Anonymous
04/16/2013 01:35
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update after talking to both moms today.
Bio mom is back from her business trip and I brought up the last few days and did as several of you suggested (thank you) and give an anicdote of this happening before as well as flat out saying, soon enough baby will be in school and I will be long removed as nanny, but you guys are mom and will always be around and even then there might be days kiddo prefers one to the other. Which seemed to break the tension and the ice considerably.
I am not one to confront people about anything but I am so thankful I didn't let this fester. This could have blown up into a huge issue with lots of resentment on both sides and instead it actually became a really concrete moment in our nanny/MB(s) relationship.
For the rest of you fighting in this thread, have a glass of wine. It'll do wonders for chip on your shoulders
I'm glad to hear it worked out.
So many problems could be solved by clear, respectful and considerate conversations!
Anonymous
04/12/2013 11:04
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
What on earth are you talking about? You can't even tell who you're talking to since at least 3 different posts are "quoted" in your post.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 18:41
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
You mean how could anyone put a price tag on your ego? ..LOL. Get it right dear. Thatvisbjot healthy for anyone! But you don't see this as you're too busy stroking your ego.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My seven yr old charge throws a HUGE temper tantrum when I go home every day.
He has a complete meltdown and I know his parents must dread having to go through all of this when they come home and are tired from working all day.
However, they both assure me it is worth it to them because they enjoy the luxury of going to the office every day, knowing their child is being taken care of and loved.
How could they even put a price tag on that?
Um - a 7 year old throwing a tantrum when the nanny leaves is not a good thing. It isn't a sign of good nannying or good parenting. It's a sign of bad behavior being reinforced by people who think separation dramatics are healthy or somehow a sign of love.
It's trouble, and it's not good for the child. The only person it's good for is the one who is somehow gratified by what they perceive as a demonstration of affection.
I'm not trying to bash PP, but the quote above is probably right. It could be as serious as Operant Defiant Disorder, amongst other possibilities that type of anxiety and dramatics is not healthy for a child beyond preschool. You need to work with hm/her on healthy expressions before it gets violent.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 18:17
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
OP here with an update after talking to both moms today.
Bio mom is back from her business trip and I brought up the last few days and did as several of you suggested (thank you) and give an anicdote of this happening before as well as flat out saying, soon enough baby will be in school and I will be long removed as nanny, but you guys are mom and will always be around and even then there might be days kiddo prefers one to the other. Which seemed to break the tension and the ice considerably.
I am not one to confront people about anything but I am so thankful I didn't let this fester. This could have blown up into a huge issue with lots of resentment on both sides and instead it actually became a really concrete moment in our nanny/MB(s) relationship.
For the rest of you fighting in this thread, have a glass of wine. It'll do wonders for chip on your shoulders
Bio mom is back from her business trip and I brought up the last few days and did as several of you suggested (thank you) and give an anicdote of this happening before as well as flat out saying, soon enough baby will be in school and I will be long removed as nanny, but you guys are mom and will always be around and even then there might be days kiddo prefers one to the other. Which seemed to break the tension and the ice considerably.
I am not one to confront people about anything but I am so thankful I didn't let this fester. This could have blown up into a huge issue with lots of resentment on both sides and instead it actually became a really concrete moment in our nanny/MB(s) relationship.
For the rest of you fighting in this thread, have a glass of wine. It'll do wonders for chip on your shoulders
Anonymous
04/11/2013 16:50
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
My seven yr old charge throws a HUGE temper tantrum when I go home every day.
He has a complete meltdown and I know his parents must dread having to go through all of this when they come home and are tired from working all day.
However, they both assure me it is worth it to them because they enjoy the luxury of going to the office every day, knowing their child is being taken care of and loved.
How could they even put a price tag on that?
Um - a 7 year old throwing a tantrum when the nanny leaves is not a good thing. It isn't a sign of good nannying or good parenting. It's a sign of bad behavior being reinforced by people who think separation dramatics are healthy or somehow a sign of love.
It's trouble, and it's not good for the child. The only person it's good for is the one who is somehow gratified by what they perceive as a demonstration of affection.
I'm not trying to bash PP, but the quote above is probably right. It could be as serious as Operant Defiant Disorder, amongst other possibilities that type of anxiety and dramatics is not healthy for a child beyond preschool. You need to work with hm/her on healthy expressions before it gets violent.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 16:34
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:
My seven yr old charge throws a HUGE temper tantrum when I go home every day.
He has a complete meltdown and I know his parents must dread having to go through all of this when they come home and are tired from working all day.
However, they both assure me it is worth it to them because they enjoy the luxury of going to the office every day, knowing their child is being taken care of and loved.
How could they even put a price tag on that?
Um - a 7 year old throwing a tantrum when the nanny leaves is not a good thing. It isn't a sign of good nannying or good parenting. It's a sign of bad behavior being reinforced by people who think separation dramatics are healthy or somehow a sign of love.
It's trouble, and it's not good for the child. The only person it's good for is the one who is somehow gratified by what they perceive as a demonstration of affection.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 16:23
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
For this mother to make snide remarks and then flat out ignore you is childish and so so inconsiderate.
As a parent, I would be thrilled if my child liked his or her caregiver.
I mean, gee....think of the alternative here.
If you do get fired, then you got fired because you were an excellent nanny.
It would be the parent's problem here...most definitely not YOURS OP.
My seven yr old charge throws a HUGE temper tantrum when I go home every day.
He has a complete meltdown and I know his parents must dread having to go through all of this when they come home and are tired from working all day.
However, they both assure me it is worth it to them because they enjoy the luxury of going to the office every day, knowing their child is being taken care of and loved.
How could they even put a price tag on that?
As a parent, I would be thrilled if my child liked his or her caregiver.
I mean, gee....think of the alternative here.
If you do get fired, then you got fired because you were an excellent nanny.
It would be the parent's problem here...most definitely not YOURS OP.
My seven yr old charge throws a HUGE temper tantrum when I go home every day.
He has a complete meltdown and I know his parents must dread having to go through all of this when they come home and are tired from working all day.
However, they both assure me it is worth it to them because they enjoy the luxury of going to the office every day, knowing their child is being taken care of and loved.
How could they even put a price tag on that?
Anonymous
04/11/2013 14:39
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:. And I bet you love all if the attention don't you? It's just about you isn't it? It's not about how MB feels! Jerk.Anonymous wrote:My MB would never fire me over that...I'm sure it bothers her but she always says its nice to see for her own eyes that DC is getting all the love and nurturing he needs while she is at work.. he proves it by loving me as much as he does.
What the fuck are you going on about? My point was is nothing to fire your nanny over, if anything it should reassure your MB that you are doing a good job and your charge enjoys being around you. You're a fucking idiot. I said I'm sure it bothers her as it would any MB but it's nothing to fire your nanny over.
Why all the anger? It doesn't even make sense what you said. So what if you think that this isn't something MB should fire her over? If MB thinks it is then she is out of a job. She came on here asking for advice because she wants to keep her job, unlike half the lazy nannies on here who quit everytime something gets tough and don't want to bother sticking anything out. Instead of responding with helpful advice you responded with nastiness and anger. Does it make you feel better about yourself to put others down? How low does your self esteem have to be to put people (who you don't even know) down just to feel good about yourself?
Dear god what are you TALKING about? If you go back to my original post I was only saying it would be ridiculous if OP were to get fired over it. I wasn't putting OP down, if anything I'm on her side. Calm down. The person who responded to that post by calling me a jerk and telling me I must love the attention is the one you should be aiming your scolding at.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 11:15
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
I love that so many of you nannies have so much experience begin a second parent in a same sex family, and therefore know exactly how OP should approach this situation and what MB is probably feeling. Oh wait....
This is no different from any other nanny situation where LO gets more attached to nanny, for a brief period, because they spend more time together. Nanny should know this and know that MB probably knows this too. Nothing about this issue warrants three pages of response. OP, get over yourself, you are not something special because LO cried when you left, and MB isn't taking it more or less personally because she is not the bio mom. Really, if this were a straight couple with adopted or surrogate children, would it even be mentioned?
This is no different from any other nanny situation where LO gets more attached to nanny, for a brief period, because they spend more time together. Nanny should know this and know that MB probably knows this too. Nothing about this issue warrants three pages of response. OP, get over yourself, you are not something special because LO cried when you left, and MB isn't taking it more or less personally because she is not the bio mom. Really, if this were a straight couple with adopted or surrogate children, would it even be mentioned?
Anonymous
04/11/2013 11:03
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Whatever you say Einstein! Oh my gosh, I guess I'm screwed now. Also, Oh wise one, what makes you think I'm a MB? Lol Look at your own fallacy and remind yourself you're a fool too haha!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:it's FAZED. FOOL! Trying to tell me off and you can't even use proper homonyms. Haha. Good one!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:. And I bet you love all if the attention don't you? It's just about you isn't it? It's not about how MB feels! Jerk.Anonymous wrote:My MB would never fire me over that...I'm sure it bothers her but she always says its nice to see for her own eyes that DC is getting all the love and nurturing he needs while she is at work.. he proves it by loving me as much as he does.
You are an idiot. What would you like PP to do, push the child off whenever the mom comes home? Grow up. Luckily PP has an adult MB who is not [/b]phased [/b]that her son wants to cuddle with her nanny. I had a charge that would cry every time I was about to leave for the day, but he didn't cry when mom left in the morning. It's change, they are emotional, and for the most part nanny means fun time and play, and most MBs come for quiet reading, dinner, bath and bedtime. That is two very different experiences and most children learn that when parents are home it means bedtime will come soon.
PP is just mad because her child loves the nanny more. And way to go with the ad hominem attacks, haha your logical fallacies will drown you!
Anonymous
04/11/2013 10:56
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:Go to her and have a conversation! Say, "I know it's hurtful to you when it seems baby prefers me, but often children seem to have a preference of one parent over another and then it passes or changes. Try not to worry about it or take it personally. It will pass, I will never be able to Take your place, your her mom." Smile and try your best not to make her feel like any less of a mom, also encourage her to do things with baby that you know baby & mom will enjoy!
This could come across as very, very condescending. I wouldn't have the conversation this way at all.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 10:43
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Go to her and have a conversation! Say, "I know it's hurtful to you when it seems baby prefers me, but often children seem to have a preference of one parent over another and then it passes or changes. Try not to worry about it or take it personally. It will pass, I will never be able to Take your place, your her mom." Smile and try your best not to make her feel like any less of a mom, also encourage her to do things with baby that you know baby & mom will enjoy!
Anonymous
04/11/2013 10:01
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:it's FAZED. FOOL! Trying to tell me off and you can't even use proper homonyms. Haha. Good one!Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:. And I bet you love all if the attention don't you? It's just about you isn't it? It's not about how MB feels! Jerk.Anonymous wrote:My MB would never fire me over that...I'm sure it bothers her but she always says its nice to see for her own eyes that DC is getting all the love and nurturing he needs while she is at work.. he proves it by loving me as much as he does.
You are an idiot. What would you like PP to do, push the child off whenever the mom comes home? Grow up. Luckily PP has an adult MB who is not [/b]phased [/b]that her son wants to cuddle with her nanny. I had a charge that would cry every time I was about to leave for the day, but he didn't cry when mom left in the morning. It's change, they are emotional, and for the most part nanny means fun time and play, and most MBs come for quiet reading, dinner, bath and bedtime. That is two very different experiences and most children learn that when parents are home it means bedtime will come soon.
PP is just mad because her child loves the nanny more. And way to go with the ad hominem attacks, haha your logical fallacies will drown you!
Anonymous
04/11/2013 09:52
Subject: Re:Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
+1.
Also I personally think its relevant this isn't bio mom... We wouldn't think baby crying when dad picked baby up is strange..to me its similar. If its #2, this mom probably has played more of a dad role. E.g. spending more time with #1 while bio mom nurses now and was tire at the end of pregnancy, etc. My #2 preferred me and the nanny as an infant since those were the people she spent the most time with (nursing, being fed, etc). DH totally understood.
It all evens out when they get older. You could also point out that its not her but the situation. Also suggest that bio mom spend extra alone time with #1 which by default means this mom gets alone time with #2.
Also I personally think its relevant this isn't bio mom... We wouldn't think baby crying when dad picked baby up is strange..to me its similar. If its #2, this mom probably has played more of a dad role. E.g. spending more time with #1 while bio mom nurses now and was tire at the end of pregnancy, etc. My #2 preferred me and the nanny as an infant since those were the people she spent the most time with (nursing, being fed, etc). DH totally understood.
It all evens out when they get older. You could also point out that its not her but the situation. Also suggest that bio mom spend extra alone time with #1 which by default means this mom gets alone time with #2.
Anonymous
04/11/2013 09:17
Subject: Bad vibes just now. Advice needed
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:. And I bet you love all if the attention don't you? It's just about you isn't it? It's not about how MB feels! Jerk.Anonymous wrote:My MB would never fire me over that...I'm sure it bothers her but she always says its nice to see for her own eyes that DC is getting all the love and nurturing he needs while she is at work.. he proves it by loving me as much as he does.
What the fuck are you going on about? My point was is nothing to fire your nanny over, if anything it should reassure your MB that you are doing a good job and your charge enjoys being around you. You're a fucking idiot. I said I'm sure it bothers her as it would any MB but it's nothing to fire your nanny over.
Why all the anger? It doesn't even make sense what you said. So what if you think that this isn't something MB should fire her over? If MB thinks it is then she is out of a job. She came on here asking for advice because she wants to keep her job, unlike half the lazy nannies on here who quit everytime something gets tough and don't want to bother sticking anything out. Instead of responding with helpful advice you responded with nastiness and anger. Does it make you feel better about yourself to put others down? How low does your self esteem have to be to put people (who you don't even know) down just to feel good about yourself?