Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Find someone else pronto. Give her a nice reference letter.

That shit would drive me nuts too. I love our manny, but am also firmly in the camp of "he is an employee, NOT a 'member of the family'".

Your kids must be older.

My kid is 2.

Girl? Boy? Potty-trained? Am obviously courious about the whole manny thing, and if some parents are ok with a manny diapering their daughters.

Our child is a girl. We've had the same manny since she was an infant. She is not toilet trained yet. I have no problem with trusted men, including our manny (and BIL, and cousins) diapering our daughter. (Men are not inherently pedophiles.)

Ick, even if you know "trusted men", why would you put off diapering to other people, other men? Ever heard of taking care of your own kid?

Why not keep her until your mat leave. Then let her go and go without the nanny for those 5 months. I think most people would find it hard to have nanny/MB home together for 5 months. Save yourself that frustration and then hire a new nanny when you are heading back to work.

OP, as several people have already stated, you should look for a new nanny. Your personalities don't click and it is just going to make for tension along the way, especially if you will be home on maternity leave for a few months. Not all jobs are good fits for people.

It sounds like you two just have a different approach to your relationship. The nanny may actually be happier with a family that wants to hear about her family and expresses an interest in her life. It's like any other job, some bosses want to have you over for dinner to meet the family, and some barely remember your name after 10 years in the same office. One isn't better, it is just different. Either way, it makes more sense to find someone that is a better fit for your personality.

She will drive you crazy when you're home with her all day. I had a housekeeper who talked non-stop but I could leave and I only had to see her once a week.

Most nannies leave because of the MB, not the kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- thanks to everyone for the great advice. For the most part, this has confirmed my feeling that this is not the right fit for a lot of reasons. I know it's not perfect for her either because she's constantly worried about why we aren't clicking -- she asks my husband about it all the time.

And for the PP below -- give me a friggin' break. Did you not read my original post where I specifically asked about whether I should overlook my needs in favor of the nanny continuing the relationship with my kid?

Anonymous wrote:Can't say I have much respect for parents who are convinced that their needs are the only ones that should matter.
If the nanny talks too much, can't you separate yourselves like big girls?

I had read what you wrote, OP. I was responding more to all(?) the posters here who seem to not give a hoot about the kid. It kind of makes me sick. I expect two caring and mature adults to be committed to the needs of a child, a little more often around here. Feels like, I don't like your new hair style. Fuck it. Out of here. Lovely. How do you think these kids are going to grow up, with that kind of constant example?

Yes, I have put up with a few shity parents over the years, and not because I didn't have other attractive job offers. I always knew that they weren't the most important part of my work. The child was. I expect parents to meet me at least half way. Adult relationships take work. You aren't going to find a person who is perfect for both you and your child. Why? You and your child have completely different needs, as it should be.

I trust you'll do the best thing for your child. I don't think parents should be looking to get their own needs met by their child's nanny.

As a long time nanny, a parent/nanny relationship is very important. If the relationship has any form of tension, even if they are being adults and working on their communication, a child can sense many things.

I've left a job before because the mother and I clashed in personality. There is nothing wrong with it. There is no reason OP that you can't find the best nanny for your child and for you.

I think you've already had great advice from other MBs and Nannies, and I'm sure you know what you want to do. Ignore the snaky nannies and go with your gut!

OP keep in mind that almost any nanny will be good with your child. Kids will enjoy a bad nanny as well as a good nanny. You need someone who you can trust to follow your guidance and professionally bring her her ideas not a yammering fool who lectures when she is no expert. As your child gets older, you and your nanny will need to make a number of changes. This is so much easier with a flexible and level headed nanny.

Anonymous wrote:This nanny you have right now,is like a bad husband ...

Exactly. Better luck next time around?

This nanny you have right now,is like a bad husband ...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- thanks to everyone for the great advice. For the most part, this has confirmed my feeling that this is not the right fit for a lot of reasons. I know it's not perfect for her either because she's constantly worried about why we aren't clicking -- she asks my husband about it all the time.

And for the PP below -- give me a friggin' break. Did you not read my original post where I specifically asked about whether I should overlook my needs in favor of the nanny continuing the relationship with my kid?

Anonymous wrote:Can't say I have much respect for parents who are convinced that their needs are the only ones that should matter.
If the nanny talks too much, can't you separate yourselves like big girls?

I had read what you wrote, OP. I was responding more to all(?) the posters here who seem to not give a hoot about the kid. It kind of makes me sick. I expect two caring and mature adults to be committed to the needs of a child, a little more often around here. Feels like, I don't like your new hair style. Fuck it. Out of here. Lovely. How do you think these kids are going to grow up, with that kind of constant example?

Yes, I have put up with a few shity parents over the years, and not because I didn't have other attractive job offers. I always knew that they weren't the most important part of my work. The child was. I expect parents to meet me at least half way. Adult relationships take work. You aren't going to find a person who is perfect for both you and your child. Why? You and your child have completely different needs, as it should be.

I trust you'll do the best thing for your child. I don't think parents should be looking to get their own needs met by their child's nanny.

I actually don't think that's true. Our very first nanny was similar to OPs and drove me crazy. She was good with DS but horrible with me. Since then, due to several military moves, we've had several other nannies who were actually even better with DS and I liked much more too and were MUCH easier to be around. Even though we have moved I'm still in touch with them. So it's definitely possible to find a nanny that is good with your children and who you enjoy being around.

Yikes! If you weren't going to be staying home for maternity leave, I wouldn't suggest this, but since you will be home w/this nanny in the future, then I guess you have no other option but to let her go.

Doing so will not be easy since it seems she is a competent nanny all around. She is doing what she is told to do and she is loving and engaged toward your son. So she may be a bit confused when you let her go.

On the other hand, since you will be home those five mos., you will need to have someone who you can work alongside w/ and this woman and you have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever. You are at one end of the spectrum and she is at the other end I am afraid.

Be tactful and just say it is just a personality issue. Stress to her that you both just seem to have different needs at this point and that you think it would be in both parties best interest to move on. Let her know you appreciated the two months she cared for your son and that he will miss her a lot. Offer to be a reference for her and if possible, perhaps offer up a small gesture, perhaps a gift card? This will make your decision feel less guilty.

While I think she is a little too personal for a nanny OP, I strongly suggest you view your future nanny in a little more personal light.
I do not view a family nanny as a true "member of the family," however since they play such an important part of your child's life, I think they should be treated as more than a business person.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I trust you'll do the best thing for your child. I don't think parents should be looking to get their own needs met by their child's nanny.

Life is too short and there are way too many nannies out there to continue to employ her when it isn't a good fit. You are the employer here and you have the right to hire who is the best fit for the job- that means someone who meets your childcare needs, while not driving you crazy with their know-it-all attitude. Just imagine how that will be when you are there, dealing with postpartum hormone crashes, and trying to get to know your new baby? You need to start looking now and find someone who isn't going to drive you crazy the whole time, when you should be enjoying your maternity leave. I put up with a nanny in the past who had some similar qualities to yours and for the same reason, I felt like it was one or the other- that she was good for the kids so I should put up with the fact that she was hard to communicate and deal with for us. I find now with our new hire, that you actually can have both and it makes for such a better existence. The new nanny is better with the kids too.

Is she looking for a new job?

Anonymous wrote:

I trust you'll do the best thing for your child. I don't think parents should be looking to get their own needs met by their child's nanny.

Life is too short and there are way too many nannies out there to continue to employ her when it isn't a good fit. You are the employer here and you have the right to hire who is the best fit for the job- that means someone who meets your childcare needs, while not driving you crazy with their know-it-all attitude. Just imagine how that will be when you are there, dealing with postpartum hormone crashes, and trying to get to know your new baby? You need to start looking now and find someone who isn't going to drive you crazy the whole time, when you should be enjoying your maternity leave. I put up with a nanny in the past who had some similar qualities to yours and for the same reason, I felt like it was one or the other- that she was good for the kids so I should put up with the fact that she was hard to communicate and deal with for us. I find now with our new hire, that you actually can have both and it makes for such a better existence. The new nanny is better with the kids too.

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- thanks to everyone for the great advice. For the most part, this has confirmed my feeling that this is not the right fit for a lot of reasons. I know it's not perfect for her either because she's constantly worried about why we aren't clicking -- she asks my husband about it all the time.

And for the PP below -- give me a friggin' break. Did you not read my original post where I specifically asked about whether I should overlook my needs in favor of the nanny continuing the relationship with my kid?

Anonymous wrote:Can't say I have much respect for parents who are convinced that their needs are the only ones that should matter.
If the nanny talks too much, can't you separate yourselves like big girls?

I had read what you wrote, OP. I was responding more to all(?) the posters here who seem to not give a hoot about the kid. It kind of makes me sick. I expect two caring and mature adults to be committed to the needs of a child, a little more often around here. Feels like, I don't like your new hair style. Fuck it. Out of here. Lovely. How do you think these kids are going to grow up, with that kind of constant example?

Yes, I have put up with a few shity parents over the years, and not because I didn't have other attractive job offers. I always knew that they weren't the most important part of my work. The child was. I expect parents to meet me at least half way. Adult relationships take work. You aren't going to find a person who is perfect for both you and your child. Why? You and your child have completely different needs, as it should be.

I trust you'll do the best thing for your child. I don't think parents should be looking to get their own needs met by their child's nanny.