Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you go from a nanny to an au pair is like flying first class vs taking the greyhound bus.

That’s not my experience at all. Nannies don’t show up on snow days, get mad if you’re late but want you to shake it off if they’re late, are inflexible about schedule… basically following your analogy, nanny is an Amtrak and au pair is a car. Maybe not a Maserati but a solid 10 yr old Honda Civic.

Youve never hosted an aupair who gets mad when you are late from work? Because, I definitely have. And one who was very inflexible about working a weekend because that was her time to 'experience american culture".

It's not a comparison you can make. People are people and if you get a good nanny, they may have flexibility. You get a good aupair, maybe they won't be on their phone all day. The difference is the career experience that you may be able to interview for, the life experience and stability of someone (they may have their own home, car, cellphone, bank account) and you can easily fire a nanny without losing thousands to an aupair company who isn't going to bend on their refund policy.

There isn't one profile of an aupair or nanny that we can compare. They are not the same thing or in the same category. Even though I have hosted for a few aupairs, I see other families with an aupair and I immediately think they either have kids who need a driver or they have infants-2 years old and can't afford daycare or a nanny. I don't think 'wow, they must be rich, they have an aupair." The experience and quality of care they provide may be the same as a nanny if you select the right aupair, but that is a crap shoot and the odds are not in your favor.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:experienced au pair mom here. I always tell people thinking about the program--the au pair program is like getting an exchange college student to live with you for a year who will also watch your kid. it is NOT getting a professional nanny. If you have those expectations you will be super disappointed.

The best advice i ever saw on an au pair mom blog was--pick based on who you want to have as a housemate, not based on childcare experience. Most of that will be exaggerated anyway, and the main thing you are getting is someone new to your household.

1000%

Pick someone you think you can live with as a roomate and sometimes be their friend, den mother or RA. It's simply not an exchange program for professional nannies. I started questioning their experience hours when I noticed someone who was 18 years old was claiming 13000 hours of childcare. That's a fulltime job for 6 years. Impressive, if it's true.

New Poster here and I agree as well. I've hosted for 10 years now and the best ones are the ones we enjoy living with. I recruit for someone who is active (I'm hiring bro-pairs these days) and has the energy to keep up with my boys and someone who I want to sit with at dinner every day for next year. Frankly at this point, I don't care if they have experience, but I am very honest about what my kids challenges are (one is all over the place and into everything and the other is stubborn as hell) and if they're willing to give it a try, we can find ways to make it work.

I think its apples and oranges to compare nannies and au pairs. There are reasons both are better and reasons both are worse. It isnt fruitful to have this debate!

Anonymous wrote:When you go from a nanny to an au pair is like flying first class vs taking the greyhound bus.

That’s not my experience at all. Nannies don’t show up on snow days, get mad if you’re late but want you to shake it off if they’re late, are inflexible about schedule… basically following your analogy, nanny is an Amtrak and au pair is a car. Maybe not a Maserati but a solid 10 yr old Honda Civic.

When you go from a nanny to an au pair is like flying first class vs taking the greyhound bus.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:+1 on it all being about flexibility. If I asked on this board what I would need to pay a nanny to get what I get from an au pair (split schedule, working evenings without much notice, sometimes weekend hours, accompany on travel) people would tell me it would cost $100k/yr.

If you asked this board what it would cost to get a *professional* nanny to do those things, yes, 100k/yr. You lower your expectations and requirements for paying less with an aupair.
We hosted and the weekend hours were sometimes met with an eye roll or a message to the LCC about how she needed her weekends to 'experience America'. The travel portion would mean spending extra on a separate room and having to explain that yes, we need you to work at 6pm on a vacation evening because we have a rehearsal dinner and no, it's not your time to 'refresh from being an aupair'.

Hosting did work for our family for awhile but it definitely isnt professional care. You get a young roomate from a different culture who has signed up to provide childcare while they are here. The personality and the expectations of both the family and the aupair make it or break it.

With a nanny, it's contracts and reputation which are on the line. It's not a straightforward comparison.

It’s not like you can just get an American “non professional” nanny who will work an unpredictable split schedule. If that’s what you need you don’t have many options.

Anonymous wrote:+1 on it all being about flexibility. If I asked on this board what I would need to pay a nanny to get what I get from an au pair (split schedule, working evenings without much notice, sometimes weekend hours, accompany on travel) people would tell me it would cost $100k/yr.

If you asked this board what it would cost to get a *professional* nanny to do those things, yes, 100k/yr. You lower your expectations and requirements for paying less with an aupair.
We hosted and the weekend hours were sometimes met with an eye roll or a message to the LCC about how she needed her weekends to 'experience America'. The travel portion would mean spending extra on a separate room and having to explain that yes, we need you to work at 6pm on a vacation evening because we have a rehearsal dinner and no, it's not your time to 'refresh from being an aupair'.

Hosting did work for our family for awhile but it definitely isnt professional care. You get a young roomate from a different culture who has signed up to provide childcare while they are here. The personality and the expectations of both the family and the aupair make it or break it.

With a nanny, it's contracts and reputation which are on the line. It's not a straightforward comparison.

+1 on it all being about flexibility. If I asked on this board what I would need to pay a nanny to get what I get from an au pair (split schedule, working evenings without much notice, sometimes weekend hours, accompany on travel) people would tell me it would cost $100k/yr.

Anonymous wrote:experienced au pair mom here. I always tell people thinking about the program--the au pair program is like getting an exchange college student to live with you for a year who will also watch your kid. it is NOT getting a professional nanny. If you have those expectations you will be super disappointed.

The best advice i ever saw on an au pair mom blog was--pick based on who you want to have as a housemate, not based on childcare experience. Most of that will be exaggerated anyway, and the main thing you are getting is someone new to your household.

1000%

Pick someone you think you can live with as a roomate and sometimes be their friend, den mother or RA. It's simply not an exchange program for professional nannies. I started questioning their experience hours when I noticed someone who was 18 years old was claiming 13000 hours of childcare. That's a fulltime job for 6 years. Impressive, if it's true.

experienced au pair mom here. I always tell people thinking about the program--the au pair program is like getting an exchange college student to live with you for a year who will also watch your kid. it is NOT getting a professional nanny. If you have those expectations you will be super disappointed.

The best advice i ever saw on an au pair mom blog was--pick based on who you want to have as a housemate, not based on childcare experience. Most of that will be exaggerated anyway, and the main thing you are getting is someone new to your household.

Honestly I have to agree. I know people have difference experiences but ours was awful. No experience, terrible with children, a total slob. Absolutely not in the US for any other reason than to party and find friends in the US - certainly not to work. Before we rematches we paid 250/week - but there was so much training and bank accounts and social security office visits and the DMV - don’t even get me started. It might have been only $250 - but you get what you pay for.

Anonymous wrote:We're 9 months into our first AP (a 19 year old from Western Europe). We got her on an NIE and we have 3 young kids and needed 45 hours/week. We are nice to our au pair, but -- while we give additional perks -- we only pay $200/week. Our AP has been great and given some of the horror stories I've heard for NIE APs, in particular, I feel like we really lucked out.

You did luck out! We had the exact opposite experience with the NIE. We aren't hosting anymore. I couldn't take the risk that it would happen again.

We're 9 months into our first AP (a 19 year old from Western Europe). We got her on an NIE and we have 3 young kids and needed 45 hours/week. We are nice to our au pair, but -- while we give additional perks -- we only pay $200/week. Our AP has been great and given some of the horror stories I've heard for NIE APs, in particular, I feel like we really lucked out.

We have had exactly that experience after 5 years of hosting; great au pairs who have become part of the family and lifelong friends. The person and experience depends on what you are looking for and choose. An 18 year old from Western Europe who is coming straight out of high school for a gap year has entirely different goals and experience than a 26 year old preschool teacher from Latin America who never wants to return there. You do need to interview extensively and be realistic about childcare skills, life skills, and experience.

Anonymous wrote:I have always had great au pairs. They are a lot better than any nanny we have ever had. They actually want to be here and enjoy being with our kids. It is always nice being around young people with energy and who are eager to learn about the US and US culture.

We hosted for 6 years and we never had the unicorn aupair you are describing.

No, the program is not going to implode. Everyone needs realistic expectations. There are definitely downsides. The fact the person isn't high quality childcare, is most likely here as a way to get a visa and move on to being a student or something else and the fact you will pay much more than the advertised price are realities you need to understand before hosting.