This is OP. I stopped reading this after it turned into a ridiculous argument about written references-which I NEVER mentioned. It is impossible to get advice on this forum. The simplest questions turn into a giant argument.

Anonymous wrote:I have worked for my family for 15 months.
I'm ready to move on and am in the process of interviewing.
My boss is definitely going to be pissed off when I quit.
She is incredibly high-maintenance and I know that she will give me crap about quitting.
I can only imagine that she would give me a less than glowing reference (although I have been a good nanny to their son) to potential employers.
What do I do when people tell me they want to speak with her?

Anonymous wrote:No, you simply hire the best nannies who have current references and parents actively working to secure the next job for them .

Anonymous wrote:

15:02, do you normally give notice before securing your next job? I doubt it. Stop with the stupidity. It makes you look silly.

You can throw whatever little fit you want but MBs are not going to hand you a job without a current reference. If you won't provide this or do not have a positive one, you will end up having a harder time finding a job than the other candidates who can provide this.

15:02, do you normally give notice before securing your next job? I doubt it. Stop with the stupidity. It makes you look silly.

Anonymous wrote:OP I think it really depends on the employment market you are competing with in your areas. The top 4 candidates that I chose all had real references and consistent job histories with no gaps. If one had not been able to produce a reference for their most job of over a year, honestly, this one would have been set aside. I wouldn't have a viewed a letter without being able to contact the reference as legitimate either and can't imagine anyone else doing this.

If I had been struggling to find good candidates, it would be a different story. I would still require speaking with your former employer and listen to what she said. I might ask the other references whether they had experienced the same negative things. If the negative things were important to the job I needed you to do, I would have another conversation with you and make sure you explicitly understood what was and wasn't OK for this job. I would not spend time getting drug into a drama of she/said she/said. How you responded would be very important to me. If you jumped off the ledge and starting saying how your former employer was nuts, you are perfect, she's just pissed etc I would pass on you. No one is perfect and you would seem like an employee who never honestly assesses her own performance.

OP I think it really depends on the employment market you are competing with in your areas. The top 4 candidates that I chose all had real references and consistent job histories with no gaps. If one had not been able to produce a reference for their most job of over a year, honestly, this one would have been set aside. I wouldn't have a viewed a letter without being able to contact the reference as legitimate either and can't imagine anyone else doing this.

If I had been struggling to find good candidates, it would be a different story. I would still require speaking with your former employer and listen to what she said. I might ask the other references whether they had experienced the same negative things. If the negative things were important to the job I needed you to do, I would have another conversation with you and make sure you explicitly understood what was and wasn't OK for this job. I would not spend time getting drug into a drama of she/said she/said. How you responded would be very important to me. If you jumped off the ledge and starting saying how your former employer was nuts, you are perfect, she's just pissed etc I would pass on you. No one is perfect and you would seem like an employee who never honestly assesses her own performance.

You don't read English too well. Where does she say she quit or was fired for cause?

Anonymous wrote:

Or they try everything to prevent you from collecting unemployment. This is what I going through, it's been tough!

This doesn't make sense.

In most states you can't collect unemployment if you quit or if you are fired for cause. Your employers would not be "trying everything to prevent you from collecting unemployment" they would simply not be falsifying or lying on documents in order for you to collect.

Or they try everything to prevent you from collecting unemployment. This is what I going through, it's been tough!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You're missing the point. You can gather all the letters you want. A serious employer is still going to want to call to verify them.

How many hours would your "serious" employer spend trying to track down references who may have moved in the last 10 or 20 years? Oh, I know, your serious employer is going to hire a private investigator to do all the legwork, right? After all, your serious employer still needs to earn a living and not be hanging on the phone all day trying to verify a bunch of old letter writers.

Well, I'm an MB and while I may not be able to track down references from 10 years ago I'm also not going to take a letter of reference from your most recent employer instead of talking to them on the phone. And if all you have are letters from 10 years ago and no one for me to talk to on the phone you are not getting the job. I have no idea if the letter is real, I'm not hiring anyone based on any letters.

OP, every MB is going to be different but from my perspective, I'd much rather you just be honest with me and say "my current MB isn't so happy that I am leaving so I'd rather not use her as a reference but here are 3 references from the last 5-10 years who you can speak with." If you give me a letter from your current MB and I can't talk to her that would be a huge red flag for me.

How many references do you give your favorite nanny applicants? If your answer is zero, how does the nanny know that you'll give her a paycheck on time? Or that your husband isn't on the prowl?