Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 22:19     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:OP, stop blaming the parents because you have been unsuccessful disciplining him. It doesn't matter if you discipline differently. I have worked in situations where I had a different disciplining style than the parents. They quickly caught on to my style, and knew how to behave with me. They also knew how to behave with their parents.

I remember how both my parents were very different with us. That didn't cause me to misbehave.


I was actually very successful in discipline before he began getting spanked. I have experience, and see how children who are spanked are more aggressive and physically violent. It's common sense, and there is much science to back up my claims. You can continue to defend corporal punishment, but the fact remains its an archaic and damaging form of discipline. I will not do it, and that isn't negotiable. It is. My business how he is disciplined because we must be on the same page. Yes, the parents make the decisions, I never stated otherwise. However, to state I should mind my own business, when the child is my business. I find this website to be so full of angry trolls you can rarely get a decent answer, going to post this on ISYNC and hope I get better results.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 17:46     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I honestly can't believe that there are three pages of people mainly defending a parents right to spank. Your children are still human beings with rights of their own, perhaps not legally, but certainly on a basic level. Spanking is hitting, it is not less abusive because it is on the butt rather than a slap in the face or a twist of the arm. If you can not get your own anger in check, you have no business being around children. Hitting is not discipline, it is lazy, mean, and detrimental to children in so many ways.


This thread isn't whether or not to spank. It's about where the parameters of the nanny's responsibilities and authority lie and what she chooses to do about it.

Debating spanking here is as useful as debating breastfeeding, SAHM vs. WOHM, hiring legal nannies, etc...

But the OP wanted to know what she should do about the conflict and how to discuss it w/ the parents. That's a valid discussion for this forum.


I was addressing the responses that basically said it is the parent's right to decide if they want to spank or not. No, perhaps this is not what the OP was addressing (though DCUM forums NEVER go off topic, I know) but it was a sentiment that I felt strongly about expressing. OP is, IMO, right to disagree with her employers on the issue of spanking their child, and perhaps they could get their heads out of their own asses for long enough to realize that their way is not the best just because they are the parents.

Excellent points.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 17:21     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I honestly can't believe that there are three pages of people mainly defending a parents right to spank. Your children are still human beings with rights of their own, perhaps not legally, but certainly on a basic level. Spanking is hitting, it is not less abusive because it is on the butt rather than a slap in the face or a twist of the arm. If you can not get your own anger in check, you have no business being around children. Hitting is not discipline, it is lazy, mean, and detrimental to children in so many ways.


This thread isn't whether or not to spank. It's about where the parameters of the nanny's responsibilities and authority lie and what she chooses to do about it.

Debating spanking here is as useful as debating breastfeeding, SAHM vs. WOHM, hiring legal nannies, etc...

But the OP wanted to know what she should do about the conflict and how to discuss it w/ the parents. That's a valid discussion for this forum.


I was addressing the responses that basically said it is the parent's right to decide if they want to spank or not. No, perhaps this is not what the OP was addressing (though DCUM forums NEVER go off topic, I know) but it was a sentiment that I felt strongly about expressing. OP is, IMO, right to disagree with her employers on the issue of spanking their child, and perhaps they could get their heads out of their own asses for long enough to realize that their way is not the best just because they are the parents.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 16:53     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:I honestly can't believe that there are three pages of people mainly defending a parents right to spank. Your children are still human beings with rights of their own, perhaps not legally, but certainly on a basic level. Spanking is hitting, it is not less abusive because it is on the butt rather than a slap in the face or a twist of the arm. If you can not get your own anger in check, you have no business being around children. Hitting is not discipline, it is lazy, mean, and detrimental to children in so many ways.


This thread isn't whether or not to spank. It's about where the parameters of the nanny's responsibilities and authority lie and what she chooses to do about it.

Debating spanking here is as useful as debating breastfeeding, SAHM vs. WOHM, hiring legal nannies, etc...

But the OP wanted to know what she should do about the conflict and how to discuss it w/ the parents. That's a valid discussion for this forum.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 16:48     Subject: Spanking
OP, stop blaming the parents because you have been unsuccessful disciplining him. It doesn't matter if you discipline differently. I have worked in situations where I had a different disciplining style than the parents. They quickly caught on to my style, and knew how to behave with me. They also knew how to behave with their parents.

I remember how both my parents were very different with us. That didn't cause me to misbehave.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 15:33     Subject: Spanking
I honestly can't believe that there are three pages of people mainly defending a parents right to spank. Your children are still human beings with rights of their own, perhaps not legally, but certainly on a basic level. Spanking is hitting, it is not less abusive because it is on the butt rather than a slap in the face or a twist of the arm. If you can not get your own anger in check, you have no business being around children. Hitting is not discipline, it is lazy, mean, and detrimental to children in so many ways.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 15:28     Subject: Spanking
Question for the parents that spank but have a problem with the nanny doing so: why did you decide to spank? Do you believe there are other equally effective methods? If yes, why hit your kid? If no, how do you expect the nanny to do so without also spanking? Genuine questions. The logic truly baffles me and I'd like to hear good reasoning for it. Btw I am a nanny that would never lay hands on a child, and was raised by parents that "spanked" in the sense that if we pissed them off we were beaten black and blue.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 15:00     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am upfront when interviewing that I don't spank, won't spank, and will not work for a family that does spank.

The family I currently work for swore up and down they don't agree with corporal punishment, this was when their oldest was 18-months-old and now he is almost 4, and the youngest is 2. He is a very strong willed boy, and first I noticed that DB was spanking, and MB protested now they both say that he is too be spanked if he won't sit in time-out. I said I will not spank, they said that was fine. They fail to realize that we need to be on the same page as far as discipline and boundaries go. Every day has been Hell, he has become more aggressive since they began spanking and since I don't spank he feels like he can run all over me. I don't feel like this family and I are a good fit, and discussed leaving by the end of the summer with my bosses. They want to try to work things out, and think that he'll settle down once he starts Pre-K but I know it has to do with the spanking, and since I have such strong convictions against it I just can't work there anymore. Would it be out of my jurisdiction to show MB and DB information about the negative effects of corporal punishment, and give them some alternative solutions?
My My you nannies try to have so much jurisdiction with kids hat are not even yours! Here's a tip OP: BUTT OUT! Honestly you seem to secure in your view as to why he's aggressive and blame spanking, he probably deserves it! You come across like a know it all. It might be he may need that and of course he will run over you, positive reinforcement bull shit doesn't work most of the time! Leave without preaching. Not your decision and unless hey are abusing him its not your right to interfere.

Nice. Get some help for yourself.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 14:58     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:There is a fine line between spanking and abuse.
Spanking reinforces to a child that if they continue to do as they please and not follow authority, they will feel it where it hurts. Abuse is when someone is physically assaulting a child for no logical reason....when the anger is unwarranted or out of control.

If spanking is ever outlawed, you bet this world will be full of a bunch of self-entitled brats. Wait and see. I promise.

Anyway, it is NONE of your business how anyone else raises their kids OP.
I am against certain issues myself, but I am hired to do as the parents wish and what they do when I am not there is truly none of my business.

Get over it.


+1
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 14:57     Subject: Spanking
I spank, my nanny does not. No problem at all. My 3 yo is loved and well behaved and is not at all violent. Actually, he RARELY is spanked-- but direct defiance will get a wooden spoon to the bottom. All that needs to be done now is for the wooden spoon to sit on the kitchen counter as a reminder of what defiance earns you. This isn't an issue of the child being ill behaved BECAUSE of the spanking, it is an issue of the child being ill behaved and you not wanting to deal with that-- which is totally fine if you are willing to look for another job.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 14:31     Subject: Spanking
PPhere. That* and Too*
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 14:30     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:I am upfront when interviewing that I don't spank, won't spank, and will not work for a family that does spank.

The family I currently work for swore up and down they don't agree with corporal punishment, this was when their oldest was 18-months-old and now he is almost 4, and the youngest is 2. He is a very strong willed boy, and first I noticed that DB was spanking, and MB protested now they both say that he is too be spanked if he won't sit in time-out. I said I will not spank, they said that was fine. They fail to realize that we need to be on the same page as far as discipline and boundaries go. Every day has been Hell, he has become more aggressive since they began spanking and since I don't spank he feels like he can run all over me. I don't feel like this family and I are a good fit, and discussed leaving by the end of the summer with my bosses. They want to try to work things out, and think that he'll settle down once he starts Pre-K but I know it has to do with the spanking, and since I have such strong convictions against it I just can't work there anymore. Would it be out of my jurisdiction to show MB and DB information about the negative effects of corporal punishment, and give them some alternative solutions?
My My you nannies try to have so much jurisdiction with kids hat are not even yours! Here's a tip OP: BUTT OUT! Honestly you seem to secure in your view as to why he's aggressive and blame spanking, he probably deserves it! You come across like a know it all. It might be he may need that and of course he will run over you, positive reinforcement bull shit doesn't work most of the time! Leave without preaching. Not your decision and unless hey are abusing him its not your right to interfere.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 13:23     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is none of your business. You are not the parent, of course you wouldn't be spanking

Most nannies are in fact doing the majority of the parenting work, while the bioparents sit in their downtown offices.
Sorry.


Give me a break w/ this attitude. It's ridiculous and short-sighted. Perhaps one day you'll have children of your own and you'll understand the full scope of parenting and everything that it entails. Those of us who are professional nannies understand the difference between the nanny and the parent. Those of us who are parents understand it as well.



+1

I am a nanny who is not a parent and I find this attitude offensive (as well as ridiculous and short-sighted).



I'm a nanny, not yet a parent myself, but seriously I agree this attitude gets so annoying. Just because some of you spend many hours as a nanny you think you get this self righteous title as "primary parent." There's a whole lot more to parenting than changing diapers all day, preparing bottles, and taking to music class. Besides being a nanny means we're only there for such a short time, do we really need to say we've raised children?! Helped raise, certainly, but raised or "done most of the parenting" is ridiculous.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 12:56     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is none of your business. You are not the parent, of course you wouldn't be spanking

Most nannies are in fact doing the majority of the parenting work, while the bioparents sit in their downtown offices.
Sorry.


Give me a break w/ this attitude. It's ridiculous and short-sighted. Perhaps one day you'll have children of your own and you'll understand the full scope of parenting and everything that it entails. Those of us who are professional nannies understand the difference between the nanny and the parent. Those of us who are parents understand it as well.



+1

I am a nanny who is not a parent and I find this attitude offensive (as well as ridiculous and short-sighted).
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2013 12:21     Subject: Spanking
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is none of your business. You are not the parent, of course you wouldn't be spanking

Most nannies are in fact doing the majority of the parenting work, while the bioparents sit in their downtown offices.
Sorry.


Give me a break w/ this attitude. It's ridiculous and short-sighted. Perhaps one day you'll have children of your own and you'll understand the full scope of parenting and everything that it entails. Those of us who are professional nannies understand the difference between the nanny and the parent. Those of us who are parents understand it as well.