The only thing I could imagine is if the nanny is an actual mother herself. Just as I call my sister or aunt and wish them a happy mothers day. But I agree that it is strange to use mothers day to specifically recognize your nanny.

Anonymous wrote:Every choice a mom makes is about her kids? Really?

Why do you find that shocking? Can you give me an example of a choice that a mom would make that wouldn't have at least an indirect effect on her kids?

I would consider it very odd if a family were to ever give me a Mother's Day card or present. I'm not the mother, I'm the nanny.

I have given my nanny a very nice chef's knife one year and then the next year I treated her to a deluxe spa mani/pedi (she was flying to Spain for her daughter's wedding and i thought some pampering plus having her nails professionally done would be one less thing to worry about when she arrived overseas). I don't do a card. I know it's mother's day, but it's a way for our family to thank her for all that she does. I also definitely feel that we are a 3-person team (DH, nanny and I tag team and raise our DC together).

For her birthday I have treated her, her mother who was visiting from overseas, and her adult daughter to high tea at the Ritz. I knew her mom is a huge tea drinker, so I thought they would particularly enjoy that. Last year, it was her 50th b-day, so we gave her $250 in cash.

In my culture, it's very acceptable for people to give others gifts of appreciation, particularly when they are helping out w/ the kids. I don't view this as saying that my nanny is our DC's "mom." I don't that my nanny views it that way either.

Wow! I've been a nanny for 20 years and have never heard of giving a nanny a Mother's Day gift!!! I, personally, would not accept a Mother's Day gift from my employers or charges. I'm NOT a substitute mother. I love my little ones and care for them as my own but they are NOT MY CHILDREN. I think of a nanny as a governess, a tutor, a teacher, a baby nurse... not a fill-in mommy!

Every choice a mom makes is about her kids? Really?

Out there has a lots generous family,and their appreciated when
their not around the nanny can be a mother,or a nana everything for them ,this call Appreciated did you get that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of parents who consider their nanny to be very much of a co-parent.

They probably also consider their husband a coparent, but he's not the mother either. I am a nanny and I would find it very strange to be given a Mother's Day gift. My role in the children's lives is special and important and I am secure enough that I value my actual role of caregiver and do not need to be honored for a role I do not fill.

I doubt the father is the primary caregiver. Are you the primary caregiver?

I now see the kids about the same number of waking hours as the parents (4-day-per-week preschool), but yes, for a log time I spent more waking hours with them than their mother. But bein the primary caregiver did not make me their mother. I love my charges in the time that I am with them, but at any point I could just walk away. Being a caregiver means that you are responsible for the kid(s) for X hours a day. Being a mother is about being responsible TO the kid(s) every minute day or night from the time they are born until you die. Every choice a mom makes is about her kids in some way, and no mom should ever believe that she can be replaced by ANY employee, no matter how dedicated or loving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of parents who consider their nanny to be very much of a co-parent.

They probably also consider their husband a coparent, but he's not the mother either. I am a nanny and I would find it very strange to be given a Mother's Day gift. My role in the children's lives is special and important and I am secure enough that I value my actual role of caregiver and do not need to be honored for a role I do not fill.

I doubt the father is the primary caregiver. Are you the primary caregiver?

Anonymous wrote:I know lots of parents who consider their nanny to be very much of a co-parent.

They probably also consider their husband a coparent, but he's not the mother either. I am a nanny and I would find it very strange to be given a Mother's Day gift. My role in the children's lives is special and important and I am secure enough that I value my actual role of caregiver and do not need to be honored for a role I do not fill.

I am a "MANNY" and do work as a team with the kids' parents, they are awesome and they always give me presents in every single important occasion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I hate us when a woman is unable to conceive and people say pig that's ok, you're a mother to the kids you nanny, or your nieces, neighbor kids etc. But when it comes time to hand out kudos on mothers day, suddenly the only people who count are the ones who gave birth, whether they chose it or not. The women who do actual mothering and are down in the trenches are told to suck it.

Who taught you how to speak? Because they did it wrong.

did what wrong? You're not making sense.

Anonymous wrote:What I hate us when a woman is unable to conceive and people say pig that's ok, you're a mother to the kids you nanny, or your nieces, neighbor kids etc. But when it comes time to hand out kudos on mothers day, suddenly the only people who count are the ones who gave birth, whether they chose it or not. The women who do actual mothering and are down in the trenches are told to suck it.

Who taught you how to speak? Because they did it wrong.

See the "Happy Mother's Day" thread.

Anonymous wrote:What I hate us when a woman is unable to conceive and people say pig that's ok, you're a mother to the kids you nanny, or your nieces, neighbor kids etc. But when it comes time to hand out kudos on mothers day, suddenly the only people who count are the ones who gave birth, whether they chose it or not. The women who do actual mothering and are down in the trenches are told to suck it.

The mother substitutes are often called
"Shadow Mothers".