I don’t trust anyone 6 weeks in. Not with my kid. I definitely want to know where my kids are at all times.

However, I think putting a tracker on the stroller and then not telling the nanny about it sounds like a bad idea.

^^Agreed.

This MB lacks integrity to start the new relationship in pure deception.
And to set the OP up for failure.

This women needs help.
Professional help.

That's over the top. I wouldn't be comfortable with someone secretly tracking me.

Anonymous wrote:I'm always amused by the high-minded "QUIT on the spot" "I don't stand for this and have it in my contract." responses.

Most of us do not live in a world where we can quit our jobs easily or often. In the real world most of us make do with some level of imperfection/less desirable stuff.

If I'm paid really well I can put up w/ some anxiety. If my boss is the most inspiring, great person I might put up w/ a slightly lower salary. (Might...) If the perks of the job (travel, extra vacation, flexible hours) are fantastic, I might be more flexible on attitude or salary. Etc...

So pick your high horse by all means. But I have nothing to hide in how I do my job, so I can live with an anxious mother if other things about the job work for me.

-1


I hope PP that you are being sarcastic here.

That you would be completely okay w/a boss who kept something from you from the get go & who makes an offense comment regarding your character is just outrageous to me!

You should have higher standards for how others are expected to treat you.
Period.

I'm always amused by the high-minded "QUIT on the spot" "I don't stand for this and have it in my contract." responses.

Most of us do not live in a world where we can quit our jobs easily or often. In the real world most of us make do with some level of imperfection/less desirable stuff.

If I'm paid really well I can put up w/ some anxiety. If my boss is the most inspiring, great person I might put up w/ a slightly lower salary. (Might...) If the perks of the job (travel, extra vacation, flexible hours) are fantastic, I might be more flexible on attitude or salary. Etc...

So pick your high horse by all means. But I have nothing to hide in how I do my job, so I can live with an anxious mother if other things about the job work for me.

Anonymous wrote:I'll play devils advocate a bit here and say not to take it personally OP.

This kind of behavior is a function of anxiety and paranoia and she would behave the exact same way no matter who her nanny is. She's probably even do the same thing w/ a grandparent.

Parents, especially first time moms, can be crazy anxious and so much of the world today does nothing but increase or support anxiety. And if she's a single mom then she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and no one to help bear it.

If you like her and the job is otherwise great, I'd ride it out for a bit.

There are several of us saying that we recommend cameras and/or trackers. But we expect to be informed when they’re installed and of their locations, so that we are aware. We’re supportive through anxiety and PPD, but don’t expect to hide things and later not have us quit. We discussed this before, and it’s in my contract (both my recommendation and that I will quit if not notified).

I’d have a discussion with her about the 2 big issues, see how she reacts and what she says, and go from there. If she gets offended and defensive, find a new job and leave.

You can start the talk by saying, “MB, I understand that you feel you need to know where your child is at all times. What I am struggling to understand is why you didn’t simply tell me you wanted to use a tracker on the stroller. I am also hurt and upset that you seem to think I would (insert her comment about you sneaking around), and I think we need to clear the air.”

As both a parent as well as a Nanny, I would quit this job on the spot.

Why so?
Because your employer has started off your relationship on the basis of deception.
Plain + simple.

And any relationship based on deception is a recipe for a disaster.
She should have offered you full disclosure upon hire that you would be tracked daily when you took your walks.
For her to not tell you directly shows she lacks integrity on her end.

Trust is a two-way street.
How can you ever trust someone who cannot be completely transparent w/you, even from the get go??
I don’t see how your relationship can ever work w/out any trust.

And her comment about you possibly going somewhere where you are not supposed to go.....
Well that is an offensive comment in itself.
Why does she already have you set up for failure??!

I would definitely not show up to this job today.

That's tough. There is a definite lack of trust there. I understand that mom is nervous and wants to control her knowledge of where her kid is, but that's a bit much in my opinion. I think boundaries and communication are paramount in a good relationship. Feeling like you are an inmate with a tracker can't make you feel good. In fact, that would make me feel awful. I think parents take too many liberties. If there is no trust, why hire anyone. Maybe she should take a few years off and raise the kid herself if she has separation and control issues like that.

Anonymous wrote:I'll play devils advocate a bit here and say not to take it personally OP.

This kind of behavior is a function of anxiety and paranoia and she would behave the exact same way no matter who her nanny is. She's probably even do the same thing w/ a grandparent.

Parents, especially first time moms, can be crazy anxious and so much of the world today does nothing but increase or support anxiety. And if she's a single mom then she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and no one to help bear it.

If you like her and the job is otherwise great, I'd ride it out for a bit.

No decent nanny will stay long if the mother refuses to get professional mental health for herself.

Anonymous wrote:OP here -

About 6 weeks.

Quit. You haven't been there long enough to worry about.a reference. She deserves to be left in the lurch.

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t take it personally. It literally has nothing to do with the trust she has in you, it is more to do with her need to know or “have some control” over where the child is... I should you care? I can understand a mom who wants to know where the child is at all times. It’s her right, it has nothing to do with you (or a caregiver). I wouldn’t even care if it’s in the stroller and I wasn't notified. Remember... it’s not about you, it’s about her “crazy” need to know where her kid is. She trusts you... if she didnt she wouldn’t let you leave for walks with her child.

I was also trying to understand where the mom is coming from until I read the part where she said “ you are doing something you’re not supposed to be doing."

My understanding is that she believes already that the nanny might be going somewhere she doesn’t know about. She is already suspicious and OP said that she goes out for about 1.5 hours. My guess is she thinks op is going somewhere and is trying to check on her. If she was upfront and put it from the beginning and told her it was for safety reasons, it would have been fine. But I think she wanted to catch her nanny going somewhere and then confront her about it.

I wouldn’t take it personally. It literally has nothing to do with the trust she has in you, it is more to do with her need to know or “have some control” over where the child is... I should you care? I can understand a mom who wants to know where the child is at all times. It’s her right, it has nothing to do with you (or a caregiver). I wouldn’t even care if it’s in the stroller and I wasn't notified. Remember... it’s not about you, it’s about her “crazy” need to know where her kid is. She trusts you... if she didnt she wouldn’t let you leave for walks with her child.

I'll play devils advocate a bit here and say not to take it personally OP.

This kind of behavior is a function of anxiety and paranoia and she would behave the exact same way no matter who her nanny is. She's probably even do the same thing w/ a grandparent.

Parents, especially first time moms, can be crazy anxious and so much of the world today does nothing but increase or support anxiety. And if she's a single mom then she has the weight of the world on her shoulders and no one to help bear it.

If you like her and the job is otherwise great, I'd ride it out for a bit.

Anonymous wrote:Good for her.

I don’t think being sneaky and lying-by-omission is good for anyone involved.

Grow up and be upfront about your wants, needs, and even your fears (both rational and irrational).

OP’s situation is untenable. She, the employee, has lost trust. I’d move on from that work situation.