Thanks, we really like her, and I talked to her this week, and I’m hoping she doesn’t have any/many more same day cancellations (or that they’re infrequent enough that we can manage them). She has three weeks of paid time off annually (not including holidays, random days we go on vacation, etc.). Her references didn’t mention anything, and based on what she told me, it’s a relatively (last couple years) issue.

FWIW, our nanny had to take unpaid leave in her first six months when she had back-to-back family illness (her dad had heart surgery) and then death (two of her grandparents died within a week of each other). We were a bit annoyed (she was out for basically 3 weeks in a 2 month period), if I'm being honest, in part because she was brand new and we didn't really have a baseline. Was she telling the total truth? Did she really have to go care for her dad for two weeks or were there other options? Would this keep happening, even if totally on the up-and-up? Well, she ended up staying with us for 4 years and we paid out unused vacation at the end. Really, truly just terrible luck and, obviously, as we got to know her and her family better, it was all completely true and random. In later years she expressed her appreciation that we didn't let her go in that first rocky period.

How much leave does she have? You say 4 days in 2 months, so that would be 24 days in a year? Our nanny actually had 20 days of sick leave + vacation a year, so this rate of accrual wouldn't be that alarming (especially as sick leave tends to clump in winter for many people).

If you otherwise like your nanny, I would wait and allow her a sample size of more than 2 months... I would not consider it a red flag at all that she didn't disclose a chronic health condition during the interview. Anyone on this board would advise her not to. Did you talk to her references? Did this come up? If not, I would wonder what was up and/or if this was a new condition, in which case it might settle down. Did she disclose what the condition is? If so, do some research. If not, maybe try to gently pry to get a fuller picture of whether it's long-term compatible with your needs.

I’m a live-in nanny with IBS.

I don’t disclose my health during the first interview, because I use that interview to look for families with enough flexibility that I think they might be willing and able to accommodate my needs. Rather, I wait and tell them while encouraging them to talk about my reliability with my references. My references will be clear about how much I called in (rarely), how my chronic health condition impacted their children (cancelled activities when I had a flare, possibly a few minutes late to school or one of the last picked up instead of the first), and what I do to make up for it (extra planning, free and low-cost educational trips all over). They can talk about how it impacted the adults (rarely, when I called in) and what I did to make things easier for them (arranging play dates and/or car pools for flare days, batch cooking, encourage independence and self-reliance while supervising and helping).

I’ve dealt with this for 20 years. I know how to handle a flare, and I usually have a 6-24 hours warning. If this is new, she may be learning how to navigate her new reality, and she may not know the warning signs yet.

I will say that the only reason I haven’t had to call in more is that I live with my family. There is no way I could handle a 10+ minute commute during a flare. If that is the stumbling block for your nanny AND she knows her warning signs, would it be possible for her to sleep at your house while dealing with it? Naturally, if it’s something else, that may not resolve the issue.

Anonymous wrote:What are the "rules" of asking your nanny about medical conditions. As an employer of a larger group of people you can't and run the risk of discrimination complaint. Are the rules for nanny employers different? Can you ask about a medical condition? Can you fire or not hire someone who needs accomodations? Genuinely curious

I think this is something a potential employer could ask her references.

Anonymous wrote:I’m OP:

1) Yeah, I’m going to ask her if it’s typical that the condition rears itself around certain times of the month, because it did the last two (though not much of a sample size), when I speak with her generally.

2) To most recent poster: We used to have lots (5-7 independent sitters in rotation, plus same day backup care through Bright Horizons via DH’s work) of reliable, loving backup care. We don’t now because of the pandemic and a high risk immediate family member. But yes, in non-pandemic times, I too would be amazed that people didn’t have multiple options for reliable same-day backup care. It’s not ideal that we don’t right now (and I’m hoping that changes as more people get vaccinated), but we’re not comfortable putting ourselves or our nanny at risk.

Totally understandable.

What are the "rules" of asking your nanny about medical conditions. As an employer of a larger group of people you can't and run the risk of discrimination complaint. Are the rules for nanny employers different? Can you ask about a medical condition? Can you fire or not hire someone who needs accomodations? Genuinely curious