Let go.

Liars don't change.

This has been very helpful. We let our nanny of 3 months go. We gave her 1 week severance pay since we didnt' give her any notice and we were also in a share so that family needed to have some temporary help. My child runs away crying and screaming every time she comes in or even if someone rang the doorbell and he thinks it's her. At first I thought it would be an adjustment that he would get over, but it's gotten worse instead of better. I stood outside the door to see how long he would cry and after 10 minutes I went back in and she was nowhere near him. I asked why she wasn't trying to comfort him and she told me he just threw something and she doesn't tolerate tantrums. He's 2. I drove by and watched her for 20 minutes while they were in the park the next day and she was looking at her phone the entire time, only paying attention enough to push the swing with one hand and watch her phone with the other. I pulled up to the park and waved at her several times and she didn't acknowledge me, but she suddenly started playing with my son I a big way and sending me this pic telling me how much fun he had. Later I told her I was trying to get her attention and she said she didn't see me. For anyone out there who is doubtful because their nanny is just "ok" (kids are safe, but are they taken care of?) and want to stick it out, go with your gut and don't look back. I would also recommend having a few backup babysitters in case so this doesn't force you to stick with mediocre when your child deserves fantastic. I've had fantastic nannies so I know they are out there. In addition to not paying attention to my son she left the house a mess so I picked up toys and dirty dishes when I got home, she didn't communicate the during day even though we repeatedly asked her to, and argued every time we asked her to do something (ie. take pictures of the kids during the day and text us, plan activities for them and let us know ahead of time, let us know any challenges they were having, etc.).

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, nanny deb, usually you are wise, but this post is ridiculous.

If someone is fired for cause, why would you pay them severance? Why would give them notice?

"Yes, nanny, we are going to fire you in two weeks because you leave our child unattended in the bathtub and routinely put her in front of the TV while you text on your phone, but hey, have a great two weeks and try not to take it out on my child!"

Come on. That is crazy. When you fire someone for cause, they go that day and do not deserve severance.

As for your example of nannies quitting and immediately leaving...happens all the time. Nannies here are very upfront on how easily they would walk out and no one ever tells them that is in any way bad. In fact, they are cheered for leaving and not giving NF's notice.

Finally, while I agree that nannies should walk anytime they want and NF's should fire for cause when it is warranted, I disagree with your idea of a letter touting "achievements made by the children" since your last review. When you screw an employer, you can't expect something extra. Your last written review will have to be sufficient.



You completely missed the point, sugar foot. Look at the blatant safety hazard in your example, not even close to OPs. In fact, you've given a great example of what is being said. For minor offenses, why are MBs acting like rabid squirrels? Seriously, you equate being late with leaving a baby alone in a freaking bathtub? You don't see a bit of difference in how you might react in the two scenarios? Hint: rabid squirrel mode should be reserved for the one that presents imminent harm to the child.

Sugar foot? Seriously? Damn, I'd be annoyed with you if I didn't find that so funny.

The point you're missing is that you don't get to choose how serious the offense is and if it's a deal killer. Yeah, my fireable offenses have to do with safety. OP's may be on time arrival. I can judge her, and you can, too, but that's her thing. So, she sees it as firing for cause and as such, wouldn't and shouldn't give notice or severance.

So if YOUR boss decided that being 5-10 minutes late was an immediate fireable offense you wouldn't be surprised and upset? If your kids were puking and you wanted to clean it up before the nanny came or were stuck on the phone with the doctor and couldn't get out the door on time...? The point is that is not typically a burn your bridges kind of performance issue, it's one that leads to formal warnings and yes, eventual termination if the warnings do not change the behavior. If an MB wants to overreact to something that many adults do (fail to get to work on time every day) she needs to be upfront that even a single instance of tardiness will result in termination. No reasonable person could anticipate that, while we could all expect that a safety oversight like your examples WOULD be grounds for instant dismissal.

Oh, nanny deb, usually you are wise, but this post is ridiculous.

If someone is fired for cause, why would you pay them severance? Why would give them notice?

"Yes, nanny, we are going to fire you in two weeks because you leave our child unattended in the bathtub and routinely put her in front of the TV while you text on your phone, but hey, have a great two weeks and try not to take it out on my child!"

Come on. That is crazy. When you fire someone for cause, they go that day and do not deserve severance.

As for your example of nannies quitting and immediately leaving...happens all the time. Nannies here are very upfront on how easily they would walk out and no one ever tells them that is in any way bad. In fact, they are cheered for leaving and not giving NF's notice.

Finally, while I agree that nannies should walk anytime they want and NF's should fire for cause when it is warranted, I disagree with your idea of a letter touting "achievements made by the children" since your last review. When you screw an employer, you can't expect something extra. Your last written review will have to be sufficient.



You completely missed the point, sugar foot. Look at the blatant safety hazard in your example, not even close to OPs. In fact, you've given a great example of what is being said. For minor offenses, why are MBs acting like rabid squirrels? Seriously, you equate being late with leaving a baby alone in a freaking bathtub? You don't see a bit of difference in how you might react in the two scenarios? Hint: rabid squirrel mode should be reserved for the one that presents imminent harm to the child.

Sugar foot? Seriously? Damn, I'd be annoyed with you if I didn't find that so funny.

The point you're missing is that you don't get to choose how serious the offense is and if it's a deal killer. Yeah, my fireable offenses have to do with safety. OP's may be on time arrival. I can judge her, and you can, too, but that's her thing. So, she sees it as firing for cause and as such, wouldn't and shouldn't give notice or severance.

If I was routinely late getting home, and failing to provide the basics for care for my kid, and being disrespectful/inconsiderate of our nanny as a person and a professional, I would expect her to quit.

I don't think that's so shocking. It's a two way street. She's a fantastic nanny, w/ some quirks. I strive to be a great boss, and I'm sure I have my challenges for her to navigate. We treat each other with respect, and a good deal of mutual affection.

If either of us stops doing that i'm sure the working relationship will reflect that.

Common sense and decency.

Nanny Deb should post her piece in a new thread entitled:

"Nanny Fires the Parents."

Please do it. It'll be halerious!

nannydebsays wrote:I do wonder though how many of the employers who fire "for cause" with no notice and refuse to pay any sort of severance would accept the situation if the roles were reversed...

Nanny: "MB and DB, we've talked before about my need to leave promptly at 6:30, which is my contracted end time. However, you both have been 30+ minutes late every day for a week without giving me any notice at all. In addition, I have asked you repeatedly to purchase extra diapering supplies on your monthly Costco run, and you haven't done that, and will not let me take Jane and Sam to Costco myself to purchase supplies.

Because these issues seem to be irresolvable, I am giving you notice that I am quitting as of today. I have written a resignation letter and I have also written up a letter for you to sign confirming my work for your family and achievements made by the children that were noted in my last written review.

Here is my door key, I have told the children good-bye, and I wish you the best of luck in your search for new childcare that fits your needs."

MB and DB: "What just happened?"

Nanny: "I fired you with no notice. Bye!"

Brilliant, NannyDeb. This is your best post so far.

Anonymous wrote:Oh, nanny deb, usually you are wise, but this post is ridiculous.

If someone is fired for cause, why would you pay them severance? Why would give them notice?

"Yes, nanny, we are going to fire you in two weeks because you leave our child unattended in the bathtub and routinely put her in front of the TV while you text on your phone, but hey, have a great two weeks and try not to take it out on my child!"

Come on. That is crazy. When you fire someone for cause, they go that day and do not deserve severance.

As for your example of nannies quitting and immediately leaving...happens all the time. Nannies here are very upfront on how easily they would walk out and no one ever tells them that is in any way bad. In fact, they are cheered for leaving and not giving NF's notice.

Finally, while I agree that nannies should walk anytime they want and NF's should fire for cause when it is warranted, I disagree with your idea of a letter touting "achievements made by the children" since your last review. When you screw an employer, you can't expect something extra. Your last written review will have to be sufficient.

You completely missed the point, sugar foot. Look at the blatant safety hazard in your example, not even close to OPs. In fact, you've given a great example of what is being said. For minor offenses, why are MBs acting like rabid squirrels? Seriously, you equate being late with leaving a baby alone in a freaking bathtub? You don't see a bit of difference in how you might react in the two scenarios? Hint: rabid squirrel mode should be reserved for the one that presents imminent harm to the child.

Oh, nanny deb, usually you are wise, but this post is ridiculous.

If someone is fired for cause, why would you pay them severance? Why would give them notice?

"Yes, nanny, we are going to fire you in two weeks because you leave our child unattended in the bathtub and routinely put her in front of the TV while you text on your phone, but hey, have a great two weeks and try not to take it out on my child!"

Come on. That is crazy. When you fire someone for cause, they go that day and do not deserve severance.

As for your example of nannies quitting and immediately leaving...happens all the time. Nannies here are very upfront on how easily they would walk out and no one ever tells them that is in any way bad. In fact, they are cheered for leaving and not giving NF's notice.

Finally, while I agree that nannies should walk anytime they want and NF's should fire for cause when it is warranted, I disagree with your idea of a letter touting "achievements made by the children" since your last review. When you screw an employer, you can't expect something extra. Your last written review will have to be sufficient.

I do wonder though how many of the employers who fire "for cause" with no notice and refuse to pay any sort of severance would accept the situation if the roles were reversed...

Nanny: "MB and DB, we've talked before about my need to leave promptly at 6:30, which is my contracted end time. However, you both have been 30+ minutes late every day for a week without giving me any notice at all. In addition, I have asked you repeatedly to purchase extra diapering supplies on your monthly Costco run, and you haven't done that, and will not let me take Jane and Sam to Costco myself to purchase supplies.

Because these issues seem to be irresolvable, I am giving you notice that I am quitting as of today. I have written a resignation letter and I have also written up a letter for you to sign confirming my work for your family and achievements made by the children that were noted in my last written review.

Here is my door key, I have told the children good-bye, and I wish you the best of luck in your search for new childcare that fits your needs."

MB and DB: "What just happened?"

Nanny: "I fired you with no notice. Bye!"

I'm guessing 15:30 and 15:44 are the same person.

Congrats on your opinion of yourself.