I think op is well within her rights to tell ap that snacks and sodas are expected to last for a specified amount of time and that ALL family members are expected to be equal consumers of said snacks. That said, ap is an extra body in the house, so op needs to consider buying a tad more. I don't think ap should expec tto have the run of the pantry to eat as much as she wants of whatever she wants wothout regard to anyone else.

Anonymous wrote:First world problems

That's right. You want third world problems, then go live there.

First world problems

Anonymous wrote:Courtesy issue? Really? As I said, only in America.

Yes, God bless America. Love it or leave it.

Courtesy issue? Really? As I said, only in America.

Anonymous wrote:Only in America, such a debate over junk food. Does anyone care about the children?

This is a courtesy issue separate and apart from children.

Only in America, such a debate over junk food. Does anyone care about the children?

Anonymous wrote:08:04 here. I don't have au pair experience, so I was just commenting as I've definitely dealt with this issue! My thinking, which I leave to those of you with more au pair experience to take or discount, is that the stipend is because the mom is not trying to limit the au pair's food use. She is simply turning over the extra budgeted grocery money, for increased snack food now that au pair is here, so that the au pair can control it and have her own selection of snacks that others may enjoy, but, out of politeness, will not polish off. This makes it seem less like a budget issue and more like the politeness, living with a family issue, that it really is.

Yes, but likely the AP is not going to eat LESS of other foods now that she has her own snack budget, so it amounts to giving the AP extra money, ESP considering that the Family didn't eat that much junk to start with. Seems unfair, IMO. Imagine if HF didn't buy junk at all before AP, and now AP is asking for HF to buy $20 a week of junk food, food they would not buy at all otherwise?

I would not give her extra money.
I like the approach that has you talking to her and telling her that she cannot finish off the food.
Respect her and talk to her in person. Give her a chance to fix it.

I agree with this. What the au pair is doing is very rude but she probably doesn't realize this. There is nothing wrong with the HM telling the au pair that sodas are for once a week not twice a day and that while its OK to occasionally be the person who eats the most or last of something it is not OK to always be eating all of it and finishing it off.

08:04 here. I don't have au pair experience, so I was just commenting as I've definitely dealt with this issue! My thinking, which I leave to those of you with more au pair experience to take or discount, is that the stipend is because the mom is not trying to limit the au pair's food use. She is simply turning over the extra budgeted grocery money, for increased snack food now that au pair is here, so that the au pair can control it and have her own selection of snacks that others may enjoy, but, out of politeness, will not polish off. This makes it seem less like a budget issue and more like the politeness, living with a family issue, that it really is.

I would not give her extra money.

I like the approach that has you talking to her and telling her that she cannot finish off the food.

Respect her and talk to her in person. Give her a chance to fix it.

I can't believe the number of comments suggesting giving her more money so that she can buy more snacks for herself. She can use her current stipend for this, sure, but why shouldn't she need to eat within the budgeted amount for the family, which already includes her. In essence, you are saying to give her a raise so she can buy more junk food for herself.

I wonder if the au pair were using more gas in the family car during her free time than was budgeting for, would those "give her a small stipend to buy her own food" posters suggest that the gas allowance is too small, too, and she should get a small stipend so, she can accommodate her increased desire for more gas?

What if she uses up the data allowance on her phone really fast, even faster than you do? Would you suggest just giving her a "small stipend" so she could buy more data?

What if she used up all the hot water before anyone else showered? Or ordered more on demand TV? Or any other shared family resources?? Just because it is food, it does not mean the family must provide her with extra money so she can meet her desires. Twe are not talking about food needed for health and sustenance...it's supplementary, extra, pleasurable food, of which she is ALREADY allotted a portion. The family food budget needs to include her and it needs to include foods that she likes. The family needs to provide her with as much of whatever 'fun' food as the other adults get. But if she CHOOSES to consume more for her own pleasure or entertainment, like anything else, she is free to do so, but on her own dime. The answer is NOT to give her more money so she can continue to consume more than her fair share. Wow.

I had to work out this same issue with my husband! I have a big sweet tooth, but can limit myself to a quarter cup of ice cream a few times a week. He can finish off a pint in an evening. Our system is that if you didn't buy it, you don't finish it. (Or leave less than a reasonable portion) I don't see what that wouldn't work for an au pair as well. Especially if you give her a small stipend to buy her own particular treats. I'd just work on it as a manners/living in a household issue rather than a food or money issue.

I really like the idea of giving her a separate food stipend and letting her be responsible for stocking her own snacks. I would make it clear that you'll still be providing regular meals for her, and come at it from the angle of "it's been difficult for me to plan ahead for the kids lunches and snacks since it's hard to predict what you'll be eating any given week. This way you'll have your own stash separate stash and I'll be able to figure stuff out for the kids."

This way there's no awkward mention about her appetite or eating habits.

I would really advise against trying to hide your own food from her, it seems very dishonest and passive agressive and if I found out someone was doing that to me I'd be pretty pissed off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop complaining. You aren't her mother and you shouldn't be limiting what she can and cannot eat. If you don't want her eating your precious treats, don't buy them. Problem solved.

OP here and I'm not concerned about her dietary or nutritional status. I'm frustrated by that fact that a) the food I buy for the family (which includes her) is being eaten by mostly one member of the family so fast, and in such great quantities that others do not get a chance to enjoy it and b) we can't afford to keep buying it at this rate, especially considering that it is not feeding the whole family.

My choices, as I see them are: 1)rematch and explain we need a better role model for our kids and that we can't meet her dietary needs on our budget , 2)explain the problem and ask her to cut back, 3) quit buying it until she leaves and quietly seethe with resentment for the rest of the year or 4)buy it and hide it and only eat it when she's not around and hope the kids don't spill the beans. (I don't really see this as an option, but technically, it is).

If it was any other food, rather than junk food, the problem would be the same in this regard. If I was buying gourmet cheeses, or exotic fruits or filet and lobster and this happened with those foods, the cost would be greater but the problems the same. The fact that it is junk food just adds the poor role modeling issue to the mix.

Op, don't even bother explaining yourself to entitled nannies and caregivers. That aside, unfortunetly this comes with the package and some Aupairs are more considerate then others. Telling her that her eating habits are becoming a problem with make her embarressed and uncomfortable so your best bet is to just hid some of the goods. Not all, but some.

Buy her a bottle of soda, less then $2, and then buy your family a bottle and hide it. Do so with some snacks. Buy her a bag of chips and maybe cookies?.. Don't buy loads of junk food. If she eats a whole bag of chips then she's going to need to go out and by more if she wants it.