Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, just because you have the emotional depth of a pebble doesn't mean your Nanny is equally incapable of emotion.

Here is a clue for you. Caring for a child 50, 60, 70 hours a week for 4 years causes emotional attachment for both Nanny and child.

Your Nanny felt sad about the loss of her charge. Now she is less sad, because she will get to maintain the emotional attachment that exists between her and your child.

Your child might even have a smoother transition to daycare and becoming a big brother knowing that his Nanny has not easily replaced him with new baby like he was a worn out pair of shoes she no longer had any use for since she now had new shoes.

Now you're just being dramatic. All nanny jobs end. The nanny position has a built-in expiration date, and the nannies know that. She had very ample notice of our plans, it wasn't sprung upon her. I note that she didn't start the conversation with "I'll miss him" - she started with "I need a raise because it's more work." And I'm sure she's less sad also because she got two more weeks off (which I didn't really have to give her but chose to). In any event, the four-year old is looking forward to his new full-time preschool shoes, and the nanny should look forward to her new baby.

She's been with us for three years, not four. She also never worked for seventy hours a week. You're just making things up to build up your argument, and it makes you sound silly and dramatic.

Anonymous wrote:OP, just because you have the emotional depth of a pebble doesn't mean your Nanny is equally incapable of emotion.

Here is a clue for you. Caring for a child 50, 60, 70 hours a week for 4 years causes emotional attachment for both Nanny and child.

Your Nanny felt sad about the loss of her charge. Now she is less sad, because she will get to maintain the emotional attachment that exists between her and your child.

Your child might even have a smoother transition to daycare and becoming a big brother knowing that his Nanny has not easily replaced him with new baby like he was a worn out pair of shoes she no longer had any use for since she now had new shoes.

Anonymous wrote:
But those couple days per month minimum (and I'm willing to bet that it turns into more) means that nanny and child retain their bond and can still build on it. There's no way that I would have continued working with a family who tried to pull the stunt she did initially, thinking that 20 minutes while dealing with busy mornings is time to talk and enjoy seeing him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. The nanny and I sat down to chat last Friday. I explained our plans in great detail, and said I understand her concern that she might get stuck with more work, and reassured her that we are committed to preventing any job creep, and that we expect her to care just for the infant.

What emerged was that the nanny feels understandably wistful to "release" the 4-year old from her care, and that she wanted to continue doing *something* for him. Because the additional raise wasn't really in the plans, and because we don't want to take advantage of her, we looked into some alternatives. We came up with something that works for both of us:

- once he starts preschool full-time, the nanny and the 4-year old will have up to two days a month they will spend together. This could be just random days to hang out at home, or sickness/whatever. Sort of "our special day" thing. So the annual allowance is 24 days.

- she will continue doing his laundry.

- in exchange, she will get two more weeks paid vacation time, one of her choosing, one of ours, bringing her total annual vacation time to four weeks paid.

This works for both us - allows her to spend some time with him, and get something in return. So it's all sorted out.

Sounds much better to me! There's no way I could continue working with a family and just switch kids.

Well she IS switching kids, isn't she. The baby will be her focus. She'll just have couple of days a month with the 4-year old.

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why OP doesn't just have him in a 1/2 day preschool + nanny. But whateves.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. The nanny and I sat down to chat last Friday. I explained our plans in great detail, and said I understand her concern that she might get stuck with more work, and reassured her that we are committed to preventing any job creep, and that we expect her to care just for the infant.

What emerged was that the nanny feels understandably wistful to "release" the 4-year old from her care, and that she wanted to continue doing *something* for him. Because the additional raise wasn't really in the plans, and because we don't want to take advantage of her, we looked into some alternatives. We came up with something that works for both of us:

- once he starts preschool full-time, the nanny and the 4-year old will have up to two days a month they will spend together. This could be just random days to hang out at home, or sickness/whatever. Sort of "our special day" thing. So the annual allowance is 24 days.

- she will continue doing his laundry.

- in exchange, she will get two more weeks paid vacation time, one of her choosing, one of ours, bringing her total annual vacation time to four weeks paid.

This works for both us - allows her to spend some time with him, and get something in return. So it's all sorted out.

Sounds much better to me! There's no way I could continue working with a family and just switch kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP here with an update. The nanny and I sat down to chat last Friday. I explained our plans in great detail, and said I understand her concern that she might get stuck with more work, and reassured her that we are committed to preventing any job creep, and that we expect her to care just for the infant.

What emerged was that the nanny feels understandably wistful to "release" the 4-year old from her care, and that she wanted to continue doing *something* for him. Because the additional raise wasn't really in the plans, and because we don't want to take advantage of her, we looked into some alternatives. We came up with something that works for both of us:

- once he starts preschool full-time, the nanny and the 4-year old will have up to two days a month they will spend together. This could be just random days to hang out at home, or sickness/whatever. Sort of "our special day" thing. So the annual allowance is 24 days.

- she will continue doing his laundry.

- in exchange, she will get two more weeks paid vacation time, one of her choosing, one of ours, bringing her total annual vacation time to four weeks paid.

This works for both us - allows her to spend some time with him, and get something in return. So it's all sorted out.

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you have your son spend 10 hours a day at a daycare when he can be cared for at home by the woman who has cared for him since he was an infant? What am I missing?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why OP prefers to send her 4 year old to institutional care.

OP, is your Nanny not able to work within a short day preschool learning curriculum, i.e., expand upon what your child learns at school while he is in her care?

Or is this simply a case of attending preschool X is essential so that your child can attend the prestigious college of your choice?

This is OP, and I believe I said more than once on this thread that I'm not seeking feedback on our childcare decisions. We are comfortable with the choices we've made.

I am also unaware of any preschools that guarantee entry into prestigious colleges. It's kind of wild that you believe that.

1. Welcome to DCUM. If people don't agree with what you said you're doing, they'll say so. Impossible to shut them up.

2. Life has few guarantees, but most of us certainly know that if your kid starts out in the most elite schools, they're more likely to continue that path. Surely you know that.

You sound like a pill.

That's fine, I'm comfortable with the way I sound.

Of course people are entitled to saying whatever they want. Doesn't mean what they say has any weight.

Still don't think that preschools matter very much for college. Harvard is full of people who attended nondescript preschools or none at all. But you are welcome to your opinion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why OP prefers to send her 4 year old to institutional care.

OP, is your Nanny not able to work within a short day preschool learning curriculum, i.e., expand upon what your child learns at school while he is in her care?

Or is this simply a case of attending preschool X is essential so that your child can attend the prestigious college of your choice?

This is OP, and I believe I said more than once on this thread that I'm not seeking feedback on our childcare decisions. We are comfortable with the choices we've made.

I am also unaware of any preschools that guarantee entry into prestigious colleges. It's kind of wild that you believe that.

1. Welcome to DCUM. If people don't agree with what you said you're doing, they'll say so. Impossible to shut them up.

2. Life has few guarantees, but most of us certainly know that if your kid starts out in the most elite schools, they're more likely to continue that path. Surely you know that.

You sound like a pill.