Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a question for your Maryland barred attorney, not the internet.

+1. The Au pair arrangement wasn’t set up for your situation. So you will have to work with your attorney and your ex husbands attorney on how to structure childcare payments.

If I were your ex, I’d require you to divide out the Au pair’s care and expenses into categories: (1) her hourly wage while watching the child while you work; (2) her wages for watching the child while you are not working (out with friends, shopping, etc; and (3) the associated costs with having an Au pair (phone bill, grocery bill, gifts for the Au pair, vacations with the Au pair, car and gas for the Au pair, your mortgage and utilities).

If I was your ex, I’d only agree to cover bucket 1. This is probably cheaper than a nanny, so your ex will probably be thrilled.

They have 50-50 and its her child care only.

Anonymous wrote:This is a question for your Maryland barred attorney, not the internet.

+1. The Au pair arrangement wasn’t set up for your situation. So you will have to work with your attorney and your ex husbands attorney on how to structure childcare payments.

If I were your ex, I’d require you to divide out the Au pair’s care and expenses into categories: (1) her hourly wage while watching the child while you work; (2) her wages for watching the child while you are not working (out with friends, shopping, etc; and (3) the associated costs with having an Au pair (phone bill, grocery bill, gifts for the Au pair, vacations with the Au pair, car and gas for the Au pair, your mortgage and utilities).

If I was your ex, I’d only agree to cover bucket 1. This is probably cheaper than a nanny, so your ex will probably be thrilled.

This is a question for your Maryland barred attorney, not the internet.

Anonymous wrote: thank you I hear your point, but the law supports a different approach

Why would the law support him paying for your AP when you both have 50-50 and equal income.

thank you I hear your point, but the law supports a different approach

Then you pay for it. You need the child care, he doesn't. You make almost equal money and each have the kids for the same amount of time.

https://www.ncsl.org/human-services/child-support-guideline-models

One of the best resources I’ve seen—again Maryland uses “income shares” model, which adds in the total childcare cost, even if different care providers.

Yeah, maybe I’m not explaining it well. I tried to go light on description but probably made it worse. In sum—My ex is a documented abusiver, criminal and alcoholic past. He works from home. Makes good money. I do not work from home. I make less money but decent. I have had an au Pair assisting my house, and it works well for my kids and au pairs already. However We cannot share an au pair. No Au Pair wants to go work for my ex given his treatment towards them when they do, and his criminal history. However I REQUIRE more care due to my nature of my job— and I don’t work from home. Au pairs have already been working for me, in my home, and like it here, with me and my kids, and it works best for us and my job; we occasionally tried them working at his house, but it didn’t go well and the au pairs refused. No Au Pair agency is going to make them work in his house where they don’t feel safe, given past of POs, abuse and criminal history. Also The Maryland law already states that childcare costs will be shared pro rata (combined cost, apportioned divided proportional to income) in ANY post divorce. See below. NOTE: That’s NOT unique to me!! That is the existing law. Hence why I was asking if anyone has actually had this experience of dividing up childcare in Maryland prorata??
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Fyi, the Law:

§ 12-204.
(a) (1) The basic child support obligation shall be determined in accordance with the schedule of basic child support obligations in subsection (e) of this section. The basic child support obligation shall be divided between the parents in proportion to their adjusted actual incomes.
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So, again this is the law and it's quite common —unfortunately I just don't know of anyone at this point myself. Any of you who think it’s just not fair to him well, there’s many things in life that people perceive are unfair. I think it’s unfair that given his abusive criminal past I still have to try to do 50-50 custody sharing him. But, so it is!

I appreciate people’s feedback, but some of you that say I am being unreasonable— I really don’t think you understand my situation. Again, I welcome hearing from anyone who has actually shared Childcare prorata in Maryland, using different care providers for the same children (esp if one was au pair?) How did you demonstrate calculations? Many thanks!

Anonymous wrote:To be clear — I would also pay/prorata share his child care too— he is free to get a nanny, au pair or after care. I have the kids too, actually currently he’s trying to stay in the cheapest possible place while I how is the kids and the Au Pair and pay more for mortgage to do so. There is no au pair that will want to go between sharing houses of ours. We’ve been there tried that. He works at home while I do not. I make about the same amount as him he makes a bit more.

This is insane and a huge waste of money. You aren't being reasonable. I'm assuming you have a super high incomes. If you both have almost equal incomes, and do 50-50 I'm not understanding as you shouldn't be getting child support. You each pay for the expenses in your homes and split the cost of activities and other things. You each pay for your own child care or work out one arrangement and share the cost.

*house

To be clear — I would also pay/prorata share his child care too— he is free to get a nanny, au pair or after care. I have the kids too, actually currently he’s trying to stay in the cheapest possible place while I how is the kids and the Au Pair and pay more for mortgage to do so. There is no au pair that will want to go between sharing houses of ours. We’ve been there tried that. He works at home while I do not. I make about the same amount as him he makes a bit more.

Anonymous wrote:Yep, that’s OK. I understand I’d share his too. I know it’s a complex situation and most people would try to just say share the au pair or use aftercare. It just doesn’t work for us given our situation, and we already have a well
Supporting connected au pair we love who provides kids tremendous stability given our tumultuous last year. When PO ends we go to 50/50 but au pair is. Is not comfortable working there. And I nor the AP agency will never demand that of anyone. We Still remaining—Was wondering if anyone had actual experience of having split childcare cost, but not use the same childcare sources (esp one using an au pair?). It’s two layers of complexity I know. First—- is sharing the childcare’s expenses despite different childcare. The second—- is how to calculate the Au Pair childcare cost. Some argue that not all au pair cost should be considered work related childcare cost. Anyways, thank you all for your input. If anyone has been in the particular situation/s I’m open to advice, especially on how to actually tally up the Au Pair cost that they will consider acceptable for work related child care cost (for Maryland). As we all know, it’s more than just the fees and the stipend and insurance, food, gas, it’s part of your home use too. But I hear the point that au pairs can do more than out of home care providers that maybe aren’t included. Otherwise thank you all!!

If you each have seperate child care you each pay for your own, especially when you are the one not willing to share child care and are being unreasonable. Its absurd for you to expect him to pay child support, extras, all the expenses when he has the kids PLUS your Au pair. That's not reasonable.

Yep, that’s OK. I understand I’d share his too. I know it’s a complex situation and most people would try to just say share the au pair or use aftercare. It just doesn’t work for us given our situation, and we already have a well
Supporting connected au pair we love who provides kids tremendous stability given our tumultuous last year. When PO ends we go to 50/50 but au pair is. Is not comfortable working there. And I nor the AP agency will never demand that of anyone. We Still remaining—Was wondering if anyone had actual experience of having split childcare cost, but not use the same childcare sources (esp one using an au pair?). It’s two layers of complexity I know. First—- is sharing the childcare’s expenses despite different childcare. The second—- is how to calculate the Au Pair childcare cost. Some argue that not all au pair cost should be considered work related childcare cost. Anyways, thank you all for your input. If anyone has been in the particular situation/s I’m open to advice, especially on how to actually tally up the Au Pair cost that they will consider acceptable for work related child care cost (for Maryland). As we all know, it’s more than just the fees and the stipend and insurance, food, gas, it’s part of your home use too. But I hear the point that au pairs can do more than out of home care providers that maybe aren’t included. Otherwise thank you all!!

Anonymous wrote:Are you speaking from experience ? Why would child support in Maryland not include an au pair ? Because from what I read, child support does include work related child care— which for our kids has already been an au pair. For us, I am divorced because my ex was/is an abusive alcoholic. We’ve tried sharing an au pair and my au pairs have not been comfortable with working at his home. There was protective votes against him for myself and my kids . An au pair provides the most stability for my kids.

OP is talking 50-50. Not your situation. Both child care expenses would be included in the support. So, his would also be included. He would get equal expenses in his home as they have 50-50.

Anonymous wrote:Are you speaking from experience ? Why would child support in Maryland not include an au pair ? Because from what I read, child support does include work related child care— which for our kids has already been an au pair. For us, I am divorced because my ex was/is an abusive alcoholic. We’ve tried sharing an au pair and my au pairs have not been comfortable with working at his home. There was protective votes against him for myself and my kids . An au pair provides the most stability for my kids.

You can ask for it in the calculation but you will also have to pay for his child care as well. You wanting an au pair is very expensive and something you should pay for. If you want stability, this makes no sense as he has his own child care and kids go to him 1/2 the time. Stability is the same child care in both homes.