OP here.

I'm glad there are nice host moms out there that understand how important it is for us Au Pairs to feel included in the family.

I'm still very happy with my family Everything's fantastic!

I contacted my former counselor and she told me my 1st host family had replaced me with a girl that only stayed for a week and that they decided to stop the programme.

Anonymous wrote:My AP went to Canada two weekends ago, NYC last month and is planning a trip to Boston asap. She is also talking about going on a cruise in the spring. She has NOT invited me on a single one of these trips! I am so sad that she just plans them without me, other than telling me that she'll be gone. After we, after all, members of the family? Shouldn't she take me along?

lol. Yeah, sorry 23:39. It's wonderful that this is the kind of relationship that you create with your au pairs and that you have the extra funds to have taken all four of your au pairs with you on every trip you take and just give them a free week off. Surely you understand that there might be very loving host families that take trips that either they can't afford to have their au pair join them, that wouldn't make sense for their au pair to join them, that would be horribly boring for the au pair, or any number of other reasons? I maintain that if, as an au pair, you come in thinking that if your host family doesn't invite you with them to every single activity they do for the entire year then that means they are a bad host family that you shouldn't waste a year on, you're going to very very disappointed in the program.

My AP went to Canada two weekends ago, NYC last month and is planning a trip to Boston asap. She is also talking about going on a cruise in the spring. She has NOT invited me on a single one of these trips! I am so sad that she just plans them without me, other than telling me that she'll be gone. After we, after all, members of the family? Shouldn't she take me along?

I had 4 Au Pairs over a 6 year span. We always took our Au Pair with us on every trip and not as help but as family.

If they leave you behind then that tells you something about what kind of people they are.

If you have only been there one month and they treat you this way then you should look for a new home.

Don't waste a year of your life living like that.

OP here.

Thank you for your point of view, which I understand and respect.

I'm still happy around here and the girls seem to bond everyday more and more.

The parents are nice as well. We have talked about privacy, about sharing family life etc and have agreed about everything, I'm very happy I found them !!

Anonymous wrote:Just read all 12 pages and wanted to say I'm glad you found a family you click with. Reading it all at once, it did really come through that it wasn't just the vacation - that was a symptom of it being not the right fit for you.

Enjoy your year!

(oh, about the TV thing - I encourage au pairs to ask if there is something that would make them less homesick, more comfortable, etc. Our au pair doesn't have a TV in her room, but she uses her laptop to watch things or the other TV we have in the house. But she mostly spends the evenings up here with us watching shows and chatting, and talking to friends on her laptop. So they might not have thought of it!)

I completely agree on this latter point about the TV. Both the host parents and the au pair need to remember that no one is a mind reader. You might think something is so completely obvious, and your au pair has no idea you would prefer something be done that way. Both of our au pairs have had laptops that they watch movies and TV on. We're not really a TV family and only have one old set in the basement. It would never occur to me to put a TV in our au pair's room. But if she brought it up, we'd be happy to get one. I didn't realize it would be sic a big deal.

You can't expect anyone, particularly when you're talking about two people from totally different cultures and totally different ages, to know what each other wants. Communication is key to a successful year.

Just read all 12 pages and wanted to say I'm glad you found a family you click with. Reading it all at once, it did really come through that it wasn't just the vacation - that was a symptom of it being not the right fit for you.

Enjoy your year!

(oh, about the TV thing - I encourage au pairs to ask if there is something that would make them less homesick, more comfortable, etc. Our au pair doesn't have a TV in her room, but she uses her laptop to watch things or the other TV we have in the house. But she mostly spends the evenings up here with us watching shows and chatting, and talking to friends on her laptop. So they might not have thought of it!)

Op here.
Maybe my new situation sounds "perfect", who knows, maybe it won't be, it's too early to tell.
But I'm living the experience the way it should be : being welcome in the family life and once I'll be in charge I'll give 100% too.
Now this will be my last message, the negativity here is really useless.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, it's unbelievable how perfect your new situation appears to be.

Almost like she's trolling

Enough already...seriously.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, OP, it's unbelievable how perfect your new situation appears to be.

Almost like she's trolling

Wow, OP, it's unbelievable how perfect your new situation appears to be.

Thank you for your long message. I understand what you're saying about privacy, and I have changed some details because you never know who's going to read what you write.

If we meet and you "recognize" me, I'd be happy to talk to you in person, you sound nice and gave good advice here, I appreciate your message!

Have a good day!

OP, I am glad you are so happy and that the new family feels like a better fit for you. So much of the AP program is about fit. As a long time HM (on 7 years of hosting), I have learned the truth of the motto "hire for attitude and outlook, train for skill," which I learned on aupairmom. If I find an AP whose attitude and outlook fit with our expectations, it always turns out to be a great fit, even if the AP has a steeper learning curve on certain things. So I am glad that things are starting off well for you.

Many experienced HMs offered some good advice to you on how to make this next match a more successful one for you, and I thought, given your experiences and how much you have shared, that I might offer one more piece of advice, in the interest of this all working out in the best way possible.

My advice is that New Englanders are MUCH more private that folks are in other parts of this country and around the world, and I am going to really encourage you to write a little less personal information on websites about your HF than you did about the previous one. Why? Because the AP world is very small, and given the details you have already shared (Cambridge family, twin 8 yr old girls, just got a new AP), it's not impossible that other information you might end up sharing - such as if you don't end up approving of your HM's parenting, the way you did the previous one - could come back to her and to others you don't want to know.

Because here is the thing: I am sure I am not the only DCUM user who doesn't live in DC anymore. I actually live in a town right next to Cambridge, and our au pair studies at Harvard Extension School in Cambridge and regularly hangs out with Cambridge APs. She could well be reading about what you post on DCUM and ask her friends who is the new AP taking care of the 8 yr old twin girls. I, too, could end up in conversation at the next au pair family function our cluster has with yours and meet a mom with 8 yr old twins (I also might have an 8 year old - our children might end up playing together at a park, you never know), and I could then feel like i need to tell her that her AP - if it turns out she shares that her AP is new and came from a family outside Philly - doesn't approve of her parenting style. Do you see how this could be a bad thing?

The US may seem like a big huge place and the internet may seem anonymous, but with all of the private stuff you have shared, it just isn't. So please - take this advice in the spirit it's being offered and think about keeping things a little more private or at least not posting real details.

Anyway, good luck with the new family - I really hope it works out - and if and when my AP meets you and you end up coming over to our house for her birthday or something, I hope that I can see that you remain as happy in your new family as you are now.