Stay out of her business, period! Some employer just doesn't know how treat their nannies right. Some feels ownership to them than an employee who takes of their precious children.

We have a live-in and I don't care what she does off the clock. The most I expect is heads-up that she's won't be in that night so that I don't lock up with something she can't open from the outside. As long as she reports for duty fit and sound, what she does is her business.

Anonymous wrote:Why does everyone assume she's sleeping around? When I was younger I would stay over at friends' houses all the time. What is wrong with that? OP is crazy!

PP (18.49/18.55) here. I've had families who wanted to set a curfew without thinking that I would sleep around. For those families, if they had had that suspicion, I wouldn't have been offered a contract. However, to them, appearance was almost more important than the actual morality. I agree, it's not an employer's business what the nanny is doing during her off hours; my point was that any family who wants to dictate extra things (like a morality clause or curfew) needs to sort for a nanny who is willing to agree to it, and then they need to be willing to pay that nanny more.

Why does everyone assume she's sleeping around? When I was younger I would stay over at friends' houses all the time. What is wrong with that? OP is crazy!

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with a lot of these comments here. You hired a live-in nanny not a live-out nanny. So if after her work hours if she is out and returns only for the working hours which is next day, why have a live-in. If she is respectful she can let you know and ask if it's okay if she could return the next day. And if you do that, that does not mean you are mothering her or she is being policed. Her job entails live-in even if she is not working during those hours. I have a live-in nanny who does the same thing. She has two nights off in a week. She can choose to be wherever on those days. I am also a single mom. The reason that I have a live-in nanny is for any sort of emergency that may occur when she is not on duty and she is a door knock away. If I had another hand I would not have shared my privacy and home and have a live-in.

I live-in exclusively. I have set working hours, set hours for when I am on call and "a door knock away." But I also have hours that are solely mine, and I can do whatever I want during those hours, as long as it's not illegal and I'm not breaking my contract. I've worked 24/7, and I've worked 60-80 hours per week while the rest was on call. In both situations, the family paid for every hour used or reserved, because that's the way it works. If I'm not paid for my time, I'm not working and I'm not on call, in which case I may not be home when you want me to work, and I might not be able to get back in 30 minutes or less. If you want more on call hours, make sure that you let your nanny know what you expect, and pay for them!

Anonymous wrote:Because I expect a young person to be able to go out on dates and come home afterward? Who am I to contradict popular view on this message board. Will be sure to discuss with future candidates when we hire to ensure we have a common set of values and image of what it means to be a role model for our daughter.

Yes, I am aware that this thread is 2 years old, but since someone else dredged this up, I'm going to address it.

If you want a morality clause, be prepared to either search for someone who shares your religious and ethical views or be prepared to pay the nanny more. I've been hired under a morality clause once, although several other families have tried to insist on them. My theory is that I am an adult, I provide a more moral role model for young children than many childcare providers do (nannies, babysitters, daycare workers, preschool teachers, etc), and if I need to be so careful about my social life as to not let any quetions be drawn, I am going to be paid well for that. I've had families who tried to insist on 9 pm as a curfew. Other families tried to tell me that my clothing wasn't appropriate (I wear long skirts and full coverage tops). Another family wanted to insist that I not date anyone or have sex with anyone while employed by them, that way I wouldn't get pregnant. I'm willing to be flexible on any of the above, but the family *will* pay for my inconvenience, discomfort and/or unhappiness.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree with a lot of these comments here. You hired a live-in nanny not a live-out nanny. So if after her work hours if she is out and returns only for the working hours which is next day, why have a live-in. If she is respectful she can let you know and ask if it's okay if she could return the next day. And if you do that, that does not mean you are mothering her or she is being policed. Her job entails live-in even if she is not working during those hours. I have a live-in nanny who does the same thing. She has two nights off in a week. She can choose to be wherever on those days. I am also a single mom. The reason that I have a live-in nanny is for any sort of emergency that may occur when she is not on duty and she is a door knock away. If I had another hand I would not have shared my privacy and home and have a live-in.

Hiring a live-in does not give you 24/7 backup care. That is something that you pay for. Sure, one of the benefits of having a live-in is that they are more readily available than a live-out, but that doesn't mean she owes you any amount of time that you aren't paying her for. Her job is to care for your kid between the hours of x-y. I'm sure that you pay a discounted rate because she is a live-in. THAT is what being a live-in means. You sound like a crazy person trying to keep your nanny locked in your basement in case you need her.

I disagree with a lot of these comments here. You hired a live-in nanny not a live-out nanny. So if after her work hours if she is out and returns only for the working hours which is next day, why have a live-in. If she is respectful she can let you know and ask if it's okay if she could return the next day. And if you do that, that does not mean you are mothering her or she is being policed. Her job entails live-in even if she is not working during those hours. I have a live-in nanny who does the same thing. She has two nights off in a week. She can choose to be wherever on those days. I am also a single mom. The reason that I have a live-in nanny is for any sort of emergency that may occur when she is not on duty and she is a door knock away. If I had another hand I would not have shared my privacy and home and have a live-in.

She is an adult!
Who are you to tell her what to do?
You are just her boss not god!
As long as she is home in time to work, sober, clean and
ready for the day to go..... I don't get your point!

It depends. If she stays at someone else's house and just arrives in the morning well rested then I wouldn't see a problem. She could be sleeping at a boyfriends house or staying with one of her friends. If they go out drinking its much safer to take the metro, bus, or walk back to a friend's house than drive.

If she is coming home at 3, 4, or 5 in the morning drunk its a different story.

OP it sounds like you got yourself in a situation that your now uncomfortable with. This would have had to been brought up beforehand and I think it's too late now (unless it's truly a deal breaker for you). Two questions though that seemed to have not been clearly answered:

When she does arrive home to work, is she ready able to do so the same she would be if she had been home all night?

Are you sure she's really "sleeping around", I guess it's irrelevant if she is, but it seems like it's also possibly an assumption? Maybe she just prefers to spend the night at a friends house for a change of scenery?

She may just be sleeping over at a girl friends house to not disturb you. I did that as a live in.
It doesn't mean she's sleeping around...

OP sounds unbearable. You have serious boundary issues if you think you are in any position to be judging her personal choices which have no effect on her job performance.

Thx, PP. Agree, sounds like a better fit.