids she and DC meet up with at the park, library, etc. I don't mind if she coordinates with them without asking for permission because when she meets a new nanny in the area, she TELLS me who the nanny is, the kids are, etc. And I can see the play dates she makes are with age appropriate children because on the weekends at the park, the kids find each other, and the other parents will come over and introduce themselves and say they have heard about our DC from their nanny. It's about communicating!

And all of this is STILL different from OP's actual question about a nanny planning an activity somewhere the kids would not ordinarily go to meet up with their friends so that she can meet up with her friends - who the OP knows nothing about, is unlikely to run into in the neighborhood, whose kids may or may not be the same age as OP's.




If I am going to the same park as another nanny then it does not matter how old our charges are. I would not deviate from my normal routine to meet up with a friend. However, if we are all going to be playing in the same park anyway I would not feel the need to tell MB. I would not call it a play though.
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 23:42     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?


Are you also the poster from 17:44? It really seems like you are missing the point here. The issue is disclosure not permission for every tiny little thing. And FWIW, my nanny does tell me about the other nannies and other kids she and DC meet up with at the park, library, etc. I don't mind if she coordinates with them without asking for permission because when she meets a new nanny in the area, she TELLS me who the nanny is, the kids are, etc. And I can see the play dates she makes are with age appropriate children because on the weekends at the park, the kids find each other, and the other parents will come over and introduce themselves and say they have heard about our DC from their nanny. It's about communicating!

And all of this is STILL different from OP's actual question about a nanny planning an activity somewhere the kids would not ordinarily go to meet up with their friends so that she can meet up with her friends - who the OP knows nothing about, is unlikely to run into in the neighborhood, whose kids may or may not be the same age as OP's.


I don't know where you live, but there are many nannies in my neighborhood. If my nanny had to tell me the name of every nanny she chatted with at the park or library, that would be ridiculous. She does mention the nannies she sees often (as well as some moms that she knows I know), but that's really just in the course of telling me about the day, not because she has to report to me who she speaks with every day!

If my nanny was taking my kid to another neighborhood to hang out with her friends and ignoring my child's needs every day, then yes, that would be a problem. But I'm not sure that's what is going on here.
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 20:06     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?


Are you also the poster from 17:44? It really seems like you are missing the point here. The issue is disclosure not permission for every tiny little thing. And FWIW, my nanny does tell me about the other nannies and other kids she and DC meet up with at the park, library, etc. I don't mind if she coordinates with them without asking for permission because when she meets a new nanny in the area, she TELLS me who the nanny is, the kids are, etc. And I can see the play dates she makes are with age appropriate children because on the weekends at the park, the kids find each other, and the other parents will come over and introduce themselves and say they have heard about our DC from their nanny. It's about communicating!

And all of this is STILL different from OP's actual question about a nanny planning an activity somewhere the kids would not ordinarily go to meet up with their friends so that she can meet up with her friends - who the OP knows nothing about, is unlikely to run into in the neighborhood, whose kids may or may not be the same age as OP's.
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 19:43     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?


What's the point to rush your charges around to sync with another nanny's schedule? Doesn't sound like you have a solid plan for the day.



If I am already in route to the park how is it rushing to sync to someone else's schedule? Unless you are one of * those* moms... Let me guess you never have to rush anywhere because you are always perfectly timed for everything?
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 19:41     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?


What's the point to rush your charges around to sync with another nanny's schedule? Doesn't sound like you have a solid plan for the day.



You clearly do not spend much time with children. A routine yes, but plans are for controlled tasks with little variance. We go to the park every day, a routine, but that may happen early or late depending if my charge sleeps longer or stops to check out every bug on the sidewalk. And if something happens during our walk, collasal tantrum for example, then we may not make the park at all. My charge has their whole live to fit into perfectly coordinated daily schedules. For now, we are just enjoying childhood.
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 19:24     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?


What's the point to rush your charges around to sync with another nanny's schedule? Doesn't sound like you have a solid plan for the day.
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 19:14     Subject: Re:Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
This happened today: I text my nanny friend on my way to work and suggest we go to the park today. I don't hear back from her until late morning when she tells me they are at the playground right now but don't plan to stay if it gets too hot. After my charge wakes up, I feed, change, and throw laundry in. Of course now, my friend has left the park. Once we finally get outside, I hear from another friend that she is at the park with her three charges. We rush to make it before I miss another opportunity for a play date. The kids start running around and before long the other nanny's charge is in tears because someone attempted to touch his favorite toy. A full melt down ensues. They leave the park. I stay and my charge continues to play with other kids, I don't know any of them.


What exactly was I supposed to ask permission for? The potential play date that was never confirmed? The impromptu play date that lasted 20 minutes? For DC to play with the other kids at the park? How much of your time do you want me to take up at the end of the day to go over this minutia? I know a bunch of nannies in the area, do you want a full run down of every nanny in the neighborhood just in case we should meet them at the park?
Anonymous
Post 07/30/2014 12:45     Subject: Nanny meeting up other people while with charges
Anonymous wrote:I am a MB and I think you are being needlessly controlling. It is a given that nannies are going to meet up with other nannies and moms. I do think it is reasonable to ask permission to do playdates in private homes, but planned meet ups in public places are good, and good for the kids too! I try to treat my nanny with respect and not put condituons on her that I would not want on myself. If I were a sahm I would absolutely be out making friends and having olaydates. It would be unreasonable not to let the nanny do the same.


There is no one sze fits all. It's great that you're comfortable with the set up you decribed. However there is not need to pass judgements. One could say you're lax and uninvolved with your kids, but it wouldn't be accurate, right? I am not controlling, but I would not be comfortable for a number of reasons. I have no idea who the nanny's friends are, what age their kids are, etc. I would also need a broader context: how many times a week this is happening and whether there are other potentially beneficial activities being passed on because nanny's pals are not interested in meeting for these other activities, based on that I can make informed choices. This discussion doesn't need to take place daily but I would want ground rules related to this to avoid misunderstandings later on, like the one the OP is facing.