Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Au Pair costs are not relevant to the AP. What if she doesn't want a gym membership, for example. I would assume you have that membership for you and just add her and it's not an additional cost so that's not exactly a perk. Vacations if she is working are not a vacation for her, but also work. $250 a week is not much money. That's $50 a day at best for 5 days/9 hours of work. Not even minimum wage.

DP. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder but can't even grasp the basic facts. GYM membership is extra. Car and gas and insurance are extra. Food cost is extra. And vacation--APs can decide for herself if she wants to go. With elementary aged kids, the AP is working 25 hours a week tops. This is not forced labor. this is a CHOICE.

Get the eff out of here.

You should pay your household staff a living wage. Car is a perk for you so she can drive your kids. Vacations where she works are vacations for you, not them. Summers she is not working 25 hours a week, nor holidays or when kids are sick.

Okay, let this stupid debate die.

If you have issues with the aupair program and the way the visa is a Cultural Exchange J-1 visa and NOT AN EMPLOYMENT visa, than lobby for change and stop accusing host families for being the ones in the wrong when they are following the legal guidance of the federal j-1 aupair visa program.

An aupair is NOT an employee
An aupair does not earn a wage, she gets a stipend
The current stipend is set to $200-250/ week

If Aupairs and host families actually followed the rules of the j-1 visa (not working extra hours, not taking outside employment, actually participating in cluster events and taking meaningful classes) the program wouldn’t be a mess.

But, no host families do not even employ staff so they don’t need to pay minimum wage to anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Au Pair costs are not relevant to the AP. What if she doesn't want a gym membership, for example. I would assume you have that membership for you and just add her and it's not an additional cost so that's not exactly a perk. Vacations if she is working are not a vacation for her, but also work. $250 a week is not much money. That's $50 a day at best for 5 days/9 hours of work. Not even minimum wage.

DP. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder but can't even grasp the basic facts. GYM membership is extra. Car and gas and insurance are extra. Food cost is extra. And vacation--APs can decide for herself if she wants to go. With elementary aged kids, the AP is working 25 hours a week tops. This is not forced labor. this is a CHOICE.

Get the eff out of here.

You should pay your household staff a living wage. Car is a perk for you so she can drive your kids. Vacations where she works are vacations for you, not them. Summers she is not working 25 hours a week, nor holidays or when kids are sick.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Au Pair costs are not relevant to the AP. What if she doesn't want a gym membership, for example. I would assume you have that membership for you and just add her and it's not an additional cost so that's not exactly a perk. Vacations if she is working are not a vacation for her, but also work. $250 a week is not much money. That's $50 a day at best for 5 days/9 hours of work. Not even minimum wage.

Room and board are absolutely relevant to AP. Have never had an AP not want a gym membership- of their choice - they always choose the ones their friends go to. It’s an extra 1200 for their insurance. We took our AP to Europe, etc. She certainly did work, but had her weekends off to travel. We could have not taken her - but it’s supposed to be a cultural exchange. I understand you have structural criticisms of the au pair program. But you are not properly accounting for room and board calculations, as well as other incentives. 45k is a lot for MC families. If your saying only UMC families are allowed to participate in cultural exchange programs - that’s pretty nuts.

Again, this is her employment. You are paying for car insurance and a car because you need her to drive your kids. If she's traveling with you and working M-F, that in no way is a vacation for her as she should have weekends or two days off. It's just a location change for her employment. Middle-class families aren't having AP's and cannot afford $45K, an extra car, and that kind of travel. Let's be real. MC families are living pay check to paycheck and at best make under $100K. You are wealthy pretending you are not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Au Pair costs are not relevant to the AP. What if she doesn't want a gym membership, for example. I would assume you have that membership for you and just add her and it's not an additional cost so that's not exactly a perk. Vacations if she is working are not a vacation for her, but also work. $250 a week is not much money. That's $50 a day at best for 5 days/9 hours of work. Not even minimum wage.

Room and board are absolutely relevant to AP. Have never had an AP not want a gym membership- of their choice - they always choose the ones their friends go to. It’s an extra 1200 for their insurance. We took our AP to Europe, etc. She certainly did work, but had her weekends off to travel. We could have not taken her - but it’s supposed to be a cultural exchange. I understand you have structural criticisms of the au pair program. But you are not properly accounting for room and board calculations, as well as other incentives. 45k is a lot for MC families. If your saying only UMC families are allowed to participate in cultural exchange programs - that’s pretty nuts.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Au Pair costs are not relevant to the AP. What if she doesn't want a gym membership, for example. I would assume you have that membership for you and just add her and it's not an additional cost so that's not exactly a perk. Vacations if she is working are not a vacation for her, but also work. $250 a week is not much money. That's $50 a day at best for 5 days/9 hours of work. Not even minimum wage.

DP. You clearly have a chip on your shoulder but can't even grasp the basic facts. GYM membership is extra. Car and gas and insurance are extra. Food cost is extra. And vacation--APs can decide for herself if she wants to go. With elementary aged kids, the AP is working 25 hours a week tops. This is not forced labor. this is a CHOICE.

Get the eff out of here.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Au Pair costs are not relevant to the AP. What if she doesn't want a gym membership, for example. I would assume you have that membership for you and just add her and it's not an additional cost so that's not exactly a perk. Vacations if she is working are not a vacation for her, but also work. $250 a week is not much money. That's $50 a day at best for 5 days/9 hours of work. Not even minimum wage.

Anonymous wrote:The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Having an au pair costs roughly 45,000 if you are doing it correctly. We have always and still pay 250/week, have a dedicated car for which we cover all gas, pay for an unlimited data phone plan, a gym membership and all food. We take our AP to dinner and on vacations with a private room. We give a $1000 bonus after the completion of one year. For one child in ES, this is fair. Are there wealthier families out there paying more? Sure. We tell potential au pairs to pick rich families if that’s what they are looking for. Has never been an issue for us. We have great au pairs and poor au pairs. The program is what it is. If it weren’t for the language immersion we wouldn’t participate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.

Not, you’re not being a ‘bit generous’ still $250 weekly is way low, like slave salary. My family gives me allowance for take out and pays me cash for weekends. They also enrolled me at MC and bought a small sedan for me to use on the weekends (I drive the car during the week to take DD to activities.)
Got 1k as Christmas bonus and Nordstrom gift card. Thus I’m
Going for a week vacation to Argentina and they paid my airfare. They’re extending my contract for another year.

This employer is class act, unlike most of you!
No shame&you’re welcome

Your AP

This is the oldest and most tired debate by a dying visa program. If you think $1000 fun money/stipend a month is slavery, please go to a museum on one of those free weekends you have.

The program dwindles each year because it's simply not cost effective and the government is well aware of the visa overstay rate. While I doubt the self-centered aupair who posted here cares much about the future aupairs who won't be able to get an aupair visa, it's a real concern for families who would like to host for years to come.

in-home childcare may be a luxury, but aupairs are inexperienced and expensive. The luxury of in-home care really isn't a great deal when you realize you are dealing with an inexperienced care provider who wants to be treated better than most college students their age with zero skin in the game.

It's not fun money to them, it's their income. $200-250 doesn't buy much when they have to pay for many things out of it from food, clothing, phone, etc.

The whining of all the mothers here….think you can get a do it all AP for the few little coins y’all paid, you’re dreaming.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.

Not, you’re not being a ‘bit generous’ still $250 weekly is way low, like slave salary. My family gives me allowance for take out and pays me cash for weekends. They also enrolled me at MC and bought a small sedan for me to use on the weekends (I drive the car during the week to take DD to activities.)
Got 1k as Christmas bonus and Nordstrom gift card. Thus I’m
Going for a week vacation to Argentina and they paid my airfare. They’re extending my contract for another year.


This employer is class act, unlike most of you!
No shame&you’re welcome

Your AP

This is the oldest and most tired debate by a dying visa program. If you think $1000 fun money/stipend a month is slavery, please go to a museum on one of those free weekends you have.

The program dwindles each year because it's simply not cost effective and the government is well aware of the visa overstay rate. While I doubt the self-centered aupair who posted here cares much about the future aupairs who won't be able to get an aupair visa, it's a real concern for families who would like to host for years to come.

in-home childcare may be a luxury, but aupairs are inexperienced and expensive. The luxury of in-home care really isn't a great deal when you realize you are dealing with an inexperienced care provider who wants to be treated better than most college students their age with zero skin in the game.

Be a stay home mom if you can’t compensate your AP accordingly or else hire a FT/PT Nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.

Not, you’re not being a ‘bit generous’ still $250 weekly is way low, like slave salary. My family gives me allowance for take out and pays me cash for weekends. They also enrolled me at MC and bought a small sedan for me to use on the weekends (I drive the car during the week to take DD to activities.)
Got 1k as Christmas bonus and Nordstrom gift card. Thus I’m
Going for a week vacation to Argentina and they paid my airfare. They’re extending my contract for another year.

This employer is class act, unlike most of you!
No shame&you’re welcome

Your AP

This is the oldest and most tired debate by a dying visa program. If you think $1000 fun money/stipend a month is slavery, please go to a museum on one of those free weekends you have.

The program dwindles each year because it's simply not cost effective and the government is well aware of the visa overstay rate. While I doubt the self-centered aupair who posted here cares much about the future aupairs who won't be able to get an aupair visa, it's a real concern for families who would like to host for years to come.

in-home childcare may be a luxury, but aupairs are inexperienced and expensive. The luxury of in-home care really isn't a great deal when you realize you are dealing with an inexperienced care provider who wants to be treated better than most college students their age with zero skin in the game.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.

Not, you’re not being a ‘bit generous’ still $250 weekly is way low, like slave salary. My family gives me allowance for take out and pays me cash for weekends. They also enrolled me at MC and bought a small sedan for me to use on the weekends (I drive the car during the week to take DD to activities.)
Got 1k as Christmas bonus and Nordstrom gift card. Thus I’m
Going for a week vacation to Argentina and they paid my airfare. They’re extending my contract for another year.

This employer is class act, unlike most of you!
No shame&you’re welcome

Your AP

When you compare notes with your AP friends to negotiate and maximize benefits, don’t expect the host families not to do the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.

Not, you’re not being a ‘bit generous’ still $250 weekly is way low, like slave salary. My family gives me allowance for take out and pays me cash for weekends. They also enrolled me at MC and bought a small sedan for me to use on the weekends (I drive the car during the week to take DD to activities.)
Got 1k as Christmas bonus and Nordstrom gift card. Thus I’m
Going for a week vacation to Argentina and they paid my airfare. They’re extending my contract for another year.

This employer is class act, unlike most of you!
[b]No shame[/b]&you’re welcome

Your AP

I can't agree with you more. You really described yourself very well.

Anonymous wrote:Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.

Not, you’re not being a ‘bit generous’ still $250 weekly is way low, like slave salary. My family gives me allowance for take out and pays me cash for weekends. They also enrolled me at MC and bought a small sedan for me to use on the weekends (I drive the car during the week to take DD to activities.)
Got 1k as Christmas bonus and Nordstrom gift card. Thus I’m
Going for a week vacation to Argentina and they paid my airfare. They’re extending my contract for another year.

This employer is class act, unlike most of you!
No shame&you’re welcome

Your AP

Look we live in DC (at least most looking at this board), not Nebraska. I don't see the need to offer extra up front, personally, which would make me even more resentful if things start off awry. On the one hand, it might attract higher expectations. On the other, I guess it is good that these young ladies argue for higher salaries?

We start with $200/week, the normal allotted amount, and go up from there based on performance etc. We give them a very full Smarttrip card in the beginning, though now that I think of it, none of them (4 so far) have asked me to refill it. We have raised the salary to 250/week and higher for 2nd year, great performance, etc. Also have given $1,000 bonus at the end, for their travel month, and just as a way to help get on their feet for their next step.

We are non-stop with food, buy everything they want. But they have all been extremely reasonable.