Anonymous wrote:Nannies tend to confuse direction and accountability with being micromanaged.

OP, it is quite possible that your micromanaging mom just never realized before how you do certain things, because she is not on site to manage you. Now that she sees your work style on a daily basis, she may be finding certain aspects of your performance disappointing and/or inconsistent with her values. There are many ways to care for children, and the fact that you do this for a living doesn't make your way the better way.

And the rest of you posters commenting that MBs don't know how to raise kids truly sound like morons. Really? You're comfortable making that statement without knowing OP, her MB, or what kind of direction the OP is complaining about? Impressive critical thinking skills there. Way to improve the standing of your profession.

OP, MB is your boss. She is the primary caregiver for her children, and you are essentially her administrative assistant when it comes to raising her kids. She is absolutely entitled to tell you what she wants done and how she wants you to do it. Of course, if you really think your way is better instead of just easier, you should explain your thinking to her. But waiting til she goes back to work so you can slack off again just makes you a lame, lazy employee.

I CONCUR!! Very well put.

Funny that this Monday MB was so excited to report to me, that she and DB followed all my "suggestions" over the weekend, and the child's issues are improving.

So, I guess it all depends.
I am used to having the lead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does it have to matter who is "primary and secondary"? If both the nanny and the MBs/DBs do their best to make sure kids are happy and healthy (emotionally and physically) and getting their developmental milestones met, then the kids win in the end for having so many caring and invested caregivers. As far as being micromanaged, if you allow MB to micromanage you, then you will be micromanaged. In my experience, letting MB know that you understand her schedule and the reasons she likes things done a certain way, and that you'll continue to follow her rules in her absence where her children are concerned, goes a long way towards less micromanaging. Doesn't have to be a big deal, a quick "thanks for showing me the way you run your house, I'm confident that I can handle it from now on, so feel free to focus on other areas, that's what I'm here for" can get the point across just fine.

Or just fill out your nanny log in a way that indicates that you did what was asked.

+1

I keep an incredibly detailed log for my employers - mealtimes and food eaten, diaper changes, nap times (all with space for notes - how long it took him to fall asleep after he went into his crib, whether he was picky about eating vegetables that day, and so on) plus three additional sections: one is for a summary of our day, one is a space for any physical or health concerns (where I put notes about bumps and bruises acquired), and one is a description of the child's mood that day (cranky, talkative, energetic, clingy).

Is this a lot of information? Yes.

Is it all necessary? Probably not.

Does it make me feel like I am accountable and does it make his parents feel like they are involved and informed? YES.

It also saves us from any uncomfortableness ("Uh, Nanny, do you know where this big bruise came from...?") and ensures that we have a record of any issues (a few days of clingy/weepy baby tends to indicate a new tooth coming in, a couple days without BMs and we know it's time to break out the mango and prune juice, and so on). I know a lot of nannies get up in arms about keeping detailed logs but I think it benefits me as much as it does his parents.

Anonymous wrote:Why does it have to matter who is "primary and secondary"? If both the nanny and the MBs/DBs do their best to make sure kids are happy and healthy (emotionally and physically) and getting their developmental milestones met, then the kids win in the end for having so many caring and invested caregivers. As far as being micromanaged, if you allow MB to micromanage you, then you will be micromanaged. In my experience, letting MB know that you understand her schedule and the reasons she likes things done a certain way, and that you'll continue to follow her rules in her absence where her children are concerned, goes a long way towards less micromanaging. Doesn't have to be a big deal, a quick "thanks for showing me the way you run your house, I'm confident that I can handle it from now on, so feel free to focus on other areas, that's what I'm here for" can get the point across just fine.

Or just fill out your nanny log in a way that indicates that you did what was asked.

Why does it have to matter who is "primary and secondary"? If both the nanny and the MBs/DBs do their best to make sure kids are happy and healthy (emotionally and physically) and getting their developmental milestones met, then the kids win in the end for having so many caring and invested caregivers. As far as being micromanaged, if you allow MB to micromanage you, then you will be micromanaged. In my experience, letting MB know that you understand her schedule and the reasons she likes things done a certain way, and that you'll continue to follow her rules in her absence where her children are concerned, goes a long way towards less micromanaging. Doesn't have to be a big deal, a quick "thanks for showing me the way you run your house, I'm confident that I can handle it from now on, so feel free to focus on other areas, that's what I'm here for" can get the point across just fine.

I have news for those posters out there who think they should have 100% autonomy in their jobs. Unless you work for yourself, there is NO job out there with 100% autonomy. If you work for someone, you are not your own boss. When you are taking care of other people's children you have to accept that they are going to have an opinion on how you do things, they are the parents and your boss so they get to have an opinion. If you don't like that then don't be a nanny. I'm not saying there aren't bad bosses or bad MBs/DBs out there. Just because they are your boss doesn't mean they have the right to be rude or disrepectful and if they are then it's time to find a new job. However, you also don't have the right to be rude and disrespectful to them. Regardless of how much experience they have had with children before their own or how much you've had they are still the parents and your boss.

A nanny is a caregiver, but not a primary caregiver. A parent is a primary caregiver. Get it right.

Anonymous wrote:Whoever is with a child 80% of a child's waking hours is the primary caregiver no matter how hard you try to comvince yourself otherwise.

Agree with this.

I work from home a few days a week, and for what its worth, I HATE doing it because I don't like how it makes the nanny feel - I'm sure it's annoying. But I try not to micromanage anything (even though I often work in the family room - eeek!), like I don't remind her of what to do when or how to do it - she knows. She worked in a daycare, so she knows a lot more than I do about childcare. The only annoying thing I probably do is when DD cries really bad like she hit her head or something, if I'm in the office, I run out - I can't help it. Just mother's instinct.

But, when DD was born until 10 months, I had the nanny write down when she ate and what she ate (including bottles) in a journal. It was very helpful.

Whoever is with a child 80% of a child's waking hours is the primary caregiver no matter how hard you try to comvince yourself otherwise.

Count your blessings, 18:32. The primary care nannies here are often, if not always, doing the bedtime stories. Most parents would almost die to have only two nannies. In fact, personally, I don't even know of any "nannied" child, who has had only two nannies.

18:32 here. Actually I had two fabulous nannies as a child. One was a forty-something mother of teenagers. She had been formally trained as a nanny in London and had many years of experience. The other was a thirty-something married woman with about 15 years experience as a public primary grade school teacher; I was in a share with her two kids. Both nannies were exceptional and I remember them fondly. In fact, they set the standard for what I want my kids' nanny to be.

But there is no way that these nannies were my primary caregivers. I liked them a lot, but I loved my parents. My parents are the people who had the wisdom to get me great nannies, despite the financial sacrifice. They also worked hard to make sure I could participate in all the after school activities and camps I was interested in. They planned my birthday parties and read my bedtime stories and made holidays and vacations and weekend family days magical. There was never any question in my childhood mind about who was primary and who was being paid to fill in while my primary caregivers worked. And by late elementary or middle school, I was done with nannies and never kept in touch, but my parents remained the primary source of love and stability and guidance in my life.

My parents, like most parents, were my primary caregivers. Any nanny who thinks otherwise is delusional.

18:32 is delusional. I wonder how many nannies she went through in her own childhood.

Sorry, but the fact that a typical nanny spends more time with her charges than the typical working parent does not make nanny the primary caregiver, any more than working long hours makes a corporate administrative assistant the primary force behind the company she works for. With very few exceptions, the parents are primary, even if they spend two hours a day with the kids while the nanny spends ten. It is the parents who must develop and be mindful of the big-picture goals and developmental vision at all times from birth through adulthood. The nanny just administers pieces of that vision during her period of employment.

If you doubt this, explain to me why kids recover just fine from a change in nanny, but fare much worse following loss of a parent to divorce or death.

Kudos to parents who are their children's primary caregivers. Many are not.