Anonymous
Post 07/22/2013 07:47     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
You are happy with the situation, except for the ultimatum? If so, I would simply put aside offense of the ultimatum (assuming that it is out of character). State that your budget stands at X, and that your original offer of 40 hrs per week at the agreed upon rate per hour still stands.

She can chose to stay at the rate you originally agreed upon, or she can look for another arrangement.

If you have the budget, you could offer her one night or a few hrs on the weekend, and give yourself a night out. That can be a nice safety valve for your sanity/marriage. I wouldn't put the amount per hour as your rate is good...and if you up the rate, and later need more hrs, then you may exceed your budget.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2013 22:58     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
NisforNanny wrote:OP, I think you're being very considerate of your nanny and offered her a position that is more than fair. If the money if not much of a concern for you - it doesn't sound like it is - I would counter with an offer of $50/week worth of work and see how she responds. That's 2-3 hours, depending on how you handle overtime. Perhaps a date night or household support tasks once per week? She was working more hours under the share, so should have the availability. I also wonder if the language barrier is part of the issue in how she (poorly) expressed herself. If she is gracious and agreeable to your offer of additional hours, perhaps it was an unintentional ultimatum. If she isn't interested in working with you, I would pick a mutually agreeable end date. If she's unhappy and antagonistic towards your new agreement, it's unlikely she'll be the same nanny she was in your share. It might be better for your son to keep positive memories of her and their relationship, as well as have a positive relationship with his next caregiver, than to enter into a nanny-family relationship that shows signs of deteriorating. You should like an excellent employer and you could likely find another nanny who would be a good fit for you family.


+1
NisforNanny
Post 07/21/2013 22:01     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
OP, I think you're being very considerate of your nanny and offered her a position that is more than fair. If the money if not much of a concern for you - it doesn't sound like it is - I would counter with an offer of $50/week worth of work and see how she responds. That's 2-3 hours, depending on how you handle overtime. Perhaps a date night or household support tasks once per week? She was working more hours under the share, so should have the availability. I also wonder if the language barrier is part of the issue in how she (poorly) expressed herself. If she is gracious and agreeable to your offer of additional hours, perhaps it was an unintentional ultimatum. If she isn't interested in working with you, I would pick a mutually agreeable end date. If she's unhappy and antagonistic towards your new agreement, it's unlikely she'll be the same nanny she was in your share. It might be better for your son to keep positive memories of her and their relationship, as well as have a positive relationship with his next caregiver, than to enter into a nanny-family relationship that shows signs of deteriorating. You should like an excellent employer and you could likely find another nanny who would be a good fit for you family.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2013 14:31     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Doesn't speak English well and doesn't drive? You're overpaying big time and she isn't professional given the way she handled it. I no finding a new nanny is a pain but for your children's sake I'd do it.
Anonymous
Post 07/21/2013 02:25     Subject: Re:Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
We did pay her a lower rate in our share due to the language barrier and that she cannot drive.


OP you are overpaying BIGTIME for a nanny that doesn't drive and can't speak english. Nannies with these deficiencies can barely find jobs offering $10-$12. $17 is unheard of for a nanny who lacks basic communication and driving skills.


PP - I do not think you are correct. I pay our nanny $17 for one kid. She does not speak English at all and does not drive. My child is growing speaking two languages. I can communicate with the nanny because I speak her language as well. This nanny takes care of my DS really well and he loves her. She also goes above her agreed upon duties and cleans our house during nap times. She is never hesitant to help us out. I remember a post on here with a nanny complaining about being asked to clean out a car she is driving her charges in. Our nanny saw how messy my car once and offered to clean it for me. Why would not I pay $17 per hour?

I wish you were my MB .
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2013 18:53     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:As your child gets older, you are more likely to need someone who drives and speaks English. For that pay, you can afford someone with both of these skills. Why drag out with someone who doesn't fit your (most likely)future needs, who is resentful of your pay, who may nickle and dime you whenever possible, who seems immature, etc.


+1
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2013 12:03     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
It sounds like it would be better if you got a new nanny. This one is no longer a good fit for your family. You don't need her as many hours as she'd like to work. This nanny doesn't like your new situation and has given you a rather rude ultimatum on paying her more than your already higher than average rate. I'm guessing she wouldn't be amenable to additional housekeeping, grocery shopping, or food preparation that might be worth such a high rate.

Also, she is going to be expecting raises and bonuses, pushing up your costs considerably.

Share nannies make more money. She needs to find a new share arrangement and you need to find a new nanny.

You can find excellent candidates for $16/hr who your children will love just as much or more.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2013 11:06     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here I think this post has taken a different tune. I am not upset about how I am much I am paying her to work. I am upset about how she handled the situation. If she had come to me and said, " I really need a little but more money to pay me bills. Can we please work something out? " I would not even blink and eye. I would have paid her because I do think she is doing a good job and it is not a lot of money in the long run.
I am just taken back by her ultimatium. I am planning on talking to her about it directly. But, I was just wondering how others would handle it. I would like her to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to be a push over.


If her language skills are bad- perhaps it is part of her problem communicating in a mature, professional way?

I don't do well with ultimatums, personally.



Agree with the first sentence. I mean it is quite possible she came across as giving an ultimatum because of her English skills but she really was not


I agree also. For a NSOE this would be a red flag, but if her English skills are limited it's really difficult for us to determine if she was intentionally being rude or simply relying on the limited words/structures she's familiar with.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2013 10:16     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would look for a new nanny, OP. It's not the fact that she wants more money it's the way she is handling it. If she had said, "I thought about it and unfortunately I don't think I can accept such a big pay cut but I'd like to keep working for you. What can we work out?" Then maybe I'd consider it but getting angry and giving you an ultimatum is a very immature way to handle it and says more about the nanny.


+1

This. The nanny sounds very ungracious to me and I would no longer be comfortable with her after how she handled things. A fresh start would be better for everyone.
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2013 07:48     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here I think this post has taken a different tune. I am not upset about how I am much I am paying her to work. I am upset about how she handled the situation. If she had come to me and said, " I really need a little but more money to pay me bills. Can we please work something out? " I would not even blink and eye. I would have paid her because I do think she is doing a good job and it is not a lot of money in the long run.
I am just taken back by her ultimatium. I am planning on talking to her about it directly. But, I was just wondering how others would handle it. I would like her to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to be a push over.


MB here who leads a large team of people at her job. I am yet to see a perfect employee. I mean a person who is always happy and enthusiasitic, never late on anything, always two steps ahead of me, etc. And I can sincerely say that the folks on my team are great. They are humans however. Once in a while almost everyone might have an attitude. A person could be stressed out, tired, had a bad day, whatever... Personally, I would think twice before letting go of someone who is doing a great job and has shown an attitude once. Great people are hard to find. Perhaps, it makes sense to talk to her and see if the situation can still be worked out?


But the nanny isn't great!
Let's look at the nanny's "Great" qualities:
*poor attitude
*can't do basic math (difference between 40 and 50 hours)
*won't admit when she's confused about a new situation (50 vs 40 hours, again)
*doesn't drive
*doesn't speak English well.

....this is a no brainer OP. Drop her. You can find a better nanny, who your child will love, easily.


Well, OP's child adores the nanny and OP was willing to pay her the same rate as in the share which is an indicator of a person doing a good job. All the other things we know from the OP's story only. It actually could have been OP who did not present this new situation well and misunderstanding took place on the nanny's side. I wonder what we will hear if we actually got to know the nanny's side of this story
Anonymous
Post 07/20/2013 07:34     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here I think this post has taken a different tune. I am not upset about how I am much I am paying her to work. I am upset about how she handled the situation. If she had come to me and said, " I really need a little but more money to pay me bills. Can we please work something out? " I would not even blink and eye. I would have paid her because I do think she is doing a good job and it is not a lot of money in the long run.
I am just taken back by her ultimatium. I am planning on talking to her about it directly. But, I was just wondering how others would handle it. I would like her to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to be a push over.


If her language skills are bad- perhaps it is part of her problem communicating in a mature, professional way?

I don't do well with ultimatums, personally.



Agree with the first sentence. I mean it is quite possible she came across as giving an ultimatum because of her English skills but she really was not
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2013 22:26     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:Op here I think this post has taken a different tune. I am not upset about how I am much I am paying her to work. I am upset about how she handled the situation. If she had come to me and said, " I really need a little but more money to pay me bills. Can we please work something out? " I would not even blink and eye. I would have paid her because I do think she is doing a good job and it is not a lot of money in the long run.
I am just taken back by her ultimatium. I am planning on talking to her about it directly. But, I was just wondering how others would handle it. I would like her to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to be a push over.


If her language skills are bad- perhaps it is part of her problem communicating in a mature, professional way?

I don't do well with ultimatums, personally.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2013 17:38     Subject: Re:Should I look for a new nanny?
Op here I think this post has taken a different tune. I am not upset about how I am much I am paying her to work. I am upset about how she handled the situation. If she had come to me and said, " I really need a little but more money to pay me bills. Can we please work something out? " I would not even blink and eye. I would have paid her because I do think she is doing a good job and it is not a lot of money in the long run.
I am just taken back by her ultimatium. I am planning on talking to her about it directly. But, I was just wondering how others would handle it. I would like her to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to be a push over.


OP, don't go down that road. Your nanny is an adult and her paying her bills is her business. You need to offer a fair rate for the service she provides. You are more than doing that. Your rate is above the average rate for this area, and considering she doesn't drive (I don't think the language thing is a big deal, personally) you are overpaying.

If her attitude is bad, and it sounds like it is, and her knowledge of the market and math are so bad, you might want to start over with a new nanny.
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2013 16:19     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here I think this post has taken a different tune. I am not upset about how I am much I am paying her to work. I am upset about how she handled the situation. If she had come to me and said, " I really need a little but more money to pay me bills. Can we please work something out? " I would not even blink and eye. I would have paid her because I do think she is doing a good job and it is not a lot of money in the long run.
I am just taken back by her ultimatium. I am planning on talking to her about it directly. But, I was just wondering how others would handle it. I would like her to be happy, but at the same time I don't want to be a push over.


MB here who leads a large team of people at her job. I am yet to see a perfect employee. I mean a person who is always happy and enthusiasitic, never late on anything, always two steps ahead of me, etc. And I can sincerely say that the folks on my team are great. They are humans however. Once in a while almost everyone might have an attitude. A person could be stressed out, tired, had a bad day, whatever... Personally, I would think twice before letting go of someone who is doing a great job and has shown an attitude once. Great people are hard to find. Perhaps, it makes sense to talk to her and see if the situation can still be worked out?

Agree. Does she have time for an English course, OP?
Anonymous
Post 07/19/2013 16:07     Subject: Should I look for a new nanny?
OP,

You need to look for a new nanny. She has an attitude and instead of talking to you like an adult about her situation, she chose to have a temper tantrum. It also looks like your needs are changing and you should find someone better suited for your family.

NP