Anonymous wrote:I am balking at the cost of a nanny and considering an au pair. What do I need to know most from those who've been there with babies? any countries best? Child will be approx 4 months.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that the hidden costs of an au pair can add up. While the cost of an au pair will probably* be less than a nanny, keep in mind you are giving up a year of privacy and taking on a greater emotional load with an AP than you would with a nanny.

Def look into a nanny share.

If you do pursue an au pair, screen very hard. Our AP claimed she had a ton of experience with babies; when she got here, it was clear she had never put on a diaper or fed a bottle.

They do this on purpose and it is well-known in the AP community. They plan to re-match as soon as possible after they arrive. They just need to get here.

oh wow, that is good to know. We got an au pair for our 4 month old on an extension. She was already in the country though. She had no idea how to take care of a baby, but she didn't try to rematch. She didn't know how to change a diaper or how to wipe a baby. She wiped in the wrong direction and used the same wipe over and over again, even for poop. I didn't catch this until later, and thank goodness baby never got an infection.

She definitely oversold her driving skills, with a manual which is what our spare vehicle was.

Next time I am asking au pairs for videos on them driving and changing diaper on a doll.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who had the "infant qualified" AP who clearly had never cared for a baby.

Just to expand on it - She actually stayed with us for the full two years. When I realized she did not have experience with infants, I was frustrated, but I also knew that she was willing to learn. Our family was bonding to her and I didn't want to go through a rematch. So I taught her how to care for a 4 month old. It worked out.

As we got closer over the next two years, I learned more of her story. Some of these au pairs really don't have options in their home countries, and they are desperate to get out. Being able to say they are infant qualified helps them get in front of more candidates. In our case, our AP had a close family friend with a young daughter, so AP represented that she had cared for the child since birth. The real story is more like, she saw this kid for holidays and stuff. The family friend vouched for the AP because again, the family friend wanted AP to get in the program and start a better life.

I share this story because I think it's terrible that the agency represents "infant qualified" when they do so little to verify it! Yes, my AP and her friend likely lied to the agency about her qualifications. But I feel like the agency could have sniffed it out if they'd done more. I made a mistake relying on the agency's representation that she was infant qualified.

If I could go back in time, during interviews, I'd ask more open ended questions - how have you supported a mom breastfeeding? How have you handled getting a 4 month old on a schedule? How have you handled diaper rash? To sniff out how much experience they really have.

Our south african aupair bought her driver's license and had never been behind the wheel. Desperation drives people to do crazy things. She showed up in DC and then when we asked her to take the car out with us, was in tears admitting she had never driven.

The companies (cultural care, aupaircare, aupair in america) all contract out recruitment. The recruiters in these countries get paid for each aupair they place. The entire system is wrought with fraud. If you get paid to place an aupair candidate who is one of the lucky ones who shows up to your office with the $800 in fees to pay for the visa and ticket, you are setting them up with someone who will "verifiy" the hours and the license.

You have to do your own homework and vet candidates. You have to check references. You have to ask follow on questions like "when you watched the infant, was it is alone? For how many hours? Were you paid? Was the child related to you?"

Some recruiters run daycare centers and have the candidates come in to volunteer for their qualification hours. YOu get to count the hours per child. If you have a room full of 18 month olds in a volunteer drop-in center, those 20 toddlers could be your 160 hours in 3 days.

Ask the questions......

well said. I had a very similar experience.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP who had the "infant qualified" AP who clearly had never cared for a baby.

Just to expand on it - She actually stayed with us for the full two years. When I realized she did not have experience with infants, I was frustrated, but I also knew that she was willing to learn. Our family was bonding to her and I didn't want to go through a rematch. So I taught her how to care for a 4 month old. It worked out.

As we got closer over the next two years, I learned more of her story. Some of these au pairs really don't have options in their home countries, and they are desperate to get out. Being able to say they are infant qualified helps them get in front of more candidates. In our case, our AP had a close family friend with a young daughter, so AP represented that she had cared for the child since birth. The real story is more like, she saw this kid for holidays and stuff. The family friend vouched for the AP because again, the family friend wanted AP to get in the program and start a better life.

I share this story because I think it's terrible that the agency represents "infant qualified" when they do so little to verify it! Yes, my AP and her friend likely lied to the agency about her qualifications. But I feel like the agency could have sniffed it out if they'd done more. I made a mistake relying on the agency's representation that she was infant qualified.

If I could go back in time, during interviews, I'd ask more open ended questions - how have you supported a mom breastfeeding? How have you handled getting a 4 month old on a schedule? How have you handled diaper rash? To sniff out how much experience they really have.

Our south african aupair bought her driver's license and had never been behind the wheel. Desperation drives people to do crazy things. She showed up in DC and then when we asked her to take the car out with us, was in tears admitting she had never driven.

The companies (cultural care, aupaircare, aupair in america) all contract out recruitment. The recruiters in these countries get paid for each aupair they place. The entire system is wrought with fraud. If you get paid to place an aupair candidate who is one of the lucky ones who shows up to your office with the $800 in fees to pay for the visa and ticket, you are setting them up with someone who will "verifiy" the hours and the license.

You have to do your own homework and vet candidates. You have to check references. You have to ask follow on questions like "when you watched the infant, was it is alone? For how many hours? Were you paid? Was the child related to you?"

Some recruiters run daycare centers and have the candidates come in to volunteer for their qualification hours. YOu get to count the hours per child. If you have a room full of 18 month olds in a volunteer drop-in center, those 20 toddlers could be your 160 hours in 3 days.

Ask the questions......