Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't match with someone with food restrictions, period. And I'd be super annoyed about not disclosing the lactose allergy...there's literally a section in the au pair application for the 3 agencies we've used that asks this directly. I mean, maybe if AP had an allergy to one food that we could avoid...fine. But a bunch of food restrictions seems high maintenance. I won't pretend my kids are always adventurous eaters and we lead super busy lives so we normally provide pasta or rice along side whatever else we are having and I don't even like doing that...much less creating whole separate meals without certain ingredients.

There is a difference between allergies and intolerance. With allergies, the reaction is pretty strong and it might kill you, and you need something like an Epi pen available, DD has tree nuts allergy. With intolerance you get a mild discomfort but are ok. I have lactose intolerance and it sounds like this is what OP’s AP has. I would never think about disclosing that because it is pretty easy to avoid lactose , at the same time I wouldn’t never expect someone to adjust their food to me. My husband is European and use milk when he cooks and sometimes I eat it and deal with the discomfort or sometimes I skip it. In other words the AP is overreacting expecting HF to not use milk at all. Just take out her portion before adding milk and if it is something like lasagna, warn her in advance so she can make other plans.

I wouldn't match with someone with food restrictions, period. And I'd be super annoyed about not disclosing the lactose allergy...there's literally a section in the au pair application for the 3 agencies we've used that asks this directly. I mean, maybe if AP had an allergy to one food that we could avoid...fine. But a bunch of food restrictions seems high maintenance. I won't pretend my kids are always adventurous eaters and we lead super busy lives so we normally provide pasta or rice along side whatever else we are having and I don't even like doing that...much less creating whole separate meals without certain ingredients.

Anonymous wrote:I just don’t understand the concept of adjusting my family food schedule for another adult. I can *barely* get the kids fed because of our crazy schedule, there is no way in the world that I’m going to add more to my plate by trying to feed a grown up who doesn’t like what I’ve cooked (that goes for my husband or the au pair).

I’ve only hosted AP’s from Brazil. I always keep rice, beans, eggs, mushrooms, etc in the kitchen, along with a lot of frozen chicken and red meat in the freezer - they work out their own meals if they want something different. I had one (absolutely fabulous) au pair who (sadly IMO haha) wanted to live off of lean cuisines and top ramen. So that is what I stocked up for her.

I am the above poster, I should mention that my comments above are *not* related to allergies, that would be very different.

I just don’t understand the concept of adjusting my family food schedule for another adult. I can *barely* get the kids fed because of our crazy schedule, there is no way in the world that I’m going to add more to my plate by trying to feed a grown up who doesn’t like what I’ve cooked (that goes for my husband or the au pair).

I’ve only hosted AP’s from Brazil. I always keep rice, beans, eggs, mushrooms, etc in the kitchen, along with a lot of frozen chicken and red meat in the freezer - they work out their own meals if they want something different. I had one (absolutely fabulous) au pair who (sadly IMO haha) wanted to live off of lean cuisines and top ramen. So that is what I stocked up for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I have a similar issue, but the AuPair also has an "allergy" to dairy (though she eats pizza?). So she insists milk be left out of mashed potatoes, can't serve much Italian, dishes with a touch of cream are out. Would you all Also accommodate that? Didn't realize hoe much dairy we ate until she joined us.

She's a lackluster AuPair to say the least so this has been quite irritating. This allergy was not disclosed upfront.

Nope, I’d portion out hers then finish fixing it. If it’s integral to the recipe (lasagna), I’d let her know ahead of time, so she can have plenty of time to make her own dinner. And no, that’s not an allergy, it’s a dislike. I know several people (most are children) who only eat cheese on pizza and hate other dairy.

Your attitude is terrible. Please educate yourself. I have a ds who has similar problems with some dairy products but not other dairy. It is not a dislike. He vomits. Mozzarella has very low levels of lactose compared to milk, for example. How obnoxious to assume you know better than other people about how they feel.

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I have a similar issue, but the AuPair also has an "allergy" to dairy (though she eats pizza?). So she insists milk be left out of mashed potatoes, can't serve much Italian, dishes with a touch of cream are out. Would you all Also accommodate that? Didn't realize hoe much dairy we ate until she joined us.

She's a lackluster AuPair to say the least so this has been quite irritating. This allergy was not disclosed upfront.

Nope, I’d portion out hers then finish fixing it. If it’s integral to the recipe (lasagna), I’d let her know ahead of time, so she can have plenty of time to make her own dinner. And no, that’s not an allergy, it’s a dislike. I know several people (most are children) who only eat cheese on pizza and hate other dairy.

We matched with a lactose intolerant pescetarian. We accommodate by buying lactose free milk, goat and sheep milk cheeses, yogurts, and kfir. However, we also tell her that we will not buy her ice cream, cream-heavy indulgent meals out, or dairy junk food. She has to buy those - because the pills she takes do not always work, and we are not going to help make herself sick. Now she's on a healthy diet, and we accommodate with buying lots of fresh veggies and fruits - but she buys her own protein powders. It's a balance. Our AP is a decent cook, but is used to her mother cooking for her. So, I cook dinner - but only one.

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I have a similar issue, but the AuPair also has an "allergy" to dairy (though she eats pizza?). So she insists milk be left out of mashed potatoes, can't serve much Italian, dishes with a touch of cream are out. Would you all Also accommodate that? Didn't realize hoe much dairy we ate until she joined us.

She's a lackluster AuPair to say the least so this has been quite irritating. This allergy was not disclosed upfront.

My ds has this. It is a dairy sensitivity to lactose. He can have hard cheeses like parmesan and cheddar, full fat greek yogurt and kefir. Milk on its own or in things like mac & cheese or mashed potatoes will make him vomit. He prefers no cheese on pizza but he will eat it if that's what's around.

I am not sure my ds would think to disclose it because I don't think he knows people put milk in a lot of sauces, since we don't. So yes, I would accommodate it. It sounds like a lactose sensitivity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to cook. She may refuse to cook as she doesn't know how. Otherwise, she eats it or makes something else, even cereal for herself.

I honestly don't have time to teach her to cook. It is a race against the clock for me most nights.

This is definitely unusual for us. Our last AuPairs had had much more exposure and absolutely loved my cooking and appreciated the large amounts of vegetables we ate. I even make one a cookbook of her requested dinners (I've always asked our APs to pick one or 2 meals a week they want me to cook) I have always had to tone down the heat for them as all have come from northern Europe and definitely aren't accustomed to spicy. But never one that eats like a toddler!

Are you Indian? Or some other ethnicity that uses a lot of spices? I love Indian food (among other "ethnic" food) but personally would not want to eat it more than 1x per week. I expect this was discussed at length in the interview process??

I would make very few if any adjustments. She is an adult. She can cook and manage. I learned how to cook by trial and error at 18 when i went off to college. Today i am a really good cook but could not make a thing til i left home.

No, we are American white.

My daughter and I are vegetarian but I knew finding a fellow veggie as an Au Pair would be impossible. So for the first time in 20 years there was meat in my home. My only request to my Au Pair was that she not offer any to my daughter.

She did eat at home with us many nights (though she considered 5 or 6pm very early for dinner but hey, I work 7am-3pm) and she often prepared food from her country for us but always separate from her meat preparation. She is a wonderful 4th Au Pair as were our others. There was nothing I left out in interviews -- especially the food situation. They were all worth the compromise to my dietary values.

Anonymous wrote:NP, but I have a similar issue, but the AuPair also has an "allergy" to dairy (though she eats pizza?). So she insists milk be left out of mashed potatoes, can't serve much Italian, dishes with a touch of cream are out. Would you all Also accommodate that? Didn't realize hoe much dairy we ate until she joined us.

She's a lackluster AuPair to say the least so this has been quite irritating. This allergy was not disclosed upfront.

I would just take her portion out and put the diaries in the rest. If she is expecting you to change your diet because of her then she is a crazy. My mom doesn't eat salt (because of High BP) and that is what I do when she is visiting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Teach her to cook. She may refuse to cook as she doesn't know how. Otherwise, she eats it or makes something else, even cereal for herself.

I honestly don't have time to teach her to cook. It is a race against the clock for me most nights.

This is definitely unusual for us. Our last AuPairs had had much more exposure and absolutely loved my cooking and appreciated the large amounts of vegetables we ate. I even make one a cookbook of her requested dinners (I've always asked our APs to pick one or 2 meals a week they want me to cook) I have always had to tone down the heat for them as all have come from northern Europe and definitely aren't accustomed to spicy. But never one that eats like a toddler!

Are you Indian? Or some other ethnicity that uses a lot of spices? I love Indian food (among other "ethnic" food) but personally would not want to eat it more than 1x per week. I expect this was discussed at length in the interview process??

I would make very few if any adjustments. She is an adult. She can cook and manage. I learned how to cook by trial and error at 18 when i went off to college. Today i am a really good cook but could not make a thing til i left home.

We only match with APs who can deal with our food. We are not a bed and breakfast with a short order cook.

NP, but I have a similar issue, but the AuPair also has an "allergy" to dairy (though she eats pizza?). So she insists milk be left out of mashed potatoes, can't serve much Italian, dishes with a touch of cream are out. Would you all Also accommodate that? Didn't realize hoe much dairy we ate until she joined us.

She's a lackluster AuPair to say the least so this has been quite irritating. This allergy was not disclosed upfront.

She needs to find ready made meals she will eat (give her a budget of up to 2.50/each, then you shop sales to get it cheaper!), be willing to subsist on just boxed potatoes and pre-cooked meats (sold separately), or live on cheap sandwiches.

I agree with the PP who accommodates only for vegetarians, and only by cooking the meat separately. This is not your job. She’s an adult, if she refuses to eat what you eat, she can find her own alternatives.

If a $50 Wendy’s card would suffice ($5 each lunch and dinner, weekdays), I’d do it and be done. I’d also make a point that I wouldn’t want kids watching her eat that junk.