Op here.

Firstly, I do not think that I would be shortchanging the nanny on the business side of things. She would be getting everything paid for. The amount of paid time off she would get would be huge!

However, I understand that I shouldn't ask her. Also, as for the age thing, I'm 32.

Anonymous wrote:OP said she doesn't want a stranger. Maybe she can't be choosy?

If she wants a surrogate that's fine but I don't think that entitles her to only choose someone she knows. As many PPs have said it is A LOT to ask of anyone to carry a child for you and I don't think that's something you can just ask someone you know unless they are aware of your situation and volunteer. If they don't volunteer I think you have to go through the channels to find a surrogate who is going to be a stranger.

OP said she doesn't want a stranger. Maybe she can't be choosy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe if you already have a child and can't have another than that's Mother Nature telling you to stop. Enjoy the child you do have. If you want another so desperately than look into adoption, there are thousands of children who need a home and it will cost the same as a surrogate, less if you look outside the US.

Why is this always the last possible thought that occurs to people? Rather than love the children they have or give an amazing opportunity to a child that would not otherwise have it, people want to spend a fortune to put someone else's body, emotions and psyche in an incredibly taxing position. It's amazingly selfish.

1) Adoption is a long process, and can take many more years than surrogacy.
2) Contrary to popular belief, there are not that many healthy infants up for adoption. Some parents feel very strongly about having a baby, in no small part because of the issues that children who are adopted later in their lives often exhibit.
3) Not every parent who is prepared to raise a child from birth is equally prepared to welcome an 8-year-old with severe rage into their family. Not everyone is equipped to adopt a child with Down's Syndrome or FAS or etc. etc. etc. This doesn't mean they wouldn't be great parents, just that it is not something they have the knowledge, finances, time, or energy to deal with appropriately.

Read what was being responded to. OP has stated that they already have children, they just feel the need for more. If your body is too old to carry a baby, how well do you think your body is going to hold up when that child is a toddler or a teenager? Perhaps, instead of getting everything that we want all of the time by any means necessary just because we have the money to do so, it would be beneficial to look at the root causes of some things. And, yes, perhaps if you are unable to have a baby on your own, that is a sign that you should be done having children. And clearly, OP is not concerned with the adoption issues you have presented. I have little doubt that someone who is as shortsighted and self absorbed (really asking your NANNY to carry your child, for $9000) as she is has not even considered alternatives.

I'm not really convinced OP is real and if she is I think she sounds like a horrible person for not considering the consequences of what she wants to do BUT I think she has every right to have a child via surrogate if that's what she wants. She never said how old she is, just that the nanny is younger than she is. There are people who have healthy children for the first time in their 40's and some who suddenly develop fertility issues at 35 even though they have successfully conceived and had children in the past. Where do you draw the line and say "you are too old to have more children"? Should someone who is 40 and never had a child be allowed to have a biological child of their own via surrogate but someone who is 35 and has a child but desperately wants a sibling for them not be allowed to use a surrogate?

I think adopting is a wonderful thing to do but as a PP commented it's not for everyone. So who are you to decide who should be allowed to have a surrogate and who isn't? Assuming of course they plan to go through the proper channels to find a surrogate and not ask their nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe if you already have a child and can't have another than that's Mother Nature telling you to stop. Enjoy the child you do have. If you want another so desperately than look into adoption, there are thousands of children who need a home and it will cost the same as a surrogate, less if you look outside the US.

Why is this always the last possible thought that occurs to people? Rather than love the children they have or give an amazing opportunity to a child that would not otherwise have it, people want to spend a fortune to put someone else's body, emotions and psyche in an incredibly taxing position. It's amazingly selfish.

1) Adoption is a long process, and can take many more years than surrogacy.
2) Contrary to popular belief, there are not that many healthy infants up for adoption. Some parents feel very strongly about having a baby, in no small part because of the issues that children who are adopted later in their lives often exhibit.
3) Not every parent who is prepared to raise a child from birth is equally prepared to welcome an 8-year-old with severe rage into their family. Not everyone is equipped to adopt a child with Down's Syndrome or FAS or etc. etc. etc. This doesn't mean they wouldn't be great parents, just that it is not something they have the knowledge, finances, time, or energy to deal with appropriately.

Read what was being responded to. OP has stated that they already have children, they just feel the need for more. If your body is too old to carry a baby, how well do you think your body is going to hold up when that child is a toddler or a teenager? Perhaps, instead of getting everything that we want all of the time by any means necessary just because we have the money to do so, it would be beneficial to look at the root causes of some things. And, yes, perhaps if you are unable to have a baby on your own, that is a sign that you should be done having children. And clearly, OP is not concerned with the adoption issues you have presented. I have little doubt that someone who is as shortsighted and self absorbed (really asking your NANNY to carry your child, for $9000) as she is has not even considered alternatives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe if you already have a child and can't have another than that's Mother Nature telling you to stop. Enjoy the child you do have. If you want another so desperately than look into adoption, there are thousands of children who need a home and it will cost the same as a surrogate, less if you look outside the US.

Why is this always the last possible thought that occurs to people? Rather than love the children they have or give an amazing opportunity to a child that would not otherwise have it, people want to spend a fortune to put someone else's body, emotions and psyche in an incredibly taxing position. It's amazingly selfish.

1) Adoption is a long process, and can take many more years than surrogacy.
2) Contrary to popular belief, there are not that many healthy infants up for adoption. Some parents feel very strongly about having a baby, in no small part because of the issues that children who are adopted later in their lives often exhibit.
3) Not every parent who is prepared to raise a child from birth is equally prepared to welcome an 8-year-old with severe rage into their family. Not everyone is equipped to adopt a child with Down's Syndrome or FAS or etc. etc. etc. This doesn't mean they wouldn't be great parents, just that it is not something they have the knowledge, finances, time, or energy to deal with appropriately.

Anonymous wrote:I believe if you already have a child and can't have another than that's Mother Nature telling you to stop. Enjoy the child you do have. If you want another so desperately than look into adoption, there are thousands of children who need a home and it will cost the same as a surrogate, less if you look outside the US.

Why is this always the last possible thought that occurs to people? Rather than love the children they have or give an amazing opportunity to a child that would not otherwise have it, people want to spend a fortune to put someone else's body, emotions and psyche in an incredibly taxing position. It's amazingly selfish.

I believe if you already have a child and can't have another than that's Mother Nature telling you to stop. Enjoy the child you do have. If you want another so desperately than look into adoption, there are thousands of children who need a home and it will cost the same as a surrogate, less if you look outside the US.

I HOPE that any reproductive medicine clinic in this country would have policies against this sort of thing ...

Just on the off chance this isn't the trolliest post that ever did troll...

OP, I thought that generally surrogates had to have already had their own kids and need to feel that their families are complete. Is that a good descriptor of your nanny?

How would you compensate her if you somehow were allowed to have her as your surrogate and she had not had a child before, and something went so badly wrong that she was rendered infertile? Would you then pay for her surrogates when she was ready to have kids?

To answer your initial question, this is a horrific idea, and if you pursue it you are a fool. There are women who are screened and approved to be surrogates. Find a lawyer specializing in surrogacy and start searching someone out who is willing to do what you ask. Be prepared to undergo various types of tests yourself - the reputable surrogacy law types will insist on it.

Op, nanny here and I am a real post not a troll. I would be one amazed that you would have asked and pleased to yes. I understand that as one gets older it may be real difficult. I am a rare nanny and I honestly would say yea to be honest. I am delighted at just the thought of it. Good luck!

If your nanny is young and has no children of her own their is no way you should ask her to do this. Remember your first pregnancy and how attached you were to your baby from the start? Now imagine giving birth to this baby and then caring for it daily and leaving it every night. You also have no say in how this child really is raised. Plus even the jobs that end on the best of terms always have the possibility of losing contact over the years. I also can see a lot of arguments coming up during the pregnancy I could see you micromanaging every little thing she does and then when the baby comes butting heads do to how she feels the child should be raised since she carried it.

why don't you want to go with a person you have no connection or bond with? I think it has to do with your nanny being young and vulnerable and possibly desperate for money. So what your offering to her will sound great on paper but she probably won't know what to expect when she's pregnant and how attached she will become and if she doesn't research it how much money she should be compensated. I also get the feeling you're the type that would blame her and hold a grudge if she miscarried

Or bordering on fake....

Nanny here.

Don't you dare ask her. Not only is it crossing boundaries, it is an incredibly invasive request. Just because she is young does not mean she is physically or emotionally prepared to carry a child.

And asking her to care for baby afterward is cruel & unusual.

I'd quit if my MB asked me to do this. Clearly you're bordering on insanity.

Anonymous wrote:So, increase pay to 27K? I think that would be fine. If she had multiples however we would not be able to double that along with everything else.

OP, did you see the posts about how much you'd be asking of your nanny to carry a baby, care for it daily, and not have any rights to it? Its TOO MUCH. There are other ways.