Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow!! Personally I don’t think you should ask an au pair to work Thanksgiving or Christmas although I understand if you have to you need the childcare. How does she just refuse though? You’re in charge.

Some people need to work on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Those people need childcare. This is totally reasonable and something that the host family should warn about during the interview. An au pair from another country shouldn't care about working on Thanksgiving at all.

Unless she's trying to lock down an American husband, which it sounds like this AP is all about.
I was good friends with a former AP and she said the only reason she did it was to find an American husband and immigrate here legally to become a citizen. As soon as she did that, she divorced the guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is your alternative for childcare - at 9 and 11 they wont be going to day care

I would probably try to stick it out for the next 8 weeks to give myself time to figure out how I was going to cover the times i need care for the two kids.

+1

We did not have the energy to stick it out. We got a college student. We are some much happier. Bonus, our auto insurance has gone down $100 a month.

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is your alternative for childcare - at 9 and 11 they wont be going to day care

I would probably try to stick it out for the next 8 weeks to give myself time to figure out how I was going to cover the times i need care for the two kids.

+1

Anonymous wrote:We also left the program this year and it was also the best decision! My kids are so much happier without a moody 21 year old sitting around, and even though I’m now doing more childcare myself, I feel like my plate is so much lighter because I now longer have the emotional drain from our AP.

Funny I can totally relate to that. We had a Colombian 24yo last year. She was great at the beginning but then her bf broke up with her and she’d mope around crying all the time. Then she started talking to other aps and complaining about the role. We got through the 12 months but I actually asked her to leave in month 9. I told her it would be better for both of us as she obviously had changed her expectations too much. We never heard from her again after the day she left. Thankfully!!

We also left the program this year and it was also the best decision! My kids are so much happier without a moody 21 year old sitting around, and even though I’m now doing more childcare myself, I feel like my plate is so much lighter because I now longer have the emotional drain from our AP.

The only thing that really matters is the fact that it’s very clear that you and this person do not mesh well, and are not meant to work together. Get rid of her and get somebody else. The pool of people you’re going to find in these programs are going to be very young and 90% of the time things like going out late hanging out with your friends and meeting guys is going to be their priority.

We stopped hosting midyear of our second year and it was the best decision. I'm shocked that this type of visa still exists. It's clearly misused.

Get out. In less than 1 year I also went through 2 au pairs, but in the end I put my DC in daycare. I'm hispanic, so it wasn't due to language barriers or cultural differences. They just act like the program is 80% an adventure and 20% a job. They don't actually have the experience they claim to have, no genuine interest in children, or think about that fact that there is an employer that depends on them.

I wonder what the recruitment is like because it is surprising how demanding they were. Some of my family members, all immigrants, even commented on how entitled they behaved. I know that for a lot of the au pairs, this is just a way to get in the country, later they figure out how to stay (i.e. boyfriends). I literally met one au pair that got pregnant and married during her time here. Good for her, but sucks for the host family.

Anonymous wrote:OP update. We ended up leaving just a little over 2 weeks ago. Best decision yet. We found a college student who so far has been great with the kids. We also have a retired school teacher that helps us on weekends. I feel like I’ve got my sanity back. Having an Au pair is definitely not for everyone. Thanks everyone for for your comments.

We left the program 6 months ago after 4 years and haven’t looked back. APs have gotten more entitled and host families always feel like their have to compete to keep an Au pair happy even though AP know w what they signed up for.

OP update. We ended up leaving just a little over 2 weeks ago. Best decision yet. We found a college student who so far has been great with the kids. We also have a retired school teacher that helps us on weekends. I feel like I’ve got my sanity back. Having an Au pair is definitely not for everyone. Thanks everyone for for your comments.

Anonymous wrote:+1 for leave asap. You already had a mediation with LCC. Call up LCC and start the 2 week timer.

If you tell her she doesn't need to work, she will move in with her boyfriend immediately and likely run to the courthouse for a wedding soon. Not your problem.

+1. I have no problem with Au pairs using the program to find a US husband. But if they can’t keep up their childcare responsibilities, why should you bear the brunt? I’d leave the program in your shoes.

+1 for leave asap. You already had a mediation with LCC. Call up LCC and start the 2 week timer.

If you tell her she doesn't need to work, she will move in with her boyfriend immediately and likely run to the courthouse for a wedding soon. Not your problem.

1 . Get ride if this Aupair. She has checked out. You and Your children deserve better.

2. Continue next Aupair vs get out of the program: it’s depend on your need and back up you have. Given your kid s age 11 and 9, I d leave the program and find a collage student to baby sit them.

Get a college student who will agree to work holidays and weekends. If you look for a Jewish or Muslim student, they’re not going to care about Christmas.

For ages 9 and 11 they can be left alone for a while even if a holiday. I’d leave the program in your position.